Dear Diary: Spring Break

Dear Diary,

My spring breaks consist mainly of me doing…absolutely nothing, so usually I have nothing to write about. This year, however, I decided to take a trip south with a group of students organized through the school. It took some time convincing her, telling her I will be lonely going with people I barely know, and how she has absolutely nothing else to do, seeing as how she spends spring break with me. We settle on suntan lotion rubs, unless someone hot offers.

So Delly, Me, and other people including him all met up at the school that Saturday and packed our stuff into compartments under the bus. We raised enough money selling candy bars and having bake sales to rent one of the schools personal charter buses, and to pay for the private housing for when we're down there.

So, on the bus ride there, this is sixteen hours long on average, we all played games to muffle the boredom. I got to know each of them a little bit better, or at least learned all their names. A short, but mighty girl named Clove, A bulky and dimwitted yet somehow still attractive Marvel, A strong and silent dark kid Thresh, young and social Rue, a blonde Barbie by the name of Glimmer, Him of course, a reedy kid who was top of his class Tekk, A dashing and buff Finnick who was the source of every girls wet dream, a clever ginger who is also sly and coy though not necessarily in that order Jennifer, athletic and down to earth Katniss and lastly her sister Prim.

The entire trip I was stealing glances at him at every chance I got. Several he caught me staring, and I would start blushing, but he never said a word. As of matter of fact he practically ignored me the entire bus ride. I didn't let it bother me too much, seeing as how I am not an attractive woman, or attractive at all in that matter, so of course he wouldn't take notice.

No notice in all the things I do for him. The make-up I wear to make me more glamorous or the perfumes I wear. I take notes on all the girls he's dated so I can act like them. The way I style my hair based on how many times he's looked at it. The clothes that I wear; nothing at all. Maybe one day I will wake up and realize that he doesn't me in the way that I want him. For now I think I will enjoy my ignorance while it still exists.

When we finally arrived on the sunny shores, and white beaches it was just about noon on Sunday. That would give us exactly a week to enjoy ourselves until we leave on Saturday night. One week with him is going to be pure bliss, I just know it.

When we planned this trip, we deemed it only appropriate that boys bunked with the boys in one apartment and the girls in the other. So I followed the rest of the boys into our sunshine filled apartment, and immediately searched the place. Two bedrooms and one bath, but a balcony with a hammock and a living with a pull out couch were available. The one bedroom had to twin sized beds that were immediately taken by Marvel and Him. Finnick took the other bedroom, which left Tekk, Thresh and I to the living room and hammock.

Okay lets rock paper scissor for the hammock, while the other two dudes bunk on the couch." Tekk said. With a meaningful look at him. "It's only fair."

"Fine" was all I said.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Thresh said waving his hand.

"Rock"

"Paper"

"Scissors"

I lost to Thresh, and then he lost to Tekk. This meant that I would be closer to Thresh than I have ever been. The more it thought about it though, I started to hyperventilate, he is kind of intimidating he could easily hurt me if he wanted to, but I'm pretty sure he is more of a timid person than he lets on.

The following Monday, was the day we met our chaperones for the "school based" trip. Apparently if the school knows about the event then they have rights to butt in. A man by the name of Gloss and a woman by the name of Johanna arrived in a cherry red corvette and delivered the news that they would be the adults here. Most of us are already eighteen so it doesn't make any since, but they aren't going anywhere so I guess you learn to live.

It turns out that they can actually be pretty cool when it came down to it. They treated us to lunch at a local restaurant, The Lighthouse, where I ate an endless supply of mozzarella sticks and marinara sauce. We all chit chatted away about how awesome it is to finally be here. That night we all went to the beach and had us a nice little bonfire. We roasted s'mores and shared ghost stories that were way too cheesy to even be considered real. When we turned out, I pulled out the couch for us and plopped onto the left side and turned my back away from him. He wasn't awkward about it last night either. We simply said our goodnights and fell silent listening to the distant ocean.

