*****

Derek slept like a dead man. It took brutal sunlight flooding in through an open window to wake him. He shielded his eyes, fought to open them, and found that he was alone in Cassie's rumpled bed. The back of his head hurt, but the swelling had diminished and once he forced himself to sit up, he felt a little better.

He could hear water running in the shower. He rubbed his eyes and glanced at the bathroom door; he wanted to pee, but didn't think he should intrude on his host's--hostess's?--privacy. He sat under the covers, mulling over what had happened the night before, and soon he heard the water being turned off.

After a few moments, Spencer shuffled out of the bathroom. His hair fell in wet strands around his face, giving him a drowned puppy look. All trace of makeup was gone and with nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist, his skinny, angular frame held none of the illusion of soft femininity that Cassie somehow managed to create.

He appeared to be absorbed in thought as he padded barefoot around the bed headed toward his dresser, but he stopped short when Derek raised a hand in greeting.

"Morning."

The boy looked uncertain, then answered, "Good morning." He gave a small nod, then continued to his dresser. Derek watched him open a drawer and take out boxers and socks. Another drawer held neatly folded jeans and another, shirts. He chose one of each, piled them in his arms and headed toward the bathroom again, only to see Derek roll out from under the covers, naked.

Derek brought his arms over his head, leaned back and stretched. Spencer took in the details of his powerful body--warm brown skin, well-defined muscles, broad shoulders, a slim waist, a thick cock flanked by heavy balls.

The man was sexy, Spencer grasped that. He understood what Cassie saw in him. But for him, the good things about sex were all mixed up with fear and pain, with desperation and guilt and shame; looking at Derek Morgan's naked body simply confused him, made him anxious, and he hastily looked away. Even though he did like looking at him...

His thoughts were shut down by Derek's voice.

"Uh--would you mind if I ran in there real quick?" Derek asked, tipping his head in the direction of the bathroom.

"Oh--no. Go ahead." He took another look at Derek, blinked and dropped his eyes. He clutched the clothes even closer to his bare chest. Spencer's obvious discomfort made Derek feel embarrassed, much to his annoyance. He grabbed his underwear, slipped it on, then strode off to take care of his morning business, leaving Spencer to quickly slide into his own clothes and go on a hunt for his shoes.

By the time Derek came back, Spencer was completely dressed and standing in the kitchen making coffee. Derek pulled on his pants and shirt, zipping and buttoning as he walked. Spencer glanced at him as he poured water from the faucet into the pot.

"Uh--how's your head, Detective?"

"Fine. A little sore, but fine." Derek regarded his host and smiled slightly. He tried to catch Spencer's eye, but he was studiously checking the water against the cup measurement line. "Are you--ok?"

"Uh-huh."

Derek went to him and placed a hand gently on his shoulder. Spencer pulled back, holding the coffee pot defensively in front of himself. Derek frowned and pointed back and forth between them.

"Are we ok?"

"Huh?"

"You and me. After last night."

Spencer turned back to the coffee maker. "What do you mean?"

Derek felt a thread of irritation rising in his throat.

"I mean, we spent the night together, are you ok with that?"

The boy poured the water into the tank and shrugged. "What you and Cassie do together is your business."

Derek stared, then pursed his lips in annoyance. He jabbed a finger at him.

"Ok kid, now, this is just bullshit. Don't play with me. I know you use Cassie to get through the tough stuff, but you can't tell me that you just check out entirely. What happened last night, happened between us--you and me--and if I fucked up, you need to tell me so. Just be straight with me, we'll talk it through and work it out."

Spencer switched on the coffee pot, then turned, leaned against the counter and folded his arms across his chest. He still refused to meet Derek's eyes. "I've got a lot to do today. Maybe you should leave."

Derek forced himself to uncurl his suddenly-clenched fists. "I'm not leaving until I have some answers. Like, why you never called me back the way you said you would."

"I've been busy."

"Oh, yeah? What happened, did a busload of johns turn up on your doorstep every day this week?"

At that, the boy finally looked directly at him and Derek saw a flash of anger. "Look, I told you, I just want to be left alone. Date Cassie if you want. She's apparently willing to fuck you for free nowadays. But, leave me out of it." He turned back to the counter and began spooning sugar into his coffee cup, and Derek saw that his hands shook. He smiled bitterly.

"Miss having your fix last night?"

A scornful glance. "I didn't miss anything."

Shit. "Wait--you dosed up last night? After promising me you wouldn't?"

"Cassie promised. I didn't."

Derek licked his lips and nodded. "I see. Well, it's a good thing you've got this all 'under control...'"

"I couldn't sleep. I kept wondering if you'd lapsed into a coma--"

"Oh, so, it's my fault?" Derek gave a humorless laugh and shook his head. Junkies. Always the same with junkies.

"No, I just--never mind." Spencer poured a second cup of coffee and pushed it into Derek's hand. "Here. Drink your coffee and go."

Derek took the cup and said, "I'm not going anywhere."

