Author Note:
So it's been a while.
I haven't touched this story in coming up to five years. It seems crazy how quickly the time has passed, although at the same time it feels like a lifetime ago. Castle used to be my solid ground - my escape when life became a little too real - but a lot happened during the last five years and it also ended up becoming a trigger for some of my most painful memories. For the better part of that time, I couldn't even look at any of my writing. I was never quite able to delete any of it though, in the hope that one day I'd be able to come back.
I don't know if any of my readers are still around, but I'm in a place where I'm doing okay now, and I thought it was about time I threw my hat back into the ring. So without further ado (and a lot of nerves), here we go!
Leigh
Chapter Four
They're overly handsy with each other in the back of the car, completely oblivious to it pulling up at the curb outside his loft and coming to a standstill. With great difficulty - and much to the apparent amusement of Castle's chauffeur - they coordinate themselves and after a slip which leaves Castle biting back a groan, Kate manages to extract his wallet from his dress pants. Mirth dances in her eyes and she's wearing a smirk which leaves him wondering just how accidental her fumble was.
"Thank you David," He affords the driver a smile and a more-than-generous tip.
"You enjoy the rest of your evening Mr Castle, Miss Beckett," David casts his eyes knowingly towards Kate and Castle offers him a trademark smirk.
"Oh we intend to," He's fully aware that under normal circumstances his detective would threaten to shoot him for a suggestive remark like that. As it is though, their almost-engagement coupled with the wine consumed at dinner seems to have gone to Kate's head, leaving her positively giddy to the point where he isn't sure he could take Detective Beckett seriously, even if she did make a appearance.
The car pulls away from the sidewalk, leaving them stood at the foot of the steps to his building. There's a distinct chill in the evening air and Kate shivers, the absence of suitable clothing becoming much more noticeable. Castle shrugs out of his dinner jacket and wraps it around her shoulders, fingers trailing deliberately across her bare back. She leans into him, all bedroom eyes and her breath hot against his ear. Heat is radiating from Kate's cheeks and words spill unabashedly from her lips, provoking an intense reaction from certain parts of his anatomy.
They head inside and the elevator is empty, which isn't altogether surprising given the lateness of the hour. It is definitely a good thing as well based on the way she has him backed up against the wall, her dress hitched up far too high to be considered decent. His hand follows the length of one toned thigh and she reacts to the movement, bringing her leg up to his hip and better aligning their bodies.
The elevator comes to an abrupt halt and gravity forces her even more intimately up against him when he prevents her from losing her already precarious balance. He puts her down, and they tumble out through the doors, both more than a little unsteady on their feet. The throaty laugh spilling from Kate's throat stops him in his tracks, the sound of it driving him a little bit crazy. God he's so in love with this woman.
She's all wild eyed, the blush gracing her cheeks has intensified, and her previously tamed curls are now haphazardly framing her face, courtesy of his inablity to resist running his hands through them. She's looking back at him now too, her lips curving up into a smirk and betraying her amusement, "You'd think after five years, staring at me would've lost some of it's appeal."
"I don't think looking at you could ever get old," She was clearly teasing him, but he's completely serious and the weight of his words - coupled with the way he's looking at her - are almost too much to handle when she's this inebriated. "Are we gonna stand here all night or are you gonna take me to bed?" She reaches out for him.
The look Castle gives her makes it clear that her diversionary tactics aren't lost on him, but he lets it slide, his hand catching hers. "Keys are in my pocket," He murmurs when they come to a sudden stop outside his door. She gently bumps against him, the sudden invasion of his personal space, leaving him more acutely aware of her than ever.
Kate complies, brushing the bulge in his pants before fishing them out. "They're not the only thing," She even has the audacity to draw attention to it. "You okay there Castle?" She arches an eyebrow and her words hold an underlying note of self-satisfaction.
By not answering he's playing right into her hands (so to speak) so Castle forces himself to formulate words, "Never better." When she glances across at him, his features are schooled into his best poker face and no sooner has she turned back to open the door, he's crowding her back. Her thighs tense and he smirks when she falters and almost drops the keys. Two can play at this game and it's one he isn't used to losing.
His mouth moves against her neck and his lips curve into a smile when a delicious moan makes it's way up from her throat and despite her best efforts, slips out of her mouth. Its counter productive though.. The sound is having as much of an effect on him, and its even harder for him to hide it.
She walks into the loft and it's a moment before his brain catches up with other parts of his anatomy. "You coming, Castle?" Kate's voice floats back out into the hallway and a smug smirk forces it's way onto his face, as he shuts the door with a click behind him.
Afterwards the quietness of the room is interrupted only by their occasional laboured breath sounds and they lay there barely touching as their heart's regain their regular rhythm. The lead weight that seemed to have settled in Kate's chest over the last couple of weeks has dissipated and there's a renewed lightness her heart, when she looks over at him.
