Disclaimer: I do not own the anime Le Chevailer D'Eon or its characters. .

4. Dining with Death

"Aw, Sugar Plum, I can drive them after dinner…" Sakamoto slurred. "Oh no, you aren't!" Umeko retorted. The last thing they needed was Sakamoto getting his ass hauled over for dunk driving again or worse. Plan B. "Nami, get those guys from the Miburo dojo on the phone pronto!" She could provide some music too. Her old shamisen was still stashed under the counter.

"Er, are you sure that's wise, Aunt Umeko?" the housekeeper looked unsure. "The last time someone almost lost an ear." Their bellboy Tetsunosuke still had the scar.

"Have a dinner invitation extended to Takani-sensei too." With a trained doctor in the house, they should have all bases covered. She looked up just as the young Frenchman was returning through the lobby door.

"Here's your toothpaste and toothbrush," D'Eon handed the items to the boy. "Merci. I'll pay you back next week," Robin replied before he went off to his room. D'Eon noticed that Robin had changed into the resort's yukata.

"D'Eon, will you please put these in my room?" Lia called out to him. She waved her arm over a stack of brochures and travel maps. "Sure, sis…" D'Eon agreed. Lia was also clad in the hotel's yukata.

"The meds please…" Durand moaned from the lobby's sofa. Umeko had placed a cup of green tea before him. D'Eon handed the grocery bag to Durand before he scooped up the brochures. "Take two every six hours," he instructed. Durand nodded, rubbing his temples.


"Wow," D'Eon let out a whistle at the size and sheer elegance of Lia's suite. His was like a broom closet compared to this. He placed the brochures on the table and stepped back to admire the view of the lake from the window. "Oops!" he bumped into a suitcase, knocking it over. Assorted items spewed out of the unlocked luggage. "Oh hell…" It was Lia's suitcase. Hurriedly, he grabbed the items and started cramming them back in. He touched something oddly long and leathery.

He stopped suddenly and stared at what he was holding in his hand. It was a whip. He gaped. He took a closer look at his sister's luggage. There was a very skimpy leather corset outfit festooned with chains and a French maid uniform. There was also a small book titled '101 Ways to Jazz up your Love Life'. The cover was embellished with a picture of a couple engaged in passionate French-kissing.


"D'Eon? Why is your face red?" Lia asked when he returned to the lobby. D'Eon muttered something unintelligible. He noticed that their stepbrother, Maximilien, was wearing his yukata as well and he had his hand resting on Lia's thigh. D'Eon realized belatedly that the moaning sounds he heard at night back home whenever Max was staying over was not the wind as Lia claimed.

"Woohoo, D'Eon! You rascal!" Durand punched D'Eon lightly on the shoulder. The pills and hot tea had cured his hangover. He twirled a small box in his fingers. "Look what I found in your groceries." D'Eon blanched. The condoms! "If you and your little girlfriend need some privacy for a couple of hours, just say the word and I will go bother Robin and his grandfather for a bit.

"They aren't mine!" D'Eon yelped and tried to snatch the condoms from Durand. The older man held them just out of his reach. To D'Eon's alarm, he saw Anna and Marie approaching. Both women were wearing lovely yukatas. Anna looked simply adorable in her pink cherry blossom print yukata with its red obi. Clad in a green bamboo print yukata, Marie cuddled her precious pooch in her arms. Her young son scampered around the pair in a ninja get-up.

"They will have a ninja show at dinner!" Auguste squealed in excitement. "They just told us that! There will be cool knife-throwing and…"

Teillagory came along, stroking his whiskers. "Say, D'Eon, how much do I owe you for these?" he deftly snatched the condoms out of Durand's hand. Both younger men stared at the elderly cameraman. Unable to speak, D'Eon signed the amount. "Keep the change," the old man pressed a bill into D'Eon's palm.

"Sure you can get it up, Gramps?" Durand asked incredulously. Teillagory shot him a killer glare.

"Aren't you two going to change into your yukata for dinner?" Lia asked. "Right away, sis!" D'Eon thankfully fled the scene.


