Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters.'

Updated 11/29/2010

Chapter Four

Starting over

Josh was right; Jean fell in love with the flat that he had gotten her while she was in the hospital the moment she saw it. The bedroom was a descent size and one of the walls had a bookcase in the corner that had about ten books on it (a fact that caused her to glare at Josh, saying that she was going to have to pay him back for those too).

"You know I like giving things," Josh groaned at her responds.

"That's nice, but I don't feel right about accepting them," she shrugged. "I guess one could be my house warming present though."

"Whatever," Josh said shaking his head but smiling at the same time.

Life had quickly fallen into a routine for her over the next few months. She always woke up early, usually to go to work but on the days that she didn't she just used her extra time to read (which was the only time that she allowed herself to read for pleasure). She worked from 8-5 everyday at the law firm, and after the first month (having impressed all of her bosses) was promoted to being a personal assistant to one of the lawyers that worked there. That meant a lot more work (and money too) but she was still able to manage it nicely.

After she would come home from work she would immediately pick up one of her many books, and use that time to learn more about a vast amount of subjects. She had applied to the University that was close to her flat, and with the help of her current boss she was able to get accepted to study there. So she was using this time to see what it was that really interested her, and found (to her boss's pleasure) that she wanted to pursue a career in law. With the extra money that she was earning with the promotion she soon discovered that she would be able to pay for the University by herself, which filled her with great pride. However, as soon as classes started she was going to have to cut back her hours and it would be tougher to get by the next semester but she was determined to make it work somehow (and her boss was willing to work with her schedule just so he could keep her).

Josh would also come to visit her at least once a week, something that she highly enjoyed; seeing as she did need a break from reading every once in a while. Josh had also introduced her to his parents about a month after the accident and she got on quite well with them, James (Josh's father) was even the one that had first suggested that she study law (he was always looking for the next good lawyer, and was dishearten when his own son decided to be a writer instead, though he was proud too).

She would also go at least once a week to see Rachael, trying to decipher everything, mostly the weird dreams she has been having since the she got out of the hospital. Some of them were definitely not dreams; they were flat out nightmares, ones that caused her to wake up screaming too. The details in those were thankful obscure and all she could really gather by them is that they were painful and they happened a little too often to be fictional. She could hear the mad laughter of an insane woman and the wild shouts of someone… someone that was in the deepest pain but she couldn't do anything for, though she so desperately wanted to help him.

However, she did have regular dreams too; or at least they weren't nightmares. She would often dream of two people sitting near her in various different places. They were so simple, just her sitting next to two boys - that she figured were her age and were likely her friends - who were always smiling or laughing. One of the boys had dark hair that was very messy looking (but in a good way), and he had the most beautiful shade of green eyes that she ever seen, hidden behind a pair of glasses. The other boy had brilliant red hair, freckles and blue eyes like the ocean (which she knew were the reason why she liked Josh's eyes so much). And then there were the dreams about a man that she had no idea what he looked like except that he had brilliant red hair (and she often wondered if it was the boy she must have been friends with but she had no way of knowing), and he would do things to her that she would never mention to a living soul.

That was it, that's all she had left of her memories, which made her really sad whenever she allowed herself to think about it, though that didn't happen much. She busied herself with doing everything she could to make a happy life for herself, and didn't dwell on the past too much. That doesn't mean that she didn't want to find out everything she could about who she was, and that if she did find something she wouldn't explore it with all her might, she just wasn't going to let it rule her life.

O

Once again, Matt was having a more difficult job trying to acclimate to his new living situation. The boarding house he was now living in wasn't so bad, there were a lot of other people living there, and most of which he was able to get on with easily. His job on the other hand was physically exhausting and mentally boring. He quickly took Rachael's advice and applied to other jobs that didn't really require that much education but would be better than the one he had started with. After a month he did get a better job but decided to keep the other one as well, he liked that biceps the job seem to give him (besides the more money he could make the better right).

