A/N: As a warning, awkward chapter is awkward. ;)
Turning Tables
Ciao Bella
"I can't. I can't go to Bologna with you, Ben. I'm sorry. With everything that's happened, it's just the right time. Grace is still recovering from losing her father and I need to be there for you." Adrian cringed at the look on letdown on Ben's face, evident in the suddenly slouched posture of his curved back and loud expulsion of breath from his nostrils.
"It's alright," he said eventually. "I understand. I know Grace and I have never been really good friends, but she's been so good to you and to me – and even Ricky too – and I understand."
Adrian lifted her finger. "But, I think you should go."
The brows on Ben's forehead shot up, almost touching his hairline. "Come again?"
"You should go," Adrian repeated. "Moreover, you should take Mercy with you."
Ben's mouth opened and closed like a goldfish. "I – you would really do that?" he gasped. "You'd really trust me like that with her?"
"You're her father, Ben. You've been there ever since she was born. Not flawless, mind you, but neither have I. Trial and error. But you'll also have your dad there and your extended family. That's why you wanted to go in the first place, isn't it? Because they wanted to see Mercy? So you should go! It'll be a good experience. She won't remember, but you will. And they will." Adrian smiled. "Just take pictures for me, okay? A lot of pictures!"
"We were hoping to go in the beginning of July and stay until just before school started back up," Ben explained. "That's a long time, Adrian. You wouldn't see Mercy for a really long time. And – and I…I don't know if I can do that. Parent all by myself, I mean. Even with my dad there, I just – don't know."
Adrian nodded. "Well, I guess we have something more to think about then, don't we?"
"I'll have to talk to my dad about it," Ben said finally. "We'll see. We'll work something out." He crossed Adrian's room to the bassinet, where his daughter lay bundled up, sleeping without a care in the world. He blew her a kiss and then reached for his cell phone which sat on Adrian's dresser.
"Calling your driver?" she asked cautiously.
"Yeah."
Adrian shrugged. "You don't have to."
"I don't want to wake her up. I'm sure she'll wake up and torture you later anyway. Unless you're hoping to wake her up now so she'll be asleep later? Is that what your game is?" he joked, winking at the Latina.
"Actually, no, but that's not a bad idea." Adrian stood up and reached for his phone, extracting it from his hand before he could dial the last number. "I was thinking you could stay over."
"Wh – what?"
"You heard me."
"But – you and I – we-"
"I could throw some new sheets on my mom's bed for you. Or make up the couch." Adrian shrugged. "It's late, Ben. Why bother your driver tonight? And besides, my mom's not coming home until Wednesday and since she and George broke up, he's not going to be here either. Hell, you could even sleep in my bed for all I care." She flashed him a winning grin. "It's not like we haven't done worse before, right?" she smirked, shooting a sideways glance at the bassinet.
Ben's face bloomed. "I'll take the couch."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes?"
Adrian grinned.
TSLOTAT TSLOTAT TSLOTAT TSLOTAT
The following morning, Grace descended the stairs, following the pervasive smell of freshly baked pancakes. She stopped just outside the kitchen, listening to the sounds of her mother's and brother's footsteps and then their voices.
"Tom! You didn't have to cook again this morning. I was trying to get down here early so I could cook for you."
"Wha's uh matter? Are you tire' of m' cookin'?"
"No. Not at all, honey. I just need to do something to be busy. I'm feeling a little blue."
"Still?"
"Still. I think it's going to take me longer than a week. Might take me longer than a year…might take me a lifetime."
"Don' get me wrong: I miss Dad. But as Pocahontas said, 'All must die.'"
"You know, Tom? That's not exactly comforting at a time like this. 'All must die'?"
Grace pressed her hand to her forehead. The smell of the pancakes was intoxicating, especially to her growling stomach, but she wasn't sure she could handle sitting down at the breakfast table to eat a proper family breakfast, because it would never be proper again, not without her father there.
"But it's true! We all die sometime. Now, you know, he went to heaven, and you will see him again. Have a lil' faif!"
