Chapter 3: The Right Of Way.

The next morning, before Jude even had the chance to open her eyes completely. She found herself doubled over the toilet in the washroom dry retching. She felt a gentle pair of hands pull her hair away from her face, rubbing gentle circles on her back. "It's going to be okay sweetie," She hard a soft voice at her side, soothing her. She couldn't seem to find her voice just yet to say something back. She continued to retch until her stomach had had enough, and with help, she made her way to the sink, brushing her teeth. She was back….But how? And when? Jude didn't remember too much from the night before. She felt like she had left herself.

"Sadie?" Jude questioned. "How? When? When did you?" Jude couldn't think straight. "Jude I had to come back, and don't think it was completely because of you. I decided, that I can't do it anymore. I've been thinking about it for a while. My place is here, not in California Jude. Right now you need me more than anything, and I need to be here with you."

"I don't need anything, from anyone," Jude whispered, drying her hands, and making her way out of the washroom. Sadie followed in her wake. "Listen to me Jude, I know how stubborn you can be, and trust me I can be just as damn stubborn." Sadie grabbed Jude's arm. "Listen to me Jude now. You need to snap out of this. I know you are in pain, I know you feel like nothing else matters right now, but do you think that Tommy would want to see you like this? What if you were right in the beginning, Jude you have to have hope, and nothing is ever going to be set straight if you let yourself die! I won't sit here and watch it! And I'm not going away. You don't need to gain complete control Jude, but at least let me be here for you!." Sadie finished.

Jude looked at her, her eyes wide for a moment. What did she mean by maybe she was right? That Tommy could possibly be alive? Jude felt her heart swell. For the first time in forever, she felt a glimmer of hope again. Even if she'd felt like she'd retched up her toes. She felt herself being brought into her sister's arms, as tears spread down her face. You would think there wouldn't be any tears left by now, but once again she was surprised. "Sadie I need him…" "I know sweetie, I know, but listen to me. We both know Tommy is strong Jude, he always has been. Jude I feel like this is all wrong, and I think you are right. But if we are wrong, Jude and they are right, I will be right here. Sweetie I'm not going anywhere, No matter what happens."

Jude sniffed, pulling away from her sister a bit. "Thank You Sadie," She whispered, wiping her eyes. "I just don't know. I can't pull myself together Sades. Life without him, doesn't feel like life at all."

"I know Jude, but it gets easier. It may not seem like it right now, but Jude I promise you that it does."

"How do I know that Sades? I feel like my heart is falling to pieces."

"Jude you are one of the strongest people I know. Even if I didn't see it when we were younger, it's the truth, and I know you have the strength to get through this, and I will be here for you every step of the way."

Sadie hugged Jude once more, before taking her hand and proceeding into the kitchen. "Jude I want you to try and eat something, I made breakfast, please sit and at least try." Jude nodded and sat down, just as Sadie set a plate in front of her, with a glass of juice on the side. She looked at Sadie seeing a glint in her eyes. Sadie had an inkling about something, she knew it, but she wasn't sure what. She decided not to ask just yet.

When they had actually finished their breakfast, Jude found herself able to function bit better, aside from the nausea which had been nagging at her since before she'd even awoke. She decided to jump into the shower and dress in some real clothing today.

When she had returned, Sadie was sitting on the Chesterfield watching something that had come across the news. Jude sat down next to her, not even giving the Television a glance. "Sadie, do you think…" She stopped dead in the middle of her sentence, suddenly she felt extremely sick again, not sure why, she clapped a hand over her lips, and made a run for the washroom. Sadie jumped up after her, to help comfort her sister once again.

When Jude finally finished, and was brushing her teeth for about the third time that morning. "Jude I'm calling Darius, I know he hasn't been that great of a person to you lately, but you are not going into work like this." Sadie stated, the phone already in her hands. Jude decided it would be best to just lay back down for a bit, and let her stomach settle.

Jude hadn't realized she'd fallen back asleep until Sadie had shaken her awake. "What? What is it?" Jude felt like her heart was in her throat.

"Calm down Jude, it's nothing major. I got something at the store for you. I need you to do something for me." Sadie held something in her hands, as Jude sat herself up. "What do you mean? She asked pushing away a few stray hairs that stuck to her face.

"Just come with me Jude," Sadie helped her from the bed, and led her into the washroom, before showing Jude the box in her hand.

"Sadie are you kidding me!?" Jude exclaimed, her eyes wide. "Jude…" Sadie gave her a look. She hadn't even began to think of something like this until now. It could be possible, but the thought in her head, made her sink. What if?

