Smash Skits

Note: I do not own the Smash Brothers series or any characters from it. However, I do own this fic, and FINALLY my own copy of the game! Of that, I am happy at last!

This next hit goes out to, and courtesy of, Fire Emblem Mewmew.

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(Chapter 4: Staring)

Languid...

Dry...

Crusty...

Scaly...

Oddly enough, this doesn't even come close to describing what it was Link and Toon Link were doing. They were having a staring contest; a match of ocular omnipotence. Master Hand already complained once before about how childish games could lead to horrible consequences (as Mario, Sonic, and Snake found out after the 'fiasco' from last chapter. The Groudon was not held responsible. It was given a sweet Poffin. It was glad to get it.)

This time, another stalemate would arise. Of course, it won't be out of retarded coincidences. This was also no gentleman-ly staring contest.

After the initial couple of minutes, both generational heroes decided to go all hardcore!

They tried blinding each other with their shields, with assistance from the flourescent lighting above. Although they both got a nice dosage of artificial Vitamin D, and bright spots in their vision, neither blinked, and neither gave in.

They tried poising their arrows, in a ready stance, to the other's eyes. They both eventually tossed their arrows into the other's eyes, hoping to gouge themselves a certain winner. Oddly enough, their arrows bounced right off like rubber to a couple things that were like glue; those things being through one of a certain blue hedgehog's quills (Sonic: Ow!) and through a shell spike on a certain turtle/dragon/kappa king. (Bowser: What'd I DO?!)

With their boomerangs, they intended to ruin the other's fun and games by taking out their eyes. But like a dull projectile hitting a Wind Waker Armored Gorias, the boomerangs bounced off each other's eyes, ending up digging themselves into the corners of the room.

With both of their Master Swords in hand now, it was decided to be a straight-out forward stab into some eye-sockets! And... okay, here's where things get admittedly retarded: they forward-stabbed each other's eyeballs, none blinking done, and both their swords flew RIGHT out of their hands, bounced around the room, and both stabbed through the wall that was Captain Falcon's room.

"WHOA!" Captain Falcon yelped, seeing as how the swords stabbed RIGHT THROUGH his chair and wall. "It's a good thing I didn't SIT DOWN! I would've been a Swiss Falcon!" He laughed nervously, then fumed. "ASSHOLES..."

Hookshot and Clawshot didn't work so well either, as eyes equals deflectors, and the shots went into the ceiling of Wario's room, nearly impaling the fat man's feet.

And so, the final stand-off brought out the big bombs. Literally, they were inexplicably stacking each other with their bombs, all lit and ready to nuke a small neighborhood.

"HEY! I WANT A WORD WITH--"

Before Captain Douglas Jay Falcon got another word out, the massive explosion sent him flying through his room window, and falling back first into Peach's flower garden. The Princess wasn't that thrilled, and she proceeded to heel-tap Falcon in the groinal region repeatedly.

But still, with eyes demanding the sweet taste of re-flooded eye juice, were Link and Toon Link, almost gnashing their teeth at each other in annoyance. Someone was gonna go DOWN in this--

"Hey boys!"

The two Hylians turned to see the always elegant Zelda call them. "Oh Hey Zelda--" They both said back, but had stopped dead in their tracks when they found out their critical error: both of them had blinked. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" They both cluttered Zelda upclose. "YOU WERE THERE! WHO BLINKED FIRST? WHO BLINKED FIIIIIIIRST?!"

Unable to answer their question, she did the only elegant thing to do: use her down Smash to hit Link in the cack and Toon Link in the face, before running away in terror.

"Heh..." Toon Link tried to keep his head-battered eyes from spinning. "I got to see up her dress..."

"Good for you, man..."

And with that, both collapsed.

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