Tuesday was a great day for me. We went surfing, which means we wear wetsuits! I personally love the feel of tight clothing and seeing a full body wetsuit on him is to die for. It's like the singlet's he wears for wrestling, only he is wet for this one. I crashed more times than I stood up, but that could easily be because I was distracted by a certain someone. After surfing together I and the girls laid on the beach to tan, while the boys played beach volleyball. I burn easily so I decided not to lie down in the sand as long as the other girls. I got up and went over to the boys and asked to join in.

"You think you can handle playing with the big boys?" Marvel said snidely.

"I've been playing with big boys since I came out of the closet, and you ain't no big boy." I said sweeping my eyes up and down his body.

The other boys snickered.

"The question is, is do you think you can handle playing with me?" I asked with unknown bravery, volleyball is MY territory.

"Of course you can, we short one person anyways." He said.

I was hoping he would be the one to come to my rescue. I joined the team of Tekk and Thresh, while the Golden Boys played on the same team. It should be typical, they have the best team work seeing as how they play sports together, but I do know Marvel is jealous of Him, and from time to time he lets it show.

Marvel started the first serve, right into my corner. Marvel thought that I couldn't play, but to be honest volleyball is one of my fortes. I set it up for Thresh, who in turn spiked it at Finnick who countered it with a bump, but it went out of field, winning us the ball.

I served up the ball to Marvel, who bumped it back, Tekk jumped for it but it went passed him heading for the ground. I dove for the ball, and hit it up high enough for Tekk to underhand the ball to the other side. It went straight to him, who sent it over the net in my direction. I ran up and spiked the ball down before it could ever cross the net.

I gave Marvel a smirk and blew him a kiss, which really pissed him off. I know it sent him over the edge to be bested, but hey I have skills.

I served it again, and again, and again. My rein as serve seemed endless, till they got the better of Thresh and Tekk who both went for the ball at the same time.

"Game's pretty intense, but I think it's a bit onsided don't you think Marvel?" I said in a sugar sweet voice.

"You're forgetting we have the ball, and our best player is serving." Marvel threw back. "We will be back in the lead in no time."

"Care to put your money where your mouth is?" I said slyly.

"What's the stakes?" he said eager to gamble.

"If I win we switch places in the sleeping arrangements. It's not that I don't like Thresh, it's just a bed would be more comfortable, and my own bed at that." I said.

"What about if I win?" Marvel said.

"What do you want?" I asked.

"Ummm let's see, how about you… have a wrestling match with me. I would be delighted to kick your ass for your cocky mouth." Marvel said laughing.

I came up to his face. "Fine."

It was his turn to serve and I knew that they were going to target Tekk now that they know I can really play. He served to Tekk, but I interceded, sending it flying to the back boundary right into Finnick's waiting hands. he set it up for Marvel who spiked it across the net, where I set it up for Tekk who bumped it over the net in a clumsy attempt to claim the ball. Marvel came up to the net and tipped it over, where I smashed the ball, right into Marvel's stomach.

"Game point, our serve." I said turning away to take my spot.

Marvel mumbled darkly.

Thresh was up to serve, and when he served it, he served it with power. I wailed the ball right in the center field, their open spot. Marvel tripped in his attempt to back up, and Finnick volleyed the ball up in a ducked down attempt, but he didn't get it high enough for Him to send it back. The ball hit the ground and rolled to the side of Marvel's head.

"Ha, I Win." I said sticking my tongue out at Marvel, high five my team. "If you still want that wrestling, I would be more than happy to oblige."

That night I slept in a bed two feet away from my crush. I laid awake, watching the serene form of his face without expression. The moonlight cast beautiful shadows on his face. It was then that I recognized the downfall of my plan.

…Morning Wood.

Wednesday we all pitched in to rent a boat for dolphin riding. For the most part of the trip there was nothing going on, so we threw a little boat party, consisting of dancing a box of sea salt crackers and cheese. The music system blared and the ladies and I danced to the beat while the boys sat and talk, occasionally glancing at us.

