A/U: Thank you for the reviews! To answer one of them, no this story does not follow the show completely. I just took what works from the show and warped it to better fit the story. And no, Tara does not come back. She's not an element in this at all. XOXO
When Jennifer woke, she tried to keep her eyes shut for as long as possible. The shower was running in her bathroom, proof that she hadn't slept alone. Something about it felt wrong, but she couldn't help but bask in the post-coital bliss she was feeling. It had been a long year since she had been properly fucked. Images of the nasty shit they had done together last night played through her mind on a reel, like some self-sabotaging, torturous movie. Finally, she pulled herself up out of her bed, naked as the day she came into this world, before slipping on the t-shirt that had been carelessly discarded on the floor the night before.
Coffee brewed in the kitchen, and the smell alone seemed to perk her up. A few minutes later, she heard the shower stop and Jax made his way out of her bedroom shortly after, walking down the hallway as he put his shirt on. She thought it was fucking sinful that anyone should look so good, the way his jeans hung on his hips, the way it took him a grand total of 10 minutes to look basically flawless. She couldn't help but scowl at the thought.
He met her in the kitchen, a self-satisfied smirk on his face as he kissed her on the cheek, hand grazing her hip and giving it an appreciative squeeze before he grabbed the second cup of coffee on the counter. He wanted to talk to her, about her ex-husband and what was shaking her up, about what they'd done last night. But her walls were up again, and she was the same pain in the ass he had grown accustomed to over the last month all over again. The girl that was crying in his arms last night was a ghost. She was in all her glory… defensive, haughty, forcefully independent, and completely stubborn. So, he kept his mouth shut.
"Last night was… Fun," she started.
He shook his head, his eyes turning from hopeful appreciation to bitterness in a split second.
"But?"
She looked up from her coffee now, amazed that he couldn't see things the same way. "But it was a mistake. Look, Jax. My life is fucked up enough without anything else coming into it."
He scoffed at her words. "Your life ain't anymore fucked up than mine, sweetheart. Quit dramatizing your bullshit. It's pretty much par for the course around here."
She was a fucking mess. She was a single mother, a slut shaking her ass for money. Her baby daddy was a fucking psycho threatening to blow up at any minute, her family was at odds with him and his family in every sense of the word. They always had been and they always would be. She couldn't believe he couldn't see it.
"Yeah, well before I met you, I didn't have the ATF up my ass. And she's already made things 10 times worse." She spit back, malice in every one of her words.
Jax looked at her, here they were, back to shooting verbal blanks at one another. Sometimes, he sincerely wanted to backhand her. She was so fucking short-sighted and stubborn, he didn't know how she made it this far. But, she had a lot of people watching her back.
"Stahl?"
"That's right. The only reason Jeremy is pushing for custody is because that bitch decided to expose my secrets to him. It's the only thing he could ever use against me, Jax. She's fucking smart."
Jax shook his head, wiping his hand down his face to shake himself out of what he was feeling. "I'm sorry, alright. We'll take care of Stahl."
"The fuck does it matter?!" She asked, her voice rising a few notches too high. "The damage is already done. Now I have to figure out how to clean it up, like always." Jennifer walked towards the front door, hoping he would follow behind and she could lure him out of her house. He followed, grabbing her by the arm before she made it all the way there.
"You didn't say anything?" He asked, his voice tight, laced with a million unspoken questions and promises.
Jennifer yanked her arm back out of his grasp, looking at him as though he'd committed a mortal sin. "If you really need to ask me that, you should probably just get the fuck out." She ground out, her voice menacingly slow. Jax's expression was that of barely controlled rage as he locked eyes with her before leaving.
