Wednesday and Thursday went by like a flash. I focused on school and unpacked the boxes I had left from moving. My apartment was beginning to feel like a home. My mom called me back and we planned my flights back for Michael's funeral the next weekend. I would need to go find an outfit for his funeral. I owned plenty of black clothes and some nice dresses, but I wanted this outfit to be extra special. I owed Michael that much. I had also agreed to sing a song at his funeral. I was little rusty but I could practice this week enough to plunk out a few chords on the piano and sing along. All I had to do was keep it together through one song. I could do that, right?

Friday morning I woke up with butterflies in my stomach. It had been a little while since I had gone on a date. Three years, to be exact. I didn't even take a date to prom. Michael and I just went as friends. Sure, a couple guys asked me to go but my last breakup was so horrible I was scared to try again. Breathe. This was only a first date, not a marriage. Even if I messed it all up, it wouldn't matter. Sure, Ethan would be hard to get over, but it was possible. I can do this. Just be yourself, everyone else is taken.

We were going surfing, so I didn't need to dress up. That was a relief. I was never very good at dressy. I hated uncomfortable clothes, no matter how good they looked. I pulled out my favorite bikini: high waisted with a sturdy top. It was a simple plain blue, but I wasn't going for sexy or flashy. Besides, I didn't want it to fall off while I was surfing. THAT would be quite the first date story. Over my bikini I wore dark blue crop top and a gray maxi skirt. I left my faded green and brown hair down in its natural not-quite-straight, not-quite-wavy state. I skipped makeup all together. There was too much risk to smear it while surfing, even with waterproof makeup.

I checked my phone for the time after I was finished getting ready. It said 8:46 in the morning. Great. Now I only had to wait until 5 p.m. with all these butterflies to hang out with Ethan. If I didn't find something to focus on I would be an anxious nutball by the time he picked me up. But what to do? First, I decided to send Ethan a text. We hadn't talked since we got pizza on Tuesday, so it was probably best to make sure we were still on for five.

"Morning Ethan. Hope we're still on for five, I'm excited to catch some waves. Or watch you catch some waves as I lay on my board and try not to fall off." I hit send even though it sounded lame to me. Now was a good time to find and practice a song for the funeral then go shopping for an outfit. Actually, I decided to shop first so I would be home for sure when Ethan picked me up. The shops I wanted to look at were all the way across town, so I ordered an Uber to take me instead of riding my skateboard.

It took me a few hours to get across town, find an outfit, and get back, so most of my morning was busy with that. I found a very simple black dress with a white trim going across the waist. I also bought some blue velvet heels since blue was Michael's favorite color. I hung the dress in my closet so it wouldn't wrinkle and put the shoes away, still in their box. Next, I set up my keyboard in the living room and began thinking of songs that I could sing.

At first I thought I would sing some one of the typical funeral songs like Ave Maria or Hallelujah, but none of those songs seemed good enough for Michael. He deserved a song as special as he was. I thought of all the songs he loved and all the songs that were special to us. None seemed to fit until I remembered this one beautiful country song that came on in the middle of the night on the radio once. We were driving home from a ski vacation over Christmas break. It was around one in the morning and we couldn't get a signal from any radio stations except country. We made fun of all the songs until this one beautiful ballad came on. Maybe it was our tiredness or the atmosphere of the open road and Christmastime, but we were both in awe.

Thinking back, though, I didn't even know the artist or name of the song. To find it, I had to type the few lyrics I remembered into google to find it. It was "Light of a Clear Blue Morning" by Dolly Parton. It was perfect. Time flew by for hours as I rehearsed it on the piano and memorized the lyrics. I hope Michael can hear me up there, I thought. I was lost in the music when my phone buzzed.

"You underestimate my teaching skills." Ethan typed. "I'll be there in fifteen minutes" Crap. I lost track of time. I quickly unplugged and packed away my keyboard. I looked in the mirror and fixed my hair. Then I grabbed my phone and purse and waited for Ethan to show up. Be yourself. There's no reason to be nervous. Take a deep breath.

