With a fixed smile on her face, Kyoko headed down the hallways. Normally, the bright studio lights and buzzing activities on the set would fill her spirits with excitement and happiness, but today as she walked into the Box R make-up room and closed the door behind her, the smile she had glued on her face for the sake of the film crew immediately deserted her. The liveliness she had forced in her body vanished as she walked slowly over to the chair and sat in front of the mirror, staring wearily at her reflection.
She felt as if she had been swept by a large earthquake and following massive tsunami with a magnitude beyond counting. She had originally thought that the mighty thick as the earth's crust and mantle that was covering the box which laid her heart was impenetrable but then came along Tsuruga-san and Kuon. The first had the ability to devastate her like a natural disaster that abolished her core like security layer, while the second was able to penetrate the box and blow the last lock off.
Shame and misery poured through her as she hid her face with her hands and resentfully faced the awful truth: she was weak and vulnerable to love. She was sure she wouldn't have any problems facing him as Natsu but how will she manage outside of work? Also, she needed to remain a calm facade to not arouse his suspicion. Was this even possible?
"Oh no," she wailed aloud, when she realized that Tsuruga-san harbored no tender feelings for her. He was more likely to be offended and annoyed with her should he find out how she felt about him.
Picturing his disappointment, she could hear him snort in disgusted as he accuse her of her foolishness. What kind of an idiot are you? Are you a masochist or an anomaly, that you could develop such feelings again? Haven't you learnt anything from your prior experience? It's amazing that you could even begin to feel that way with me, when I have never given you any incentive to do that. Did you think I somehow acted playful with you?
No, no you never did. She mentally replied.
And you even dare to break your promise to protect your chastity to the end, didn't you say that you would make it a life goal? Yet you have now resorted to expressing that toxic emotion towards me. I am completely betrayed by your inconstancy. I'm truly disappointed in you.
Tight knots twisted her insides as she struggled with the idea that he would think she were a fickle minded wanton girl. No matter who finds out in the end, the last person in the world that should ever know of these feelings were Tsuruga-san, Kyoko swore to herself.
Kyoko's thoughts were interrupted when the make-up artist, Kotani, swept into the make-up studio with a bright smile and bubbling with anticipation she exclaimed delightedly, "Did you hear? He's coming today! The director has scheduled a 'meet and greet' for the crew, so he's going to be here soon!"
Kyoko's heart sank when she heard the news. She wasn't prepared yet and the fear that reflected in her pale face caused a worried frown on the make-up artist's brow, "Goodness, Kyoko are you not feeling well? I'm going to have to add extra blush to your cheeks to get some color back into you. You look like you're about to face a guillotine!"
Kyoko angrily shook her head, to clear her thoughts. Making herself smile brightly at Kotani-san, she made a plausible excuse for her appearance than waited in expectation for the mark-up artist to begin her work. She continued to smile slightly as she pretended to listen to what the make-up artist was saying to her, but her mind was focused only on calming her fears down.
Peace was what she needed, humming quietly to herself, she practiced the lines as Natsu in her head as the make-up artist finished her task. But her peace was interrupted when Sudo came bursting into the room, "Kyoko, did you hear, he's here! Tsuruga Ren is on the set now!" she squealed in excitement.
Kyoko couldn't help it, before she could stop herself, she winced at the delight she encountered on her friend's face. And a look of astonish surprise collapsed the large smile on Sudo's face. "What's wrong? Did I say something wrong? I was under the impression that you and him were Kouhai and Sempai, I hope I was not wrong?" she asked with a worried look.
"Ah…no, you are not wrong. Tsuruga-san considers me his Kouhai, so you are correct," with a forced smile, she tried to ensure her friend.
The words had an amazing effect on Sudo, as she brightened up instantly but asked timidly, "Kyoko, do you think you can say some nice things about me to your Sempai?"
Kyoko momentarily lost control of the bland expression on her face. Her voice was tight with horror when she choked out, "Sudo, do you have feelings towards Tsuruga-san?"
A bright pink blush swept up the young actress' face and she nodded uncomfortably in reply, "I hope you don't mind helping me, since he is your Sempai?"
