CH.4: An Angel By Day And A Rebel By Night
As soon as schools over, I run all the way back home. I pull the door wide open and when I hear the sound of it getting slammed shut I cringe. I allow myself to catch my breath for a quick second before I let out the scream that has been eating me away the entire day!
Who the hell does Austin Moon think he is? The good looking guy that all the girls fall for?
Well news flash! I don't fall very easily. There's a reason why I didn't fall for his moves in freshmen year and why I still keep rejecting his offers today! There's a reason why Trish is my only friend and a reason why I allowed Dallas to come into my life.
I only let myself open up to very few people and by that I mean only Trish. She's the only friend I have because she's been there for me all my life that I can't imagine it without her and as for Dallas… well what's wrong with living it a little?
The moment he asked me out I knew that all we ever were going to be was a fling and that's exactly how it played out. The second he showed signs of being serious I dumped him. I never saw him anything long term, only to screw around with.
I'm pacing back and forth though my living room and I'm shouting out loud to myself in my head. It's eating me away that Austin kissed me! And the worst part is that I actually responded.
Now all my hard work of trying to just get by high school is down the drain. People are going to be gossiping, whispering, and pointing. My three least favorite things but what bothers me the most is that after that horrible memory, people suddenly think they can talk to me.
Some come and ask me how Austin is in bed, others threaten me to stay away, and then there are those who actually want to have some sort of relationship or friendship with me.
Well here's the deal, I don't do either. I've seen it, heard it, and felt it. It's better to be detached from everything than get too attached and be devastated when you get left behind. And what's the point of believing every single word a person tells you when you know all they're going to do is break them the second they have a chance to?
Nothing. It's as simple as that. Nothing; there's no point to it except for disappointment when they don't change or keep their ways. Some people are fun to keep around for a while but in the end, leave before you get too close because things can get confusing after and that's what you want to avoid at all cost.
I let out another shout in frustration and as I run my fingers through my hair I know what I need. I need to leave reality for a second, even if I need to return at the end of it. I've been doing it for about a year or so, but no one noticed, not even Trish.
People all have their ways to release their stress out and I've got my own. Before I used to write songs, but then that reminded me too much of what I want to forget so I decided to take it up a notch.
When I used to have more friends, one of them told me that I should go with them to this party. Being the goody two shoes that I was and kind of still am, I always told her next time. I never really thought I would go but apparently next time came sooner than I suspected.
I'm looking through my closest franticly as I search for something to make me feel hot. I don't care if I look like the biggest slut on the block, but as long as I feel confident, then that's all that matters.
I find this bright blue shorts that have a cursive A on the back pocket and then get out this tank top that is black and has in bright neon colors music notes and head phones. I quickly get changed and I look at myself in the mirror to find myself decent looking… or you could say. I put on my blue converse and go to the mirror to put on some make up.
I get some dark blue eye shadow and then add on top a light blue glittery one to with some black eye liner that makes my eyes even bigger. I put on some nude lip gloss and add mascara to my already curled eye lashes.
I get some of my top hair and pull it back while some of my bangs loosely hanged in the front and the rest of my hair is left in its natural curly state.
I stare at my reflection and then I remember the first time I went. It was dark and it was somewhere in this woods near a lake. I couldn't see anything until I got close to the edge of the lake and started to make out a bit of light here and there. Then the sound of music was calling to me. She had warned me what to expect but at that moment all thoughts ran out of my head.
As soon as we reached our destination, things were crazy. People where loud, drunk, and basically all over the the place. The smell of beer reeked all over and you could tell some were doing things that aren't really legal by the way they were acting. At first I wanted to run out but then she handed me some punch and things got way better after that.
Now I'm not an alcoholic, but it's good to know that something will let me be numb. And the people seem to pay attention to you when the real world doesn't. Also it makes it easier to do the things I do and it lets me forget all the regrets I have.
I know, I'm too young to have regrets and what the hell do I know about life, but if I actually spoke about it I wouldn't be the same innocent Ally Dawson that they all think I am.
I grab my cell to text the one person who knows about my other side. Like always, I think I won't have the guts to send it but rapidly I press the button and quickly I'm replied with a, "Be there in ten."
