Betaed by E.J.


Shepard could hardly believe he was actually doing this, he had been looking over his shoulder all the way here, trying to make sure that no one noticed him, keeping his hood down and staying to side alleys. At one point he had been sure that he had been followed but either he was just being paranoid, or they had given up. He slipped into Kaidan's hotel; he nodded at the portier and smiled professionally. "Room 21." He said.

The portier shook his head, "Mr. Alenko is out."

"I'm early then?" Shepard put on a shocked face, "But I was told to be here at four sharp," He leaned in over the desk, "Look, can't you just let me into his room, I can't go back already, and I'm quite sure you don't want me to change clothes here in the foyer."

The portier paled and then just nodded, scribbled the door code down on a piece of paper, "This could get me fired, you know." He whispered.

"I owe you one, man." Shepard flashed a bright smile and snatched the note and hurried up the stairs to Kaidan's room. He let himself in, and sat down with a sigh on the soft bed. Letting himself fall back into the mattress he closed his eyes with a soft smile; he was so tired that it felt mostly like falling down into a deep hole.

When Kaidan came back he was more than a little surprised to see a figure sleeping on his bed. He had to walk all the way up to the bed to see who was hiding under the hood. "John?" He asked softly. Shepard smiled and grunted softly in his sleep, and even if Kaidan knew he really shouldn't, he couldn't resist and carefully lay down next to Shepard in the bed and spooned up behind him.

"What are you doing here? I thought you made it quite clear that you and I are done." Kaidan whispered, he knew his words were harsh, but he was not about to stand there like an idiot like he had outside the Plastique.

"I know what I said," Shepard whispered, grabbing Kaidan's hand on his hip and pulled it up under his chin, like Kaidan was a blanket. "It - It, I'm sorry. I guess I freaked out." Shepard took a deep breath, "I know you are leaving soon, so I thought it was better that way."

"What changed your mind?" Kaidan whispered.

"Garrus left, and two days later there were some Bloodpack at the club to look for whoever was responsible for smuggling him off Omega or anyone who knew where he was." Shepard said softly.

"And you come running here?" Kaidan asked a little more reserved, "You knew the risks when you asked me."

"I did." Shepard rolled around on his back, forcing Kaidan to move back a little, Shepard turned his head and looked at Kaidan.

"So why -did- you come here?" Kaidan asked, not sure he wanted the answer, really.

"I wanted to see you one last time." Shepard said with a little smile that disappeared as quickly as it emerged. "You haven't been by the club so I thought I'd come see you." He turned his head and looked up into the ceiling, "Just tell me to go, and I'm gone."

"I was just surprised that's all," Kaidan said snuggling closer to Shepard, he wasn't really about to admit that it had taken all his will power not to drop by the club, "I don't want you to leave."

"Good." A smile ghosted over Shepard's lips again. "Hey Kaidan, when you go home, could you maybe send me a holo of earth? I lost the one I had ages ago."

"Sure." Kaidan held Shepard a little tighter, "I still think you should go see it for yourself."

"Maybe I will someday." Shepard said his voice lifeless and flat.

"What about the Alliance? Don't they have an enlistment office on Omega?" Kaidan asked, "They'd pick up the tab, also you'd get to kill as many Batarian slavers as your heart desires."

Shepard turned his head again and looked at Kaidan with a surprised expression, and then he laughed till he cried, Kaidan had to laugh too just because Shepard's laugh was contagious. "Me? An Alliance soldier? You say the funniest things Kaidan." Shepard laughed.

"Stranger things have happened." Kaidan chuckled.

"Maybe," Shepard said, getting all serious again, "My dad was like anti violence, he always said that if we all would just concentrate on getting things to flourish and grow, that no one would have time to fight." Shepard chuckled a little at himself, "Ironic that he would be murdered, really."

"The slavers killed him?" Kaidan asked softly, not sure if he should even ask.

"Yeah," Shepard said in a near whisper, "I was out in the orchard picking oranges when they attacked, we heard screaming and saw fire and ran towards the settlement, me and Steve," Shepard licked his lips, "Steve Strange was shot before we even made it to the settlement, I still don't know how I wasn't hit by a stray bullet, maybe something was looking out for me, in some fucked up way."

"You ran there? Without any weapons? Weren't you scared?" Kaidan asked, slightly impressed by Shepard's courage.

"I did." Shepard smiled sadly to the ceiling, "Pretty dumb huh?"