However, he was soon bored with his other job too and knew that he had to find something he wanted to do, because if he had to do these simple jobs for the rest of his life he was going to go insane. He asked Rachael about it, she was the only one that he felt comfortable enough to bring up his worries too… after all it did have something to do with her job, right? It couldn't hurt to come to her for this.

"Maybe you should try to go to school or something," was the first thing that Rachael suggested.

"Argh," Matt rolled his eyes. "I don't see myself going to school… not unless I know what I want to do."

"So what do you want to do?" She asked.

"I don't know," Matt groaned. "That's my point."

"No you miss understood," Rachael sighed. "I wasn't asking if you knew what you wanted to do… I was asking what you like doing. Or more importantly what interest you."

"I'm not sure," Matt said thoughtful. "I'll get back to you with that."

He left her office shortly after that and thought it over for the next couple of days. What was he good at? What interested him? Well he was pretty strong, he had found out seeing as his first boss was pleased with his work. He also enjoyed being outside a lot. He had even started jogging in the afternoons (whenever he had time between his two jobs) and he really liked that. So something physical maybe?

It wasn't until Mrs. Clark, the women that ran the boarding house, told him that he was a considerate boy and very helpful that he realized that he liked helping people too. He was always willing to do things when asked, though he would grumble about it out loud making it appear that he was hacked off about it. The key factor that really made him see what he wanted to be didn't come until his friend John, they guy that he shared a room with, told him that he had a real sense of justice and stubbornly stuck to it. It was just a throw away comment that was said because he was often heard complaining about the way some people tried to take advantage of Mrs. Clark hospitality, or a comment on the crime wave that seem to be going around.

When he put them all together though, it all seemed to make sense. He wanted to be a policeman. He wanted to help people feel safe, and make sure that nice people like Mrs. Clark and the man down at the corner that owned the small grocery store (who was robbed twice in the last month) didn't get bothered anymore. But that wasn't enough, he decided as he lay in his bed later that night. He didn't want to just stop robberies; he wanted to do something really important. Again he brought this up with Rachael, who seemed quite impressed (and pleased) with the conclusion he came up with.

"Maybe you want to be a detective then," she suggested. "You know, solve murders or something like that."

"A detective," Matt said thoughtfully. "Yeah that sounds good."

"I think you might want to go to school for that though," Rachael said.

"Is that your answer for everything?" Matt huffed, but smiled.

"Oh, be quiet," Rachael laughed. "I really mean it this time. Do you think you can handle that?"

"I think I could," Matt said and his eyes looked more determined than she had ever seen them before. "Not that I could get into a school even if I wanted to," he added looking self-conscious again.

"That will be difficult," Rachael sighed. "I'll see if I can help any. But just remember, that I'm going to have to go out on a limp here for you, so don't disappoint me."

"I won't," Matt smiled. "Thanks for all your help."

It took every power she had, but eventually she was able to get him enrolled in the nearby University (it probably would have been easier if Jean weren't going there too, they already had their quota of memory lost students). He had plenty of money to pay for the tuition, seeing as he hadn't spent that much on himself except to buy food and pay for rent (which was dirt cheap), and he was finally feeling like his new life was about to start.

O

Harry was lying on his bed, the one that he had been sleeping on for that last few months - it was in Percy old room because he couldn't bear to go into the antic bedroom that he once shared with Ron. It was odd for Harry to be just lying there, but for once he was allowing the full extent of the situation hit him, which filled him with such overwhelming grief that he couldn't move.

"There you are," Ginny said coming in the room, she was surprise to say the least to find still in bed. Usually he was so involved in trying to find his two best mates that he wouldn't allow himself a second to even take a break. He had been over ever piece of evidence they found a hundred times… hoping that there would be some kind of clue. He had help search some of the places that once had been Death Eaters hind outs (an Auror always going along with him since there was still plenty of danger out there). He has done so much, and worked so hard over the past months, hardly ever eating or sleeping (he would usually pass out because of exhaustion). Ginny then took in his appearance and really didn't like what she saw. He looked horrible (though he had looked that way since the finally battle) but this time his eyes really looked lost.