A few minutes later there was a knock on the door. Here I go. First date in three years. And it's with one of the hottest guys I have ever met- let alone he's famous. But no pressure. No. Don't psych yourself out. You have lots to offer whether he sees it or not. Your worth is not based upon one boy, no matter how special he is. Do not repeat the past. Okay. With that, I opened the door.

He looked amazing, even in casual shorts and a t-shirt. He smirked as he looked at me, making my knees weak. "You look beautiful" he said. I still couldn't believe he asked me out.

"Not as beautiful as you" I said sarcastically. He laughed as we walked to his car. Thank God he actually laughed at my joke. Maybe this will actually work out. "I'm really glad you asked me out, by the way. I don't mean to sound cheesy but it meant a lot to me when you were so nice on the beach. And ever since, I wanted to get to know you." I said. I hoped I didn't come off too strong.

"Ever since I saw you on the beach, there was something about you I couldn't stop thinking about" he admitted. "I want to know everything about you." I bit my lip and smiled.

"We'll see how you feel after you see my surf. You may change your mind." I laughed. I was right. In fact, I was even worse at surfing than I thought. After a couple hours of Ethan teaching me to surf, I only stood up all the way three times and swallowed enough salt water to make me sick. I had to go throw up in the bathroom and drink tons of regular water to recover. I didn't tell Ethan I actually threw up, of course, but he knew I felt a little queasy.

I was impressed by how patient he was, though. He really was a great teacher. In my defense, he was incredibly distracting. It was hard to focus with him holding my hand or looking like a pro athlete in his swimsuit. There were several moments I really wanted to kiss him, but it wasn't the right time. Dinner afterwards was even better than the surfing. He took me to an incredible sushi restaurant and we talked the whole time. It all felt natural with him.

"I hope it doesn't bother you that I keep asking, but now that we have no interruptions, what happened the other night when we met on the beach?" He asked. I figured I owed it to him to tell him. And honestly, I didn't have anyone else in LA to talk to. If nothing else, it would be nice to have a friend here.

"Back home, I had one best friend my whole life. His name is Michael. Was Michael. He- he was hit and killed by a drunk driver that day. My Mom called me while I was at work that day to tell me. I didn't know where to go, so I was just driving home when I saw the sunset at the beach. Something about it just compelled me so I pulled over and sat in the waves. I almost had a complete melt down when you and Grayson found me." I held back the tears that were forming. This restaurant wasn't the place. He thought for a moment, unsure of what to say.

"Wow- I had no idea it was that serious. I am so sorry you have been going through all that alone. I am here to talk if you ever need." he smiled.

"Thank you. I may take you up on that. His funeral is next weekend, and I will be flying home for it. I may need another hug before I go. Anyway- this is a date. Let's focus on something more positive. What made you and Grayson choose to do YouTube?"

"Well we started out on vine. Once that started to die out, we started a YouTube channel. It all started as just a creative outlet recommended by one of our friends. We made videos just for fun. People started to really enjoy our content, though, and we gained a couple million subscribers. And honestly, life back in New Jersey wasn't so great in high school because of our videos. We didn't have many friends and people bullied Grayson and I all the time about our stuff. It got old and we wanted to start fresh and be part of a positive community. So we moved out to LA and committed to YouTube. It's all history from there."

"I love that. I think it's amazing when people take chances for what they are passionate about. And you guys are so good to your fans. You spread so much positivity on your channel and all your social medias. I wish when I was growing up I had role models like you. Luckily, I am in a good place and I know who I am. I don't worry about what others think of me and I know what I want now, but it took me a long time to love myself. In fact, for a long time I had major struggles with confidence that were caused by what other people said. All your fans are lucky to have you." Ethan's eyes lit up. I could tell nothing made him happier than making his fans happy and spreading positivity. He genuinely wanted to make the world a better place.

"That truly means so much. Grayson and I just want to make videos that make people's days a little better. Nothing makes me happier than making people laugh and creating friendships." It was amazing getting to see him talk about what he was passionate about.

"I totally agree. All I have ever wanted to do it help other people in some capacity. I am not sure exactly what I want to do yet, but I don't want to just work nine to five, buy a house, have a family and call it good. All of those things are in my future, but I want to do more. I want to make a difference and leave the world with a little more good in it than it had before." I said. Ethan beamed.

