CHAPTER 4
"You enjoy sitting on the floor?"
"Don't tell me that's beneath you too?"
"It's not beneath me, I just, well, it's not incredibly comfortable."
"Try it and toughen up," Shayera said, patting the space next to her and her bed, her own back leaning against the frame.
She could sense Diana's awkwardness, but the Princess obliged, much to the redhead's delight. Diana settled herself down, organizing her plate and bowl and getting ready to dig in.
"See? The floor isn't so bad for us commoners," Shayera teased, Diana shaking her head as a spoonful of soup went into her mouth.
Shayera eyed her companion with a smile, happy Diana had gotten used to her joking.
"Must you always refer to me as royalty?"
"If the shoe fits."
Diana chuckled, happy to be in the company of her friend.
"I rue the day you marry a royal, for I will never let you live it down."
Shayera laughed, her laugh cutting itself short as she remembered that could easily apply to Diana.
"I really hope I wasn't interrupting anything. I wanted to make sure you were okay. I know when I would get sick, we had the same custom on Themiscyra… my mother would bring me soup and bread and lay with me until I felt better."
Shayera smiled.
"You seem to have a great relationship with your mother."
"I do. All of the Amazons, we're all sisters and family to one another but… I'm lucky. My mom is my mom, and I am hers, and I love her without fail. Even after the banishment… it's all been worked out. I go see her whenever I can. I try to every week, like I do with Jo'on."
Shayera was happy for Diana, becoming nostalgic for her own mother who had passed long before Thanagar fell. Diana picked up on the silence.
"What was your mother like?" she asked, lifting a knee up to lean on, turning her body towards Shayera.
"Hah… she had a hell of a lot more patience than I did. I was stubborn and brash like my father, flying around, getting into trouble. I was rowdy… but she was always there to patch me up, make me feel better. She never yelled. She worried, but never got angry… I hope I can be half the mother to my children as she was to me."
"Children?"
"Yes?"
"I didn't realize you wanted more than one."
"I do, or at least, I think I do. Two or three, but anymore than that and I may lose it," she said, chuckling along with Diana.
"I would like them too, but… I don't know if I would be any good at it."
"Wonder Woman? Not able to fend for her children? I promise you, that's the fear talking."
"I don't know," she began, hugging both knees to her chest now, staring out at the floor with a smile as she spoke her mind.
"I've always been the baby. I was the only baby and was surrounded by an army of sisters and have a Queen for a mother… I've never had to care for someone younger than me, not like that… I fear I was, well-"
"Spoiled?" Shayera asked gently.
"A little," she replied admittedly. "Not just as a princess, but as the only young and growing girl… I've always been the baby. And my mother is amazing… I fear I could not compete with her."
"It's not a competition though, you wouldn't have to do it alone."
"She did it alone."
"Yes, she did. She also did it on a paradise island with thousands of babysitters where the biggest problem of the day was how much food you should eat and when," Shayera replied with a chuckle, Diana smirking as well.
"You would be great Diana, don't doubt yourself. Sure, it would be new, but hell, we deal with a lot of new around here and pretty frequently."
Diana nodded, happy she chose to see Shayera tonight, their conversations making her happier and happier these days.
"Thank you Shayera."
"Anytime."
"The same goes for you, you know. You can talk to me about whatever bothers you."
Shayera nodded but felt that same guilt drop into her stomach. Diana observed her, noticing the unease that filled her friend.
"I don't mean to overstep but… did you and Helena have a fight? You're not speaking with her right now, but you seemed fine on Friday when I saw you both at lunch."
Shayera scratched the back of her head, standing up and putting her plates on her desk to get them out of the way. She wasn't sure how to broach the subject, how to talk to Diana at all really. How does anyone bring up such uncomfortable topics? Say, 'hey, I like you." Shayera thought not. She leaned against the desk, crossing her arms, Diana still on the floor just watching her.
Shayera looked at her companion and saw the sincerity in Diana's eyes, the innocence, the bravery, the honor there… Maybe the reason she went after Diana in their past wasn't just her attraction to the brunette, but the reality that, while Shayera was important to her people, as Diana was to hers, when Shayera was playing double agent, it did not make her feel that way. And to have a counterpart, one whom she admired and respected but who reflected back the terrible decisions she had to make and the lie she was keeping until the invasion, well… it was enough to make anyone testy.