"What happened?" she asked lying on the bed next to him.

He sighed, taking in all her present (and all the comfort that brought him). "It's not working," he said in a small voice.

"What's not working?" she asked, though she knew what he was talking about.

"I've tried," he said, his voice starting to shake now. "I've looked, but there's no sign of them…"

"Are you giving up?" she asked in an even voice.

"I'll never give up," he said, his voice now portraying a little anger. "How could you ask me that?"

"You seemed to need the reminder," she shrugged, placing her head on his chest and he instantly wrapped his arms around her waist. "What happened?" she asked again.

"It's just so hard Gin, I can't breathe," he whispered.

"I know," she said softly burying her head in his chest.

"And I don't know what to do anymore," Harry said. "We've been over everything and nothing's come of it. No more clues… no evidence… we don't know anything."

"We'll think of something," she said.

He didn't say anything to that, he just froze into place and closed his eyes to all the pain that he was now feeling. His world was spinning out of control and all he really had was the girl sitting in his arms right now… she was the reason he could still get up and try and fight this.

"I heard that Kingsley offered you a job as a Auror," she said, she was at a lost at what to say and she had a feeling this was a conversation they needed to have. She would not let him wallow in his guilt and despair if she could help it.

"Yeah," he said but didn't add anything too it.

"So when do you start?" she asked, pushing him to open up.

"Ginny," he said in a pleading voice, he really didn't want to talk about this now.

"Yes," she said moving her head so now she could look into his eyes, a look telling him that she wasn't going to drop this anytime soon.

"Argh," he let out a groan and a sigh at the same time. "I'm not taking the job…"

"But that's what you wanted," she said, she wasn't surprised by the answer but she was stealing herself for the argument that she knew was coming now.

"I did," he said in a dead voice, but he too can see where this conversation was heading. "But I've had enough of dark wizards for a lifetime…"

"I can see that," she sighed; of course Harry wouldn't want to deal with that anymore, who wanted to deal with that after all. But still, it wasn't like him to just give up on what he used to want so badly. "And what if this happens again…" she asked softly, not looking at him this time.

"Then I'll fight again," he answered simply, though he sounded extremely tried just saying those words.

"Naturally," she sighed though she took pride that he would say it so easily. It made her know that he hadn't really given up he's dream yet. "You could help prevent it though…"

"Gin," he groaned, sounding agitated now. "I need a break… I can't do it now…"

"And what are you going to do?" she asked getting agitated herself… it was always like that for her… she couldn't help lashing out when she was being yelled at.

"I don't know," he said, caught off guard by that question. "Look for R… them I guess."

"Wouldn't your search be easier if you were an Auror," she said raising an eyebrow. "You know, with the full force of the department backing you up."

"I don't think I'll get to decided what I'll be working on," he tried to argue- as if she would believe that was another reason he would turn them down.

"You're Harry Bloody Potter!" she shouted. "I'm sure they will let you do what you need to… and if I'm not mistaking that was one of the things that Kingsley said you could do."

"How much did you hear about my conversation with Kingsley?" he asked raising an eye suspiciously at her- trying to divert the conversation again.

"Enough to know that you're not telling me the real reason why you don't want to be an Auror," she said, not letting him divert her.

"I don't want to be a poster boy," he said gloomy. "And before you say anything, I know it's not the same as with Scrimgeour, and that this is a Ministry that I can stand behind… but it just feels like I'm being used…"

"You know that's not how he meant it, love," she said soothingly and his face did seem to relax a little at that. "And I know you might not want to hear it… but it really would make people feel a lot safer knowing you're out there… at least I would…"

"Gin," he said starting to blush a little.

"That's not all of it… is it?" she asked.

"No," he said hesitating. "I just can't do it… wake up every morning to go to work… I can't do that right now. And it's just going to get harder once you're gone."

"Gone… where I'm I going?" she said, though she knew what he meant… she guess it was as good as any time to tell him this.