His eyes are closed and she's relieved to note that his face is free of the worry lines that have troubled him in recent weeks. It makes her consciously aware of how badly she's taken her eye off the ball, because when she casts her mind back, she's unable to recall the last time he'd looked this at ease. It's been silent for what must have been about fifteen minutes now and Kate thinks he's fallen asleep. Her own eyes are becoming heavy when he eventually breaks the silence, in a voice laden with sleep. "Beckett?"
"Mhmm," She forces herself to keep her eyes open, angling her body towards him and propping herself up on one arms. The movement causes a pleasant ache to flare, starting in her back and spreading through her limbs like wildfire. She peers at him in the dark through heavy eyelids, the corners of her lips crinkling up into a smile.
"I was wondering if you'd like to move in with me." Her grin fades and her Dad's words from earlier that day spring to the forefront of her mind. Your whole life you've never had a relationship go this far. Somewhere around here, you always end them. She'd spent the last week convincing herself that the reason she was going after the job so hard was because she needed something to be sure of - because she didn't know whether they had a future - and now here he is offering her everything. He wanted her to move in with him. He'd asked her to marry him and promised her the world not twelve hours previously. So why isn't she jumping at the chance?
"Do you know what the boys said to me at the start of this case?" Castle says when she doesn't speak."I'd just arrived at the crime scene, and you weren't there yet -" He pauses and she feels a pang of guilt, because they both now know that her absence was because she was on her way back from the interview. Despite them having cleared the air earlier, neither of them are under any illusions that it isn't still a sore point between them. She's about to speak, but he cuts her off again. "I asked Esposito where you were, and he told me I should know because we're practically living together now." Another pause. "Kate, you've been staying at the loft six nights out of seven for at least the last six months."
"I know," She finally answers, able to see that he at least has a point. She'd gone home for the weekend - to give him the space to write, and in the hope that it would provide her with some much needed clarity - but she'd come up empty. The apartment in Tribeca hadn't felt like home for a while now and instead she'd been clock-watching for the entire time, wondering at what point it was appropriate to show up at his door.
"We could even keep your apartment for now - "
"We don't need to do that," She interrupted. "I'd love to move in with you, Rick."
"Are you sure? Because I know I asked, but we don't have to do this yet. We can wait until the dust from all of this settles and we can talk about it again in a few weeks."
"Castle, I want to do this."
Castle drags his torso up off the bed to claim her lips with his own, "I love you."
"Mhmm, I - love - you - too." Her words are almost incoherent in the kiss and she pushes him back down onto the mattress, following suit and stretching out across him. "I'm sorry it took me so long to figure things out."
"Haven't the last five years taught you anything? As long as I know you're in this with me, I'd give you all the time in the world."
Her eyes gleam with tears, which haven't seemed far from the surface recently, and a yawn slips out before she can prevent it, the events of the day finally seeming to have taken their toll. "We'll talk about it more tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow," He affirms, dropping a kiss on top of her head.
It's only been a matter of minutes, but the last thing Castle is aware of before sleep claims him, is Kate's breathing hitching and evening out, indicating that she's finally succumbed to her exhaustion.
Kate is the first one awake the next morning and even in her sleep-induced state she knows it must still be early because neither of their alarms have gone off. The first rays of daylight are beginning to creep in through the curtain, but it's only just light enough that she can make out her surroundings. She feels the steady rise and fall of his chest and it appears that during the night their bodies have gravitated even further towards each other leaving her incapable of movement. One of his legs rests between hers and she's pinned between his body and the bed.
Trying not to disturb him, she reaches an arm behind her, fingers closing around her phone on the nightstand. Blindly she finds the home button, confirming that it's minutes past 6am and that they've actually only been asleep for about five hours. She lets the phone drop back onto the table, sinking back into the mattress and the arm which is slung loosely around her midsection tightens unconsciously when she shifts.
She doesn't prevent the smile which spreads across her face - though if he was awake Castle would almost certainly tease her - and relaxes back into the embrace. She turns her head, feeling rather than hearing a change in Castle's breathing, and delights in the rare opportunity to watch him the way he watches her.
Now she's becoming more awake, she's also increasingly more aware of a need to use the bathroom and so she gradually drags herself out from where she's splayed beneath him trying her best not to wake him up with her movements. She finally manages to untangle herself from him, relying her memory of the loft's layout to find the bathroom without having to turn any lights on and disturbing his sleep.
She briefly contemplates getting back into bed afterwards, but there's a renewed energy burning in her veins that only seems to be present first thing in the morning. Instead, she goes over to the dresser she's long since claimed and pulls out a pair of yoga pants and a tank top from the second drawer, before rifling in the top for a sports bra. Twisting her hair up into a messy bun, she moves back over to the bed and feathers her lips across his forehead and then his cheek, her I love you ending up muted against his jaw. She feels his facial muscles twitch, and hears him murmur something incomprehensible but his eyes stay shut and he rolls into her recently vacated space.