She peered out of her living room blinds and watched him start his bike and leave, before they snapped back into place as she pulled her fingers back. She had never been so relieved to be rid of someone. She couldn't dwell on Jax, what had happened between them. She had shit to take care of. And besides, she was 99% sure it had been meaningless. She didn't know why she had melted into him last night, except that she was emotional and he was warm and willing. And he hadn't disappointed. She still felt her stomach tighten, thinking of all the ways he had claimed her last night, treating her like gold. But, still, he had debased her in all the right ways, like he was completely tuned into the most animalistic needs she had.
She had to hop in the shower quick and get herself decent so she could go start fixing this fucking mess. She still didn't know what the fuck to do about Jeremy, so she was going to hear it from the horse's mouth. Did she get a lawyer, fight it legal? It was a toss-up. He wasn't exactly a model citizen, but she knew most people had a harsh reaction to sex work. She wasn't about to put her fate in the hands of some old ass judge who would likely throw the book at her rather than realize she was doing all of this FOR her kids. She didn't know of anyone she could turn to at this point. Her father and her brother were likely to watch her get thrown under the bus and side with him since they had the same disapproval, and she was so disgusted with Jeremy at this point she could hardly stand the thought of begging Tully for help. She knew how much he sympathized with her, but he couldn't control Jeremy, and she doubted he was going to shake things up by trying.
She slipped on a jeans and t shirt, blowing her hair dry and putting her makeup on. She had called the kid's grandmother and made sure she could pick them up this evening instead of this morning. Then, she made another call, pacing around the living room as she waited to be transferred.
"Hi, this is Jennifer Connelly. I'm calling to schedule a conjugal visit."
SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOA
It had been two long weeks since her visit with her estranged husband and two weeks since she had seen Jax. She had never been so confused or shook up as she was now. The blow to her motherhood had left her weak, and she had shut herself away from the rest of the world, like an animal licking its wounds. All she did was work and stay with her kids, determined to push it all to the back of her mind, and to stay away from what she believed was the ultimate source of the problem.
She refused to see her place in all of this. Turning to camming was never an easy decision for her, but she had always felt backed into a corner, exhausted of every option before she landed on that decision. And it wasn't as though she had a moral objection to it, she was far from modest or stuck-up. But she did worry about how it might affect her life, her kid's lives, and their collective future. Namely, the exact problem she was dealing with now – being threatened to have the state decide whether or not she was a good mother. With her occupation, the last fucking place she wanted to land in was family court, where one person got to decide the future of her kids. It didn't matter that what she did for money was legal, there was too much risk to put her kids in that position.
She thought back to the first days of when she had finally come up with the courage to leave him. She didn't know what she would do it. She had no job, no savings. Fuck, she didn't even have a car that she owned. When she had finally had enough of his druggie bullshit, all she had was two kids and a house payment. But she knew she had to find a way to make it. Sometimes, she wasn't sure how she made it. She worked odd jobs, barely scraping by, fretting over what she could do to get them better off. But eventually she got sick of it. She knew there was lots of money out there and all she had to do was reach out and grab it. Did it make her just as bad as the people she couldn't stand? She wasn't sure. She didn't know how judgement would fall on her in final days. All she knew was that she didn't necessarily regret it, and she liked not having to worry so much about how she would feed them. But the world was a cold fucking place and anytime she got comfortable, she was always reminded of that. You couldn't trust anyone.
Her visit with Jeremy had fucked her mind up even more if that was possible. Stahl hadn't fabricated too much of the story to him. She was a cam girl and, oh, she was also fucking a Son. Apparently, the combination of the two was enough to push him over the edge. He had told her in no uncertain terms, that he was going to have his family back, and he didn't mind having to twist her arm to do it. If she didn't want him to push for custody, all she had to do was take him back and let things go back to normal. He was done with drugs he said, and he could take care of them just fine. She didn't need to make money. And, he would be out… real soon.
