I appreciate all of the lovely reviews. The time between updates is kind of long, but that's because I have… ten? Stories going at the moment. Yeah, that's not an exaggeration.
So anyway…
Review please. And feel free to Twitter me. KatrynaWilliams is my Twitter.
On with the chapter.
"D-Dimitri?" I stuttered, surprise flooding me. It came through the bond too, making it overwhelm me completely.
"I came to ask one thing," his voice was soft, smooth, and silky. He looked… wrong, in a way. Sad, unhappy. Misery seemed to be his main emotion, it was written all over his face.
"What?" I breathed.
"Can you come to Tasha's service tomorrow?"
My heart fell, and I felt my attitude go way down. I hadn't realized how much I had been hoping for him to just walk in, kiss me, apologize for leaving, and tell me he loved me. But that was something unrealistic.
"Yes. I can," my tone was chipped, cold, and distant when I spoke.
Lissa, as well as me, was utterly confused. For a moment, I got pulled into her head. I was staring at myself. Dimitri's aura was ringed in black. And so was mine.
Other than black, there were swirls of red, blue, pink, and gold. Red was guilt, or maybe vengeance, blue was sadness, pink was love, gold was… I wasn't sure.
I pulled into my own head and frowned to Lissa.
"Thank you," he said abruptly, and left.
I frowned, and shut the door. I hated this barrier we had between us! It was ridiculous, and it sucked. I missed the old days. Where there was so much more to us than this.
We used to have this special connection, where I could see through him, and he could see through me. In a way, it was still there. But not so strong.
Lissa walked to my side. "I'm sorry, Rose."
"What does gold mean?" I asked abruptly.
"What?"
"In an aura."
"It means… it means you have an emotional bond with someone around you," Lissa told me.
I nodded, and laid on my bed.
"ROSE! WAKE UP!" Lissa shouted in my ear. She was putting earrings in, and was dressed for the funeral. How long had I slept?
"How long do we have?" I demanded, jumping up, and throwing on my black dress.
"Ten minutes."
"Shit!"
I dragged a brush through my knotted hair, and quickly applied eyeliner, eye shadow, mascara, and lip gloss. I was ready in five minutes, and we rushed out the door, in heels.
We arrived just as they were getting ready to start. Lissa and I stood in the back. Christian stood in the front, Dimitri beside him. Adrian slid in beside me.
The service was long, boring, and sad.
The burial was worse.
"Would anyone like to speak?" The priest asked.
Christian stepped forward.
"My aunt was an amazing person. She saved me, and she didn't deserve to die this way. I remember, one time, when she took Lissa and I ice skating. She was so accepting of anything that came her way. She was an amazing person. My only family," he said, loudly.
The crowd was mostly royals.
Tatiana was even there. She had arrived late.
Dimitri stepped forward second.
"Tasha Ozera was an amazing woman. She risked her life to save mine. She believed that Dhampirs and Moroi are equal. She was someone who stood up for her beliefs, and kept everyone she loved enthralled with her."
He stepped back.
Lissa was next.
"I didn't know Tasha for very long. But to me, she was like an aunt. She was an amazing person. She was so nice to me, and to everyone around her. I never met anyone who didn't love Tasha. She was so… amazing. Everyone gravitated to her," Lissa paused. "She was a kind person."
"Would anyone else like to say something about the deceased?" the priest asked after no one else responded.
Hesitantly, I stepped forward. All eyes were on me. Lissa's shock shone through the bond.
"Tasha Ozera was a kind, caring, generous woman. She was always kind to me, to my friends, to those I consider family. She stood up for her beliefs, but was not pushy. She offered to help me through tough times. She was so kind, and amazing. Every time she offered to talk, I pushed her away. I wish I hadn't done that now, and that I'd had time to get to know her better. Her death should mean something. She would want it to mean something.
"Tasha was a firm believer in defensive magic among Moroi," I continued. "Her death should show us all that we should do just this, that we should teach defensive magic and combat classes to Moroi. Leaving them defenseless isn't an option anymore."
Murmurs of agreement scattered across the room.
"She would want everyone to fight back. Don't just sit back and let the strigoi take us down. You need to fight!" I shouted.
"Yes, we do!" a Moroi shouted. Pride and happiness came through the bond, loud and clear.
The Moroi were starting to fight back. Tasha would be proud.
Everyone stayed to talk, but I took a walk. Alone. Lissa walked back alone, it was only on school grounds.
It hurt too much to stay. I walked to Mason's grave, and sat down. I had my heels in my hand, and I set them near me.
"Hey, Mason," I said. "I'm sorry. That I couldn't save you. I'm sorry. Lately I feel so damn guilty. And I don't know why. I needed somewhere to go… someone to talk to, who wouldn't judge me. I'm sorry, Mase. That I didn't love you like you wanted me to."
I sighed. "But I love someone else. He doesn't love me, not anymore. It's Guardian Belikov, Dimitri. He left, and I left… and now… there's nothing left. I wish, so, so much.
"It's like he was part of me, and that part was ripped out. I wish I could love Adrian. It would make it all simpler, easier. Adrian loves me. Dimitri doesn't. I love Dimitri, and I don't love Adrian, not that way. In a way, sure I do. Like the way I loved you. There just wasn't… enough.
"I just wish… I wish it was all alright. But it isn't and it never will be. I'm sorry that you had to die for me. I wasn't worth it, I'm a screw-up. You would have been worth it. But I'm not. And I'm sorry I'm letting you down. I wish that I could be better. For me, and for you, and Lissa. Dimitri, Adrian, Christian, Tasha. It's all going to hell. You should be here. Now, right beside me. You should have never left for Spokane, and we should be sitting in the cafeteria, laughing and making stupid jokes," a tear escaped from my eye. And another and another. I couldn't stop them, they just kept coming.
"I'm sorry, Mason, I'm so, so sorry. You have no idea how guilty I get sometimes. I just wish you hadn't come back for me. Sometimes I wish I had died right then, right there. Because that would have been easier. But I didn't and I have to live with everything. I hate this. I hate being in love with someone who doesn't love me. It only causes hurt. How did you do it? I… I need help… dealing."
I laid my head in the dirt, near Mason's headstone.
"Because it hurts too much to deal on my own, and I can't talk to anyone else. He doesn't love me, Mase," I sobbed. "It hurts, too much."
"Who said I didn't love you?" Dimitri strode out from behind the trees.
"Go away," I said, brokenly.
"Rose… Roza. Talk to me."
I almost laughed. I should be asking him what was wrong. Instead he was asking me.
"Nothing," I tried. But he could see through me. We knew each other too well for bullshit.
"Roza." There were bags under his eyes from lack of sleep.
Nausea started in the pit of my stomach.
And then Mason was behind Dimitri, pointing to the woods.
I couldn't make out anything. Except for one word. Strigoi.
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