Chapter Four
Take Time To Realize…
Crusts of sleep started to form in the corners of his eyes as Alex fought to focus on the image of Ellis performing a heart transplant. The last few nights he had managed to avoid talking to Izzie by stumbling upstairs so insanely tired he passed out before one word could be uttered. His attempt to do the same tonight wasn't going quite the way he had hoped, since only half an hour ago Izzie had called him on his charade, and told him if he thought so little of their friendship that he would rather watch a cold, vicious woman cut people open than talk to her then maybe they weren't friends after all.
"Not friends? Ha." Alex muttered, reaching for the mug of coffee that sat in front of him on the stained coffee table. He took several sips of the cold liquid and spit it back out. Three hour old coffee was disgusting, and really he didn't actually want it, not anymore. "If we're not friends then what are we?"
The answer to that question was the 'thing' that lingered between the two of them. Problem was he wasn't sure of the answer at the moment. No. That wasn't true. He knew what the answer was, he just wasn't sure he was ready to share it and have his heart broken again. There was no doubt in his mind that Izzie would break him; she didn't care about him in the same manner, not anymore. He was too late. "Story of my life," he sighed. Always too late in realizing the truth.
A soft knock on the front door brought a frown to his face. Guests at three in the morning wasn't an uncommon occurrence, but it was almost like the guest didn't want them to know they were there. He eased himself off the sofa and made his way to the door. An invisible fist slammed into his gut when he made out the face of the person on the other side. There was no mistakening the long brown hair or the wide set hazel eyes that changed color depending on her mood.
"Rebecca," he said hoarsely, opening the door to the other woman he had tried to love. He stumbled back, not sure he could stand close to her. Whatever pain Izzie had inflicted upon him, it was nothing compared to the pain Rebecca caused. "What…what are you doing here?"
Rebecca shifted from side to side, her nervousness apparent even in the dark. "I…can I come in? Just for a minute. Just so we can talk." She stared at him expectantly, looking nothing like the woman he had met or the woman he had said goodbye to. This woman wasn't Jane Doe or Ava. He was willing to bet she was Rebecca, though, because her wedding ring was back on her left hand.
"Just a minute. And you'll have to be quiet. Izzie and Meredith are asleep." She nodded, stepping inside. Her eyes took it all in as though she was seeing the dark paneled foyer for the first time. "You're in. Say what you need to say," he snapped.
"I know I said it before, but I am sorry. I realize that doesn't make up for what I put you through, or that you will ever believe me. I do mean it, though. I mean it more than I have ever meant anything I have ever said." Rebecca said softly. Her fingers knotted together, twisting right below her breasts. "I'm taking medication now. Jeff makes sure I take my pills every single day. I wouldn't have been able to leave the rehab center if he hadn't promised to do that. I'm not sure where things are going with him, but for now he's willing to take care of me."
"Good," Alex said, shocked by how much he meant it. He had come to the point where he couldn't hate Rebecca for hurting him, and he couldn't wish ill will upon her. "Are you still seeing the…you know…shrink?"
She nodded. "I am. That is partially why I am here. I've talked about you a lot with Dr. Wilkes. He seems to think that you were using me as much as I was using you. I didn't want to believe him at first, but the more I think about it, the more I realize he is correct. You used me too, Alex. You may not realize it right now, but one day I hope you do. Not because I want an apology. I don't. I don't need one, because I understand." She reached out, laid a hand on his forearm. He stared down at the pale fingers and perfectly manicured nails.
"Alex, I am so sorry…" Izzie's voice trailed off with a hard oh. Even in the dark he could see her throat working up and down. Her face had gone ashen, and the fingers she lifted to the railing shook. "What…what is she doing here?"
"I came to talk to Alex," Rebecca said calmly. "I don't think this conversation concerns you."
Izzie's lips narrowed, as did her eyes. "You're right, this doesn't concern me." There was no missing the hurt on her face. "However, Alex is my friend. One I care about a lot. And all you do is cause him pain. So, if you care, even just a shred, you'll leave him alone."
"You want to talk about hurting him?" Rebecca laughed, shaking her head. "Why do you think Alex turned to me? It was because he couldn't stand being around you. He couldn't stand being near you knowing you didn't care about him the way he cared about you."
Alex stared blankly at the wall behind Izzie's head. They were both right. Rebecca only caused him pain; and he had only turned to her because he couldn't have Izzie. That didn't mean he hadn't had real feelings for her, that he didn't still have feelings. He had tried to let her go, told himself she was toxic, but knowing how she was and convincing his heart was another matter. His gaze dropped to Rebecca, emotion thickening his throat. She reminded him so much of his mother, of the woman she could have been.
"You're wrong," Izzie choked, her dark eyes bright with unshed tears. "He never cared about me the way he cares about you." Her voice brought him back to reality. Rebecca obscured his view, granting him only a glimpse of wavy blonde hair and long tanned legs.
"You're right. He never cared about you the way he cared about me." Rebecca said softly. Alex felt ill, as though he had been on the Tilt-A-Whirl just after eating. Bile rose in the back of his throat. He wanted to deny Rebecca's claim but no words would come. "Be glad he didn't, because what he felt for me wasn't real. It was a made up emotion. A way to forget about you." Rebecca moved, revealing a confused Izzie. "Only, you never really forget the people you love, do you?" She smiled sadly, touching her hand to Alex's cheek. "I'm always going to have a special place in my heart for you Alex Karev." Her touch lingered for a second before she left the way she had come, quietly and almost reluctantly.
His eyes were drawn up to Izzie. Their gazes locked, her fingers tightening on the banister. "Is it true?" She asked, need ringing in her voice. "Do…do you? Do you love me?" He looked away. "Answer me, Alex. Do. You. Love. Me?"