"What if we get deep vein thrombosis or something from this?" Robin asked when he saw the dining arrangements. Elizaveta and Ekaterina were kneeling demurely with their dinner set out before them on a low table. The lawyer was waving to Teillagory and beckoning him to a place beside her. Teillagory readily accepted the invitation. Maximilien had assumed a cross-legged posture. D'Eon was glaring as Lia poured out sake for their stepbrother.

"This seafood is raw!" Robin exclaimed. "The chef must have been lazy!"

"It's called sashimi, Robin. It's real fresh," Durand was already sampling his salmon sashimi. Robin fiddled with his chopsticks before giving up in favour of the fork that had been provided for not so adept chopstick users.

"You must try this, Max," Lia picked up a piece of sushi with her chopsticks and fed it to Maximilien. D'Eon scowled. Anna was feeding Auguste his dinner, a kid's version with cutely-shaped croquettes. "Auguste, please sit down and eat your dinner. You shouldn't make Anna run about like that," his mother chided. The boy took his place beside his mother. "Anna, how is Auguste's piano lessons coming along?" she asked. Her busy schedule meant that she had little time to track her son's progress and education. Thankfully, Anna was able to help her with that.

"Ma'am, I am afraid Auguste is not as interested in piano as in sports…" Anna answered truthfully.

"When's the ninja show starting? And will Papa be joining us?" Marie smiled at the mention of her husband. She could expect Louis to order room service or a change of accommodations. If he did show up, Ekaterina had the divorce papers ready in her room.


"Louis, why must we leave? I want to make it clear to that woman that you are leaving her for me!" Pompadour huffed. "In fact, I am going to tell her that now at dinner."

"Now, sweetie, let's not be too hasty," Louis pleaded as he ran after her.

"Having women problem, sir?" Cagliostro asked mildly as Louis passed him. Louis nodded awkwardly before running off after his mistress. "Uh-oh," Cagliostro hastily lifted his newspaper up to his face. "We have a couple, not our guests mind you," Nami explained to Constable Saitou Hajime. "We suspect they are pushing drugs to our guests… you know… They are foreigners, possibly Italian, according to Sakamoto…"

"Would this Sakamoto be the same guy we busted for drunk driving last year?" Saitou asked. "That was last year," Nami placed her hands on her hips and grabbed the cigarette from the policeman's mouth. "Sir, this is a no-smoking zone." She stubbed the offending cig into a pot of soil with a bamboo plant. The policeman only fished out another stick and lit it in plain view of the livid housekeeper. The suspected drug pusher hastily beat a retreat into the gardens where his partner waited with their goods.


The hot pot was delicious, the sashimi fresh and as D'Eon found out, wriggling. "My octopus sashimi is wriggling!" D'Eon exclaimed when the tentacle curled around his chopstick. "That only proves it's fresh," Durand sipped at his green tea. "Chew well and you'll be fine… D'Eon?" Durand glanced at D'Eon, who was clutching at his throat and making choking sounds. He was turning an alarming shade of blue.

""D'Eon" Anna shrieked in alarm. The young man staggered towards the door in hopes of reaching the washroom outside the dining hall. "Allow me," Durand caught up with D'Eon as he was fumbling with the sliding door. The brunette started administering the Heimlich manoeuvre.

The door slid open. "Marie, I must talk to you about…" Pompadour burst into the room just as the offending piece of tentacle was dislodged from D'Eon throat. The woman shrilled as the slimy thing landed down the front of her low-cut blouse. "Get it out! Get it out!" she fled. Marie turned around in the middle of her conversation with Elizaveta over Auguste's sporting interests. "That's odd. I could have sworn I heard that woman's voice."

"Feel better?" Lia fussed over her brother. "He'll live," Maximilien commented calmly. The colour was returning to D'Eon's face.

D'Eon drank some water before resuming his meal.

DONG! The curtain on a small stage at one end of the room rose and Umeko stood beside the large gong she had just hit. "Monsieurs and Mademoiselles," Sara announced from the stage. "We hope you are enjoying our humble dinner fare." She was dressed in a kimono. "Due to unforeseen complications, we will not be going to the festival village as originally planned. Instead, we have lined up a night of entertainment specially for you. To start off the show, please welcome the Yamazaki siblings and their death-defying stunts!"

