4. Friends

"You can try to treat me as a friend, but none of that will erase the fact that I think about kissing you every second I'm awake and dream at night of my hands on your body. And it sure as hell won't erase that I'm terrified by how much I like you." — Katie McGarry, Crash Into You


Three days after the first apartment building was finished, the Hokage Tower was deemed fit enough for habitation, bringing the total number of stable buildings to three, including the hospital. Shikamaru no longer spent his days focused on the art of rebuilding. He was among the first to receive actual missions, even though the missions were C-rank, at best. Shikamaru had to travel to bordering lands to escort caravans stocked with food or filled with raw material, such as wood or metal. Rebuilding the village from the ground up took months, for more basic areas, and years, for the village as a whole.

Shikamaru hardly saw Neji. When he managed to spy the Hyuga, he saw the man in passing. Their lack of communication should have made their relationship awkward, or their living arrangements unsavory, but the both of them didn't seem to mind. Neji also had missions, his being more difficult and for longer durations. Neither of them missing scavenging for food or rebuilding with hardly any materials.

On one particularly warm night, Shikamaru sat on the balcony of their apartment and looked up at the night clouds. He lost himself in the ethereal quality of the wispy clouds. They drifted in front of the moon, creating shapes upon the dark ground, but also upon Shikamaru's outstretched palms. He loved cloud watching, but especially on nights of the full moon. Just as the moon disappeared behind the clouds, the apartment door opened.

Neji looked exhausted. His clothes were dirty and his face was covered in a thin layer of sweat, but he still managed to hold his composure together. If it weren't for the pinched brow and the light frown on his face, Neji might have passed inspection.

"You look terrible," Shikamaru greeted him.

"I was on a mission. What's your excuse?" In addition to looking horrid, the man was also in a bad mood. Instead of taking offense, Shikamaru leaned his head back and laughed, a laugh that came directly from his stomach. Neji really wanted to maintain his grumpy demeanor, but he couldn't help the small smile that appeared on his lips.

"I acted as a bodyguard for a merchant named Masayuki. I spent a week at sea. I smelled like fish for days after the mission ended," Shikamaru smirked, clearly challenging Neji. The challenge went unanswered though.

"I'm not in the mood," Neji replied.

Neji dropped his rucksack just inside the door to his room and went toward the bathroom. Shikamaru watched the man's movements, but he didn't comment on the slight limp. Not discussing a mission generally meant classified information, and Shikamaru had an idea on the type of mission requiring such secrecy. A number of Leaf shinobi defected during the war, and Kakashi had made it clear that he wouldn't stand for such ninja to go free while others had died for their homeland. Some of the missing nin had been jonin, though most of them were chunin rank. Shikamaru had been assigned to one such mission; he'd been sent along with Shino, Kiba, Naruto, and Sakura. The mission had devolved from being a hunt and capture into an all-out manhunt and suicide. Shikamaru had seen death before, but that mission had stayed with him.

When Neji emerged from the bathroom, he walked out with a towel secured around his waist. As he towel-dried his long locks, he moved down the short hall to his bedroom. Shikamaru would have denied watching the Hyuga, but he did watch. His eyes trailed down the man's spine, over the subtle curve of his lower back, and right to the line of the towel. Somehow, he had a feeling that Neji knew he was watching, but neither one of them commented.

"How troublesome," Shikamaru sighed, turning his attention back to the clouds. Much to his dismay, the moon remained covered, so the clouds faded into the dark sky. He could barely make out the outlines. His time cloud gazing had ended.

"Are you hungry?" Neji asked, but they had few ingredients for more than anything centered around sushi.

Shikamaru debated for a moment, then he made his way back inside and settled at their kitchen table. He leaned forward in his seat so he could rest his head on the table. Neji responded by snapping a checkered dish towel at Shikamaru's back. Shikamaru instantly jerked upright, the legs of his wooden chair scraping against the linoleum floor, and then slouched in his seat.

"Alright, alright," Shikamaru mumbled, "I'm hungry."

During their late-night meal, neither one of them chose to break the awkward silence that had fallen over the uneven table. Shikamaru watched as Neji shoveled the remainder of his rice into his mouth, while Shikamaru started down at his own empty plate. From outside, a burst of thunder sounded and shook the very foundation of the building. They both felt the heavy boom in their bones. Following the thunder, a crack of lightning lit up the dim interior of the apartment.

"I killed children," Neji finally said, his words in between the cracks of lightning. The heavy expression on his face was illuminated by the outside light. "They were barely twelve or thirteen, no older than we were as genin, and I slaughtered them. I must have killed seven of them." He looked torn between maintaining a neutral expression and showing his true grief and disgust.

"There must have been a reason," Shikamaru stated, a hint of inflection near the end of his statement. He didn't know what else to say, having found himself at a dead end in terms of reasoning.

"They took a scroll from the village and attempted to sell it to undercover ANBU." Neji still looked unhappy, at best. He tapped his fingers against the table for an unsung melody, and then his music ceased. "Their hearts burst."

"Oh," Shikamaru eloquently replied.

"Oh," Neji agreed, nodding his head. "I'm thinking about requesting placement in ANBU."

"Why? It's a pain. You're on call for advanced missions. You'll have no outside life," Shikamaru frowned, lacing his fingers together atop the table. "It'll be more of the same. Killing children and espionage."

"The pay is better," Neji tried to reason.

"Troublesome," Shikamaru sighed, shaking his head from side to side. "You don't care about the increase in pay."

Neji remained silent, though the corners of his mouth twitched for an unseen smile. Shikamaru shifted in his chair and then slid his plate toward the center of the table. He looked ready to rest his head where his plate had been, but he reconsidered and settled for slouching in his chair once more.

