I wish that someone had just explained to me that the most surefire way to spot Moxxi's was to look for the big ass purple sign. Seriously, that's all it would have taken. "Look for the big ass purple sign." It would have saved me several weird and mostly one-sided conversations with the fine citizens of Sanctuary. But at least I learned stuff!
I think.
If knowing which creatures in the area were edible was considered valuable knowledge. Well, whatever. The point is that I found Moxxi's with absolutely no help from anyone in the town, though they tried their damnedest to give it to me.
As far as bars went, it was a pretty nice place. It had mood lighting and thumpy music and all that stuff I expected a bar to have, plus slot machines. I mean, I had like one dirty five dollar bill in my pocket, but maybe later I would finally get to gamble. Legally! Illegally? I still wasn't sure if anything on Pandora followed laws (or if there were any laws to be followed).
Anyway. I saw Maya immediately – and Zer0 by extension – because I'm pretty sure that Vault Hunters are the only people allowed to wear bright colors. They were sitting in a booth with two other men (one big and one small, it was like a cartoon) and Maya looked angry. She pointed aggressively at the small man and said something I couldn't hear from the entrance, and then he slammed a big meaty hand on the table; I decided to let that happen for a while before approaching.
I contemplated going over to the bar, where another ridiculously attractive woman was pouring drinks, but then considered the possibility of being kicked out for being underage. If Pandora did have any laws, I would be breaking a couple. Then again, a hairy foreigner had just handed me a gun without any kind of paperwork, and the possibility of underage drinking being a more severe crime than unlicensed arms dealing seemed pretty slim.
So I psyched myself up and sat right down at the bar, attempting to look like a confident stress-free adult. The woman behind the bar (very gaudily dressed by the way – maybe she was also a Vault Hunter) sauntered over to me and crossed her arms on the countertop. She smiled and said, "Eighteen," in the sultriest voice I'd ever heard.
I focused the entirety of my willpower on not changing my facial expression. "Hah! Thanks for saying so, but I'm twenty-three." I rested my left arm on the bar, hoping it would lend credibility to my statement. Though looking back, I don't know why I thought it would.
She laughed and set a dark brown bottle in front of me. "Nice try, honey, but I'm a pro at guessing ages." Her perfectly painted face showed no indication of her age, however. "Drink up, no one's gonna arrest you."
Hmm, alcohol. I studied it warily. It was the taboo of my old high school, the substance I avoided for the sake of science. Now it was legal (or something), and a hot lady was giving it to me, and there were absolutely no foreseeable consequences. This is your chance to shine, Gaige. Don't be lame. Don't be lame. I reached for the bottle, but then hesitated. What if I didn't have a very high alcohol tolerance? What if I got all tipsy and became a jackass in front of the Vault Hunters and then they decided that I couldn't hunt Vaults with them anymore?
"Sugar, you look pretty conflicted." The woman took the bottle away, grinning in a surprisingly seductive way. "Breakup?"
I glanced over to the Vault Hunters' table; they were still arguing. Well, all except Zer0. He was just watching. "No, I was supposed to meet someone here." I made myself look back at the bar. "But it looks like he's busy."
She whistled. "Ooh, you're after a Vault Hunter? Good luck, sister." She extended a dainty gloved hand. "By the way, I'm Moxxi. New in town?"
I took her hand, amazed at how elegantly she did everything. Not exactly my mental image of a bar owner. "Yeah, I just got here today." I paused and looked briefly over to Maya and Zer0 again. "Do they always fight like that?"
Moxxi smirked and began wiping down the bar top. "Honey, you haven't seen them fight yet. That's a conversation." She pushed some errant hair out of her face; I kind of just wanted to give her a hug. "Besides, it looks like your hot date has arrived."
"What?" I looked around and, sure enough, Zer0 was missing from the table. The other three didn't even seem to notice; or if they did, maybe it was such a common occurrence that they didn't care. Mild sense of foreboding. Moderate sense of déjà vu.
"Feeling better?" He asked, sitting there behind me all proud of himself, that bastard.
I narrowed my eyes and my face probably didn't look very nice. "Yes. You really enjoy sneaking up on people, huh?"
He didn't answer, but ":)" flashed on his helmet.
"You sure have a weird type, sugar." Moxxi winked at me and moved down the bar to serve other customers.
Zer0's helmet projection changed to "?" and I quickly stood up to draw his attention with a relevant comment. However, I really suck in situations like that, so I ended up just standing there like a retard.
"So uh, what were you guys talking about?" I asked after a few panicked moments of scrambled thought.
Zer0 stood as well, but didn't look like he was about to go anywhere. I think he did it to make me feel better. Yes, it was so awkward that I got social pity from a guy in a jumpsuit. "You." He answered simply, and then added, "Staying."
"Oh." I was afraid to ask what decision they'd made. Maybe he knew that, because he started walking back toward the table, gesturing for me to follow.
Maya and the two men had stopped arguing. Now, they were laughing like old pals; maybe it would be a while before I truly understood Vault hunting.
Zer0 pointed to the small man and said, "Salvador," then pointed to the big man and said, "Axton." I couldn't think of anything to say, so I just waved.
"Ah, there you are." Maya pulled me down into the booth next to her. "Sorry about before. We talked about it, and since you're on Jack's radar now, you'll be staying with us."
Axton chuckled and rubbed his hands together. "She's only being nice because she lost."
"Shut up." She punched him in the shoulder (I got the feeling she did that a lot). "Anyway. There are conditions."
Oh no. Conditions.
"The New-You system is not reliable, since it's controlled by Jack. So we try not to die, even if it currently has no consequences. Which means you're going to need to learn how to fight, okay?" Maya passed her gaze over everyone at the table (including Zer0, who seemed content to stand). "Which means that one of us needs to teach her." She quickly touched a finger to her nose. "Not it."
Salvador immediately did the same. "Nuh-uh, not a chance."
Zer0 tilted his head, displaying a "?" and holding his hand to his mask.
Axton, finger on his nose, shook his head sadly. "Too bad, man. Looks like you're it."
"Not fair."
"Everything's fair on Pandora." The big man grinned and slapped Zer0 on the back. "C'mon, it'll be good for you. Get you more...personable."
"The noble flower
Learns nothing from the insect.
She makes too much noise."
"Hey!" I exclaimed, mentally kicked myself, and finished lamely, "I can be quiet."
Zer0 looked down at me, displaying "…" on his helmet.
"It'll be one of those challenges." Salvador snickered and stood up. "I'm out, amigos. Gotta see a man about a gun."
"Old joke!" Zer0 called after him, making an irritated grunting noise.
I clasped my hands together in my lap, uncomfortable being the topic of conversation yet again. I mean, yeah, I get that it's a bummer to have responsibility thrust on you suddenly, but I wasn't that much of a burden. Right?
Maya gestured for me to stand. "Okay, Zer0. Do this for us and I'll get you out of tomorrow's meeting."
A big "!" appeared on his mask.
"Yup, the whole meeting. You can go do whatever it is you do with your free time and I'll ECHO you the details." She extended her hand slowly. "Deal?"
He sighed and shook her hand. "Very well."