There was a poof of stage smoke and Yamazaki Ayumu and Susumu appeared in their ninja get-up. Ayumu took a position against a backdrop of a humanoid outline with balloons around it while her brother took out his kunai. He deliberately stood with his back to his sister. "Yamazaki-san will now attempt to throw his kunai over his shoulder without hurting his sister!" Sara announced. "And he has to hit the balloons, all of them."

Yamazaki Susumu nonchalantly popped every single balloon without breaking into a sweat. Ayumu spun around to show that she was unscathed. The siblings switched over with Ayumu tossing her shuriken at her brother while he held a spinning pinwheel between his teeth. .

D'Eon liberally poured the resort's special sauce over his ton-katsu. He tasted it. It was deliciously sweet. He noticed that his sister's tray was without the sauce plate. How odd… "Want some, sis?" Lia was busy laughing at something Maximilien said. D'Eon poured a little of his sauce onto Lia's ton-katsu.

"Bravo!" Robin clapped his hands in delight. "That's nothing," Teillagory scoffed. It was nothing more than the usual circus stunts. The Yamazaki siblings took a bow and the next act came on.

"Let's welcome swordsman Okita-san to show us his skill!" Sara announced. A young man in white came onstage with a drawn katana. Two of the resort staff had several rolled up straw mats set up in a row across the stage. Okita raised his blade and rapidly slashed through each mat in turn. "Now we need a brave volunteer from the audience," Sara called out as she held out an apple. Her eyes scanned the audience before resting on a potential target. "Will the young gentleman with the blond ponytail like to come onstage?"

"Go on, D'Eon!" Lia urged her brother. "You're the man," Durand slapped him on the back. D'Eon reluctantly got up, feeling the prickling sensation of pins and needles in his feet.

"I don't like this, maybe I should go do my shamisen recital," Umeko frowned from backstage. "No, Sugar Plum, you're the worst shamisen player ever in the history of Japan," Sakamoto blurted out. Umeko glared at him. "Where's Takani-sensei?" he changed the topic. "She ought to be on her way…" the proprietor said. She fished out her cell phone and dialled Takani's number.

"Sorry, Umeko-san… I have a little emergency. Yahiko fell into a hornet's nest. I will drop by as soon as we get him admitted…"

Seeing the young man place the apple on his head, Umeko started praying really, really hard. Okita smiled coolly and raised his sword. It was going to be a vertical slash. The room went silent.

D'Eon was sweating in fear. Sara took out a blindfold. "Is that for me?" D'Eon whispered. "No," Sara shook her head and walked over to the swordsman. "Whatever happens, don't move a muscle…"

D'Eon swallowed hard. Blindfolded, Okita lowered his sword blade tentatively before raising up in a lightning-fast move. The apple on D'Eon's head split into two and the sharp blade just stopped short of D'Eon's scalp. Suddenly weak-kneed, D'Eon collapsed amidst the applause from the audience.

"Gee, at least it wasn't my ear this time," the younger bellboy touched his scarred ear. "Tatsu-nii?" he turned around to find that his brother had fainted. The younger teen shrugged. Okita took a bow as the Yamazaki siblings helped D'Eon off the stage.

"Have a drink, D'Eon. You were so brave," Lia coaxed. She suddenly felt itchy. How odd, she had specially requested that her meal be crab-free… Maybe it was just the heat…

Author's Notes:

Wonder how the crab got into Lia's dinner?

Nami (OC) – Umeko's housekeeper and personal assistant.

Saitou Hajime (Rurouni Kenshin)- former Shinsengumi captain turned Meiji era cop. In this fic, he is just an obnoxious neighbourhood cop.

Yamazaki siblings Susumu and Ayumu (Peacemaker Kurogane) – ninja siblings who have a remarkable resemblance to each other. Here, they are performers.

Okita Souji (Peacemaker Kurogane) – Shinsengumi captain and master swordsman. Here, he is just a skilled swordsman. Move over, Lia.