4
It's later in the day than I'd thought, the sky working quickly towards evening. And cold. Igor's blazer is in no way warm enough, and I pull the lapels close, walking quickly and wishing there was something covering my legs. Don't seek shelter though. It's all I can do not to skip and bounce down the sidewalk, turning every which way and taking everything in. Ah, look – a coffee shop! An electronics store! Really ugly boots for sale! I don't know why I care. I didn't go crazy like this when I was alive (usually) but now I never want to stop looking. Not a good attitude for a citygoer. People keep bumping into me and muttering about tourists.
I peek in at the window of a bakery, and the day-by-day calendar on the counter finally answers my question – it's January the fourth. 2012.
I stop on the street, working out the math. If I'd lived, I would have turned nineteen last November. Junpei's going to be nineteen in two weeks. My senpai are going to be twenty one this year. Ken's going to be turning fourteen this summer. Wow. Almost dateable.
I could kick myself for making stupid jokes, and for this moment, I couldn't be happier. They're still alive. They're still out here. It's terrible and wonderful that they were so hard to leave behind.
Even though I left, they've kept living, and they've done stuff, and they know all these things I don't and –
I – I can't just stand here. I have to find the keres.
I hurry on. What about it, Thanatos? Where do I start looking? Igor said the keres would be drawn to my Persona, but all I see are crowds, the busy-ness of Port Island.
By full evening. I've crossed over towards Paulownia, and I almost head inside. But I was always hanging around here. It's just too likely I'll run into someone, even someone who hardly knew me. The fortune lady, or the groove guy, or the scruffy guy who was always talking about his dreams. I head away, off towards some shopping centers I usually ignored. Being around people seems like the right idea. Even if they didn't know about Shadows and the Dark Hour, people always used to be talking about their effects – cults, fear, Apathy Syndrome, all that. Maybe I'll get some clues as to the first ker. What did Elizabeth call it? Discord?
The restaurants are filling up, loud with chatter. That'd be a good place to start, but I'm not hungry (am I going to get hungry?) which is good because I don't have any money (am I going to need money?). A few of the restaurants have small, outdoor dining areas, but they're mostly empty in the chilly evening.
Once it's night and each building is almost too bright for the dark streets, my breath is puffing in the air, my legs are red-white-splotchy from cold, and I have not seen a single ker. Thanatos sits quietly behind my thoughts, so still I've forgotten he's there for the most part. I've passed people eating dinner, couples making out in the shadows, two businessmen arguing about going to a pop concert, a tourist speaking disconsolate English into her cell phone. So, Igor, what do you want? What am I supposed to be looking for? It's not like Thanatos is a scanning Persona. That's about the one thing I could never do.
Whistles.
I keep walking. C'mon, guys, seriously, look at these legs, they look like really bad pizza right now.
"Shut the hell up," a male voice growls, followed by some turns of phrase that I never even heard from Shinjiro. My steps slow as I force myself not to think of him (how long did he live, after waking up from the coma?), and I can't help a slight turn of my head, just to see who my, um, defender is.
I've come abreast of a bar, with some guys out front smoking, nearly silhouetted against the lit windows. Another guy, broader across the shoulders than the others, has kicked a trashcan onto its side, letting the garbage spew out. He's sitting on it, hair down to his waist and bearded, a shapeless cap over one eye and a long, ragged greatcoat. There's a smell rather worse than cigarette smoke, and I pick up the pace again, wishing I was upwind.
"Hold on," that same gruff voice says, and I realize that Lovely here is my defender. "You took a long look. You can't say you're too proud to say 'good evening'."
His Japanese is perfect, but there's some accent I can't pick out – English-speaking, I think, but I don't recognize it as British or American or anything like that. I've turned towards him before I can tell myself to keep walking. He leans back to study me, throwing his face into better light. Gaunt features, a long pipe between his teeth, some of which are missing. I can't guess his age, except that he's older than me. His hair is some color between blond and brown, and his eyes look greenish, and they track me up and down a few times.
I'm not good at staying away from trouble; people always used to say this about me. But this isn't trouble, it's just a word. So – "Evening," I say, and turn to go.