Alarm bells screamed loudly in Kyoko's ears. She had to fight down the urge to let Setsu out. Raging within, she was hearing her mentally scream, from the time that man was born, he has been mine! Holding her head tightly in her hands, she closed her eyes to hide the animosity emitting from Setsu.
Both Kotani and Sudo sent her a look of genuine concern but it was Kotani that asked, "Kyoko are you sick? You haven't been yourself today."
Nodding in agreement Sudo asked, "Are you able to act today?"
While struggling with her frenzy Setsu crazed mind, Kyoko pressed back into her chair in helplessness, with great effort she forced herself to breath calmly before stating in a pain-edged voice, "No…I'm fine. I think I just need a little time to myself."
When the both of them left, Kyoko disheartedly lifted herself out of her chair and stumbled weakly over to her costume rack to dress herself as Natsu. The idea that one of her friends was in love with Tsuruga-san filled her with grief. She was mad at herself that she not only did not want to say anything kind about Sudo to Tsuruga-san but that she even wanted to crush the young actress in a manner suitable of Natsu's character.
How had she become so violently possessive of him? Didn't she know he felt nothing towards her? Why was she such a fool? Berating herself, she began to undress, pulling down her jeans and angrily tossing them into the opposite corner of the room. The soft cotton blouse, she had been wearing joined her jeans in a similar manner. Reaching for the back of her bra, she ripped off the constraint as if the garment were a physical hindrance to her mindset, and added it to the growing pile.
This feeling she had needed to be expelled, she needed to stop being Kyoko the Keiko mess and get back her professional attitude. She needed to resume her role as Natsu and not let anymore interferences come her way.
Suddenly, her dressing room door was yanked open and the sound of brisk efficient footsteps echoed loudly as they marched purposefully into the center of the room. "Kyoko, I heard that you are unwell?" Ren's voice was filled with concern as his eyes wondered around the room in search of her.
Standing in the corner of the room in only her underwear briefs, Kyoko froze in horror, as she watched his gaze travel first to the empty chair before the mirror then to the opposite side of the room. When he spotted her clothes on the floor, his eyes stopped and widened in surprise. Like a pendulum taking it's turn to travel from one end to the other, his gaze was pulled from her discarded clothes and he turned his head to the other side of the room; his eyes gliding extensively along, searching the wall towards where she was…past the clothes hangers, pass the large dressing mirror, pass her…and then riveted back to her, leveling on her naked state in bewilderment.
Like any virile male in peak form, his gaze skimmed down her slender body, catching his breath at the exquisiteness before him. Her breast were full, her waist tiny and her legs were long and shapely. Her demure head was bent, and she was obviously frozen in terror and mortification by his appraisal.
Not wanting to embarrass her further, he pretended indifference as he began to stride steadily towards her. "If you are going to undress, you should lock your door," he cautioned in a paternal and stern voice.
A high-pitched gasp escaped Kyoko as feeling finally returned to her limbs. Covering her breast in a desperate attempt to hide her nakedness from him, she squealed out, "Yes! Please forgive me!"
In a blur of unreality, she saw the tall actor pull her uniform off the hook and causally advance towards her. Turning her around like she was a child, he lifted her uniform blouse and waited patiently for her, while his enigmatic dark eyes leveled directly above her head. Unbelievably, Kyoko assisted him in dressing her by forcing her arms through her sleeves, then stepping into the skirt that he was now holding out for her, all the while her cheeks were burning bright red and she wanted to die in mortification.
"It would do you some good to get over your embarrassment. In this world of show business, you can't escape having to be nude at least once in your career. Also, you may have to change costumes in a shared room with other actors, as well. Seriously, if you want to be a huge star then at least be prepared for the basics."
Automatically, Kyoko replied, "Yes! Please forgive me!" Somewhere in the tumult of her mind, it vaguely occurred to her that Tsuruga-san was offering her an opportunity to redeem herself. On the other hand, she could hardly find it in her heart to be very grateful to him for barging in on her while she was getting dress. Didn't he understand the privacy of a female dressing room? Or has he done this before? Judging from his nonchalance, she easily answered her own question.