"Honey, I'm going to need more than a little faith to be where you are with this. You have been really strong!"
Grace chose that moment to enter the kitchen. She walked in just to see her mother lay her hand on her brother's shoulder and stopped short as she caught the elder blonde's eye. She pursed her lips, not sure what to say, so she cleared her throat instead, to announce her presence to Tom.
"Grace!" Kathleen said, her pink mouth stretching into a smile. "Good morning! You look beautiful, sweetheart."
Tom nodded. "Yes, you do. Wha' happened?"
Grace smoothed her hands over her silky teal baby doll top. "I dunno," she breathed. "I just decided I'm going to go down to the school today."
Kathleen reflexively squeezed Tom's shoulder in surprise. "Honey, the school year's over-"
"But you said that the school said – because of the circumstances – I could make up my finals before July, otherwise I would have to attend summer school." She shook her head. "I don't want to go to summer school."
"Are you sure?" Kathleen pressed. "It's only the twenty-second, you still have until the thirtieth."
"I'm sure," the cheerleader nodded. "I just want to get them over and done with and out of my way. I'm stressed out enough as it is and I didn't do all that hard work all year long just to end up going to summer school because I couldn't finish all my finals the last week of school."
"You could wait until tomorrow. I was thinking that today we could all go talk with Reverend Stone. You know, just kind of check in with where we are, where we want to be…how we want to handle things, get help if we need it…talk."
Grace looked away. "You and Tom can go. I don't want to talk to Reverend Stone, I just want to finish the school year."
"We can talk to someone else if you want. He's given me the name of a very good grief counselor-"
"I said no," she said firmly. "I – I'm not trying to be rude, but no. I don't want to talk to Reverend Stone, I don't want to talk to anybody. Not today, not tomorrow. I'm not going to grieve by talking to so-called experts." She turned her back to them. "I'm going to go get my things," she said quietly. "I'll meet you in the car."
TSLOTAT TSLOTAT TSLOTAT TSLOTAT
"I need you to watch Mercy today," Adrian called from the bathroom, as she ran the brush through her black tresses. "I have an appointment."
"An appointment?"
Adrian pulled the hair from the brush and tossed it into the trash. She examined herself in the mirror, smoothing her shirt and then holding her hands to the sides of her bust, adjusting the underwire beneath her pink striped shirt, which showed just enough ample cleavage to make her happy. Satisfied, she pulled open the door to find Ben wrestling with Mercy at the changing table. "A doctor's appointment," she clarified.
Ben had the collar of his shirt pulled up over his nose as he held his daughter with one hand and tried to roll up the messy brown filled diaper with the other. Simultaneously, he tried to nod, only for his shirt to fall down as he did so. His face immediately screwed up and his eyes began to water. "Oh!"
Mercy cooed and randomly batted her arms – and to some extent, her legs, even though Ben was holding them like he would if he were preparing a Thanksgiving turkey – as her mother approached.
"Hey, Preciosista," Adrian cooed, grabbing her baby girl by her tiny hands and patting them together in Patty Cake fashion. "Daddy's going to take care of you today, alright? Mommy will see you later." She pressed a kiss to her daughter's forehead, leaving a shimmery pink gloss stain in the shape of her lips. "I'll see you later, Ben!" she winked.
Ben cringed as he tossed the soiled diaper into the Diaper Genie and grabbed for the baby wipes. He knew that, eventually, they would begin alternating Mercy between their homes, but today would be the first day that he'd have her entirely to himself, and things already seemed off to a rocky start. Sighing, Ben used several wipes until the mess was taken care of, dutifully applied the baby powder, and then sealed the fresh diaper up. "I think Daddy's off his game today," he said as he picked Mercy up and pressed his forehead to hers. "What do you think: do you want to go to Italy with Daddy? Do you think Daddy is up for taking care of you all by himself in Italty?"
Mercy merely extended her arms, curled her tiny toes, and made a low noise that sounded a bit like a squeaky pet toy.
