AN: This chapter's a bit on the long side, but I couldn't help. Please let me know what you think!
Sam knew she was supposed to wake up now. She'd slept long enough, almost too long. If she stayed in bed any longer she knew the migraine that was building in her head would magnify. She needed coffee. But she didn't want to face the day. She didn't want to go to the SGC or work in her lab. She didn't want to put on a happy face and hope that no one would notice how insincere it was.
At the very least, though, she'd have to make a trip to the bathroom. Sighing, she stumbled her way to the other room, managing to do so without opening her eyes too widely. She'd never regretted her decision to make her room 'light and airy' as much as she did this morning. She felt like she'd guzzled a gallon of tequila. Well, that wasn't strictly true. At least if she'd done that she'd still feel the buzz. Instead she only felt worn out. Completely and utterly exhausted, which didn't make much sense considering she'd just gotten out of bed.
God, how had it all gone so wrong? Maybe she should have left well enough alone. How was she ever going to come to terms with a life without Jack?
Groaning, she decided a day in bed might not be such a bad idea after all. She was surprised to see upon entering her bedroom that her bed had been made and a fresh mug of coffee was waiting for her, a bottle of headache medicine conveniently placed nearby. Daniel.
She greedily swallowed the blessed elixir, managing to down a few pills as well. Before she knew it, she'd finished her cup and was heading for another when she heard a voice behind her.
"Yeah. No, I understand. Thanks, General." Daniel closed his cell phone and extended a fresh cup to his friend. "Looking for this," he smiled.
"Thanks," Sam managed. "General?"
"Uh, yeah. I hope you don't mind, but I took the liberty of calling General Landry to let him know that you and I were going to be out of contact for a few days. I thought you might want a few days free from the worry that some lab experiment gone wrong would pull you back to the base. Now," he said as he moved to her side, "I've also taken the liberty of packing some clothes. I'll give you a few minutes to change and then we'll be going."
"Excuse me?" Sam managed. What was he going on about?
"We're going away for the weekend," he said simply. "I don't know about you, but after this last mission I could use a change of scenery." He crossed the room and grabbed both of Sam's recently emptied mugs. "We'll get more of this on the way. Will ten minutes be enough?"
Sam managed a nod. Satisfied, Daniel left her alone.
Once again, Daniel had anticipated her needs, this time before even she herself had. Standing in this room, where memories of her and Jack's last night together filled every corner, was killing her. To go somewhere free from the thousands of small reminders of him sounded like perfect bliss. She couldn't wait to go.
Quickly pulling on her favorite jeans and a blue top, Sam made her way to the living room where Daniel was waiting.
"Here's your jacket. It's a bit chilly outside. You look lovely, by the way." He smiled and took her hand, leading her to his car. "I thought I'd drive for a change," he said, and she only shrugged. It was one less thing she had to think about.
* * *
Two hours later, Daniel pulled his car into the parking lot of a quaint café. Sam had enjoyed the incredible vistas that had passed by her window during the drive, and hadn't really paid attention to where they were headed. She knew they were still in the mountains of Colorado, which might not be considered to much of a scenic shift from her everyday life. But she spent most of her time off world or at the base, so the panoramic visions that she had seen on the drive had been a rare treat.
She got out and stretched, taking in the picturesque town laid out before them.
"Did we suddenly enter the 'Twilight Zone?" Sam asked. "I thought places this perfect only existed in the movies."
Daniel smiled. "Welcome to Buena Vista, Colorado. It has a population of just over 2,000, but don't let that fool you. It also boasts some of the best view of the Rockies to be had, not to mention several terrific hot springs."
Sam couldn't help but laugh. "Daniel, have you been moonlighting for the Buena Vista Chamber of Commerce?"
"Actually, I stumbled upon this place a few years ago. I was looking for a place to escape to that wouldn't be too far from home and I found a great review for a local resort. I made the trip and really felt at home. I promised myself I'd make it back at least once a year, but then the Ori showed up and I never got the chance. But after the hellish mission we just finished, I decided it was time for a return visit."
"It's lovely."
"And it only gets better. This place has a delicious omelet."
He led Sam up the walk way. The bright yellow paint of the Evergreen Café might have seemed pretentious in another setting, but here it seemed like a natural extension of the town's inherent warmth.
They sat down at the dark wooden counter which was done in the old fashioned style, a rarity in today's world of forced elegance. The relaxed environment of the place seeped into Sam and she felt some of her apprehension drift away. This was exactly what she'd needed.
Their brunch was pleasant. Daniel deliberately brought up a subject he knew Sam could talk about for hours that was decidedly Jack-free: 'Harry Potter.' He wasn't disappointed, either. Sam's passion about the possible science behind the magic was both fascinating and slightly scary, but in a good way.
After their meal, they visited the local grocery store to stock up on supplies. Daniel insisted on picking up the ingredients for his specialty, a pasta dish with a ton of spice that he'd created one day from sheer ignorance. He was trying to recreate an Abydonian meal he was quite fond of but he'd had no idea what flavors to use. The result was a cross between Indian curry and an Italian linguine. He'd made it for Sam once and she'd loved it. Sam, not to be outdone, grabbed all the makings for a perfect batch of chocolate walnut cookies.
The cabin was ten minutes away from the center of town, but it might as well have been ten hours for the seclusion it radiated. The small house sat perched next to a rushing river. It was made from wooden logs, and had been landscaped in such a way that it appeared to be in complete harmony with the natural world beyond it.
Together they carried in the groceries and luggage and went about settling in. Once that was done, Sam wandered over to the wall of windows that made up the back side of the cabin and looked at a couple of elk that were partaking of nature's refreshment.