It's only when wondering where she left her keys, she realises what state the rest of the loft must be in. Being tidy wasn't anywhere on their list of priorities last night - she has vague recollections of clothes ending up strewn anywhere and everywhere - and the more vivid her memories become, the more horror-struck Kate is at the thought of Martha - or god forbid Alexis - coming across them. It's enough for her to pause her study of his profile from the doorway. Intent on tidying away the evidence, she stops dead in her tracks when she sees that folded neatly on the chair in his study is their attire from the previous evening. A furious blush stains her cheeks as she picks up the bundle and she almost high tails it back into the bedroom to deposit them into the laundry basket. Clearly though, it's a little late to be feeling self-conscious.
Her movement about the room causes Castle to stir, and as he rolls onto his side, his eyes open and lock with hers. The corners of his eyes crinkle up when he smiles, "Hey," His voice is rough with sleep,"What are you doing up at- what time is it?"
He catches her arm and she stumbles, landing on the edge of the bed, "Still early, but I couldn't sleep - Sorry, I woke you." She leans over him, shifting so her weight is distributed either side of his legs, and her mouth meets his in their first morning kiss, a chaste brush of lips.
"There are worse ways to wake up," Castle grins against her, pulling himself into a sitting position. "You know I had a really good dream last night?"
She arches an eyebrow, "Oh?"
"I dreamed I asked a beautiful woman to move in with me, and she said yes." His hands bracket her hips protectively.
Kate huffs out a laugh; he's smiling, but there's something uncertain about the way he's looking at her and she feels this deep-seated need to reassure him, "Not dreaming," She affirms, reaching up to cup his face.
Castle's smile widens and she can see his mind working overtime, eyes twinkling with mischief. "I had another dream too. I asked the aforementioned beautiful woman to marry me."
"Oh- and what did she say?" Kate teases, playing along because she's fairly certain she knows where this is headed.
"Like she could ever say no to me?"
"Ah, then that one is merely a product of your overactive imagination," Her eyes glint with amusement and she cards a hand through his bed-hair, pulling him to her for another kiss"
"Worth a try," he mumbles sleepily.
Their lips are just about to meet again when he yawns, and she tries to stifle her laughter but fails, "Go back to sleep Castle. There's still a while before the alarm goes off."
"Then you can come back to bed too?" He asks hopefully, tracing patterns against the fabric of her yoga pants, progressing conspicuously further up her thigh.
Kate slaps his hands away, one eyebrow arching, "Because I'm sure we'd both get so much beauty sleep if I did."
"Like you need it," He murmurs before his lips claim hers again and she's lost to the onslaught.
Castle yawns again and she twists out of the light hold he has on her, "I'm gonna go for a run, so you sleep some more and i'll be back in a little while."
In the kitchen, to further add to Kate's embarrassment she notices the post it note on the espresso machine in Martha's elaborate penmanship, stating that she trusts they enjoyed their evening and that she's taken the liberty of leaving them some breakfast pastries.
She reaches into the fridge for a bottle of water, enjoying the chill that hits her face for a moment longer before letting it close.
The loft door shuts behind her with an almost silent click and on her way down to the ground floor, she's unsurprised to encounter no one. She greets the night doorman - he responds stifling a yawn, just minutes from the end of his shift - before breaking into a gentle jog away from the building.
She likes this time of day the best and she rarely feels more alive than when the wind whips against her skin. The sun is barely up, the sidewalks are pretty much deserted by New York City standards and there's an unusually low hum of human activity. Kate's feet pound against the pavement and she rounds a corner, her pace escalating as she finds her stride.
Her run takes her down Broadway, past the restaurant Castle took her to for their third official date and past a quirky little boutique, which reminds her of one of their earlier cases together, back when she could cheerfully have lived without him.
She makes a turn at one of the intersections and finds herself pausing to catch her breath, outside a little bookstore that's definitely seen better days. Cobalt blue paint is peeling from the building, the gilt lettering on the sign is dull and unpolished. Kate catches sight of her reflection in the glass and in her mind's eye, she's transported back to the first time they ever met. In a time before book release parties and police interrogations, back even before she joined the NYPD, so it almost feels like a lifetime ago.
Castle has never mentioned it, not once in five years - and he must have seen a hundred people that day - so she doubts he even remembers, but it's as clear in her mind as it was on that rainy February day, just four short weeks after her world fell apart. It was the first time she'd felt able to breathe since the night they'd driven home from dinner and found Detective Raglan waiting on their doorstep, and she left the bookshop that afternoon, determined and with a feeling somewhere in amongst her grief, that felt a little like hope.
Kate had flown back to Stanford that very same evening, but three days later she was back in New York City, and dragging all of her worldly possessions. The argument with her dad that had followed had been ugly, and the first of many whiskey fuelled rows, but she'd stood her ground. This was her home.
She stands there for the longest time, the years falling away and leaving her caught somewhere between memories of the past and the life she's carved out for herself. The life that not 24 hours ago, she was questioning how she fit into. When she eventually tears herself away, light raindrops have started to fall, mingling with tears Kate doesn't know she's crying. She walks away without a backward glance, wondering how she could even have considered leaving all of it behind.
Because this is her home.
