Andalites are a watchful race.

Long ago when when our ancestors traveled in large groups together we would stay wary of predators, and even to this day sleep does not come to Andalites, myself included. Usually an Andalite will sleep for a few hours every other day, though it is entirely possible for us to sleep more often, or less depending on the individual or even the levels of stress.

Now was no exception.

The circumstances did little to help the situation.

I was exhausted. Mentally and physically, but I could not sleep. Nor did I want to, not with that thing still in my head.

{It is partially my fault.} It's voice cut into my thoughts. {I've been quite busy this past week.}

A week. Had it really only been a week since this nightmare began?

{Technically, it's been five days.} It corrected.

{Don't speak to me as if we are equals!} I spat.

{Oh, believe me, I know we aren't equals. One of us is clearly superior. It's just taking you a while to fully realize it.}

His tone was not lost on me even as I struggled to stay awake. {You think you're better then me, Yeerk? Without a host you're nothing!}

{That may be true, but I have a host, don't I?} He sneered.

If I hadn't been so tired, I would have argued.

The Visser had been given his own private quarters on the Blade ship and that was where we were now.

To anyone I might have looked like I was asleep. I stood, seemingly, completely relaxed with only one of my stalk eyes opened. The Visser had decided that my body needed sleep. But while he could force my body through the motions, he couldn't make my mind rest.

But after days of silent rage, days of screaming and fighting for control... and the Yeerk never seemed to tire. It was still going strong, while I flailed fruitlessly against his control. And, yes, the Yeerks control was absolute... but there must be a way to escape. Sooner or later the Yeerk would slip and I would be ready ... must be...

I would not sleep.

{Your stubbornness is truly astounding.} The Yeerk marveled. {Your stupidity even more so.}

{Be quiet.} It was all I could muster as a response.

{You think denying yourself sleep will somehow prove you are not my slave. You think that sleep is an admittance of defeat.} He laughed. {Is this what the great Alloran is reduced to? How incredibly pathetic.}

{Not nearly as pathetic as a parasite.}

{Regardless, sooner or later, you must sleep, and when you wake up? You'll still be here.} I could feel the smug pleasure coming from him. {And so will I.}

Once again, my mind raced. Hoping for some way to deny it, to escape it.

But there was none.

{At least you're not a complete fool.}

I barely registered the insult.

I realized my mind was slipping. I tried to distract myself with something... anything...

Jahar...

No! I couldn't let myself think of her... not with him prying on every thought.

It was unbelievable. I was afraid of my own thoughts!

{Trying to hide her from me are we?}

No...

{I think this is an opportunity to teach you something.}

No!

I felt him opening my mind, he dove inside. I could keep nothing from his scrutiny.

And with such vivid detail that it was almost as if I was experiencing them for the first time, the memories came flooding back.

I am home at last. The familiar skies stretch out above me. I smell the wind, the familiar grass and flowers of my home world.

My beautiful Jahar. She reaches out to me and places her warm, gentle hand on my face. I do the same for her, a kiss. We embrace one another. {Welcome back.}

I am so happy to be with her now, but my mind and hearts are raw from the events I witnessed as well as my own actions. I am not the same Alloran who left her to fight in battle what seems a lifetime ago. I expect her to ask about what happened. I dread trying to explain my actions to her... No doubt she has heard of my disgrace...

But she does not. She simply takes my hand in hers, though her eyes betray a hint of sadness for me. Pity. But she doesn't judge me, whether she knows what I have done or not... {Let's go home.}

{How touching.}

I was still swimming from the emotions brought on by holding my wife under the open sky after long months of battle on a far away planet. Then the crushing blow of sorrow. It was just a memory.

{You're weak.}

My mind was going blank...

No...! I would never accept this! I was not weak!

{Yes you are, though you don't know it yet. But I'll show you. We have plenty of time after all.}

Ignore him. I needed to focus, I needed to stay awake...

{Alloran-Semitur-Corrass. You are aware of the charges against you?}

I close my stalk eyes holding back my frustration... {Yes.}

{Then you admit that you created a Quantum Virus on Sector 5, RG-21578-4 with the intent of using it to wipe out the population of the planet?}

They already know the answer. My fate has already been decided. {Yes..}

The members of the Electorate murmur to one another, they look at me with contempt and moral superiority.

{You've disgraced us Alloran, disgraced yourself. If a lesser officer had committed your crimes they would receive a life sentence.}

A life sentence. A lifetime in a cage. The thought of spending the rest of my life trapped, suffocated, causes me to flinch. It only lasts a moment.

{However... considering your accomplishments, as well as your years of service... we will allow you amnesty.}

I almost give a bitter laugh, but I hold it in. No, I wont go to prison, but I will never be the great soldier I was. I have already seen the looks of the others. They stared at me, no longer with respect, but with mockery. They know I did something 'wrong'. I am disgraced. A Prince in name only...

I hate them. I despise these hypocrites. They weren't there, they didn't see the bloodshed. I did. I had to fight on that backwater planet. Out numbered, overpowered, and every day the bodies piled up on one another. My men. My soldiers! Good men, many of whom I knew. They put their faith in me and died fighting under my orders. And these incompetent dolts thought they could judge me? They didn't have to bury the dead. They didn't have to see the battle fields soaked in blood.

What else could I have done? What else was there? I tried to save the Hork Bajir! We fought and died trying! And these fools thought they could pass judgment on me?! Them!? Most of whom have never even held a shredder?! Most of whom had never seen battle even once in their pathetic lives?

It was a lost cause! It was war! What else could I have done!?

I want to scream at them. I want to scream. But I do not. I accept their judgment... despite the bitterness that grows with every second.

The ones who used to revere me, the ones who used to call me a hero... I have already heard what they call me now...

Alloran; the Butcher of the Hork Bajir.

Alloran the disgraced.

It shouldn't bother me. They were all fools. Their words should not bother me.

But they do.

{What do you think they'll call you now?}

I hadn't even recognized that I was experiencing my memories again. They assault me. Overwhelming.

Exhausting...

That question haunted me in my dreams. Along with the face of the young Andalite Warrior I had murdered, willingly or not, with my own two hands.

What would they call me now?