Tilly strolled out onto the balcony, her hands down by her sides, bottle of wine in one hand, glass in the other. Jen was in the exact same place she had left her, leaning on the handrail, looking out to sea. Either the view was mesmerising, or Jen had things on her mind. Tilly was nervous. She had not thought she would be in this situation with Jen. She only had the sketches to go on, and there might be a reasonable explanation for them. Either way, not knowing was driving her crazy, and the way they had been dancing around each other in the last couple of days was exhausting. She had to know one way or the other.
But she also had her pride to consider. She was determined not to be the one who laid her soul bare this time. She was not going to go there again. Jen had to give her something, meet her halfway at least.
Tilly walked up to the balustrade and stood next to Jen, who turned to face her.
'Hi' she said cheerfully, sounding almost relaxed, in direct contrast to how she was actually feeling.
She had interrupted Jen's thoughts
'Oh! Hey' she returned with a smile
'You need a top up?' Tilly asked as she gestured towards the wine bottle in her hand.
'Sure, thanks' Jen replied, holding out her glass. Once she had filled Jen's glass Tilly made another gesture towards her own
'Do you mind?'
'No, no... go ahead' Jen was surprised Tilly wanted a drink with her, but went along with it. Tilly put the bottle down on the deck.
'So...' said Tilly with a cheeky grin
Jen smiled back, her face beaming
'so...'
They looked at each other.
'Are you alright here, hanging out on your own?'
'Yeah i like it' she sighed 'Its good. A bit of 'me' time, I feel like I'm clearing my head'
Tilly smirked 'Why, whats in your head?'
'Oh...!' replied Jen, wrong-footed by the question 'Er, nothing really...'
There was a pause.
Jen hoped Tilly couldn't see through her. The last thing she was expecting was to be standing here, alone on the balcony with her tonight.
Tilly broke the ice by playfully teasing her
'yeah! that's what I heard... Just your tiny little brain!' she said with a smile.
Jen returned the banter 'Yep, nothing going on in there!' They shared a giggle, then she continued. 'So hows the big night out going?'
'Its good, the kids are causing trouble, you know...'
'And the local nightlife?'
'Colourful!' Tilly joked. 'Ooo...!' She continued excitedly 'Maddie may have pulled...!'
'Oh, really!?'
'Unsubstantiated rumours at present!'
'Would Diane approve..?'
'Diane approves of Bart... Her standards are fairly low...' She joked
'True' replied Jen and they both giggled, taking a sip of wine.
Tilly continued 'we're having a laugh though' she said with a grin. Their eyes were locked into each other, sparks in the air flying between them. They paused and held the look for a while, till Jen broke the silence.
'So...' she said slowly, eyes dark and smouldering, voice low and gentle 'why are you here then?'
Tilly wondered if Jen was being flirty with her, but she wasn't sure. Jen was always so hard to read, she decided to make her work for it, and was not about to lay her heart out so easily. She held Jen's gaze for a long time, daring her to look away, then replied breezily
'Actually i forgot my ID'
Jen teased 'you have fake ID?'
'Doesn't everyone?' Tilly countered
'Only if you need it!'
'Yeah, alright grandma..!.' Tilly stepped forward and poked Jen in the arm, flirting back now.
Jen pointed to the card in Tilly's hand
'Is that it? Can I see it!?'
As Tilly replied, the tone in her voice started to sound like she was agreeing 'Absolutely...' but then it changed 'NOT!'
Jen giggled 'Go on...'
'No way, its terrible!'
Jen quickly snatched the card from Tilly's hand
'Heeeeeyyyy!' She protested 'rude.'
Jen turned away to have a look at it, giggling. Tilly tried to grab it back, it was a textbook flirt manoeuvre and they both knew it, but they went along with it, pretending it was still innocent. Jen looked at the card, then covered her mouth with her hand.
'woah, that's really bad...!' the picture was terrible and the date was obviously photoshopped, the whole thing was falling apart. 'You should have just drawn a fake moustache on there and be done with it!' she teased
'Told you...'
'And people believe this do they? Seriously?' Jen handed it back
'Never failed so far!' replied Tilly confidently, as they smiled at each other, 'besides, some people think I look older than I am..' Tilly was making a dig at Jen, referring to when they first met and Jen had thought she was a uni student.
'Yeah, idiots!' Jen replied affectionately as she turned back to look at the sea again, taking another sip of wine. Tilly did the same, their shoulders lightly touching, and they shared a relaxed pause in the conversation. Jen wondered if maybe she should send Tilly away, but she was enjoying her company, the chat was always easy and fun with her, they both sparked in each others' presence. Besides, it would be suspicious if she sent her away. If they were just friends why would Tilly have to leave?
But Tilly had more on her mind. 'Enough banter' she thought, knowing that they could hang out like this for hours and be no closer to working things out. She took another sip of her drink for dutch courage, then turned back to Jen, changing the subject.
'You seemed deep in thought when I got here..' she said, still standing close 'What were you really thinking about?'