Spencer threw a hand up in frustration. "What do you want from me?"

"The same thing I've been asking for all along--a chance."

"Yeah, right. A chance to do what? To fuck me without the makeup on?"

"No! I keep telling you--"

"You want to talk about bullshit? I know what this is really about--why can't you just admit it?"

"It's not! I just want to help you--"

Spencer shook his head in mock disbelief. "Oh, my God, you can't even admit it to yourself, can you? Ok, how about if you let me help you? Let's just do it. Let's do it right now. Come on, we'll see how interested you are in 'helping' me afterwards." He slammed his coffee down on the counter, spilling most of it, and started unzipping his pants. Derek quickly put down his cup as well and caught his hands in his.

"Stop it. Stop it, kid--"

"No, I want to! I want you to fuck me--"

"No--"

"I want you to do it to me, just like you do it to Cassie. Come on, come on, Detective, I'm just another drugged-up whore to you, so fuck me! Let's get it over with, then you can leave me alone--"

"No! Stop it--stop. I told you--I told you that's not what I want. Stop it--"

He wrestled the boy's hands up to his chest and pulled him into his arms, enveloping him in a bear-like embrace and said into his ear, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I said those things, I'm sorry." Spencer struggled frantically against him but couldn't break free. He finally gave up and slumped against Derek, his breathing hard and ragged. "Just let me go," he whispered.

Derek held him and rocked back and forth slightly, rubbing his back. "No. I'm not going to let you go. It's ok. It's ok, Spencer, calm down. I'm sorry. I know I fucked up. I should have gone home last night, I shouldn't have stayed, I shouldn't have--"

Spencer pulled back far enough to look him in the eye, wet hair hanging in his face, his mouth contorted from fighting back tears. His voice was strained and raw. "No, it's ok. Cassie wanted you to stay."

Derek dropped his hold while still keeping contact, and sighed. "Yeah--but, what did you want me to do?"

Spencer shook his head. "I wasn't here."

Derek felt as if he were swimming in Jell-o. He searched Spencer's eyes and saw that he wasn't pretending--he really believed he had been removed from the events of the night before. Derek suddenly understood one thing--he was not equipped to deal with the depth of Spencer's psychological damage. But, he couldn't just walk away, couldn't leave the boy convinced that he only wanted to use him.

He didn't know what to do, so he did the only thing he could think of. He brushed the hair away from Spencer's eyes and said gently, "What movie do you want to see?"

"Huh?"

"You said you'd go out with me. I'm off today--so, let's make a day of it."

"No, I--"

Frustration flooded through Derek to the point of making him want to scream. Instead, he took a deep breath and spoke as if to a balky child. "Let me explain something to you, kid. I am taking your goddamn skinny little white-boy ass to a movie. I'm buying you a box of popcorn. Afterwards, I'll take you to lunch and we'll discuss the goddamn movie. Maybe we'll like it, maybe we'll hate it, or maybe we'll disagree and argue about it like goddamn Siskel and Ebert, but at the very least, we're going to have a real, live conversation.

"Then, I'm going to take you to a pool hall and we'll drink beer and play a few games, and I'll beat you good. After that, I'll drop you off at your place, and I'll go home and watch the game. No funny stuff from me, no thinking I'm trying to get in your pants from you. Now--questions? Concerns? Want to argue with me, pretty boy? Because, at this point, you've just about exhausted my patience." Derek stared unflinchingly into the bewildered brown eyes, then stepped back and made a gesture of finality with his hands.

Spencer stayed quiet for a few moments after Derek finished his rant. He crossed his arms again, chafing himself as if he were trying to warm up and gave him a sideways glance.

"You really just want to go to a movie with me?"

"I want a lot of things, Spencer. But, more than anything, I want you to trust me." He took the boy's face in his hands. "What happened last night--I'm sorry about it. I don't understand your relationship with Cassie, so you'll have to help me there. All I know is that I want to know who you are, and I don't want to hurt you. And, I hope I can prove that to you."

A weak smile crossed Spencer's face. "And you think all that will happen with popcorn and the magic of cinema?"

Derek grinned as he dropped his hands. "I don't know about that, but it's a start. Now, come on, what do you want to see?" Spencer chewed his lip thoughtfully then looked back at Derek.

"Well... there's a new Star Trek movie that just came out. I-I kind of wanted to see that."

Derek sighed in relief. "Excellent. Why don't you check the show times and I'll finish getting ready?"

"Ok." Spencer's smile suddenly deepened and his voice took on a teasing tone. "Oh, and about beating me at pool?"

"Yeah?"

"We'll see about that."

Derek's eyes crinkled in amusement. "Oh, you think you're a hustler?"

A shrug. "I'm pretty good."

"I've got twenty bucks that says I can take you down in two plays."

"You're on." Still smiling, Spencer went to his computer and checked the movie times while Derek finished dressing. Spencer found a jacket and the two headed out to the multi-plex.

*****