"Exactly!" he exclaimed. "And have tons of fun along the way. There's no point to life if you aren't enjoying it." I nodded in agreement and ate some more sushi. We finished up our meal and waited for the check. I was sad that our date was coming to a close. That was the most fun I had had in a while.

"I've had a lot of fun today." I said, blushing a little. "Even when I drank about a gallon of ocean water on accident. Ethan laughed again.

"Yeah, I still feel bad about that part. You really do suck at surfing. But you'll pick it up, don't worry." He teased.

"Only with your careful guidance, that is." I retorted. We sat silently for a moment.

"Well it's getting pretty late- do you want to go home?" He asked. Not really.

"Actually, I am not feeling tired yet. Are you up for some Mario Kart?" I asked.

"Are you kidding?! I'm down. Prepare to be crushed." Ethan challenged, smirking at me.

"You're on. Don't underestimate me, though. I may suck at surfing, but I am one hell of a drifter. Only a blue shell could save you once you challenge me." I flirted. Ethan laughed.

"We shall see about that." He paid for the food and we got in his car to go to his apartment.

He held my hand on the way inside. I blushed. He smiled when he noticed how pink my face was. When we got inside, Grayson was on the couch eating popcorn, scrolling through his phone. He looked up.

"Hey there, you lovebirds. I'm guessing the date went well." He raised an eyebrow suggestively. Ethan glared.

"He beat me at surfing but I am about to take him down in Mario Kart." I said. Grayson laughed.

"I don't know about that. As much as I hate to admit it- and I REALLY hate to admit this- but he always beats me at Mario Kart. Good luck." He picked up his popcorn and left to go to his bedroom and give us space. Before we sat, Ethan looked at me and furrowed his brows.

"Your clothes are still damp from surfing. Are you cold? Do you want some dry clothes?" He asked.

"I'm a little chilly" I admitted. He disappeared to his bedroom for a couple minutes and came back wearing sweats and a hoodie. He looked incredible even like that, how was that fair? He handed me a stack of dry clothes and directed me to their bathroom where I changed and pulled up my hair. The clothes were way too big for me, but so soft and comfortable I didn't even care. He smiled when I came back.

"You look cute in my clothes" he admitted with a smile. I smiled and sat down beside him. I could feel him right next to me. My heart beat a little faster just being this close to him. Focus, I told myself. I promised to win and I had to deliver. And I did. I whooped Ethan Dolan's butt at Mario Kart and he was shocked.

"Hah!" I shouted. "Told ya." I stuck my tongue out at him after I came in first three out of four races. He rolled his eyes.

"I went easy on you." He was obviously very competitive. That was okay. He would get over it. I smiled at him and he smiled back. This time was different, though. Our eyes stayed locked a little longer than the others. I leaned a little closer and so did he. Before I could think, he pulled me close and planted a tender kiss on my lips. My heart beat uncontrollably. I melted into him and we kissed again. And again. For the next few minutes, I could have sworn I was in heaven. Eventually, we broke apart and smiled as we looked at one another.

"If that's how you react when I beat you at Mario Kart, then please let me win again." I said, my face red. He laughed and then leaned in for one more kiss. It was slow and sweet. "Thank you." I said. He looked confused.

"Thank you for what?" He asked.

"For coming up to me on the beach and taking a chance." I said softly. "It feels so natural to be with you."

"You're welcome." He whispered, then pulled me into his side so I was leaning against him. We just sat on his couch cuddling for a little while, until we both began to feel sleepy and decided I better get home before we fell asleep. On the car ride home, we sang along to the radio together. It reminded me of Michael. I didn't feel sad, though. It made me happy. I knew that if Michael could see me, he would be happy too. Ethan walked me to my door.

"Tonight was amazing. I hope we do it again sometime." I said.

"Oh, we will. I don't know how long I can wait to see you again." He kissed me again and gave me a big hug. "And thank you for opening up to me. I had fun. I am here if you need to talk. I'll text you tomorrow. Sleep well." He kissed me on the cheek and walked to his car. I went to bed with a smile on my face. I couldn't wait to text him tomorrow.