"Ginny, you're leaving to go to Hogwarts in two weeks," he said looking incredulously at her.

"I'm not going back," she said firmly.

"Yes you are," he said just as firmly and for the first time since the battle really emotion seemed to be in his eyes.

"No I'm not, and there is nothing you can say to change my mind," she said sitting up and crossing her arms in front of her chest, jaw set, just waiting for the fight.

"Think of your mother… you have to finish school," he argued.

"Half my brother didn't finished school, she'll get over it," she said flatly, he would have to do better than that if he wanted to convince her.

"I don't think she could take this from you right now," he countered. "Not with everything else she's dealing with."

"I know," she sighed- okay so that was a better argument but she wasn't going to back down so easily. "But I can't leave now Harry… and she'll be happy to have me close by…"

"But your future…" he tried another approach.

"Harry, I can't stand to think about what will happen to you once I leave," she said- it would take hours for him to stumble onto the real reason why she had made this decision and she didn't want to wait that long. She wanted this fight to be over with so he would hold her in his arms again and all her pain and fears would- not go away- but loosen a little.

"You're not doing this for me," he said angrier than she thought he would be- not because she didn't know that he would react this way but because she didn't think he had it in him at the moment to react this strongly. This wasn't good, he could be almost as stubborn as she was when he wanted to be and he seemed to want to be now. "I won't let you throw away your future for me…"

"Let me!" she said anger filling her words- that was the worst thing he could have said.

"It would kill me if you do this," his words where still filled with anger and he made no apologies for saying 'let me' but still she melted at what he said. How could she stay anger at him when he said something like that?

"And it kills me thinking about what state I'll find you in when I get home," she said her voice soft and hallow.

"I'll be fine," he said but there was no conviction behind his words.

"Like you're fine now," she said heating up once again- she didn't like his empty promise. "Harry, you don't know what it's been like these last few months. You just keep getting worse… falling farther away from me, and I can't stand it. I know you feel better when I'm around… how can I leave you like this?"

"I'll try harder Gin," he said voice still hallow. "Just don't throw away your future."

"There is no future for me if you're not there," she said stubbornly.

"Then I'll promise I'll be there," he said looking into her eyes for the first time and she was struck by how determine they suddenly looked.

"Really," she said hopefully- she never expect him to say this… truth be told she expected him to give in.

"I promise," he said.

"That means no wallowing," she said pointedly. "You can't mope around here while I'm gone…"

"I know," he sighed. "I guess I'll have to take that job now…"

"You will," she said brightening up a little.

"I'll have to, won't I," he groaned. "If I'm left by myself all the time I'm just going to brood."

"That's my Harry," she chuckled and then the full impact of what she was agreeing to hit her and she nearly collapse, and she would have if he didn't catch her and pulled her close to his chest.

"What is it?" he asked his voice full of the deepest fear.

"I'm going to be leaving you," she sobbed, tears actually coming to her eyes- she wasn't one to cry but when she did it was never good.

"Ssshh… it's okay," he said pulling her closer to him- he still wasn't that good at comforting crying girls but he tried his best.

"I didn't think I would be," she went on. "It's hard to think of you not being there…"

"I know," he said- he's been thinking of this moment for weeks now and it was still hard to imagine. "But it's what's best."

She didn't say anything as she continued to sob in his chest not wanting him to ever let her go. However, what he just agreed to- and he was going to follow his promise or she was going to kill him herself- was the best thing she heard in a long time. Even as she was making her decision- a few weeks ago when she got her Hogwarts letter- she had no guaranty that he was going to be okay even if she did stay. He had been slipping away more and more from her everyday and she couldn't stand that. But now, now she had hope- hope that one day they will be all right. That she would get her Harry back and they could be happy together- she just had to suffer through ten months of torture without him (except for the few times she would see him on holiday or on Hogsmeade visit).

A/N: So this chapter is another filler, but I think the Harry part is important, and seeing as he won't be in the next two or so chapters, I thought he deserved it. And think, after this one, everything is going to start heating up.