At sundown we started the boat back up and headed to shore. The dolphin watching would have been the worse part of the trip down south, if it weren't for the dolphin that had raced alongside our boat as we headed for shore.

Thursday was a complete bore. Our 'leaders' had nothing planned for us so we just lounged around, surfing the web and not the waves. This was the worst day; because it was the day we had our wrestling match.

As a soft and feminine boy, I should tell you I have no idea or interest when it comes to wrestling. So when Marvel challenged me, a chill went through my spine, knowing I was about to get my ass handed to me, and not in a good way. We cleared the living room to make room for this event, and when we grappled for the first time and swept me from out under my feet, I knew it was over. He simply had a huge weight advantage over me, and when he pinned me to the ground he proved that.

Then the most peculiar thing happened. Looking back, I think it's a little bit curious for him to mushroom stamp me on the face. At the time however, I felt it was just to humiliate me any further. He whipped his stick out while holding me down with his knees, and pressed it to my face. It was absolutely humiliating and no one did a thing about it. Even worse I felt a stiffy working its way up. Don't get me wrong I don't like Marvel at all, but his physique is fine as hell, and the sexual act he committed turned me on.

It was then that I discovered I'm heavily into BDSM and love to be abused.

Friday was our last day as a group to spend spring break, and the sinking feeling that everyone felt was heavy in the air like humidity. Or was it actually the humidity?

We had breakfast at an Irish pub, where I ate the biggest burger of my life. Lots of laughter from the adults in the building, but also from us as we chatted between mouthfuls of food, and a few spit takes from jokes. It was like a family in that pub, or as close to one can get with people you just officially met six days ago.

For the remainder of the day we spent it swimming in the ocean. We swam, and splashed, and played around until we exhausted ourselves into wading in the shallow parts of the water. We talked of what it was going to be like for all of us going back home, which eventually evolved into all of us sharing stories of home. That turned into conversations of the future and future family plans and who we had our eyes own. It was that conversation about who we had eyes on that I actually lied to spare us from the awkward.

The sun had fallen during the conversations and the moon hung at high noon in the sky. The moon light up the beach, into white sand, pearly crest and ink water. It was beautiful really. I got up without a word and started to walk along the shoreline, still embarrassed from the conversation about who we liked. They may have played ignorant, but we all knew the truth behind my lies. We all knew that I liked him a lot, so much it could be love, but we all did what I intended just to spare us the awkward.

As I was walking I felt a tap on my left shoulder, which I turned to see who it was, when no one was there. I turn back to see him out the corner of my eye walking with me.

"Some week huh?" he said in attempt to start a conversation.

"Yeah, definitely not what I expected." I said.

"And what did you expect?" he asked.

I long decided that I would be honest with him, it's kind of moot not to since every time I try and lie to him about him I blush.

"I expected to be tortured here, all for the sake of just seeing you." I said.

"Huh." Was all he said.

"Does me liking you really bother you that much?" I asked. "Cuz if it does, I would be more than happy to make you happy and leave you alone."

"It doesn't bother me at all." He said sincerely. "But you need to back off just a little bit."

I turned away from him, on the verge of tears. "If that is what you want." I started to walk away when he grabbed my arm.

"I didn't mean for you to get hurt, or upset. I don't like being the cause of people's problems. But you need to understand-"

"I understand completely." I said, shaking my arm from his grip and running away. I couldn't hold it all in before I could get back to the privacy of my bedroom. I cried as I ran, and I cried when I entered the apartment. I cried as I got ready for bed, and I cried myself to sleep.

Saturday was an even worse day that Friday. I talked to no one, not even Delly, too depressed to be happy. The week has ended, and so has my life. I hated myself for making him uncomfortable like that, and I hated myself for ever liking him of all people. Lastly I hated myself for being who I am.


I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please, please, please review.

XoxXx,

Crystal Heartlace