She didn't bother to deny being with Jax, because it wasn't true, and even if it was, it was none of his fucking business. The fact that he still thought he had claim over her and the kids after all he'd put her through, all he'd forced her into, all the ways he had let her down, made her blood boil. Jax was something she chose to avoid thinking about too much. She didn't know what his place was in her life (or vice versa). She couldn't understand why they were drawn together. They fought like cats and dogs, and what's worse, there were a million and ten reasons why being together was a bad idea. She didn't like what he stirred in her. The last thing she needed was to let in someone just as dangerous as the person she had just fought tooth and nail to make a life away from. And most of all, she didn't like how much they were alike. Because she knew how ruthless and devoid of emotion she was, deep down. And She didn't want to invite that in her life. She wanted something better, or she'd take being all alone any day.
She looked down at her on the couch with her as the dozed peacefully, basking in the glow of the TV reflecting their favorite movie. She couldn't help how her heart swelled with so much love and pride she felt like she would burst. Everything she had done in her life since they'd been born, it had all been for them. And therefore it was all worth it ten times over. Erin was so much like her… Headstrong, with a quick mouth. A love for life and adventure, yet quiet and reserved before she decided someone was worthy of her time. She expected that had come from all the disappointment she had experienced with a father who couldn't get shit right. And Michael, still so young, was wild in every sense of the word. He was still young enough that he didn't realize all that was going on. Being the second born, he had less memories of them as a family, before Jeremy had gone off the rails, unlike Erin who could remember when it all went wrong and how much things had changed. Her heart ached when she thought about the fact that there was no way to protect them from that pain. Their father was who he was, and they were alive because Jennifer had chosen him. There was only so much she could do to shield them from the effect of that. All that she knew, was that she wouldn't lose. And she would fight harder than she ever fought. She still didn't know which route to go, which weapon to best equip herself with. But she felt that in the depths of her soul. She would die before anyone took them from her.
Jennifer's phone buzzed next to her, and she picked it up. A message from Jax – "Call me." It wasn't the first she'd received from him in the last two weeks. She'd been dodging his calls consistently. She rolled her eyes, shutting off her phone, as she settled in to doze off next to her babies. Why couldn't he just leave well enough alone?
SOASOASOASOASOASOASOA
Jax was back in default.
He has spent the last week or so trying to drink away his problems. Everything going on with the Club, with Clay, with his fucking head. It was threatening to do him in. He couldn't help but feel like he was missing a piece of the puzzle. Things had been so twisted lately, and he had this strange, heavy feeling that they were only going to get worse. Usually the Club dealt with a problem and then they settled back into their routine, but not this time. The hits just kept coming and he felt like he could barely catch his breath between blows.
What pissed him off the most though, is that she seemed to be at the center of it. They had plenty of issues with White, that had never been anything new. But the level of bullshit they had been facing lately seemed to be tied directly to them. And above it all, he hated that he couldn't stop thinking about her sometimes. He was like a fiend – one taste and he needed more. He was even willing to fight dirty for it. He had never had such reactions invoked in him before. Pussy was always just that – pussy. And while he had a handful of women in his life that he respected and cherished, he couldn't classify her in that group. She had pulled him in, and he was so wrapped in getting back inside, he wasn't even sure if he was thinking straight anymore. He knew he was nowhere near breaking down her walls enough to be close enough to her. Sleeping with her hadn't changed that a bit. She had used him like a toy, for comfort, and he had enjoyed every minute of it. But most of all, he despised the way he didn't just want another taste of that. He felt some primal, protective predisposition towards her. And when he tried to rationalize why in his head, he couldn't fucking make sense of it which scared him even more. The fact that she had been ignoring him, where previously she was responsive and open, heated him- especially knowing how her baby daddy was back in the picture shaking things up. He kept talking himself out of riding out to her house, knowing she wouldn't answer and he would probably break the door down. That's how fucking crazy he felt lately.