"Yeah." Kaidan said softly, "But what could you do?"

"I could have run the opposite way and hid." Shepard said, "Lots of people did that." He paused again, "Of course the Batarians torched the barns and everything, so I suppose most of them died."

"So what happened to you?" Kaidan asked, propping himself up on his elbow, looking at Shepard in the half-light of the hotel room.

"They shot me in my right leg, had a laugh, and then dragged me onto some shuttle." Shepard closed his eyes, "Most were kids my own age and younger, suppose they didn't care for old slaves or something."

"How -"

"Seventeen." Shepard said and opened his eyes again, just staring at Kaidan. "It is what it is." He whispered.

Kaidan nodded weakly before he leaned down and kissed Shepard, he had not forgotten what it felt like to kiss Shepard, it had just dimmed a little in his memory, and when the kiss ended, his erection was uncomfortable, trapped behind his pants.

"They're back on Omega," Shepard whispered, placing an openmouthed kiss on Kaidan's jaw, "Saren Arterius, Groto Ib-ba and Spike Marlowe."

Pushing a hand up under Shepard's shirts, running his hand over the smooth skin he found there, "Was that what you came here to say?" He asked in a sigh as Shepard kissed that sweet spot under his ear.

"No." Shepard breathed; he didn't offer more of an explanation and just continued his sloppy kiss trail down Kaidan's neck.

"Hey John..." Kaidan said seriously, wondering if he was going mad or something, why he couldn't just lay back and enjoy. He held Shepard with a hand on each side of his head. "I need to know."

Shepard swallowed, studying Kaidan with his deep blue eyes. "Truth?" He whispered.

"Truth." Kaidan echoed.

"I was lonely." Shepard flashed another hesitant nervous smile. Kaidan rubbed a thumb over Shepard's eyebrow, and then pulled him down for another kiss; this was less of the soft yielding Shepard, more firm somehow, like Shepard knew what he wanted. And to Kaidan, even if he liked the submissive kisses, it seemed like there was more of John, and less of the performer.

Shepard rolled on top of Kaidan, only to end the kiss and sit back up and unzipping his hoodie, tossing it unceremoniously over his back and the shirt went the same way. Kaidan reached up and ran his hands over Shepard's chest, before grabbing the hem of his own shirt and awkwardly pulling it over his head without sitting up. Shepard chuckled a little at the effort, but as soon as the shirt was off he leaned down and flicked his tongue on one of Kaidan's nipples, and then on to a kiss. "I trust you." Shepard whispered against Kaidan's lips.

Kaidan's hands rested on Shepard's hips, ever so slowly moving across the soft skin of John's stomach to unbutton his pants, "I won't do it again." He whispered back.

Shepard rubbed against Kaidan through their pants, "Shame."

"Are you sure?" Kaidan asked, watching as Shepard shimmied out of his pants, moving down lower on Kaidan's legs so he could open Kaidan's pants.

"I'm sure." Shepard smiled a dirty sweet smile that made Kaidan's heart skip a beat.

Kaidan tried to hold Shepard's gaze, as if he was attempting to read the truth from Shepard's eyes, did he mean it, or did he just go along with it because he wanted to make Kaidan happy? His worry fled when Shepard closed his lips around Kaidan's erection; it was replaced with a respect for technique, wondering where he learned that.

Shepard let Kaidan's cock slip out between his lips, and he looked down at Kaidan with a smile, "Lube?"

Kaidan sighed, "No." He had just not thought of it, he hadn't exactly thought he would strike up a partner on Omega, and if he did, he would have paid them, and they'd bring their own goddamn lube. "Sorry," He offered meekly.

Looking thoughtful for a moment, Shepard then licked his lips, "It's fine." He whispered, crawling up Kaidan, wrapping his hand around both their erections, "We don't need it." grinding against Kaidan pulling a little moan from the other man.

Wrapping his arms around Shepard and reversing their roles, Kaidan kept the friction slow and tempting, loving the way that Shepard's breath would hitch, Shepard wrapped both arms around Kaidan's neck and pulled him down for a kiss.

"This is nice." Shepard hummed, biting Kaidan's lip playfully, arching his back to increase the sweet friction.

"You are nice." Kaidan whispered back, smiling.

"Nice?" Shepard chuckled, his voice deep and husky.

"Gorgeous." Kaidan breathed in Shepard's ear.

"Better."

