Disclaimer: as my evil plans have not come to fruition I still own nothing in the wonderful world of buffy. ):
AN: I have no idea if Argos is in the USA but for this story it is, mainly because it is awesome, where else can you steel so many pens and pencils? Not that I have ever done that…
The room was silent for a moment as Faith's "damn" faded into the occupant's memories, Faith was the first to recover. "How do you know tweed?"
"Who?" the bewildered blond replied.
"Tweed." Faith said in a stereotypical British fashion. (Slow and loud)
The blond girl looked pleadingly towards the others in desperation "I don't know anyone by that name" the new comer was cut off by Anya.
"Faith doesn't realise that using real names is the socially acceptable thing to do, yet she still calls me strange." She then began to elaborate on the description of Tweed/ Giles. "That stuffy British gye, who has a constant desire to clean his glasses and say…" she lifted her hands to air quote "oh dear lord."
During the increasingly confused conversation Willow flailed about on her back trying to self-right. At most her efforts made the red head look like a tortoise on speed, thinking about it, perhaps she looked more like a ladybird who was back stranded. Anyway realising that the conversation around her had stopped; and that now she had the complete attention of the others in the room Willow pouted "a little help here"
Snorting Faith replied "not on your life Red this is wicked funny."
"I can see why we're friends" Willow spat as she regained the use of her spazed out limbs grumbling she rolled over, into the make shift table. 'Uh oh' she thought as the table wobbled towards her prone form. 'This is gonna hurt…'
-x-
The table moved in slow motion towards Willow. As Faith rushed forward to rescue her friend the precariously balanced door swayed violently towards Red, it seemed to teeter just over her cowering friend 'hold on Red, Faithy's coming' Sadly Faith didn't move quick enough; just as she made to grab the table top, the quarts crystal paper weight slid forwards causing the entire setup to crash down. 'damn.' Sending the table's contents all over the floor. "Red you dead?" she asked gingerly; forgetting the blond stranger in the room.
"Eh," came a muffled reply "can you ask me later, perhaps when you get this crap off of me. Or you know, I could sit here and continue to do my impression of a squished bug, not that I don't make a good messy smushed pile, but I think if I was a bug I would prefer to be all with the crawling free and such. I wonder what deep fried cockroaches taste like…is smushed even a word?"
Both Faith and Anya breathed a sigh of in relief at the redheads babbling 'she's fine' deciding to leave her there for the moment, the two able girls attention went back to the mysterious Giles knowing blond who at this moment looked ready to bolt.
"Aren't you going to help her?" the blond asked.
Chuckling Faith replied "Nope"
A disgruntled "Hey" came from the wreckage.
"Well that's karma for breaking the ash tray!" Anya shouted whilst waving a heavy bag manically around her causing everyone to take a large step back towards the table avalanche and Willow.
"An…" Faith laughed before taking on a serious stance. "So. How do you know Tweed?"
"I DON'T KNOW A TWEED!" the petite blond screamed as she took on a fighting stance.
"Of course you do, don't be stupid." Anya interjected causing a death glare from the blond.
"Look Rupert Giles sent me, I don't know who this Tweed is and frankly I don't care…"
"There one in the same Blondie" Faith said watching as the stranger deflated and slumped onto the free arm of the sofa. "So how do you know him?"
"He's my parole eh friend." She quickly amended "He said that Five by Five Enterprises could help me."
"That great. Did he give you our business card? It has a huge picture of me," Anya said gleefully before adding "just because he sent you, doesn't mean you get a discount." The bobbed brunet stepped over the still berried Willow and went to the filing cabinet. "What can we get for you?"
"It's that easy?"
"You tell us what you want and I'll tell you the price, then we get it and you pay just like most common trading practices." Anya nodded as she grabbed out a small brown paper file and filed the bag. 'always so nice to new clients An' seemingly lost in the wonderful world of money Anya forgot that the table was no longer in the land of living and dropped the file on it, which refused to stay on the top of the pile it slid down to Willow who complained.
"Um Anya, why do I need the item request forms, I think the, air quote, remember you friend is trapped under a fricking table form, un-air quote. Is there even a form for that? I think I might make one. Not that it would help, guys… I've got cramp…"
-x-
Anya ignored her distressed friend and fished out the fallen papers ignoring Willows pleas for help 'money, so close to the money, I can already feel it' pressing the papers against the slanted table Anya pulled out her trusty Argos pencil "so what is the order?" at the blonds silence Anya tapped her pencil against the forms causing the paper to be covered in weird as Morse code.
"You gotta speak for this to work Blondie" Faith said also growing impatient.
"Fine" Anya muttered "let's start with the easy stuff, name?"
Pause. "Anne. Anne Jones." She replied.
"Real convincing Anne" Faith laughed crossing her arms over her badly covered chest.
"The pause helped" added the hidden red head.
Rolling her eyes Anya asked again "Real name."
"Buffy Summers"
Faith smirked "That's more like it"
"Either first or last would have been sufficient" Anya grumbled crossing out the Summers woman's fake name 'at this rate I'll have to liberate another free pencil.' "Contact address or number."
"Giles house, you know it right?"
"Your contacts not his." Anya shied once again her patience wearing thin.
"Well I'm new round here, so I'm staying with Giles."
"Whatever. Description of item."
"This man" Buffy said fishing out a newspaper cutting from her pocket and slamming it on to the side of mount Willow.
"ouch, thanks for that you lot of inconsiderate harpies."
"B here was just checkin' you're still alive down there Red" Faith chuckled giving the table a slight prod with her toe.
"No thanks to you guys" she mumbled in reply.
"You could always do it yourself, you always were a slippery one Red…"
"Business now, play later you two." Anya said stopping the antics of her colleagues. 'Well at the minuet their only colleagues, they're in the way of my money' turning back to face Buffy, Anya "Ok, we can do that."
"Don't you want to know why?"
"No. that's your business not ours we just care about the money" she said offhandishly.
"Speak for yourself this is wicked ol' Tweed thinks were bona fide bounty hunters"
"Aren't you?" Buffy asked Faith.
Anya answered instead "did you not read the motto? We'll find it and deliver. Now go away and we'll call you with a price tomorrow."
"Oh, ok thanks, I think." Slightly insulted Ms Summers headed for the door.
"Come back soon" Faith purred.