'Oh! ... ' Jen replied, surprised, Tilly had given her a chance to say something, and she thought about taking it for a split second, but she lost her nerve. 'Really it was nothing... um... I suppose I was just thinking about how beautiful it is here'.
Tilly was disappointed. She started to question what the sketches had meant after all. She felt like the connection was still evident when they looked at each other, the electricity was still there, their eyes seemed to communicate more openly than their words. But Jen was giving nothing away. Tilly wasn't sure what to do. Should she call her out on it, should she take a risk? They were still looking at each other, holding their gaze. Jen swallowed. Tilly broke the silence nodding slowly,
'Yeah, it really is...' looking straight at Jen, the double meaning was obvious.
Jen didn't know what to say, she felt hot, flustered. This conversation was potentially heading into dangerous territory. She desperately needed to break the intensity of the situation, to steer the subject back to something light. She was suddenly nervous.
'Er...' she started, but couldn't think of anything to say, her mind was a total blank! She felt panicked, and in pure desperation said the first thing she thought of
'What... are you thinking about?'
Shit! she shouldn't have said that. 'I mean...' She started but didn't finish the sentence.
Tilly paused, their eyes were locked together as always. She was feeling confident after a couple of drinks, and was getting sick of all the games. She went for it, looking Jen straight in the eyes
'You...'
It was what Jen had wanted to hear but at the same time it was exactly what she didn't want to hear, and now that Tilly had said it, it was out there, in the air. No more pretending. Tilly was looking back at her with so much behind her eyes. Lust, affection, desire, her pupils were so big, it was like she was bearing her soul. Jen wanted to respond, but she knew she couldn't. It choked her up and she felt the weight of the situation again, it upset her. There was only one thing to do
'Tilly...' she said gently, the tone in her voice issuing a rejection, a warning not to cross the line.
Tilly broke their eye contact 'I know... I know...' she shrugged, and rolled her eyes, looking back out to sea. She knew the situation, it was hopeless.
Then she turned back. They were still standing very close, both of them feeling incredibly aware of their proximity. Jen could smell Tilly's perfume. The hemline of Jen's dress was flapping against Tillys knees in the sea breeze. She started again to try to say something but thought better of it. All they could do was look at each other, then Tilly's gaze dropped to Jen's lips. She moved slightly closer, pausing to double check for permission with Jen's eyes. She didn't protest, so Tilly assembled all her courage and leant in to kiss her.
Jen didn't push her away. She knew she should but she just couldn't. The kiss was deliciously soft and gentle. Tender, but with definite purpose. It felt completely natural, as if their lips were a perfect fit together.
Tilly slowly pulled back, breaking the kiss, but only far enough away that their lips just stopped touching. It was like their first kiss, except now they both seemed so nervous. Back then it was innocent, now they knew they were crossing a line.
They pulled back slightly further to look at each other, pausing to breathe, both of them wondering if this was OK. Neither was backing off.
Then Jen sighed as if she had given up fighting it and put her hand on Tilly's neck, pulling her back in. The kiss was more intimate, more intense, but still sweet. Slow, warm, inviting, a taster for more. Their lips parted together to let each other in as they sunk into it, kissing more deeply, enjoying it, neither wanting to stop. Tilly's hand left the balustrade and joined her other one on Jen's waist, then they closed together behind her back and wrapped tighter, bringing her in closer. Jen's hand was still on Tilly's neck, and the other moved up to rest on her cheek, the fingers of both reaching towards her hair. They became lost in the moment. It was sincere, honest, raw. Tilly thought she heard Jen let out an almost inaudible moan. The kiss felt so good it took their breath away, and they had to break to catch some air, resting their foreheads against each others'. Still holding on, Jen's hand slipped to Tilly's collar bone. They pulled back to look at each other intensely, brows furrowed in confusion, eyes questioning each other, full of lust and unspoken feelings, breathless, lost in the moment.
Suddenly, they heard a shout from the direction of the beach
'Tilly?'
'Shit! Maddie!' she whispered as they sprung back from each other guiltily, knocking the wine bottle over. They hastily pulled themselves together. Had they been busted? Their hearts were pounding.
'Right here, Mads!' Tilly called out
'Where?'
'Up here on the deck. I'm just coming down now'
'Christ, Tills! what's taking so long!? We were getting worried'
'I couldn't find my ID! Sorry hun!' Maddie couldn't see them from where she was, and it didn't sound like she knew what she had interrupted.
'Are you ready to go now?' replied Maddie, the frustration in her voice evident.
Tilly didn't move, she was stuck to the spot. Her eyes still locked with Jen's.
'Be right there...' She called back over her shoulder, still looking at Jen. Then she paused again, holding their gaze for a little longer, issuing an apology with her eyes.
'TILLY! Come on!' Shouted Maddie.
Tilly finally broke their gaze, then turned around and ran down the steps to join her friend on the beach.
Jen steadied herself, leaning against the balustrade, catching her breath. Her mind was racing. What just happened!?