For a while Kaidan just listened to Shepard's low moans and little keening noises while he dug his nails down into Kaidan's shoulders. It felt a little strange, too close for comfort and intimate, it felt almost like they were actually lovers. And even if the reactions were less expressive than the last time they had ended up in bed together, they were still there, the way Shepard would suck in his breath in a reverse sort of sigh, and his legs shivered slightly. "Come on then." Kaidan whispered, and licked a wet trail along Shepard's jaw.

Clinging to Kaidan, Shepard buried his face in Kaidan's shoulder, and gave in to the building tension inside and climaxed between their sweaty stomachs. He was still panting from the flash of pleasure as he felt Kaidan finish as well. Wordlessly they just fell back on the bed catching their breath. It took some silent moments before Shepard slowly sat up in the bed, scanning the room for his clothes.

"Something wrong?" Kaidan asked stretching lazy, looking at Shepard's back.

"No." Shepard turned a little and smiled, "You should get some sleep, Kaidan."

Kaidan popped up on an elbow studying Shepard, "Leaving?"

Shepard arched his back, his spine giving off a soft pop as it settled. "I should get back." He reached for his pants, and pulled them on effortlessly. He didn't bother with tying his shoes, and just pulled his shirt over his head, standing at the foot of the bed, looking at Kaidan with a little soft, sad smile. "Since this is goodbye," Shepard said, "I suppose I can tell you that... That I had not expected this."

"Expected what?" Kaidan sat up in bed; something in Shepard's tone alarmed him so much he didn't even really register the 'goodbye' part.

"That I'd like you this much." Shepard shrugged and when Kaidan opened his mouth to say something, Shepard held up his hand to silence him. "Thanks Kaidan." He smiled, "Don't forget to send me those holos." Shepard didn't kiss Kaidan goodbye or touch him one last time, he wasn't sure he could do that without embarrassing himself with declarations of love or choking up, either of the above would be nothing less than mortifying.

"Hey John!" Kaidan reached out for Shepard, but didn't get off the bed, like he understood that John didn't need to be cornered right now. "Right back at you."

Shepard swallowed hard, and pocked his hands, just to do something while he stood there feeling like a complete idiot. "In another life," He paused, "That would have meant uhm... something." He mumbled and for a moment he hated himself for coming here, what had he been thinking? Maybe he just hadn't, he had just wanted to see Kaidan before he was gone, and now here he was making a big idiot out of himself.

When Shepard turned the handle of the door and opened it, Kaidan finally jolted into action. "I'm not gone yet you know." He said, "Maybe we could, go out again?"

"Sure." Shepard said, smiling at Kaidan. The smile never reached his eyes, he didn't believe one word of it, but it sounded nice, it really did. "You know where to find me."

Kaidan got out of bed when he saw Shepard hesitate, he stalked directly to the door and pushed it shut, pushing Shepard up against the door, pinning him down with his naked body. "Come with me." Kaidan said, before kissing Shepard who tensed up but didn't pull away. "I have enough money to bribe another shuttle captain."

"Why would you -" Shepard's voice broke, "Do that?"

"Because you don't belong here." Kaidan answered truthfully. "Please."

Shepard let out a deep sigh, "If we are caught -"

"We won't be." Kaidan said, running a thumb over Shepard's cheekbone gently. "Imagine seeing the sky again, or growing things, or having a drink out in the open watching the scenery. Something other than the metal body of this place."

"That would be..." Shepard whispered, already seeing it in his head, wondering if he had finally gone mad, since he actually considered this ludicrous request. "But how would I -"

"I -" Kaidan smiled, watching as Shepard's eyes gave away his hope and confusion in one. "I would take care of you." He smiled, kissing Shepard's cheek.

Shepard's eyes widened more before a tiny smile tugged in the corners of his mouth, "Is that a proposal, Alenko?"

"Sorta..." Kaidan squirmed a little and then smiled too. "So will you consider it?"

"Yes." Shepard whispered with a tiny nod.

"I'll come pick you up in two days and you are either in or out." Kaidan said, his voice dropping to a whisper, "I hope you're in."

Shepard wrapped his arms around Kaidan's waist and pulled him in for a kiss, "You better not be shitting me." He whispered against Kaidan's lips. "But -" He let go, and pushed Kaidan gently away, "I really have to go now."

"Alright," Kaidan stepped back and let Shepard open the door to the corridor again, "Two days, John."