Ben groaned. "Yeah, me too."
TSLOTAT TSLOTAT TSLOTAT TSLOTAT
"I had sex last night."
Dr. Fields leaned forward curiously. "And what significance does that have?" He studied the silent teenager. "Was it with Adrian?"
"No." Ricky looked down at his lap. "Zoe."
"Zoe?"
"She's on the track team."
"Have you been with her before?"
"Last night was the first time."
"And what happened?" Dr. Fields pressed. "You wouldn't have brought it up unless it was important, would you?"
Ricky averted his attention to the wall. "I – I couldn't…"
"You couldn't ejaculate?" Dr. Fields speculated.
Ricky closed his eyes, hugging his stomach. "No. She was getting angry with me and I got angry with her."
"Did the anger help?"
"No."
"So you left unsatisfied?"
"And. No. Yes."
"Care to elaborate?"
"I had to think of her, okay?" Ricky snarled. "I had to think of Adrian! I had to pretend Zoe was Adrian in order to finish!"
"And this has never happened before?"
"No!" Ricky threw a pillow at the wall. "What does that mean?" he hissed. "What's wrong with me?"
"It sounds like you're having a case of psychosexual dysfunction."
"Oh yeah!" Ricky replied sarcastically. "I couldn't have diagnosed that myself!"
"It's nothing to be ashamed of," Dr. Fields continued coolly. "You will need to get a physical exam to completely rule out any physical problems, but I'm fairly positive in my diagnosis."
"What do I do about it?" Ricky demanded.
"I'm afraid there aren't any medications I can prescribe for your particular problem, Ricky. It's very much tied up in your recent relations – and lack thereof – with Adrian. Ideally, you would be able to work through them if you could sort out those issues with her, particularly in a counseling setting."
"You're crazy!"
Dr. Fields held up his hands in a defensive posture. "I'm not telling you what to do, I'm just telling you what you can do. Certainly, we can continue our regular meetings as are – or even increase them – but there's not a lot more I can do for you."
"A lot a' good you are!"
Dr. Fields researched for a pad of sticky notes on his desk. "I can give you the names of a few sex therapists, if you're interested. Their expertise is in exactly these types of problems and they might be able to help you better than I could." He scribbled a few names onto the sticky and then handed it across to Ricky, who refused to take it. With a sigh, he stuck the sticky to the table. "It's up to you, Ricky. You do what you think is best, I'm only trying to help."
TSLOTAT TSLOTAT TSLOTAT TSLOTAT
"Have you had any bleeding or tenderness, Ms. Lee?"
Adrian sat on the gynecologist's table in a uniform blue medical gown. "No bleeding, not for a week or so now. Some breast tenderness, but I was told that would be normal, especially since I'm breast feeding."
The gynecologist nodded. "And how are you feeling emotionally? Any depressive thoughts?"
"No." Adrian smiled. "None. I'm – I'm surprisingly happy! I never thought I could be this happy, you know? As a teenage mother in high school, but I am. Mercy is – she's everything. She's perfect. Well, except for the waking up in the middle of the night and the spitting up…that's been a problem. I've been so tired lately. I can't imagine how much worse it might have been if I'd still been in school, trying to juggle my classes and everything, instead of on bed rest and turning in my assignments online."
The gynecologist made a couple of notes onto her clipboard and then lifted her head again. "Good. And how has your diet been? Have you been exercising?"
"I've been sticking to the food pyramid," Adrian promised. "I've bought all the right things, I'm taking my vitamins…I haven't had much time for exercise though."
"What about your Kegal exercises?"
"Every day, after I get up and before I go to bed. Sometimes while I'm in the car at a stop light too," she chuckled.
"Have you been having sex?"
Adrian ardently shook her head. "No. I was told not until at least after the checkup."
"What about birth control?"