Jude took the box from Sadie's hands, and slammed the door behind her, putting a little distance between herself in her sister. Her hands shook as she looked at it. Was this really necessary, or possible? She felt warm tears stain her face. She knew what she had to do.

Jude pulled one of two test sticks from the box, and after reading the directions, she did as was said. Now was time for the waiting. Jude set the test on the side of the sink, sitting her trembling body down onto the seat of the toilet. She waited. It said 5 minutes right? She was almost afraid to look at it.

Jude finally tore her vision away from a spot in the tile, of the corner. Glancing over, she took the test into her hands. Her eyes bulging quickly at the result. She left out a stifled sob, as the test fell from her hands. No, no, no, no, no. She couldn't do this. Not without Tommy, and not right now!

A knock sounded on the door, "Jude? Everything alright?" Sadie's voice sounded through the door. "Ummm, Sadie!" Jude felt the world swirl around her, as she stood. Everything was spinning, she grabbed onto the sink, to try and steady herself, swearing she could pass out at any moment. "I n-need you're help," Her voice came sounding weak, and broken once again.

Without hesitation Sadie burst through the washroom door. Grabbing hold of her sister, around the waist, before she could fall. "Jude? What is happening?"

"S-Sadie, I'm pregnant…" her voice trailed off…"Jude! Jude listen to me! It's going to be okay. I'm here, I'm not going anywhere. You have to calm down." Sadie glanced at the test, a definite positive, Jude was right. "Sadie no it's not okay! He's gone! And it's not okay!" Jude sobbed letting her body slide down to the floor, with Sadie right beside her. Sadie pulled Jude to her, letting her sob into her chest. "Shhh honey Jude, you have to have hope. Sweetie it's going to be okay. I promise you." Sadie told her, but only found herself in tears also, feeling the pain for her broken sister. She'd never seen Jude like this, and it scared her. She couldn't lose her, she needed to keep her safe.

Sadie continued to hold Jude, until her sobs turned into occasional hiccups. She knew Jude needed her to be strong right now. Without letting go of her sister, she grabbed for a box of tissues, wiping her own face before handing some to Jude. She could feel the pain radiate from her sister. She was terrified now. Maybe Jude honestly could not live without him.

"I swear to you Quincy, you better not be dead, you see what you have here!? She is falling apart! Is this what people want? Get your ass back here, so Jude can come back to us too!" She screamed inside of her mind. Her little sister was falling to pieces, and she couldn't do a damn thing. She felt so helpless at this point. "God, Please give her the strength to deal with this, for her sake, and for this baby, and If I can ask you one more thing. Please bring Tommy back to her. She is right God, she can't live without him, just look at her!" Sadie felt her throat constrict with tears once again.

It felt like hours the two had sat there, cuddled into one another, before Jude finally looked up at her. "I love you Sadie," She whispered. Before managing to pull herself from her sisters embrace. "We, we need to get out of this bathroom," Jude muttered. She was still in shock and she knew it. She couldn't comprehend what she had done so wrong to deserve this. She was losing herself. Losing everything about her. She couldn't write, she couldn't function, she wasn't her anymore. She was like a walking shell of a human being, with nothing left inside to strive for.

Jude mad her way upstairs into her room, leaving herself to her thoughts. She needed to think if it were even possible at this point. She threw herself onto the bed, after clicking on her CD player, music blasted through the cool quiet air around her.

She was pregnant…pregnant with Tommy's baby, a piece of him inside of her. Jude let a hand fall to her flat stomach. A piece of us. How could I ever even have thought of hurting this. I can't. This baby may be the only thing I have left of Tommy, and I swear to God, I am not going to let it go. She told herself, over and over. "I can do this, I can, I can if you would just be here Tommy! Please come back to me…I need you, and more importantly now, our baby needs you…Jude felt like she was talking to the walls. Nothing…It was getting late now, and once again. Another night would go by, without him next to her. Another night without her able to feel him, Another dream, where fear would consume her. She had to feel him….

Jude made her way over to the open window, feeling the light breeze touch her bare arms, and flow through her hair. "Tommy, if you are out there, Just know that I love you. That I need you Tommy, I wish you could here me. There is just so much I want to say, but I just can't. I love you Tommy. Come back to me…"

Jude closed the window, realizing her own fear….She made her way back to her bed, and climbed in. Sadie had checked on her once before she retired to her own bed. Jude pulled her blanket up over her shoulder, to cover the bare skin her nightie hadn't. She wasn't sure why she felt so uncomfortable. She had this weird feeling inside, she couldn't explain.

Jude must have laid there for over an hour before her eyes fluttered closed, and she began to dream once again…