I wonder who will be there. I try to remember the people whom I spent it with the last time because each time I go, I change crowds. I move in and out of conversations easily but I'm the best with moving fast with guys.
I don't do anything serious but making out. It's mot considered a real sin in the bible. It talks about sex but nothing about making out, so I am doing nothing wrong.
I get tired of waiting even though it's only been two minutes since he replied. With nothing much to do, I decide to look all over the house to try to find where my dad keeps his secret stash hidden and by that I mean beer. I want to get a drink or so before I leave.
Before I do, my ride ends up getting here sooner than expected. Too bad for me, I guess.
I get my leather hooded jacket as I step outside and I see him waiting for me right at my garage.
"Hey," I say in a suggestive tone.
I can't see behind his shades but I know he's rolling his eyes at me.
"When are you going to give up on the idea of hooking up with me? We both know that I will never fall for you Als," he explains to me for the hundredth time as I get on his motorcycle. He hands me a helmet which I refuse to put on, but reluctantly do when he tells me that he won't take me nowhere without it.
The whole ride is silent and I can't wait to get there and get wasted. I can't wait for the party to help me forget about my latest problem and who knows? I might have a cigarette or two, depending mostly on my mood.
I still can't believe that the second closest person to me is Ross. I have no clue how our relationship begin but I think the only reason why it works is because I need a ride to the party and he doesn't get into my personal life. This works perfectly for me because I can't get attach if he doesn't ask anything personal.
He parks his motorcycle and we go our separate ways as if we never came together in the first place. In front of me the whole party is at swing and I'm making my way to the refreshment area.
As I walk by I see the guys staring and girls glaring at me, but it's not my fault if they can't keep their man's eyes on them.
After chugging down two cups or so I go to the dance floor. And I become someone else. A person that no one sees except for the people that are too drunk to remember the next day.
I'm dropping low and I'm moving my hips in all the wrong motions that feel so right for me at the moment. Guys come and go and I think I've kisses about half of them but then again I wouldn't know. I'm too drunk to know what's actually happening. It only took an hour or so to get completely wasted and guess what earth!? Ally Dawson doesn't give a shit for what people think or say about this!
I'm currently grinding on a guy when a blonde bimbo comes out of nowhere and pulls me by the hair to throw me on the ground.
I let out a shriek in pain and I look up to see her smiling in delight.
"WTF? Why the hell did you just did that? Are you mental or something!?" I scream out loud at her as I get up. I smirk as I see her smile fade from my words and before I know it, she's coming straight at me again.
At first I don't try to do anything but defend myself. I was trying to reason with her but then she did it. She ripped my new shirt. It's not a big deal except that the bitch actually ripped my favorite shirt. And that's when I lost it.
Next thing I know, people are crowding around us and are chanting for us to fight. I'm sitting right on top of her and she's trying to cover herself with whatever she can. I'm pretty sure she's going to have a bruise or two tomorrow from me.
I don't stop until Ross magically appears and pulls me off. Even then I'm struggling to get out of his grip just so I can have another shot at her.
He takes me to this quiet place that's away from the party and I feel my head throbbing where bitchy Barbie hit me. He tells me to sit down on a log, which I gladly do, and I wait for him to return as he goes to get ice for me.
I start to tap my foot impatiently and then I can't take it anymore. I stand up and walk myself to the edge of the lake. I can see my reflection but the only thing I know is… who the hell am I?
I used to be perfect, well-behaved Ally Dawson, but I changed when I realized that being nice gets you nowhere. Except I'm not too straight out with it because then people would ask. And asking always leads for fake people telling you they care and are willing to help when in truth, they just want to sink you deeper.
I get startled when Ross shouts at me to sit back down which I unenthusiastically do. When he reaches me, he puts the ice on my face and I grab some to put it under my shirt and on my leg.
I shiver as the cold sensation hits my skin but I really don't mind. At first it feels weird but soon I become numb. My favorite thing to feel.
It gets quiet since nothing is shared between us until he whispers, "Why do you do this with yourself Ally?"
I'm taken by surprise by his question. He's never asked me anything personal before so why start now? Feeling threatened by his actions, I push his hand away and stare at him wide eyed.
He's not looking at me. In fact he's looking off into the distance so I decide to ignore him but he gets persistent and asks me once again.
