Chapter 4

Ferus looked at Roxanne in shock. That was the last thing he ever expected to her say to him.

"You love me?"

Roxanne wrapped her arms around him and held him closer and smiled. "Yes, I've always loved you."

"I thought we had decided not to fall in love," Ferus said as he looked at her. "It would destroy our lives."

Roxanne looked away, overwhelmed by the feeling she was feeling because she was trying to sort out her feelings, but they were all jumbled up. Roxanne felt like her whole world was crashing down on her. Never did she think he would actually leave the Order. She needed to get out of here as fast as she could because she needed time to think.

Ferus saw her struggling to collect her thoughts because he could tell that she was thinking.

"You've felt this way for a long time, haven't you?" Ferus asked softly as she bit her lower lip.

"Ever since I told you how I felt about you?" Ferus asked her softly as he guessed her feelings.

Roxanne just stood there for a moment, blinking back the tears as she raised her hood over her head and leaned it on his shoulder. Ferus felt her nod her head against his shoulder.

"If you've felt this way about me all along why didn't you tell me before?" Ferus asked.

"I never expected you to leave the Order," Roxanne replied in nothing more than a whisper.

"True, but still," Ferus said as he looked her in the eye.

"I was afraid to tell you because I didn't know if you felt the same way about me until you told me how you felt, and I decided it was best for me to keep what I thought to myself," Roxanne admitted as she looked him in the eye. "Now I just don't care anymore."

Ferus held her close and sighed. "What are you going to do?"

"Leave," Roxanne replied.

"No," Ferus said as he shook his head. "You can't leave the Order."

"Well, what do you want me to do?" Roxanne asked.

"I don't know," Ferus blurted, without meaning to.

"Well, I gotta do something," Roxanne said as she gritted her teeth. "Besides, who's going to stop me otherwise?" Roxanne added in a sharp tone.

"I will," Ferus said. "Roxie, don't do this."

"Why?" Roxanne asked as she lifted her chin up at Ferus as if she was challenging him to a duel with a lightsaber.

"I don't want you to give up something that you care about," Ferus said gently as he grabbed her arms and looked her in the eye.

Roxanne noticed that look from when he was trying to convince him that they could not fall in love on her homeworld about a year avoided his gaze and tried to pull away from him as she thought, 'There has got to be another way around this somehow.'

Ferus felt her struggle under his grip and sighed. "I don't want to fight with you, Roxie."

"I don't want to fight with you either, but I care too much about you to give up how I feel about you, Ferus," Roxanne insisted as she looked at him.

"I know you do," Ferus said as he looked back at her. "You wouldn't let me give up something just because I wanted to be with you."

Roxanne thought for a moment and said, "I guess you are right."

"I still love you," Ferus said as he nuzzled her neck.

"You ain't making this any easier for me," Roxanne snapped as she blinked back the tears that she was holding back. She raised her hood over her head up to avoid Ferus's gaze.

"I know," Ferus said as he smiled at her as he rested his head on top of her head. "You're the best thing that has ever happened to me."

"I know," she replied. "You're the truest friend I've ever had, Ferus."

"You're the truest friend I've ever met, Roxie," Ferus said as he held her hand. "You're the only person who I have been around and act like someone I'm not. You have even taught me how to loosen up a little."

"Maybe life outside the Order will do you some good," Roxanne said.

Ferus sighed and there was a moment of silence between the two.

Roxanne glanced at him and mumbled, "I still can't believe this is actually happening."

Ferus did not say anything. He knew it would take Roxanne some time to get use to him not being there.

The next thing Ferus knew, Roxanne pulled away from him and started to run out of the house.

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