"Two days." Shepard repeated, and hurried out into the corridor, slinking back into the shadows the same way he had when he had made his way over here.

Shepard made it to the dressing room, and thought he was home free. The staff was only now slowly meeting in; Jack nodded at him as she tried to pour a drink to ease her hangover. "James said you're in deep shit, John." She said softly.

"Me?" Shepard said innocently, "He must have his information wrong."

"Don't be an idiot." Jack turned around in her chair and watched at Shepard grabbed a towel and slipped into the tiny shower. "Pitbull is furious, because the bloodpack has been around asking for Garrus, and if he is furious you can bet he went up the chain of command, and with both Saren Arterius and Groto Ib-ba on Omega, you could be in deep, deep shit."

"Why would I be in trouble because of Garrus?" Shepard asked, from the shower, hoping his voice was as even as he wanted it to be. "He had debt and got the fuck off this station. How can that be my fault?"

"James said that this cop or whatever he is, came to talk to you and Garrus, and the day after Garrus was gone." Jack said, "They think that you know where he went." She paused to take a sip of her drink, "Rumors have it that - " She was cut short as the door to the corridor slammed open, and a large hulking man covered in tattoos barged through, "Shepard!" He bellowed.

"Here" Shepard said, turning off the water and stepped out of the shower, towel wrapped around his waist. He smiled politely as he saw Pitbull standing in the middle of the dressing room, looking madder than a bull. "Something wrong?"

"Damn straight something's fucking wrong!" Pitbull spat, "Not only do I have to get myself a new bartender, but I have Groto on my case, asking for you." He narrowed his eyes, "Spill it Shepard, what the hell is going on!"

"Why do people assume that I know anything about Garrus?" Shepard swiftly pulled the dancing shorts on, and lost the towel, "As I told Jack, he had debt, and he ran. Any idiot would have done that, if I really had anything to do with it, would I still be here? I don't think so." He shrugged.

Pitbull grabbed Shepard by the neck and slammed him up against the wall, holding him up so high that Shepard had to stand on his toes to not get choked. "There is also another rumor." He growled, "One that you are fraternizing with the enemy."

"Wh-at?" Shepard gurgled, clawing at Pitbull's large hand.

"That little lawman you've been fucking, he is not a cop." Pitbull said his smile widened when he saw the raw confusion on Shepard's face. "He had told Vega that he was a Private Investigator, is that the same story he told you?" Pitbull laughed, "Before or after you put out, you little fucking slut." He eased up on his hold and let Shepard stand on the ground, rubbing his abused throat. "Come on, there is someone here to see you." Pitbull grabbed Shepard's arm and forcefully hauled him out into the corridor, up the stairs to his office overlooking the dance floor. He pushed the slightly panicky Shepard into the room in front of him.

Shepard almost fell over, but regained his balance, only to stare right up at three pairs of eyes. He looked over his shoulder and saw Pitbull go stand in the corner. He wanted to say something but his lips refused to cooperate.

"Shepard." Groto said, crossing his arms over his chest.

Shepard caught on a second too late; he had not seen his master in two years. But a boot to his stomach reminded him as he fell to his knees, ignoring the sick sound it made as they hit the floor. "Master." He said loud and clear, hoping that would be enough so he wouldn't get kicked once more. What the hell were Groto and Saren doing here? One thing was Groto being an asshole, but Saren? He only came here to get special treatment when he happened to be on Omega, he didn't - Shepard closed his eyes tight, holding his breath. This was bad, he just knew it.

"Better." Groto huffed and stepped back, letting Saren step forward, circling Shepard on the floor. "I'm not surprised that he picked you." Saren said, "You are a nice piece of ass, and I have met smarter rocks on Thessia. Perfect." Saren sighed and stopped circling Shepard. "Stand."

Shepard winched as his knees complained as he stood. Saren fucking scared him, always had. He was like a goddamn God in armor, what he said, went. He was sure that Saren could have entire colonies wiped off the map with a snap of his fingers.

"You are a dumb little hooker." Saren chuckled. "He played you well; I have to give him that - He's persistent."

Shepard didn't argue, he just focused on breathing in and breathing out, and not making any wrong moves that you piss off anyone. He knew that it was his best chance at getting out of here alive.

"Look at me," Saren said, lifting Shepard's head with a surprisingly gentle finger under Shepard's chin. "Kaidan Alenko, he is not who he says he is, I have seen him do this to others in an attempt to get within range. So tell me little man, what lies did he tell you?"

