Chapter 4 - Cair Paravel

By the time I reached Cair Paravel I was both longing and fearing passing through the towering gates. This had been my home for so long and had recently become even more special as the home of our King Caspian and myself, His Queen.

For always. The thought whispered through my mind, gliding over a hundred memories of the past life I'd lived. From the war back in London to living in Narnia and then back to London. I'd been back and forth for what seemed like an eternity, but here I was once again. Only this time I would never be going back to London.

I pulled in a slow, deep breath, silently praying that somehow, when I walked back into Cair Paravel, that everything would be okay. My friends would be there. It would be alright.

"Queen Lucy?" Fayne's gentle voice drew me from my thoughts and encouraged me to move forward, anticipation clear as day on her face. She lived far from here so of course she would be excited to see the place she had heard so much about, yet had never seen. It would be a grand experience and she was my guest, albeit I was not the most attentive of hostesses.

I looked on towards the gates surrounding my home and moved my leaden feet into a spry walk. There was no point in hiding myself any longer. I was here to seek council and rest. If I was dead I wouldn't be any good to Caspian, after all.

Though I had cleaned up quite a bit, I was still covered in filth and my swollen belly was hidden as best as I could manage with an oversized shirt that Fayne had given me. Two of the soldiers that stood steadfast and watchful of us, stepped forward with a hand raised for us to halt.

"Who do your present yourself as, young lady?"

I pulled back my hood, staring at the almost impudent young man with a half-smile on my face. "Your Queen has returned, sir. May I come through with my friend?"

The young man looked me over and the smile slowly faded from my face as I realized he did not believe me. In fact, he scoffed at me and then burst into outright laughter.

"I beg your pardon." I bit out the words. "Please let me see Lord James of ? or Captain Thomas of ?. They will tell you who I am."

"Our Queen is dead!" The soldier exclaimed suddenly solemn. "King Caspian said as much. There has been talk…" The man's voice wavered. "Strange things have happened. One day our King is laying as if dead as dead can be and when our Queen leaves to help him, we are suddenly faced with our King who isn't dead at all! A bit under the weather perhaps…"

I didn't even hear the rest of the man's bold statement. "Caspian?" Caspian is alive? Why would I have not heard word? He has not been looking for me surely?

I blinked, realizing the soldier was staring at me with a less than friendly expression on his face. I glared in return. "I demand that you let me see my husband. I am your Queen and you will do as I say."

The soldier grumbled before grabbing me by wrists. "I'll take of you myself if you spout anymore foolish lies claiming to be Our Queen. She is a beautiful woman…" His eyes narrowed at my appearance. "Nothing like you."

"My lady." Fayne's reassuring voice sounded frightened and I had had enough. I grasped the dagger I kept strapped just inside of my wrist, letting its familiar weight slip into position and with one swoop I sliced at the insolent soldiers hand.

He shouted in reprieve as I took off, grabbing Fayne as I went boldly dashing across the courtyard. Shouts accompanied my insane dash and I grinned mischievously as I cut to my left and slid under a hedge. I had lived here for so many years, if I could not lose a few soldiers…well. I bit my lip with a small sort of delight.

By the time I slowed it was only because I was halfway up climbing the vines outside one of my brothers' old rooms. Much to Fayne's dismay she had declined following after me and instead was hiding in a thatch of trees not far from the castle. Just until I could find someone who would recognize me in all of my unbecoming appearance, I had assured her.

Truthfully, I was more than a little concerned at the welcome I had received. Our soldiers, however rude some of them might be, wouldn't openly ignore a demand like that without at least discussing it with the Captain or someone of higher authority. But to just openly laugh in my face and act as if I could be anything more than a beggar was so completely odd. Strange things are indeed happening.

When I pulled myself over the balcony with an unceremonious landing, I could already hear the uproar my escape has caused. It spurred me to my feet and through the, mercifully, unlocked balcony doors and straight into the arms of a man.

We collided with the force of two very surprised people and one very determined girl. "Sir! I am in a hurry! Please do not try to stop me because I will have my way!" I blurted out the first thing that came to my lips all while trying to duck past the man.

He stunned demeanor falling away he tightened his grip on my arms in an almost desperate way. "Lucy." His voice was gentle, it occurred to me in my flurry of emotion. "Lucy." The voice said again. The man's grip tightened even more and he shook me with more force than was intentional.

"Lucy Pevensie! I swear by all that is good that if you don't stop I will have you whipped!"

For the first time I paused…he knows my name. He knows who I am. But that wasn't all. I knew his voice. I sank to the floor as the man released me, sudden tears on my face.

"James." I gasped the word as he crouched in front of me. "Oh, James." I grasped his face between my filthy hands and gazed into the iciest blue eyes I'd ever seen. They were eyes I had not seen in such a long time. They were the most real thing I had laid eyes on in what seemed like a very long time.