"Why do you care?" I ask him in a rude tone.
I make the coldest glare that I can manage and I'm in my defensive mode. One thing I "love" about myself is that I'm good with words. And by that I don't mean I can lie myself out of situations or convince people to do what I want. No, I know how to use them to make you wish you never tried me. I can make you feel like a low life and I know how to rub all of your mistakes right in your face so that you wish you weren't even alive. It's a curse you can say and I hate myself for it, but then again, if you think about, I wouldn't be the bitch I am today if no one gave me the reason to start in the first place.
"Ally you're young and you're wasting your time with people who will never see you more than a toy," he tells me in a desperate tone.
Wow, when did he get all sentimental? So much for avoiding personal emotions! And who the hell is he to tell me how I should get treated? If I want to be treated like this then it's my problem right?
I pull away from him completely now and I know what I'm going to say is going to hurt him but I don't care when it comes to my safety.
"What? Like you were much better! The guy who fucked every girl he laid eyes on and then once he did find the girl he loved, he left her because he was too young to take care of his own child!?"
As soon as the words slip from my mouth I want to take them back. In fact there are so many things, especially words, that I want to take back but time won't let me.
I see a tear slip away on his cheek and I want to form the word sorry, but my throat feels too dry to say anything. I'm left with my mouth wide open as he leaves my side and goes walking back to the party I guess.
I stay paralyzed, unable to comprehend how I could just say that to someone who's as nice as Ross, for who knows how long. It could have been an hour or a minute, but all I know it felt like forever.
Here's one reason why I do all of this, it's to forget how damn lonely I actually feel. Especially the moments when I think about all the mistakes I've done. But no one can know this because once they do, they see you're weak and all they do is push you down.
I hear the music growing softer and softer until there's nothing left to be heard. That's when I decide to get up and start walking home.
It's a thirty minute walk from here and I should be afraid because I'm a girl barely wearing any clothes at two AM in the morning but I don't. If I disappear today for some unknown reason, I wouldn't give a damn about it and I even think that my parents would be glad to finally have gotten rid of the skank in the house.
I'm walking down the sidewalk of my house, looking at the ground when I bump into someone.
"Look where you're going you son of a," but I don't get to finish my sentence because momentarily I realize that it's the person who I hate the most at the moment; Austin Moon.
He looks surprised to see me but I don't give him time to react. I go around him and continue walking.
From the corner of my eye I see that he's still standing there and he's just staring at me. I roll my eyes before I stop and turn around to glare at him while I shout out with malevolence in my voice, "Take a picture it'll last longer!"
I'm starting to walk again when i realize that he's still reacting so I yell even louder, "What the fuck are you staring at dick head!?"
With that I walk inside my house and shut the door as fast as I can. I quickly realize that my dad is passed out on his favorite couch with a bottle in his hand and I'm pretty sure mom's wasted or high from something she did.
I make my way up to my room and quickly climb up to my roof with the help of my tree I take in the beauty of the stars and the moon as i try to not over think what I'm about to do. Slowly I take out the cigarette that I never got a chance to have at the party.
I know this is wrong. In fact I don't want to be like this. But sometimes you need to go to such extremes to find the reasons why you're alive and what you're going to do in this hectic thing we call life.
A/N: Well you all inspired me with all your reviews that i just had to write another chapter! seriously, 19 reviews in one chapter! You all made my day! :) Ok so this is most likely the only chapter from Ally's POV because i want to show you what she does and get into her mind because in this story she is OC but don't worry she still the same Ally we love but you won't get to see her until later on ;) So on to shout outs!
LoveAndLaughter: well thank you so much for reviewing and i never noticed that but it's actually true! I was laughing hard after i read your comment. Well thanks for likeiing the last two chapters and hopefully you liked this one! :)
WannabeWriter630: Well thank you so MUCH for reviewing. It made my day so much and i'm glad that you enjoyed it a lot. Hopefully you're glad that i uploaded sooner than expected! ;)
queenc1: Well thanks for reviewing my last two chapters and i hope that you enjoyed them both a long with this one! :) And i may not have mentioned it in this chapter but trust me, Ally enjoyed the kiss! ;)
Bubbleslolz: Thanks for reviewing on two chapters ago! I'm glasd that you enjoyed it and hopefully you enjoyed this one! :) Hahaha that's funny!
