Chapter 4
Newspapers, Healers and Letters
Luna's POV
February has brought more pain then I really want to think about, and maybe that's why I haven't been thinking about it. Maybe that's why I've been focusing on small pains and magnifying them more then they need to be, like this whole business with Sam, it's been a week and we haven't spoken more then we need to. She has her life, and I have mine.
Lily has taken to asking if I'm okay more then she needs to, I will not speak to her about it and as long as no one else brings up the article then I can continue to ignore it. She brought it up the next day after seeking me out in the halls. She said that James, being a teenage boy, most likely does not understand that I was not so upset over such a small fight with a friend. Then she mentioned that she was reading the Daily Prophet and came across the article.
She wanted me to know that I don't have to handle everything alone, that I'm allowed to tell my best friend, or her, or Remus, or anyone. A teacher. But the teachers know and haven't acted any differently towards me. No sympathetic looks or consoling pats on the shoulder that make you feel sorry for yourself. The muggle-borns who have felt this war first hand have had that happen, and I don't want people to feel obligated to care.
But there is a war going on, and maybe I didn't take it as seriously as I should have before it happened, but I do now. People are dying and I hate it, but when you read the list's of lost people you are relieved when it isn't someone you know, but when someone you know is part of something in the newspaper it's different. I knew long before they printed the article, and I had time to sort out numbing it before Lily found it.
It was small, barely even two paragraphs, and in the back of the paper so the chances of another student reading it, recognizing my last name, and bringing it up is small. It's one of the things that only students like Lily Evans would notice. Or care about.
Instead I choose to handle this by myself and sit in the Every Room and look through the things that people have left behind. Books with hearts and names scribbled in the margins. Who were T.D and M.R. and did they last as forever as one of them thought? Why would someone put a ripped painting of Jeremiah Merlin in here? Why not mend it? Where did he go after this was destroyed?
Focusing on these things are much easier then focusing on it and pretending like everything will be okay. Everything wont be, it's all messed up and and nothing will be the same after this. None of us will be the same. I wonder sometimes who's not going to make it out of this war alive. There are so many brave young witches and wizards, not just in Gryffindor, and there is a great chance not all of us will live to tell our stories.
I found a note in here once, half burnt and the ink running the parchment as if hit by water, maybe tears. It was only the second half, but it was beautiful. It said "love, I shall not know on this eve or any other what you think of my leaving. I do know that I have never felt such great pain as I felt when tears moistened your beautiful cheeks on our last night together. Please think of me as often as I shall think of you and know I will be true until I see you again. All of my love, Reginald."
Did his love cry over this letter? Did she burn it? Why would she? I wish I understood the pain and glory of a love like this.
I've read and reread the article and the letter my parents sent before explaining that it had happened more times then I care to admit to. Some nights, like this one, parts of it will swirl around me like sad reminders of the harshness of the world. The reporter starting his small piece with "A most tragic event for the Werewolf community" does not even begin to cover how it feels. Tragic? It's catastrophic. It takes all of my air and stops my heart.
I don't think James informed his Marauder buddies of my breakdown, and while I thank him for that, I do wish Remus had known. When I saw him on Friday night he asked if Sam and I had a fight because he hasn't seen us together all week. I am trying to focus everything I am feeling about it and channeling those feelings into the fight with Sam. I don't want to, but all of these emotions have to go somewhere other then music and art.
I didn't feel like going straight back to my dorm after looking at the sky, while the moon is full tonight it was only so close on Friday, and I wanted to spend time outside and walking the paths around the Black Lake but that was impossible. Instead halfway there I slid down the wall to sit on the floor and told him to go on with his parole and I would just sit and look out the window for a moment.
Hufflepuffs are in the basement, so we don't really have to many windows, I don't get to peer into the stillness of night when I can't sleep like so many others. He sat next to me and spread his cloak out across our legs and sat with me for a moment before speaking.
"Did you have a date for Valentine's day?" He asked, I am almost certain that his eyes did not stray from the star filled sky, but I cannot be sure because mine did not.
"No," I answered, remembering much to well what I was doing while most of my classmates where enjoying the taste of each others tongues, "I had an urgent letter to respond to."
I did take my eyes off the sky to see him nod in response, "did you? I am aware that you have a small fan club." He shrugged, didn't answer for a moment, opened his mouth to do so and then closed it again.
"I did not have a date," he finally said but just by the way he said it it sounded as if there would be more so I remained quiet, "as for my small fan club, as you call it, they are mostly girls who have given up on both Sirius and James."
"You feel as if the girls who are interested in the 'good Marauder' are simply settling for fancying you?"
"They are, aren't they? I have seen many of them hanging off of Sirius and then after he has, er, gone out with them, they start giggling and asking me how my day is going."