Shepard swallowed hard; he was quite sure that no one would lie to Saren and live, "Sorry?" He whispered, his voice shaking.

Saren laughed "He is not a cop, an agent, or an undercover Spectre, or any of the shit he made all the ones like you believe." Saren tilted his head a little and stared at Shepard, "You don't believe me? Last time it was an Asari hooker on Illium, she died defending that Alenko was a secret agent. So what is it gonna be little man?"

"Pri-vate." Shepard licked his lips nervously, "Investigator."

"Oh that's a good one." Saren laughed amused, "P.I. Kaidan Alenko, so just out of curiosity, what did he promise you if you could lead him to me?"

"He was looking for Marlowe." Shepard said, still not sure he was out of the woods yet, even if he told the truth. He wasn't even sure what truth was the actual truth. Kaidan's or Saren's.

"Marlowe has been dead for the better side of a year, little man." Saren leaned in so close that Shepard could feel his breath on his skin, "But you didn't know that, did you? I assure you that Alenko did before he told you whatever story." Saren pulled back and moved around Shepard, placing a hand on each of Shepard's shoulders, squeezing them slightly. "I'll try again, and you better get this right. He is a bounty hunter; he has tagged along through the entire goddamn galaxy. He is a ruthless man, and if he wasn't my enemy I would admire him and offer him a job. He does whatever he thinks necessary, nothing stands between him and the bounty. He killed Marlowe, and countless others. - So, Shepard." Saren squeezed tighter, to the point of Shepard yelping softly as his nails broke the skin. "What did you tell him?"

"That you weren't on Omega." Shepard said, flexing his hands, trying to ignore the pain in his shoulders, and the odd wet feeling of blood tickling down his chest. Saren dug his nails in deeper causing Shepard to groan in pain, "And that you would return shortly." He closed his eyes, "I swear, that was all."

"Maybe you are smarter than a rock." Saren removed his hands, grabbing Shepard's neck, forcing him to his knees again.

When Shepard heard the distinct sound of a weapon's safety being clicked off, he shut his eyes tight, "I swear!" He cried.

Saren calmly placed the muzzle of the gun on the back of Shepard's head. "I believe you," He said, "But truth is that I am tired of him showing up at the most inconvenient times, and it ends here." He ground the gun into Shepard's head, "Where is he at?" Saren's voice rose to an angry bark, "In what flea ridden hotel does that little shit hide?"

"Sequin!" Shepard yelled, finally giving in to despair and panic. "He's at the goddamn Sequin."

"Hey!" Groto argued, "If you shoot him, you better compensate me."

"You can fucking bill me!" Saren bit back, replacing his hand with his boot, pushing Shepard's face down into the ground, aiming at him with the gun.

"Sirs?" Pitbull peeped from the corner, "I should remind you both that Edan Had'dah is very pleased with this one's performance, he is good for business, it would be a shame to waste his talents for something as trivial as a bounty hunter."

Saren sighed and stepped off Shepard who didn't dare to move. "True." Saren admitted, "It's your lucky day little man."

"Get up." Groto barked, "And get to work."

Shepard scrambled to his feet, thankful to feel an arm steady him, surprised to find Pitbull holding him up. "Thanks," Shepard whispered as he was guided out of the room.

"Don't thank me yet." Pitbull said, "And you really are a dumb whore if you think I did it for your baby blues."

"Still."

Pitbull guided Shepard back to the dressing room and dropped him off in a chair, he held out Shepard's hand and placed two Hallex pills in it, "Down those, and cover up those marks, and get up on your pole station, and be quick about it."

Shepard just nodded and closed his hand around the pills, leaning back in the chair. He should have known it was bullshit, all his red lights had gone off over Kaidan, but still he had chosen to believe it, because he wanted to. He should have known! Shepard bit his lip, he didn't want to cry like a girl, people like him didn't cry, but against his will his eyes still watered up. "Fuck," He whispered to himself, and tossed the two pills in his mouth. He wanted to forget any childish dream about Earth, about seeing the sky again, about Kaidan and him having drinks in a garden, surrounded by real living plants. It had all just been bullshit to make Shepard play along, and the more he thought about it, the more he realized that it made perfect sense. Kaidan had just strung him along, he had had all information he wanted about him. He had probably even paid those two Blue Suns to drug him so he could come out looking like a hero.

The second that he had started to believe, had been the second he had lost the game, set and match.

TBC