cupcake291:Thanks for reviewing both chapters and i hope that you liked this one. Don't worry i promise to not forget about AUstin. I like writing in him better than i do with Ally for some random reason. Well thanks and i hope you liked it! :)
randomsmileyperson: Thanks for reviewing both chapters and i hope that you liked this one! :)
Awesomesauce325:You are really sweet and i'm sorry but i just had to put Ally pov once so you could get an idea of how she is. Although from here on out you might have to guess because she will no longer be written. Gosh that sounds mean but you get what i mean. Thank you for reviewing the last two chapters and i hope you enjoyed this one! :)
iamastar: Thanks for reviewing and I hope you liked this last chapter! :)
.7524879: Thanks for reviewing and i hope that you liked this chapter! :)
naadabh: Oh my gosh name change! :) That's cool. I'm glad you like AUstin's pov and that you liked how the last chIapter turned out. For the Maid of honor, sorry for confusing you but yea, it starts at the end and now it's telling you how it got there. So i hope you liked this chapter and until next time! :)
Valerie: Thanks for reviewing and I'm glad that you liked it. I hope you enjoyed this one and thanks! :)
Teshia14: Thanks for letting me know and i'm glad you liked the last chapters. Although not too much AUstin in this one, don't worry you'll see what's happening to him in next chapter!
Angeldogann: Thanks for reviewing and i hope you enjoyed this chapter! :)
I Love Zacey I'm glad you liked the last chapter and hopefully you liked this one! :)
XxGlitterGirlxX: I'm glad that you are enoying this story and i hope that you are still enjoying it. Thanks for all the support and you're on of the reassons why i just had to upload! :)
Hfanfiction: I'm glad that i didn;t mess up with the character of Austin yet and that you enjoyed the chapters. hoopefully you enjoyed this one and thanks for all the support.
cookieloverx3: Thanks for the reviews and all the support i really wish that you liked this chapter and thanks! :)
savanna: Thanks for the review and i hope you like this chapter! :)
HG Just Because: Thanks for all your support and i hope you liked the last chapter becuase you just wrote frozen so i'm not sure which way to take it. But either way hope you enjoyed this chapter! :)
readinghottie16: Well thanks for reviewing for the chapters and i hope that you liked this chapter! :)
MrsLiamPayne: Thanks for all the support and and everything! I'm glad that you liked the kiss and like the story so far. i would be jealous of your name except i like Zayn so sorry but Zayn is mine and you can have lain even though he's cute too. ;) So here's your update. Especially for you! :)
percyjacksonlove:Thanks fore the support and i hope that you liked this chapter! :)
Kato45: Thanks for reviewing and i hope you enjoyed this chapter! :)
Guest: Thanks fore reviewing and i hope that you liked this chapter! :)
Hey149: Sorry but i wanted you guys to get an idea of Ally but don't worry it will all be in AUstins POV for the rest. :) Oh And thanks for reviewing! :)
Guest: I'm glad that you see what i did with DallASS. Sadly i didn't come up with it but my friend did which she gave me the right to use! :) And thanks fore reviewing!
DramaMama01: Well first off, i'm glad that you liked the kiss and second of all, thank you for reviewing! :) It made my day.
ausllyfan01: Thanks for all your support! :) I will try to do both but i think i'll lean more heavily on Austin! But i hpoe you enjoyed this chapter as well as the ones before! :)
Readette:Thanks for reviewing and i guess it's my turn to be screaming my head off like a fangirl! Seriously your story is amazing! I can;t believe how amazing it is and one of the few that I am ACTUALLY interested in. Well i'm glad that you enjoyed the last chapter and hopefully you enjoyed this one too! :)
keepitsimple923:Thank you for reviewing and i hope you enjoy this chapter! :)
So i hope you all liked this chapter and you are the ones to thank for this early update because this wouldn't have happened without you guys! And out of topic but you should read a story called The Rules To Being Invisible by Readette! Seriously it's a great story and you won't be let down. It's one of my favorites and i think you'll enjoy it. So that's it. Please review and let me know what you think of Ally because i am very interested in hearing your thoughts! :) So have a good night or morning and thanks for all the support on this story! :)