"I was offered a position in ANBU and turned it down," Shikamaru confessed. "It's not what you're looking for."

"How would you know?" Neji still seemed amused, even though the question was a serious one.

Shikamaru lifted his forearms off the table, his elbows remaining in contact with the hard surface, and tented his fingers. Neji knew the thoughtful expression, so he ceased gathering the dishes and simply sat back in his chair, watching and waiting. Outside, a steady rain began to fall, drenching every exposed portion of their village. Minutes before, Shikamaru had considered stepping out onto the balcony for a cigarette, but that thought had been buried, buried underneath the rain and underneath stirring thoughts.

"I believe we're at the same point in our lives. It would make sense for us to jump into an organization with a rigid structure and constant motion. We're at a standstill," Shikamaru explained, carefully exploring psychology in the way he explored a game.

"Tell me more about myself," Neji snorted, moving his chair away from the table. Neji got to his feet and grabbed both of the plates on the table, then he moved over to the kitchen sink to wash them. His hands buried in hot, soapy water, he glanced over his shoulder to find that Shikamaru was staring holes into his back. "What are you looking for, if you don't want a position in ANBU?"

Caught staring, Shikamaru cleared his throat and looked at the refrigerator on the other side of their small kitchen. "Teaching seems like a drag," he immediately vetoed. "I will continue to take mid-rank missions until I settle down with a family. I will retire at a reasonable age and pass on my knowledge to my own children." He sounded unconvinced to his own ears, and he could tell by his roommate's expression that he hadn't convinced the other man.

"You sound unsure. That's unlike you," Neji frowned. "You've changed."

"I have not," Shikamaru scoffed, rolling his eyes. He finally looked over at Neji again. The other man had his lower back pressed against the kitchen counter, a dry towel in one hand and a damp plate in the other. As he dried the plate, he seemed to study Shikamaru's facial features. "You've changed," Shikamaru argued.

"That's expected. I didn't think you would let your environment alter your personality so much. You seemed like a constant," Neji argued back.

"It's impossible for a person to remain a constant when outside forces are capable of manipulating the person. I'm just arguing that, at this point, I haven't changed. I still enjoy cloud watching. I still enjoy smoking," Shikamaru continued, trying to convince the both of them.

"You smoke more. You have insomnia. You go out in the mornings to train. You picked up smoking almost a year ago. You developed insomnia after the war. You were a lazy bastard," Neji said. After drying the plate, Neji turned back around and placed it in one of the kitchen cabinets above the sink.

"You don't eat as much. You move your food around on your plate to make it seem like you do. You have insomnia. You take longer than you need to when coming back from missions," Shikamaru countered. He got up from his seat and went around the table to stand at the sink. He dipped his hands into the hot water, felt around for the cleaning sponge, and began washing the dishes. Neji remained next to him, waiting to rinse and dry.

"We've obviously noticed things. That's expected when we live together," Neji strategically replied.

The two finished the dishes rather quickly, having been too busy to wash them before, and both of them dried their hands on the used dish towel. Shikamaru took the towel and placed it in the hamper in the nearby closet, the closet which housed their washing machine. He thought about skipping his usual dose of television and going to sleep, but sleep also seemed futile. Both men went their separate ways, Neji to the sofa and Shikamaru to the bathroom.

The hot water felt good as it cascaded over Shikamaru's sore back. Showering always allowed him the time he needed whenever he wasn't able to cloud watch, whenever he wasn't able to get outdoors and away from people. As he stood there, staring at the soapy water circling around the drain, he came to the conclusion that he enjoyed having a roommate, even if it meant sleeping on a foldout couch, even if it meant some lack of privacy. He didn't want to be alone. He didn't want to go home to an empty apartment. He didn't want to spiral into a heavy depression spurred on by the absence of family and friends.

Shikamaru rotated his shoulders, working out the kinks, and then tilted his head back to have the water flow over his face. With his eyes shut, he tried to clear his mind of the imagine of Neji standing at the counter, a plate in hand. He had admit he'd fallen into a routine, one contingent upon the Hyuga's presence, and the routine seemed dangerous, at best. What happened when they parted ways? What happened when Neji found someone, a possible wife? What happened when he continued with his own plan to find a wife and settle down?

"Fuck," he cursed, noticing exactly when the water turned icy cold. He stepped back and quickly turned the knob on the shower, cutting off the water. He stood there for a moment or two, just shivering, and then he pushed back the shower curtain and stepped out onto the mat. After he toweled himself off, he dressed in some sweats and a t-shirt, and then he wandered out of the bathroom to claim his usual seat on the sofa.

"We've fallen into a routine," he immediately said, interrupting the late-night news.

From his side of the loveseat, Neji frowned and motioned with a hand for the Nara to continue. When Shikamaru couldn't, or wouldn't, Neji took it upon himself to continue the line of thought. "You're wondering when this will come to an end."

"I don't want it to come to an end," Shikamaru admitted, his voice low enough that Neji had to strain to hear him. "Not now. We're reliant upon one another. At least, I am reliant upon you."

"Stop thinking three steps ahead, Shikamaru," Neji said, his features clearly showing his displeasure. "I'm not going anywhere."

Shikamaru admired the way Neji looked in the light from the television. Neji looked different than he had in the light from the passing storm. He looked softer, more welcoming, and both of them seemed aware. Slowly, without him even noticing, Shikamaru began to lean closer. In response, Neji began to lean closer. They could feel their breath, having crossed into intimate space, but neither one of them seemed to have the nerve to cut the tension and close the last centimeters between their lips. When it looked like they were about to drift apart, Neji ghosted his lips over Shikamaru's, and Shikamaru instantly reacted, placing his lips over Neji's.


A/N: So that happened. Oops?