Under the Influence

Author's Notes: Hello, this is just a fun story that a friend of mine, and I of course, wrote together. His name on here is LordChaos666, check him out. Anyway, this is not meant to be serious, just something to bring a little fun into your day.

Disclaimer: NOT OURS! All characters belong to MGM Studios, and the song belongs to Weird Al Yankovic.

Song: Eat It by Weird Al Yankovic (We'll even give you a link for the song! /watch?v=383iLJXMK7Q(add the www. youtube .com (without the spaces!))) I swear it's fanfics fault that that it is so difficult.

Victim: Ronon Dex

Chapter Four

John Sheppard walked down the hall towards the mess hall. Their unexpected guest had been their friendly Wraith ally Todd, covered in mud. After Beckett had checked him out and had given the mud a clean bill of health, and Daniel had arrived late, everyone went their separate ways; Todd to shower, John to eat, and Daniel to do whatever bookworms did.

Now hungry, John walked into the mess, only to be stopped by the sound of blaring music. The occupants of the room were all staring warily towards the kitchen while one of the cooks made their way towards the Colonel.

"Thank God you're here Colonel." The cook said breathlessly as he motioned for John to follow him. "We don't know what happened. One minute we're showing him a new Earth dish, and the next he has a headache. Before we knew what was happening, he was singing and climbing on our counters to dance." The cook was quite distressed.

"Wait, who's doing this?" John didn't think he wanted to know who the latest victim of 'random dancing and singing' syndrome was. The cook sighed and opened the door, allowing John to see inside the kitchen.

"Ronon," The cook answered with a sigh. The big Satedan was indeed standing on the counters, singing, using a wooden spoon as his microphone. As he danced, he jumped from counter to counter, sometimes coming down to the floor to dance with the scared cooks.

"How come you're always such a fussy young man
Don't want no Captain Crunch, don't want no Raison Bran
Well, don't you know that other kids are starving in Japan
So eat it, just eat it

Don't want to argue, I don't want to debate
Don't want to hear about what kind of food you hate
You won't get no dessert 'till you clean off your plate
So eat it

Don't you tell me you're full
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Get yourself an egg and beat it
Have some more chicken, have some more pie
It doesn't matter if it's boiled or fried
Just eat it, eat it, just eat it, eat it
Just eat it, eat it, just eat it, eat it, ooh"

Ronon spotted Sheppard and immediately sucked him into the dance, picking up random food items and throwing them into the air. A cupcake landed in his hair because of this.

"Your table manners are some cryin' shame
You're playin' with your food, this ain't some kind of game
Now, if you starve to death, you'll just have yourself to blame
So eat it, just eat it

You better listen, better do what you're told
You haven't even touched your tuna casserole
You better chow down or it's gonna get cold
So eat it

I don't care if you're full
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Open up your mouth and feed it
Have some more yogurt, have some more spam
It doesn't matter it it's fresh or canned
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Don't you make me repeat it
Have a banana, have a whole bunch
It doesn't matter what you had for lunch
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it

Eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
If it's gettin' cold, reheat it
Have a big dinner, have a light snack
If you don't like it, you can't send it back
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Get yourself an egg and beat it (oh lord)
Have some more chicken, have some more pie
It doesn't matter if it's boiled or fried
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it"

As the last verse was belted out, the small black stone that was the source of everyone's problems fell down on a counter next to Ronon's discarded gun as the big man jumped onto the floor. He stood there for a moment as realization as to what he'd just done came back to him. Nobody moved, nobody spoke, no one even breathed as they waited for who would make the first move. Finally, Sheppard scratched his head.

"Todd just came through the Stargate and he says he has some new information for us." Sheppard said calmly, as if he didn't just see his big friend sing Weird Al Yankovic. He briefly wondered how the alien even knew the song. "Want to come talk to him with me?"

"Sure," Ronon answered evenly, popping his neck and rolling back his shoulders. He grabbed his gun off the counter, twirled it twice, and replaced it smoothly, grinning as he did so. Sheppard wrinkled his nose at him. As Ronon walked past him towards the door, John noticed that he'd left something behind.

"Hey, did you forget your stone?" Sheppard asked as he rolled the black stone between his fingers, examining the engravings on it.

"Nope, Daniel dropped it, thought Teyla might like it." Ronon answered simply with a shrug.

"Really, and you say that Daniel had it?"

"Yep, I think it's the same one that he took away from Vala." Ronon added as he saw John's face light up.

"That's right, and she said she'd picked it up off the mess hall floor after Rodney's singing this morning."

"Do you think that stone has anything to do with all the strangeness around here?" Ronon asked, purposely not saying what the strangeness was. John nodded.

"I think Carter and McKay should see this." John pocketed the stone. "Why don't you go shower and get that cupcake out of your hair while I go and see Todd. We can meet up later and see the good doctors." Ronon nodded and left, digging some of the cupcake out as he left. John followed and went to go see the only Wraith they could really call an ally, on a good day.