"Since that is the case, I expect you to behave in a professional manner and lift your head to look at me without having that scared little chipmunk expression in your eyes," Ren ordered harshly.
As if something was triggered in Kyoko, her eyes burned a shade brighter. Snapping her head up to his, she silkily asked, "So then what manner would you like me to look at you?" depressing her palm flat against his chest, she asked, "Will this do? Or is there something else you would require of me?"
Ren had to hide his surprise as he stared down at the siren before him. Her lovely oval face was accented with a natural red tinge over her checks, and her lips were lightly glossed with a sparkling coral shade and curved seductively upwards, as if daring him to kiss her. Her large eyes framed by long lashes were concealing a mystery, as they sparkled with a burning fire at him.
Instantly, he knew he was facing Natsu in all her charms, and a slow admiring smile appeared over his handsome face as he huskily replied, "Sounds like you might be offering? So, do you really want me to show you what I would really require of you?"
Kyoko's control slipped a notch, at his words, but she was able to regain her composure when she realized that it was easier for her to interact with him while in this temperament then while in a normal state. To think, she had been obsessing over seeing him and worried about talking with him. Yet everything seemed so natural, while she remained as Natsu. Though not wanting to vex him, she realized that if she continued to create an uneasy tension between them, instead of a peaceful mood, she may even succeed at hiding her real self from him.
With a supreme effort born from a need to triumph, she managed to quell her god given instinct. Steadying her voice, while arranging her features into a reasonably controlled mask, she challenged in a smooth but bored voice, "I wonder how entertaining that would be," lifting her hand up, as if examining her nails, she continued saucily, "since I am getting bored by this small talk, perhaps now would be a good time to show me what you are referring to? Or is this just all talk?"
"Since I said it, I suppose I should take responsibility for my words," Ren smirked, while his eyes smoldered with desire. Stepping in front of her, he braced his arm high on the wall behind her, managing to enclose her with his large body. Reaching out, he clasped her small chin with his thumb and forefinger, holding it up firmly with one hand, while he traced the line of her jaw with a long index finger from his other hand and inspected her delicate profile, like a connoisseur.
"You are so beautiful," he whispered softly. His nose brushed sensually against the soft wisp of her hair, as he took a deep breath, "And you smell so good to me, such an alluring sweet scent."
Jerking her almost roughly into his arms, he closed his eyes and whispered seductively against her ear, "And you fit so perfectly in my arms," his hands slid down her back molding her firmly into his strong male form. Imprisoning her completely and almost possessively, he tightened his hold on her before continuing, "I never knew anyone so exquisite," then leaning back, he traced her lips sensually with his thumb in contemplation.
Ren stared down at the provocative young beauty, her face both captivating and delicate with vivid yellow brown eyes and rose-petal lips, and he suddenly saw her as a little girl with her hair tied up in a pony tail—standing in the middle of an open forest grove, her cherub face turned upwards at the blue sky, while she explained to him in her small girlish voice: "I want my first kiss to be in a beautiful church like castle, where I'll wear a princess dress and my prince charming will be Sho-chan."
She should have had that fairy tale love story but instead she had been used and discarded by a weasel man-child and now carried a heavy scar of disillusion towards what she once was, and who she could have been. Yet despite all of that she somehow managed to pull herself up with proud determination to face her past hoping to one day exceed Fuwa Sho in the world of show business.
The passion in his eyes died abruptly and, as he looked down into her radiant warm eyes, his chest tightened at the thought of taking what he really wanted from her, he did not want to make her cry. He couldn't give her a fairy tale life because he was no prince in shinny armor. He wasn't even sure if she was ready for love, but he was certain that he held no such place in her heart. More importantly, he didn't deserve her, and he wasn't good enough for her. No matter what he did, he could never reverse his past and therefore, he could never have anything as wondrous as her.
Sighing despondently, he remorsefully shook his head, saddened that he could not have her, and wishing that she wouldn't keep making him lose all sense of control. "Do you really understand what you are doing here?"