"There are very few who have switched like that, most have a soft spot for the one Marauder who doesn't cause a tidal wave of trouble."
"Are you one of them?" He asked it while laughing, poking my ribs and making me laugh.
"Oh yes, I am the president of the club. May I have a lock of your hair for our scrap books?" He laughed and I joined. It seems as if it had been years since I laughed. Truly laughed, not simply faked a few chuckles where they would normally go or just ignored it entirely.
We continued talking for another thirty minutes until Remus started falling asleep, his head falling onto my shoulder for a moment before jerking himself up and half coughing. I let him go to his dorm without walking me to mine.
But the moon is full and curfew is soon. While I would love to sit here and sort though the memories that people have tossed away I do have a healer to see. While walking to the Hospital Wing I was nearly knocked off my feet by Peter who was trailing behind his fellow Marauders.
"Sorry." He shouted over his shoulder while trying to catch up with his friends who happened to be fully sprinting down the hall. When I reached the doors of the Hospital Wing I took a few deep breathes, steadied myself before pulling out the envelope and pulling the door open. Most students come here looking for Madame Pomfrey, I on the other hand need to see Madame Vane. She's a nice women, a few years out of healer training, and she only works in our Hospital Wing part time, the other half she spends at St. Mungo's.
"Luna, dear, you caught me just in time." She said while rushing over and pulling me into the office. I've had to ask her to play owl for the past few weeks, as the current situation would not quite allow for regular mail to be exactly safe. I will come back some time tomorrow to gather the response.
"Then I am lucky, Madame Vane. Have you seen him recently?" This will be the second letter I have asked her deliver, and hopefully there wont be many more. I want this whole thing to be over, but it's not as easy as it may seem.
"Yes, there is still some bleeding, usually they can heal quite fast, but with the circumstances he isn't. There is a chance that he will come out of this completely okay, dear, don't fret." The only thing that means is that there is a bigger chance he wont. A bigger chance that he will die from the continuous blood loss and how hard it is to replenish the blood of his kind.
Of my family's kind.
"Do you know if I can give him blood?" I asked her last week, and she promised to look into it for me.
"You're not infected..."
"We have the same parents, the same blood."
"There is a chance, I'll ask if they'll let me and tell you tomorrow."
"Thank you, for everything." She nodded and threw the floo powder into the fireplace, took the letter and left. And I did the same, went to my dorm and made it just in time.
Remus' POV
Despite everything that happened last night, I only have a few wounds. A few cuts that where easy enough to heal and a couple bite marks, but nothing compares to the guilt that is settling inside my stomach. I could have killed someone last night, I have never felt like more monster than man until this morning when I was informed of everything that had happened. And that Snape would not be spilling my secret.
That is still one to many people who know about this.
"Madame Vane" Luna's voice flowed over me and made me curious about what her father or brother would do if they almost attacked someone. If they would feel guilty and hate themselves, hate the wolf inside of them more than anything, and how they would handle these feelings. I want to ask but I decide to stay quiet, pretend to sleep.
"Miss. Boyd, I have the letter for you, and some good news." One of the part time healers spoke, it had to be lunch or later for her to be here. "They said your blood may work and your mother has given you permission to do so."
I heard Luna squeal, and then a small grunt which I can only guess came from the healer as she was hugged against her will. "Where did they take him last night?" Her voice was close, on the other side of the curtain while she sat on the bed. I heard parchment moving and a tray being moved to her side. I could see her movements from the shadows.
Why was she giving blood, and who was she talking about?
"They gave him some wolfsbane and left him alone in his room. He didn't cause to much damage, your mother stayed in the tearoom the entire night. We couldn't get her to leave." I can imagine Luna smiling, her family was a place of pride for her. Who was in St. Mungo's, which werewolf? Her brother or her father?
"That sounds like her. Did it take much convincing to allow me to give blood?" Her voice wasn't bright and sunny, but sad and almost shaky.
"No, she seemed very proud of you. This may sting." I heard a muffled grunt and then a soft sigh before she seemed to settle into the bed more, then it was silent. The only sound was the healers walking and parchment being moved from time to time.
"REMUS" Oh, lovely, James was shouting in a place that should be quiet and his voice carried. I heard my name a second before the door hit the brick wall behind it. "And Luna." He said after he walked in, I stuck my head out from behind the curtain and caught her eye for a second before turning my attention to him.
"Some of us are sick, James."
"Sirius is sorry." I do not want to talk about him, or about what happened last night, more so with Luna in the room. "What are you doing here, Luna?" His attention was back on her, but her eyes were moving across the letter and she didn't acknowledge him.
"James, I don't want to talk about this. I'm not speaking with him." I told him, my voice lowering.
