I do not own PJO.
CHAPTER 4
Mind Over Matter
Your mind spins with grief and shock at your realization. Leo, the crazy kid with the tool belt and the wild hair, who always had a smile, is gone. Another brave, good kid who died way too young as a result of something he couldn't even control; his lineage.
Bile rises in the back of your throat.
You hardly even knew the kid, but you kind of felt a responsibility toward some of the younger, less experienced demigods on the ship, to keep them safe. You'd known that they were chosen for a reason, but you, Annabeth, and Jason had tried to prepare them for the war that was inevitable, to warn them that nothing would be the same after everything was said and done, to tell them that the horror and the shock of it all never goes away, that the sorrow remains with you forever. You guess that nothing in the world would prepare you for having a loved one torn from your midst forever.
Frank must not have noticed the stricken look you're sure you're sporting, because he goes on, his voice getting heavier with each word.
"Um, Nico died helping us get to the Doors."
He's looking at you sadly, his thick eyebrows drawn in, bottom lip quivering slightly.
A fat pearly tear slides down Hazel's face. She lets out a small sob that breaks at the end, and buries herself in Frank's arms. He rubs her back in small circles and mumbles something in her ear.
You're reeling from the shock. Nico? The small, skinny kid with the dark aura and darker powers?
You remember him as a little kid, before Bianca died and he became a different person. Shorn black hair, tanned bronze skin, a blinding, innocent smile. Then the year of complete hatred, down in the Labyrinth. His hair longer, reaching almost to his shoulders, matted with dirt. Paler skin, a scowl, a long dark sword, torn clothes.
Finally, recently, after the war. Death white skin, floppy black hair, dark clothes. Still small and skinny, but with a certain deadliness to him too, a dangerous edge, just like his father.
He'd grown up. Way too fast, way too violently, but he'd grown up.
You take a shuddering breath and nod, feeling tears prickle at the backs of your eyes.
Jason gives your shoulder a light squeeze, and you wince. "Sorry," he says hurriedly.
You shake your head, your eyes shut to keep the tears in, burning your eyes. "It's okay," you say gruffly. "I'm okay."
You are not okay. This is not what okay feels like. You have never felt less okay in your life. Annabeth is badly injured and unconscious and you haven't even been able to see her yet. Nico is dead. You hurt all over with a throbbing that sends bolts of agony up your spine.
You're completely useless. You didn't save Nico. You didn't help defeat Gaia. You couldn't even manage to keep Annabeth safe.
You turn your face into the blissfully cool pillow, away from the pity, away from the grief-stricken faces, away from the death grip of reality.
You take a deep breath and attempt to focus. "Annabeth," you say quietly. "I need to see Annabeth."
Silence.
"I need to see Annabeth," you say more urgently.
There's a throbbing ache in your gut from missing her, desperately wishing and hoping for her to be okay.
Jason speaks first. "I don't know if you can," he says slowly, like he's talking to a scared dog backed in a corner. "You haven't healed yet and Annabeth is all the way down the hall."
"You should have thought of that before you put me in here then," you say. "I'm going to see Annabeth."
"Percy," Hazel says. "You're only going to hurt yourself more. The best thing you can do right now is to heal for at least another day and maybe by that time Annabeth will be awake. Right now, if you go, she'll still be unconscious."
They don't get it. They still don't get the fact that your mind and body are a snake with two heads; that one doesn't heal without the other. You could lay in this bed forever and not get any better if you don't see Annabeth.
You shake your head in frustration. "I don't care; I have to see Annabeth." "Percy." Jason's pinching the bridge of his nose, like you're giving him a headache and he really doesn't want to deal with your stubbornness but he feels responsible for you. "You can't go see Annabeth right now. You're not healed enough yet. You can't even walk."
This royally ticks you off. Jason's not responsible for you; never has been. You are completely and totally responsible for your own decisions. He doesn't need to get all annoyed teacher on you.
You steel yourself for the agony that's sure to come. You set your teeth and pull back the covers with your free hand, exposing your fevered body to the cool breeze coming through the window.
Jason's hands are over yours in less than half a second. "What do you think you're doing?" he asks, exasperated. "We told you, you can't."
You stare him down. "Are you under the impression that you're in charge of me or something?" you ask. "Because if you are, I'm afraid you're mistaken." You snatch your hands from underneath his and slide your legs out slowly, biting back a wince as the blood rushes into your abused feet.
Jason looks like you slapped him across the face, you note with satisfaction. Everyone else in the room is absolutely silent.
You meet every set of eyes, lifting your chin into the air. "I'm going to see Annabeth," you announce. "Does anybody else want to try to stop me?"
Utter quiet.
You push yourself off the side of the bed and gingerly boost yourself to your feet. Waves of pain flash and sparkle across your brain, turning your vision red and white for a few seconds before subsiding somewhat, so you can see but not think.
The room is spinning in lazy circles, almost knocking you off your feet, but you manage to stay upright. You blink a few times to shake off the dizzy spell, then take a step. Another. Another.
Annabeth's name is pounding through your veins, and it's only through that and the knowledge that if you could make it through Tartarus alive, you could do almost anything that has you turning the brass knob and stepping out into the hall, the others following silently behind.
This chapter was equivalent to pulling teeth, so I sure hope you enjoyed.
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