"I'm back on the pill." She adjusted herself on the bed. "But I was wondering about that: if I wanted to start having sex again…"
"You've healed up nicely," the OB/GY nodded. "I don't see why not. Though I'd highly recommend staying on birth control. Some women believe that breast feeding is a natural birth control and in many cases, it does work to prevent pregnancy, but not in all cases, and some women end up with two children under the age of a year."
Adrian shook her head. "Oh no, I definitely do not plan on having another. Not any time soon, anyway."
"Then you should be fine." She made a final notation on her clipboard and then trashed her latex gloves and offered a hand to Adrian. "I think we're done then," she declared. "Just make sure you see the nurse about setting up your next routine exam on your way out."
TSLOTAT TSLOTAT TSLOTAT TSLOTAT
"Done already?"
"I guess," Grace dismissed as she got into the passenger seat of her mother's car.
"How do you think you do?"
"Well enough to pass, God willing."
Kathleen started the engine. "Do you want to go anywhere? Do anything?"
Grace pressed her face to the glass. "I don't care."
"What about the Diary Shack?" Kathleen suggested thoughtfully. "You must be starving, you didn't eat any of the pancakes Tom made this morning."
"Why don't we just go home? I can heat some leftovers up in the microwave."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, thanks."
TSLOTAT TSLOTAT TSLOTAT TSLOTAT
"Hi, babyyyyyy!" Tom crooned. They were in the living room and he was knelt down on the floor, hovering over Mercy's baby carrier. Every so often he would tickle the little girl's toes or tummy, then he would make a contorted face in the hopes of getting a coo out of her.
Ben watched the scene with amusement. Usually Mercy didn't like people in her face – just one of the many ways he noted how much like her mother she was – but for whatever reason, she seemed overly receptive to Tom's antics. The few times that he and Adrian had been around Tom, he had kind of suspected that the older boy had a bit of a crush on Adrian, and frankly, he couldn't blame him, so he wasn't surprises by the way he took to Mercy.
"Do you know when Grace is going to be home?" he finally asked.
Tom shrugged, not really paying attention to him. "Dunno," he said, tugging his finger up when Mercy wrapped her miniature fist around it. "She wen' t' do tests," he explained. "Who knows when she get home."
Ben let his head fall against the back edge of the count and stared aimlessly up at the ceiling. He'd been waiting for almost a half an hour. He hadn't heard from Adrian, so he'd decided to have his driver take him over to Grace's, to see how she was faring. He'd seen her only a couple times since the funeral, careful to not be overbearing with his attention – he knew from experience how frustrating that was – but also to not just abandon her either. Their visits hadn't amounted to much, however, so this time he thought he'd bring Mercy along and perhaps that would lift her spirits.
The lock on the front door croaked and a few moments later Grace edged into the room, spotting Ben immediately. "Ben, I saw the limo outside," she said, confused. "What are you doing here?"
Ben motioned towards his daughter and Tom. "Mercy and I came by to see how you were doing. In hindsight, we probably should've called first, huh?"
Grace looked back at Tom and the corners of her mouth twitched, almost imperceptibly.
"It's nice to see you, Ben," Kathleen interrupted.
"How've you been, Mrs. Bowman?"
"Better," she said. "Barely, but still, better than I was. Thank you."
"She's gotten so big," Grace said, suddenly beside her brother. "I can't believe how big she's gotten."
"She seems to double in size every day," Ben laughed.
"Can I, uh, hold her?"
"Yeah!" Ben readily agreed. "Of course! She – she misses her 'Aunt' Grace." He edged around Tom and carefully removed the restrains on her daughter, picked her up, and bounced her in his arms. "Here," he smiled, depositing Mercy into Grace's arms.
Grace bounced the little Latina, her frown quickly turning upside down as the little girl tangled her fingers into her blonde locks. She stroked the velvety black hair on Mercy's head and giggled, which surprised everyone in the room except for the baby herself. "Hi there," she whispered. "Look at you, you're so big!"
Across the living room, Kathleen looked silently to Ben and mouthed: 'Thank you.'
"Her two month appointment is coming up pretty quick. I can't believe it's already been that long."