He pulled me into his embrace and just held me. I'm not certain how long we stayed like that before I pulled away.

"James!"

He looked at me, a blonde brow arching in question. "Please tell me you aren't the one who caused the entire guard to go up in flames in a matter of moments."

I grinned for the first time and looked away. "Don't ask questions you don't' want the answers to. But James," I became serious once more. "Is it true? For as much as I've seen and all for helping Caspian, is it true that he lives on his own?" I bit my lip, hardly daring to believe that it could be true or that I could even get the words out.

James' eyes hardened considerably and I could feel the weight of his silence pressing on my chest, making it seem harder to breathe.

"He is alive, Lucy." His words were soft, careful, but I still did not embrace his words longingly.

I tentatively touched his arm, squeezing his hand when he did not pull away.

"What's happened to him?"

"He's not himself Lucy." James looked me up and down. "He's…you shouldn't even be here. Why did you return? I didn't believe you to be dead, but it's been months." He shook his head, trying to solve a problem that I couldn't even begin to understand.

"Caspian woke about a month after you were gone. He searched for you for about the same amount of time, but gradually he just…stopped. Nobody can say why. He even held a ceremony for his young, dead wife. The best of us who believed that you couldn't be dead; we didn't attend. Things starting changing, people started getting restless as rumors spread over the kingdom that there is a curse upon Narnia for the first time in over 100 years there is unrest and there's a dark magic roaming about, seeking whom it may devour."

James paused as footsteps could be heard clambering down the hallway and he pushed me roughly into his closet not a moment before his bedroom door was flung open. To his credit, he didn't falter a bit as a soldier exclaimed loudly that there was a crazy young woman running around claiming to be their Queen. I could picture James' cool expression as he smiled politely.

"I am beyond certain that no such woman has come into my chamber, sir." The soldier fought to interrupt him that the chamber needed to be searched, Captain's orders, but James smoothly stepped over his words with all the cunning of a courtier. "Now if you will excuse me, kind sir, the King has asked that I continue my research today and you are trampling your dirty all over it." He coughed as if insinuating that the man might be covered in filth. "I'm sure King Caspian would love to hear why his research was delayed. After all he is such an understanding man these days."

There was a bite to James' voice that sliced right into my soul. His words spoke of more than just a way to remove the robust soldier from his room. Something told me that Caspian, however alive he may be, wasn't the same person I'd left behind.

Something sharp stabbed at my side and I found myself feeling a sensation of dizziness surrounding me. I clutched at the pain in my side, finding nothing but the sharp kick of the child inside of me. I felt sick and relieved all at once, the dizziness not quite subsiding.

I was pulled to my feet a moment later by an apologetic James. I waved off his concern, swallowing against the tightness of my belly.

"Something is wrong with Caspian." It wasn't a question.

My old friend did not look me in the eye as he nodded. "You do not need to be here. It is only for your safety that I say that, believe me."

My gazed lifted, taking in the simple room around me, the books scattered about in varying stages of being read. The smell of paper and ink filled the air and for the first time since I'd arrived I felt absolutely devoid of energy. Another sharp pang in my side reminded me that I needed to eat, lest I become sick. This didn't soften my resolve, though.

"What am I supposed to do?" I demanded, suddenly feeling angry. "Why couldn't you send word? I've been gone for months and I'm returning to find my people terrified and my kind demented!" There was steel in my words as I stepped closer to my friend. "And you have the nerve to tell me that I am not supposed to be here. That I am not to rule my people and reassure them? I am to just sit back and hide like a…coward."

James flinched back, the first amount of real emotion I'd seen on his face. "You don't understand. This Caspian, whoever he may be, does not want you alive. He's told me that much. Only I'm not sure why."

His words stopped me dead. I pressed my hand into my aching side and took a careful breath. "What do you mean he doesn't want me alive?"

"Lucy," His head snapped towards the sound of voices flurrying about in panic and anger. "You must hide for the moment. I will explain when I can but I must go. Please." I grabbed my free hand, there was desperation in his eyes and that scared me more than I would ever care to admit.

I nodded, blinking as his eyes grew bleary. I reached for the front of his shirt before I was falling once again. I was almost getting used to the sensation. I didn't feel the stone floor as my body collided with it and I definitely did not hear my husband running to my side and pulling me into his arms as he shouted for help.

Most of all I didn't feel a small part of me dying inside as I had no idea of what I was about to be facing.

So, this was a fairly rushed chapter. I kinda just let it go wherever it was going. Sorry it has been so long since I updated, but I'm at least doing better than last time. ;) Right? Let me know what y'all think. I also didn't edit much, so forgive the errors.