"I'm not very good at talking about my feelings. I know everyone thinks I'm impulsive and just smash things-"
"I know you're not an idiot Shayera. And if it makes you feel better, I struggle with those sorts of things too. I mean, you've seen my failings with social graces and modern culture on many occasions."
Shayera smirked and pushed off the desk, moving to sit on the edge of her bed, just out of reach from Diana.
"I have been frustrated lately, about John and our future son… that day you saw Helena and I, I was explaining to her how I felt trapped and cornered by destiny to end up with him, to have a child with him, even though he has moved on and so have I."
"You don't have to do what you-"
"Don't want to do, I know. That's exactly what Helena said, honestly, you two are like twins or something."
Shayera saw Diana's perplexed face and burst out in laughter at the expression.
"Not really, you both just say similar things to me, give me similar advice."
"Ah… well then she is clearly very wise," Diana quipped, Shayera shaking her head and rolling her eyes with a laugh.
"Whatever Royal Highness… my point is, it worries me. I want to move on, I'm ready to move on, I even like someone, but-"
Shayera froze, realizing what she had just admitted. Diana was slightly stunned too, feeling like Superman had hit her in the gut.
"I-I see. Well that's good, that's excellent. You should branch out and start anew."
"Right… I don't know if this person likes me back though, and…. Anyway, long story short, that's what Helena and I had a little spat over. I haven't wanted to talk to her or Dinah about it, and I've been avoiding Wally too."
"Did Helena hurt your feelings?"
"No, she just… she didn't do anything wrong, she just sees through my demeanor. She's not intimidated by me, we understand one another, and sometimes I just don't like feeling that exposed when I'm scared of what I'm feeling and don't even understand it myself."
"Shayera, let me say this to you frankly," Wonder Woman began, standing slowly and walking to the woman's desk to also stack her plate.
"Any man would be lucky to have you, and whomever it is would be a fool not to give you a chance. So," she said, turning to face her friend. "Just tell him."
"It's complicated."
"How so?"
"We used to not get along. And things are different now, but… I don't know if they will ever see me the way I now see them."
"I think we both know you have changed and grown, and even if you hadn't, you would still be worthy of loving. Go and tell him. And if worse comes to worse, I can always kick the crap out of him if he says no."
Shayera laughed again. It was as easy as breathing, her relationship with Diana now, both easy with one another, calm and relaxed, constantly laughing and having fun. They both fell into comfortable silence, Shayera feeling much better. Diana felt defeated, not wanting to show her disappointment to the redhead whom she realized she had feelings for not too long ago.
"I should go and let you rest. You've had a lot of stress lately."
Shayera noticed the shift. She could let the Amazon walk out of the room, but if she did, she didn't trust she would feel comfortable and safe enough (and frankly bold enough) to do what she wanted at another opportunity.
"Diana, wait, I… I have to tell you. I'm not interested in a man… it's a woman."
The Amazon froze, whipping her head around, shocked.
"Y-You… you date women?"
The redhead blushed, crossing her arms.
"Don't tell Helena this, but yes, I had a few moments on Thanagar with different men and women before meeting my fiancé."
Diana stood there stupefied, Shayera's blush increasing with embarrassment.
"Thanagar is not backwards like Earth. It wasn't an oddity or weird thing to happen."
"No, I… sorry, I'm just surprised."
"Anyway… so now you see my other dilemma in telling this person."
It took the princess a moment, but she finally shook her head and realized Shayera needed support right now. While it was relieving to hear Shayera was open to both genders, it was still painful to hear the woman had an interest elsewhere.
"I would say the same thing to you. You should tell her, and if she hurts you, well, I'll be there."
Diana felt uncomfortable, rubbing her palms and heading to the door. She went to open it but Shayera snuck up and placed her hand on top of hers at the door's scanner.
"I'm sorry if this makes you uncomfortable, especially after we just became friends but…it's you, Diana. The woman I'm attracted to, who I'm interested in, it's you."
Dun dun dunnnnnnn. :D