He was a bottle deep when he brought Winsome back to his room at the clubhouse. They had never been close enough to constitute a relationship, but it was no secret that she was a his favorite side piece. They fucked on the regular and had a decent relationship as friends. She was perfect- natural, witty, never expected anything of him. In most ways, she acted like one of the guys. So, whenever he wanted some, he preferred her familiar embrace over the rest. She was always around, working at Cara Cara. And everyone knew that certain girl belonged to him, and they kept their hands out of the honey pot.
And tonight was no different, as she was on all fours below him, gripping the bed rail with one hand to keep her balance while she absorbed his blows. He was angry, at the fact that all he could see in his head tonight was another brunette. She had a good 20 pounds on Winsome, and she threw it back about ten times as good. He could still smell her, that perfect, personal smell that he was way too dense to figure out but could pick out of a lineup. He could hear her voice, raspy and tempting, pitching higher or lower based on her level of annoyance. He could feel her pressed up against his body, melting into him like he was the only safe space around. He had thought that fucking Jennifer would have dissolved his mental preoccupation with her, but if anything it had made it worse. He had never craved someone before. He craved pussy plenty, but a particular set of lips? No, that was new. And all he could do was fuck the girl beneath him harder in anger that, although she was good, she just wasn't her.
SOASOASOASOASOASOASOA
A week later, Jennifer was in her kitchen chugging a beer over the sink when her phone went off. It wasn't her classiest moment, but it was almost ten and she had just got done camming for 2 hours straight and although it had been a lucrative night with two shows that had brought in just under $500 each, she was fucking worn out. She saw Jax's number jumping across the screen, and against her better judgement, she picked it up.
"Yeah?"
"Fucking finally." He answered, breathing an internal sigh of relief.
"Yeah, I know. Shit's been sideways. What's up?"
"There's a party at the clubhouse tonight. Figured I'd see if you wanted to come. Wanted to make sure you're alive and all."
She laughed, finishing the beer before tossing it in the bin. "I'm alive as ever. I don't have a sitter Jax, sorry."
"Don't go to sleep yet, I'm coming over." Jennifer scoffed at the phone, didn't he even have the decency to pretend to ask her permission first? It was infuriating that it only took about 2 minutes of civil conversation between them before they were right back to pissing each other off.
"No, you're not." Jennifer said, before realizing the line was already dead. She sighed as she walked back to her room, unlocking the front door on her way there, knowing that trying to call him back to tell him not to come would be a waste of time. She threw on some pajama shorts and a tank top, there was no way in hell she was putting a bra back on this late at night after being naked for the better part of two hours. There was nothing she could do but wait now, so she flipped on MTV after she opened another beer, mindlessly zoning out on Jersey Shore reruns.
She didn't expect Jax to knock, which was why she had flipped the lock for him. When she heard it, she got up and opened the door, trying to keep a glare on her face, but somehow, she couldn't help but have a smile force its way through from seeing him. He brought out some childlike playfulness in her that had long been dead and buried. She wasn't sure why, or how, and they were both too caught up and grounded in the real world to understand it, but it was because Jax adored her in the unconditional way a parent adored a child, which gave her all the freedom and the courage to be herself completely. She could feel that adoration even if she couldn't recognize it.
"Well, come on in I guess." She said, feigning annoyance in her voice as she walked back to the kitchen to grab two more beers. She was already on beer 3 and she had no intention of slowing down if she had to stay up and hang out with him tonight.
"You got anything stronger?" Jax asked, following her in. She thought for a moment before opening up the cabinet above the fridge and pulling out a bottle Svedka, raising her eyebrows at him in question.
"Fuck it, why not." She turned around to grab two shot glasses before Jax laughed, coming up behind her, placing a hand on her hip. "Don't worry about those. We can slum it and pass the bottle." Ugh, why did he have to be such a dog? He was always sniffing around her, making it impossible for her to not end up acting like a bitch in heat.
"Whatever you say, boss." She replied, walking out to the back patio and lighting a cigarette. The night air was cool and refreshing on her skin, she had worked up quite a sweat earlier and she was finally starting to relax after performing. She closed her eyes, basking in it.