"You have a look of death about you."
I turn back around. The guy's leaned forward onto his knees again, and the others are talking amongst themselves, someone laughing. Is this a weird set-up, or...? I turn to go.
"You keep out of the light, but there it is just the same."
What?
...I've got a naginata and a Persona with a huge metal mask thing. I can handle whatever's going on here. I turn back and stare at him, waiting for him to explain. He gestures sideways, and unresistingly I step into the glare of the windows.
He stares at me a moment, teeth cracking around his pipe, and nods slowly like he already knew what he'd be seeing. "You're pale enough, and your hair's the color of dead things, dead leaves. Eyes like dirt and blood." He leans back and turns away, drawing on his pipe. "Why pussyfoot around it? Why not carry your damn scythe in the open?"
I blink, but I can't quite deadpan this, and I find myself shifting my weight once from foot to foot. "Are you friends with Mama at Club Escapade or something?"
"Shove off," the guy says, gesturing me away. "Take your dirt with you."
"What are you talking about?"
"Pretty girl." He swings to his feet, the trashcan rolling away with a clatter. "Death shouldn't pretend to be cute. It's raw and bleeding and it loves the living more than food or air." He chuckles. "I don't want to be friends." And he slouches into the light of the bar's front door.
I pitch forward a step, about to follow, then pull to a stop, hardly hearing the question one of the other guys throws at me. What was he talking about? Could he tell I was dead? I could ask Death himself, but Thanatos is quiet, uninterested in this exchange.
People have different gifts. Mama at Club Escapade could see the future, even if she couldn't see enough to do anything with it. Maybe Lovely here is like that, only even less helpful.
Whatever the case, I can't just stand here, even if I can't dismiss it from my mind. I turn and set off at a jog, following the glares of lamplight. Still no idea what exactly to look for.
There was an unsettled tension in the small white room . They were talking in lowered voices, almost like kids in the back of a classroom. They'd taken in the small differences at a glance – Yukari's hair was a bit longer since they'd seen her last, Ken was taller, Fuuka's relentless studying had cost her a bit too much weight – and then set to discussing the Shadows.
"Why's she making us wait?" Junpei asked under his breath. "The three senpai – they gotta be here already, they didn't come as far as I did."
"They were here earlier," Fuuka said. "I asked at the front desk, and the receptionist had seen them. Maybe Mitsuru-senpai's briefing them early?"
Junpei shook his head. "So, how long did it take you to find your Evoker? Mine was in my old backpack. Oh yeah, and I found 2000 yen. Seriously!"
Yukari glanced long-sufferingly at the ceiling – then sighed. "I keep mine under my bed. I mean, yeah, I know, it's the most basic hiding place, but at least I never forget it."
"I was more worried about taking mine onto the train." Fuuka clasped her hands. "Sometimes I think it'd be better if Evokers looked like soda cans... or rubber erasers."
"Man." Junpei chuckled. "You don't wanna know the trouble I went to just to make sure Chidori didn't see it."
"Wait." Yukari slid off the table to her feet. "Chidori? You brought her?"
Junpei cringed away as they all turned to him – then set his shoulders. "People, this isn't going to be a problem. She's just gonna have fun around the city while the rest of us –"
The inner door clicked open, and then everyone in the room was moving, advancing on Mitsuru and asking questions. She kept her arms crossed and her face composed, waiting for the hubbub to die on its own. Shinjiro and Akihiko stood in the hallway behind her, just close enough to be seen. "I'm sorry you had to wait so long. Is everyone here?" She cast around the room, then took a step back. "Please, follow me."
She led them down the hallway, opened the first left-hand door and preceded them in. Her Evoker hung at her waist.
"Oh my," Fuuka said under her breath, eyes unfocusing for a moment. "Yes, even without Juno, I can..."
"Is it that strong?" Akihiko asked. Though he and Shinjiro didn't look as apprehensive as the others, they certainly weren't relaxed, Akihiko's movements quick, Shinjiro deliberately hanging in the back.
Once they were inside, no one had to ask where the Shadow was, only how Mitsuru had gotten it into a glass box.
