Oswald the Ottoman

Chapter Four: I Found Voldemort! ...He was in the Couch the Whole Time!

Later that week, Harry came down for breakfast, his shins freshly bruised and Oswald tucked under his arm…

Only to discover that the teachers were trying to prevent a huge panic, as they doused flames on the four house tables. Oswald took an immediate interest in the situation, one leg poking Harry's side, another pointing excitedly, his back legs stuck out straight.

"Well, I guess I'll eat in the kitchens," Harry informed the ottoman. Oswald protested wildly, pointing fervently to the chaos. "Oh, all right, we'll stay for a minute."

Harry hadn't made it into the room for a more than a few seconds before he stopped, knelt down and picked up a newspaper. He placed Oswald on the ground and said, "Let's see what the Prophet's done this time…"

Oswald braced his two front legs against one of Harry's, to assumingly see the newspaper better or something…

VOLDEMORT LIVES ON…POSSIBLY IN YOUR COUCH!!

The headline said.

Harry quickly scanned the rest of the article as Oswald ran around in excited circles before falling over and rolling onto his upholstery, legs flapping wildly. Apparently, someone cough-Hermione-and-Ginny-cough had leaked that Voldemort was still alive and living inside some furniture, but they hadn't specified what sort of furniture or where the alleged furniture was located: thus sending the entire wizarding world into a furniture-destroying panic.

Harry decided they were just going to have to get themselves out of this situation.

Besides this was probably the most fun he'd ever have.

"Come on, Oswald, I'm going to the kitchen," Harry called as he tossed the newspaper. "If you stay they'll probably try to burn you too."

Oswald obediently trotted after him, but he did pause once more before leaving the vicinity completely.

Now you might think that the story would end shortly after this, when some clever student, named Hermione, suggested to the school that perhaps, perhaps Oswald was actually Voldemort and everyone would call for the ottoman's destruction and eventually overrule Harry's protection. Thus would finally end Voldemort's evil reign of terror as Hermione, triumphantly, chucked the little kicking footstool into a bonfire.

It would be completely logical to think this would follow, but as the entire Harry Potter series and, indeed, has shown us: people, in general, are not very logical.

Hermione did in fact, with Ginny's help, try to convince everyone that Oswald was Voldemort's evil incarnation. But in doing so, made a group of second year Gryffindor girls very, very angry and they, along with Harry and Neville's support drove this implausible idea from the minds of the students.

The next day's headline read:

VOLDEMORT SIGHTED IN CARPET!!!

Underneath it was a picture of a vaguely face-shaped stain on a carpet. Harry skimmed the article as he munched on his bagel next to Hermione, who was not-so-quietly fuming.

"Well, look here Hermione," Harry said pleasantly, "Mrs. Bangle apparently dropped her coffee and they rushed to clean it up, but stopped when they realized that the stain appeared to look like a face. After studying it for a while, they realized it had to be Voldemort…which is complete rubbish, I happen to know for a fact that he did not look like that, I distinctly recall him not having a nose…or lips for that matter, scales instead of skin, didn't really have eyelids either…would that technically mean that he didn't have a face?"

"Harry," Hermione said firmly and rationally, "this has got to stop."

"No, I think this is a great way to find were Voldemort is hiding out," Harry replied brightly, "I mean eventually, some coffee stain will look like Voldemort, and then we will know."

"What will we know?" Hermione demanded.

Harry blinked thoughtfully for a moment and then said, "You know, I don't even remember," he finished off his bagel and stood up. "I'll see you in class, Hermione."


Hermione was fed up.

Indeed, she had had quite enough of this nonsense.

She met with Ginny later that night in the common room. They sat down in on secluded couch, after kicking a fourth year couple off of it.

"I'm going to do it, Ginny," Hermione declared, "I can't take any more of this."

"Are you sure?" Ginny asked, alarmed, as the drapes caught on fire, "Don't you think it's too drastic?"

"Drastic times call for drastic measures," Hermione replied, firmly as a piece of paper hit her head. "And this is a drastic time."

"When are you going to do it?"

Hermione sighed and replied, "I'm going to give Harry two weeks and then, then I'll have no choice."

"Hermione," Ginny said seriously, her eyes gleaming with admiration, despite the fact a kid nearby to her now had green hair, "you're the bravest woman I know."

"I'm only doing what I must, Ginny," Hermione replied, "You'll understand, later."

"I hope so, you're my hero," Ginny replied, "Shall we begin preparations?"

"Yes," Hermione replied, her eyes fixed on Oswald the Ottoman as she slammed her fist down into her hand, "yes, we shall."

There was a small explosion and suddenly the common room was filled with bright orange smoke.