"Busy night?" Jax asked, amusement in his voice.
"Oh yeah. About a grand worth of business in my busy night. I feel like I could pass out but I'm still too wired."
Jax whistled. "Must have been some show to pull in that kinda money." He didn't know what it was about her, how knowing what she had just done for money could simultaneously interest him, turn him on, and piss him off.
She smirked at him. "You have no idea" she said, her tone implying that he wished he did.
Jax pretended to pat himself down looking for his wallet. "I think I got a few hundred on me if you're in business for an encore show?"
Jen couldn't help but laugh. "You already got it for free, and now you're willing to pay for it?"
"Hey, I was always willing to pay for it. I just got lucky." They had passed the bottle back and forth between them a few times, and Jennifer felt the warmth of being drunk starting to course through her. She had even less of a filter when she was drunk, and she thought that maybe she should slow down considering all that was going on between them.
"So, I gotta know, what kind of show pulls in a grand for a couple hours of work?"
She looked at him sideways, her face serious. "You really want to know?"
When he shook his head, she shrugged, he had already seen every part of her and it was no secret what she did. "I've been camming for almost a year now, right? Well, tonight was the first time I did ass-play on camera. So, my regulars were pretty hyped. I had teased doing it a couple times before, but I had set the bar high, telling them they had to tip me up collectively to $2,000 before the show would start. I have to give 30% to the website, and 30% goes aside for taxes. So, the first couple of times I did it they didn't get me up to $2,000 in the time frame so I kept their money and didn't do a show. They were pissed, but they knew I wasn't fucking around this time so they all coughed it up."
Jax couldn't blame them, her ass was prime. He laughed out loud. "Shit, I'm in the wrong business."
"Yeah, I make money without all the danger of gun-running. So I'd say I'm the smart one between the two of us." She took a generous pull off the bottle.
Jax eyed her warily. "What do you know about gun-running?"
Their light-hearted conversation suddenly turned heavy. Jennifer had fought with herself about whether she should tell Jax about the knowledge Stahl had dropped on her about the Aryans getting into guns with Zoebelle. She didn't know how it would all land, and it was all so confusing. She didn't want her family to get hurt, but she felt some strange sense of loyalty to Jax, and she didn't know why. He could be gone from her life tomorrow. Blood would always be thicker than water.
But, she wasn't in a good place with her family, and Jax had stuck next to her side as a protector lately, and even though he had done so under the guise of Tully tasking him with it, she couldn't help but feel like there was more to it than that. She did really feel like he was looking out for her, and it was her own fault that she hadn't really let him in.
"Well apparently I might know a lot more soon. Stahl, said some things… I don't know how true they are." Jax kept his eyes on her, willing her to go on. "Have you ever heard of a Zoebelle? Well, I hear he's getting the Brotherhood into gun-running. Sounds like he's a shot-caller."
Jax nodded, clearly unwilling to discuss club business with her, so she made herself shut the fuck up before she dug herself a deeper hole. She didn't know why she was telling him this, and she didn't know If it was going to benefit anyone in the long run. Lately, everything had been so muddled, and she had been so indecisive, which wasn't like her at all. She felt like she was getting pulled apart, being dragged in every direction.
Jax got up, invading her personal space like he was prone to doing. She was drunk enough and had missed his dumb ass enough that she didn't fight it like she normally did. "Don't worry about that, okay? Stahl, your family, no one should be pulling you into that shit. It doesn't concern you." He said it with a definitiveness that was hard to argue against, so she shook her head in agreement, biting her lip as she looked up at him.
He pushed her hair behind her ear, looking at her with concern in his eyes. "So, what's going on with your ex?"
Her face paled, the thought of Jeremy ruining her good mood. She sighed. "I really don't want to talk about it, Jax." She tried to sound as forceful as she could, so to leave no room for negotiation.