"Where's Adrian?" Grace suddenly asked, not once taking her eyes off the precious caramel crème skinned cargo.
"Doctor's appointment. She should be done any time now, though." He shrugged. "You interested in going out and doing anything? We could grab a bite to eat or something."
"Thanks, but no thanks, I'm not really in the mood for fast food." She snuggled the infant to her chest. "Do you have plans or something? If not, maybe you could…stay for a while?"
Ben grinned as Mercy grabbed for Grace's hair again. "We'd love to."
TSLOTAT TSLOTAT TSLOTAT TSLOTAT
At 12:43 A.M. Adrian awoke to the sound of Mercy's violent sobs. She stayed awake in the darkness for a few minutes, marinating in guilt for not wanting to crawl out of her warm covers to attend to her helpless daughter. When the noise became to overbearing, she eventually squeezed out of the blankets and sat up to collect her screaming bundle from the bassinet.
As she unbuttoned her blouse, she found herself wishing Ben was there again, so he could just grab a pre-pumped bottle and take care of the situation and let her sleep. Selfishly, she found herself looking forward to the days when Mercy would finally begin spending nights at Ben's house. Even more selfishly, she found herself hoping Ben would agree to take Mercy with him to Bologna. Granted, it wasn't the only reason she'd suggested it, but as she thought more and more about it, it was a significant bonus.
"Bologna," she whispered to her suckling daughter. "Would you like Italy, Mercy?" She stood up and wandered over to her computer desk and hit the power button on the tower with her big toe. She cranked her neck, stretching the sleep deprived muscles, and entered her recently changed password one handedly.
Once she was able to access her Internet browser, she typed ciao into the Google search box the drop down menu provided her with the four most popular options: ciao, ciao bella, ciao italia, and ciao definition. She already knew that the word was an Italian greeting and parting, so, on a whim, she clicked on the second option. Once clicked, the third link down on the search responded: Can anyone tell me what ciao bella means? Lazily, she clicked on the inquiry and her eyes glazed over the responses.
"'Hello, beautiful.'" Adrian tasted the English translation on her lips. "Or, 'goodbye, beautiful."" She glanced down at her now contented daughter. "Ciao bella." She closed her eyes. There had only ever been three men who had ever called her beautiful: Antonio, Ben, and Ricky. She mused over that fact for a while, thinking about how different her life could've turned out if Antonio had never gotten cancer or if Ben had never caught her that afternoon at the abortion clinic. Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the buzzing of her cell phoned. Drearily, she flipped it open.
Are you still awake?
Unfortunately.
Adrian grinned. So you're the one our daughter inherited insomnia from?
Your light's burned out.
What?
By your front door.
"What?" Adrian squinted her eyes and looked suspiciously at her bedroom door. Where are you? A moment later, she heard the doorbell and scurried as fast as she could, without disturbing Mercy, to the door. When she opened it, she found Ben hurriedly typing something onto his cell phone on the other end. "What do you think you're doing?"
Ben smiled sheepishly. "I liked staying the night," he admitted. "And since it's already so late again…"
"Get in here!" Adrian grabbed him by the collar and pulled him into the apartment, almost tripping him as he went.
Ben shoved his cell into his jacket pocket and admired his sleeping daughter. "She looks so peaceful."
"You're about twenty minutes too late." Adrian suddenly pushed Mercy at him. "To make up, you can put her back to bed."
Ben nuzzled Mercy's cheek as he walked back to Adrian's room and laid her in the bassinet, safe and sound. When he stood up to make his way back to the couch, he found Adrian blocking the doorway. He swallowed uneasily. "Um…"
"You can sleep in here tonight," she said, not leaving the topic open for discussion. "Easier access…to Mercy. FYI, next time she starts crying, you're up." She flicked off the lights and crawled back into bed, which was now lukewarm. She listened to the sounds of Ben removing his shoes and jacket and then closed her eyes as she felt his weight fill the other side of her bed and contentedly drifted off to sleep.