"Too easily," Mitsuru said. "We found it like this, near Shirakawa. It's made no resistance."
The box was like a long clear coffin, as if the Shadow were some saint's incorruptible body on display. It had taken the shape of a young woman, lying on her back with her hands folded at her breast. She wore a purple diaphanous gown, and white roses grew intertwined with her long brown hair. Her eyes were large and shut, and she breathed very softly.
"She didn't wake up at all?" Junpei asked. "Did you try kissing her?"
"Yamagishi, if you would?" Mitsuru said.
Junpei's eyebrows jumped, but everyone ignored that. "But it isn't the Dark Hour – Oh." Fuuka's eyes rounded. "All Personas need is the presence of Shadows. I see. Yes." And she stepped away from the others to give herself room, pulling her Evoker out of her purse. In a moment, Juno surrounded her, peacock feathers spanning to either side.
"So?" Akihiko said after a moment while Mitsuru hushed him.
"She's very powerful, I can see that much easily. I...I can't sense any arcana for her. All I see are...Dreams?" Fuuka frowned, chin tucking closer to her chest as she concentrated. "Is that your name? Oneiroi?"
"Does she have anything to do with Nyx?" Yukari broke in. "Or is she one of those Shadows you were talking about?" She looked at Mitsuru. "Something that has nothing to do with Nyx or Death?"
"We have no way of knowing yet." Mitsuru regarded her crossed arms, deep in thought. "Last September, the elygologists picked up readings of a Shadow in the city, first in the Shirakawa area, and then around Paulownia. Its readings were indistinct, half-formed... and even though it was always in crowded places, it didn't attack. In fact, it seemed to be walking among humans without them being bothered by it."
"What the hell? You mean, it was just chilling with humans?" Junpei glanced to either side. "Like it was Ryoji or something?"
"We may never know. Its readings were so haphazard that we could never pinpoint its location closely enough, so capture was impossible. But I have to extrapolate that there are many different types of Shadows. If this one has no arcana, it may be unrelated to Nyx, or at least, not a Shadow broken off from Death. I don't know if we should destroy this one or study it." She cut off. No good had ever come of the Kirijos researching Shadows.
"So where are we going to take her?" Akihiko asked eventually, following her thoughts. "We're going to need room to fight."
"I want to keep the Shadow within the labs. They're secure, no bystanders will be hurt." She considered a moment. "I'll find a suitable location and make the necessary arrangements. We'll do it tomorrow."
"I, uh... This might sound dumb," Junpei said, already looking at Yukari and awaiting a comeback, "but I kinda hope she wakes up by then." He shrugged. "It's gonna feel wrong offing her in her sleep."
"Dude, I can't believe Risette's dating someone! First she quits, then she – she – dammit, I'm her number one fan, how could she do this to me!"
"There's still Kanamin. And she's even more jailbait than Risette, so it's all good."
"I like Toshiko Miura. She's got, like, no boobs. I heart her."
"Dude, what about – "
I miss good old fashioned drunks, you know, ones that went on and on about Apathy Syndrome and how something hasn't been right for ages and ages and maybe there could be some freaking clue about where the first freaking ker is. I've been hovering around in restaurants and bars for three hours now, and the most exciting thing I've heard about are some murder cases in Inaba (nice place; it's sad all that's been going on there).
"Hey!" I say, leaning on the counter next to one of the drunks, the Kanamin fan. "What about Eris? Discord? How about that?"
He blinks at me. "You got boobs. Go away."
"Clear off, kid." Oh, the bartender noticed me. "Go home and get some sleep."
That's my cue to exit. I glance at the wall clock as I leave – it's wearing on towards eleven. Still neither tired nor hungry, just impatient. There's been a light drizzle since I went into the bar, and the darkness has that sharp, thin coldness that rain brings, the wet street glossy from the streetlights. I walk. There's nothing else to do but keep moving and looking, and trying not to think of Theo, hoping he's all right. And resisting the urge to walk past the old dormitory. What did Mitsuru do with all the equipment? I wonder who's living there now. Is someone in my room? That dorm was my life, and now someone else has covered it with their own stuff, their own memories.