She saw the frustration flash in his eyes, followed by empathy. "If you want me to take care of it…" He started, shocked by his own offer. The fuck was he saying? Take care of it how? Was he gonna off Tully's son because he was shaking her up? It sounded fucking insane, but he knew if she asked right now, he'd probably say yes. The idea of that asshole getting his grip back on Jen and the kids made him sick and angry.
Jen rolled her eyes, sick of men and their dominant bullshit. She knew he wasn't going to drop it, so she decided to shut him up by kissing him. She was drunk, and she couldn't help but think about how good their night had been together when she had finally let him in. Plus, she was feeling extra turned on and naughty tonight and it seemed like a waste to pass it up when she had him right in front of her. They battled for dominance, before Jax broke the kiss of with a growl, turning her around so he was slightly bent over the patio railing, rubbing and grinding her ass on his hardening cock. Jennifer moaned, she didn't think it was possible for her to be any wetter at this point, and she was aching for him to fuck her. His hand gripped around her throat as she turned her head so he could kiss her from behind. Breaking off the kiss, she braced herself as Jax pulled her shorts down, an appreciative noise coming from him when he realized she had no panties on. She thought she was about ready to cum on the spot as he slipped two fingers into her pussy, stilling her hips with his other hand as she tried to push down harder on them to get some relief. He continued to fuck her with his fingers, and she rubbed her clit as she came on his hand, grinding down on him as much as she could.
"This" Jax said, continuing to move his fingers in and out of her pussy at a slower pace, "This is good. But I'm not having this tonight." She heard him unbuckle his belt behind her and she was so fucking turned on she thought she would give him just about anything he asked for at this point. She turned around, getting down and taking his cock into her mouth, getting it wet and slick with her spit now that she knew what he was on his way to doing. She looked up at him, enjoying the look of admiration and bliss in his eyes as she gave him head. Once she was satisfied with her work, she got back up her original position, rubbing and shaking her ass on his cock, inviting him in. She turned her head and he caught her mouth in a kiss.
"Do whatever you want, baby. I'm all yours." Jax didn't think it was possible for him to get harder at this point, but hearing her words proved him wrong. He grabbed her hip with one hand, his other hand guiding his cock into her ass slowly. He could feel her body tense up as soon as he got the tip in, and had to stop too as her ass was so fucking tight he already felt like he was about to cum. He could hear breathing heavy, as she slowly relaxed and got accustomed to him inside her. He started to move, thinking if her pussy was good her ass was basically exceptional. Jennifer grabbed his hand, guiding it to her pussy and rubbing her clit with his fingers, before he pushed her hand away and took over. She gripped the railing, falling into perfect rhythm with him, her pussy practically dripping from how turned on she was.
Jennifer moaned, barely able to contain her noise as she was on the precipice of coming undone, the idea of Jax cumming inside of her taking her to the edge. "Yes" she breathed out, "fuck me Jax, cum inside of me."
He growled behind her, fucking her harder. "You like that?"
"Yes, baby, please fuck me." Jax grabbed her hair roughly, fucking her with abandon and she came, her hand over her mouth to stifle her moaning. She felt him speed up, his thrusts becoming erratic as he finished inside of her, slowing down and pushing into her languidly a few more times to savor his orgasm. She relaxed beneath him, pushing back on his cock in appreciation as he gripped her hips, pushing her ass back onto him in reciprocated gratitude. After a few moments of coming down from it, he pulled out of her and she turned around to face him, a similar smile on both their faces. He kissed her, this time slower, with less to prove.
"You're too fucking good." He breathed out, landing one last peck on her lips as he pushed her hair out of her face.
"You're not too bad yourself." She answered. She didn't know what the fuck they were doing with each other. She didn't know why they couldn't seem to stay away from each other either. All she knew was she was falling, deep, and she hadn't ever let a man in so completely aside from Jeremy. She liked to be owned, she craved it on an elemental level. And it scared the shit out of her.