"Miss Boyd," Pomfrey said while walking toward our beds, "I think you've given enough blood, don't you?" Luna's green eyes lifted from the parchment and brightened with a smile that made me want to smile with her, but she didn't send it my way. Could she know?
"Madame Pomfrey, I am not even feeling a bit sick, besides, we don't know how much he'll need."
"You don't know if it'll work." The healer waved her wand and stopped the blood flowing from her arm and into the bag on the tray. I don't like seeing this, her blood should stay inside. There's a drop left on her arm, and the red on top of the milky white bothers me.
"You can replicate it if he needs more, right?" Luna asks while putting her things in her bag and swinging her legs over the side of the bed. Pomfrey nodded, waved her wand again and send the blood into her office.
"Mr. Lupin, I think you should be heading to dinner." Luna still hadn't looked in our direction, she just started walking out of the Hospital Wing.
"James, are we sure that Snape hasn't told anyone?" I said while gathering my things and preparing to leave for the Great Hall. She's usually very friendly, says hi to me when she sees me in the halls. She's quickly become a friend and I don't understand why I suddenly didn't exist to her.
"Remus, you're girlfriend is having a hard time right now. You know she's fighting with that friend of hers." I wanted to tell him, for the hundredth time that she is not now, nor will she ever be, my girlfriend. I did know they were fighting but unlike James I doubt that the only thing going on in her life that's making her like this is a fight with a friend.
"Are you talking to him?" I asked, it's insane what Sirius did, there was no way that 'prank' was going to be something funny. It was dangerous, not just for Snape but if I had hurt him, if I had bit him, if I had killed him... I'd be in Azkaban. But Sirius never thinking about the consequences, he only thinks about what will make him laugh.
"Pete's the only one who's talking to him." Peter never did let Sirius out of his sight, trailed around him like a lost puppy long before we all became friends and banned together. He wouldn't do half the things he has if it wasn't for Sirius. I bet he was the only one that laughed with him. Even when Sirius shows hi family heritage and gets a little cruel, or a lot cruel.
We walked the rest of the way in silence, and when we sat next to Lily she didn't even roll her eyes. I searched the Hufflepuff table for the blonde but I couldn't find her. I can see her friend, I can see everyone else she usually eats with, but she was no where to be found. She has to eat after giving blood, or she'll feel faint. Maybe not a large meal but something, could she have gone to the kitchens?
We where eating in silence, nice not talking about anything in code or otherwise silence, so I knew it was only a matter of time before James wouldn't be able to stand it any longer. I can already tell he's getting all build up, he's jittery and looking around like he's about to attempt to rob Gringotts. Lily wont be any help she's reading a book while nibbling on her food and almost ignoring the presence of the ever persistent James Potter.
"So." He started, stopped and waited for about two minutes for anyone, Lily, myself, or even the random other students around us to look at him and ask him to continue. He's not used to silence, he and Sirius are always talking or plotting or joking and now that Sirius is sitting at the other end of the table with Peter, he has no one to fill that quiet for him. "Why was your girlfriend giving blood anyway?"
"She's not my—"
"Luna gave blood?" Lily put her book down, stared between the two of us, starting with James and her gaze falling onto me. Why does everyone think that there's something other then friendship between us? "That is so sweet." She whispered after a moment, a smile forming on her lips.
"Do you know something about this, my beautiful flower?" James asked, putting on his famous smirk that usually does nothing other then annoy Lily.
"Honestly, James don't you ever read a newspaper?" She answered while rolling her eyes, "and you Remus, how could you not know whats happening with your own girlfriend."
"She's not my—"
"What are you talking about? She's not muggle-born, no one in her family has died." Am I never going to be able to inform them, yet again, that she isn't my girlfriend?
"Not yet James, but if she's giving blood then it might be soon." So she has a good point, they could use a blood replenishing potion, or even a blood duplicating spell, but instead she sat in the infirmary and got blood drawn and read a letter that was delivered by a Healer.
"Her blood might not even work, they may be getting desperate." She said after a minute, and it visably confused both of us, but I think it clicked sooner for me.
Her mother giving her blessing for the blood donation, her sadness, it was in the newspaper—which means whatever happened was bad, and her blood maybe not being able to help. Someone, her brother or her father, someone was hurt and hurt bad and because she's not infected with the werewolf, no matter how similar their blood is by genetics, they might reject it.
They need werewolf blood, but they wont let a werewolf donate.
A/N: This was really quite hard for me to write, trying to get everything out while not really getting into what happened. Also, AkioRose was able to figure out that it was more then just a fight with Sam that had her all upset, and if there was a prize she would get it. Please remember to review, if you have any suggestions I would love to hear them. Thank you reading.