Mistakenly thinking he was referencing her acting, his words cut through her like a sharp knife, piercing her deeply, all the way to the core of her entire being. Looking at him with pain-dazed eyes, she stepped away shakily, then pushed away from him, when his arms held on to her waist. Unwilling to let him see the tears that were threatening to fall, she spun on her heel, and retreated hastily away, like a wounded animal seeking a place to lick its wounds.
She knew that she was not in Tsuruga-san's league but she had been willing to learn. Ready to expose herself to whatever level of training she could glean from him. Practically willing to throw herself at his emperor of the night persona.
Ashamed at herself, a whimper of hopelessness escaped her, making her bite down hard on her lips to prevent any further noise from embarrassing her. She had tried but failed, and nothing could hurt more than knowing she didn't measure up in Tsuruga-san's eyes, not as an actress, nor as a woman. All hope died inside of her and with its death came a blessed numbness. In a kind of trance, she edged towards the door, not bothering to acknowledge his solid form as she made her escape.
Several steps later, Ren's hand gasped her arm, turning her around. "Wait—" he said, tortured regret and dread darkened his eyes. His hand tightened almost painfully on her. There was an impending fear within him, alerting his subconscious that he had won something precious but had let it go.
Kyoko carefully detached her arm from his vice-like grip. "Let go of me," she stated calmly.
Alarm flickered in his gaze before he tersely said, "Morgami-san, please listen, I need to explain myself."
Ignoring his words, she lifted hazy empty eyes, looking at him as if he did not exist and said in a tone lacking in any emotion, "There is nothing to explain, I already know."
An icy cold wave washed over Ren when he realized she may have already erased his existence. His heart became heavy and dull, like a twisted lump in the middle of his chest. Its purpose was no longer clear. He was stricken by losing whatever small place he had in her mind and beside himself to take back what he had lost.
Facing away from him, she began to leave him again, but Ren stepped in front of her, blocking her exit. Kyoko backed away a step, then held her ground, her whole body going ridged from his closeness.
"Mogami-san, wait—" he took another step towards her, reaching out to her.
Openly recoiling from his extended palm, she inched sideways in an obvious attempt to take the last few remaining steps to loop around him and escape out of the room.
Ren was willing to let her do anything, anything to him, except to leave him because it would mean she no longer needed him. And that his existence no longer mattered to her. Catching her he held her tightly in his arms determined not to let her go. Collapsing against him, her small body shook with wrenching sobs. "I know I'm not like you, I know I'm not good enough. But I was willing to try-" she wept achingly in his arms "—you know I was trying my best."
Her tears ripped open his heart, and her words slashed him like sharp knives. He held her, staring at her beautiful tear stained face. "That's not it," he whispered hoarsely, "I'm sorry."
Kyoko heard the raw strain in his voice, and searched his tortured face. There was a tense look of desperation in his dilated pupils and his powerful frame was solidified in rigid tension, almost as if he were frozen stiff. Noticing something traumatic was happening to him, but not understanding what was wrong, she watched him tense up becoming almost catatonic, his eyes staring blindly into an unknown abyss. Reaching up slowly, she laid a tender palm against his strong cheek. His smooth skin felt icy cold to her, reminding her of the last two times he had been this way. Stroking his cheek, she began to coax him back.
Her simple action released him from the cold darkness he had sunk into and a shudder ran though his body. A new raw emotion took its place, and like a flood bursting through a damn that could no longer contain the overflow, his eyes glinted darkly as he swept Kyoko into his arms, wrapping her tightly and firmly against him, while his mouth swooped down to open on hers with hungry desperation.
A/N: Hi Everyone, I couldn't allow Ren and Kyoko's first kiss take the format of Natsu, so I just had to add this chapter! Also, it's not too late to get your votes in for what kind of character Ren will play in Box R, the seduced or the seducer.
For those of you interested Kyoko talks about her first kiss in SB Ch 148. Natsu's boredom is reminiscent of SB Ch 134 and Ren thinks that Kyoko would erase his existence in SB Ch 71 and fears losing her in Ch 84 and 94.