She didn't hear Daniel come up behind her, but she didn't jump when he put an arm around her shoulders. They stood like that for a while until Sam finally turned to address her friend.
"Thank you Daniel. This is just what I needed."
"You're entirely welcome."
* * *
Dinner had been as delicious as Sam remembered. She and Daniel had gone out on to the porch and were enjoying some wine and the moonlight.
"I can't remember the last time I've gone so long without checking in with the lab," Sam said. "It feels good, not to mention a bit terrifying."
"I know."
"I still don't think it's really sunk in yet." Sam's voice had grown quiet, but Daniel didn't interrupt. He'd known she'd come back to this topic eventually. "I've loved him for so long. I don't know how to imagine a life without him."
"I wish I could give you the answer to that one," Daniel replied. "All I can say is that you're strong and you can get through this."
"I'm not sure I agree with you. I don't feel very strong right now."
"You must hate that."
Despite herself, Sam smiled. "Yeah, kind of."
"You shouldn't, though. I don't think I'll ever understand that military mentality. Distancing yourself from any signs of weakness is admirable when you're facing an enemy, but when it comes to everyday life... You have to give yourself permission to feel, Sam. You have to feel it all."
Something about the far off look in Daniels eyes told Sam he was speaking from personal experience. Knowing that Daniel had lost the love of his life made his words mean even more, and she found herself captivated by what he was saying.
"And not just the bad parts of it. Yes, you have to embrace the pain, the grief, the shame. The feeling of utter failure and rejection. You have to let it take hold, to the point where you think you'll never be able to feel anything again. It will be hard, probably harder than anything else you've had to deal with. But then you'll have to do something even harder. You'll have to accept that, even after all the hurt, you still love him."
He turned to her now, tears cresting in his intense gaze. "You'll still love him, Sam, even after what he did."
"How?" she asked, almost breathless. How could it be possible to love him after he'd rejected her?
One corner of Daniels mouth raised in a sad smile. "Because he's still Jack. He'll never be your husband. He won't be your lover any more. But nothing can erase the 11 years of friendship you've shared. Nothing can ever change the bonds we forged on countless missions on hundreds of planets. Allowing yourself to still care for him will be the hardest thing of all."
"Do you still love her?" It had been so long since Sha're had died. In the beginning, Sam and Daniel had talked about her often. Sam remembered the agonizing grief that had overcome Daniel in some of his darker moments. She'd tried to help him get through it then, but she hadn't really known. She hadn't understood the enormous pain he'd been in as she did now.
Daniel was silent for a long while. "Yes, I will always love her. She was... special, and I will never forgive the Goa'ld for taking her from me. But I am not in love with her any longer. It has taken a really long time, but I know that I can love someone new without comparing it to what I shared with my wife."
"I don't know if I'll ever love again," Sam said softly.
"Don't, Sam," Daniel pleaded. He took her hand and squeezed it. "Don't you see? That's what happened to Jack."
Sam looked away. There was truth in Daniel's words, and they made her angry. Angry because she knew he wouldn't allow her to retreat behind walls of fear and cowardice, but more than that, she was angry because she was forced to understand, at least in part, why Jack couldn't marry her.
"I'm sorry," Daniel said. He could tell his words had stung, but they'd had to be said.
Sighing in frustration, Sam rose and walked to the banister. She closed her eyes as the breeze played through her long hair. Daniel kept his distance until he sensed her shoulders shaking with fresh sobs. He went to her then, and pulled her into his arms.
"Why wasn't I enough to heal him, Daniel?" There. She'd finally said the words he'd know had been eating her alive.
"Oh, Sam. You were. You are. Please believe me when I say that. He's a bastard for not seeing it. You're amazing and any man would be lucky to have you. You did everything right. Hell, you were even willing to give up SG-1 for him. If I were Jack, I never would have walked away. He's a fool, Sam, and you deserve so much better."
He pulled back slightly and turned her face to him. "There is someone out there who will be there for you no matter what, Sam. Someone you can love and grow old with. Someone who will never take for granted how fantastic you are." His eyes were soft and full of such deep admiration that Sam was caught of guard. She knew he wasn't just saying what he thought she needed to hear. He believed every word.
Though his declaration scared her, it also gave her the hope that she desperately needed right now.
"Thank you, Daniel," she said as she hugged him. "It seems I'm thanking you a lot these days," she said, trying to lighten the mood.
"It is my honor to serve," he said, quoting many former first primes. Sam just rolled her eyes. "Why don't you go get ready for bed while I put the dishes away?"
"Oh, no. You cooked dinner so clean up detail falls to me. And don't argue. I've got serious combat skills and I'm not afraid to use them."
Daniel chuckled and gave in, making his way to his bedroom. Sam made short work of the kitchen and went to her bedroom. She had been trying for five minutes to get into her latest book, failing miserably, when she heard a knock at her door.
"Checking up on me?" she teased.
"Something like that. Do you need anything?"
"No, I'm fine."
"Are you sure?" Daniel inquired, a skeptical look on his face.
Sam smiled. "Yes, I'm sure."
"Are you going to be able to sleep by yourself?" It was a blunt question that would have embarrassed her if anyone else had asked it, but coming from Daniel she didn't mind.
"I think so. If I need you, I promise I'll come get you."
"You'd better. You can play tough soldier when we get back to the base."
Sam just laughed. "Good night, Daniel."
"Night, Sam."
He closed the door and Sam turned back to her book. Her mind wasn't really on the story, but reading allowed her eyes to get heavy and soon she drifted off to sleep.