In a way, I'm kind of sad I wasn't buried here – I'm sure Aunt Izumi put me with my parents. It'd be interesting to see my own grave. I could say that some part of me is still here.
An apple rolls across the gleaming pavement, rocking to a stop at my feet.
That's...remarkable.
It's red and beaded over with moisture.
My eyes follow the line it rolled down. It must have come from that alley, between two unlit buildings.
I kneel and pick up the apple, rolling it in my palm. It's much wetter than I'd thought, slick even, wetness dribbling off the small leaf on its stem.
After a moment, it beats in my hand, then stops, then beats again. And again. And keeps beating as bloody water pumps out from it and seeps through my glove.
Aigis and Yukari didn't talk much as they took the night bus back to the apartment. They'd been working it over and over again ever since Mitsuru called about the Shadow. Yukari wanted to plan, wanted to know exactly what she'd have to do. As long as she knew that, she could build her courage up to it. Aigis was fighting the algorithms that compelled her to begin planning, to seek out every Shadow that might be in the city. They had to wait and see. They had to know what was going on before they could effectively stop it.
Now, alone in her room, Aigis leaned back in her chair and began the lengthy task of shutting down – or tried to. It used to be easier, but now she herself slowed the process, staying awake as she tried to think things through, reflect on the day and plan for the future. The same worry kept swinging back into her thoughts – was the Seal damaged?
Two years after the girl's death, Aigis' thoughts still often returned to Minako. Ryoji had said Minako had given him the gift of humanity, but Aigis could have said it as well. At first – the very first – all Aigis had known was the necessity of finding Minako. Finding Thanatos rather, in order to keep him contained. To Aigis' corrupted memory, he was indistinguishable from Minako, and the order to neutralize the Shadow had translated into protecting his vessel at all costs.
Aigis could not pinpoint when the compulsion had shifted, only that it had once Palladion fell to Thanatos. She had come to protect Minako for her own sake. In following her, she had made the girl not only the center of her limited world, but her template for human. If Minako had love, Aigis wanted love. She wanted to love, and she wanted to love her center.
Junpei had sometimes joked with Aigis about her dedication to Minako. What exactly was it she felt for her? He described all kinds of human relationships, maternal, filial, sibling, romantic, affectionate, and Aigis could never exactly place her own feelings.
She learned, to her consternation, how many different forms human love took. To her greater surprise, she learned how impermanent they were. Friends parted ways. Junpei, Yukari and Fuuka could hardly bear to be near their parents. Even the pain of loss was eased by time. It seemed that no human bond, no matter how fiercely felt, could be relied on. Aigis' self-imposed order to guard Minako had not been erased by ten years of inactivity, but its inhuman insistence and coldness only made Aigis distrust it. It wasn't a human bond. It was only a machine's order.
Eventually, she saw that there was one bond among humans that could not be broken – DNA. Emotional closeness could fade, but humans could not alter their genetic codes. DNA could link two individuals when nothing else in the world could. So Aigis had asked Minako to touch the heart at the base of her throat, corrupt it with her own DNA. Then, regardless of anything that happened, she would have a link to Minako. Because Minako was mortal, and one day, no amount of Aigis' protection would keep her from dying, and Aigis didn't know what would happen to her when that day came.
She hadn't known what Minako would say to that. She had no template to draw from. She had not expected her to cry. Then Minako had touched her fingers to the corner of her eye, then brushed them against Aigis' heart.
Aigis had wished she knew how to cry.
Alone in her room, with Yukari falling asleep in the next room over, Aigis touched the ribbon at her throat. It was as close as she could come to touching Minako's hand and assuring them both that she would let no harm come to her.
Ken's dorm mates were mostly asleep by the time he came home. Despite the late hour, he paced around his room with anxiety, hoisted his spear out of his closet and went through his drill. When he finally climbed into bed, he tossed and turned, kicking away the blankets and pulling them back up over his shoulder. He finally fell asleep and lost himself in a fairytale dream where he fought to stop Minako from eating a poisoned apple.
