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Imprisoned, Chapter 4: Comic Relief

Thor shook his head, trying to wrap his head around everything that had happened. "Even though the situation is dire, I must admit I am quite relieved that what you have done has neither been a suicide attempt nor a trick in incredibly bad taste," he smiled weakly at Loki. "Now I'd really like to know what's going on here."

Loki took a deep breath. For the first time since he had noticed the Other's presence in the prison was he able to somewhat relax.

He could feel the strength returning to him, slowly but steadily, as his body began to heal, but it was still exhausting to speak. "In my cell I have noticed a… strange aura surrounding some of the guards. It turns out, lackeys of Thanos have used illusions to replace the real ones-"

"Who is Thanos?" Thor interrupted. Some things never change, Loki mused.

"A... mad titan... He wants all the infinity stones and gave me the scepter to get him the Tesseract…"

Thor stared at his brother. "So, I was right?"

"What?"

"This whole madness on Midgard wasn't your idea," he stated more than asked, looking very smug as he did so.

"Yes," breathed Loki, wondering when his oblivious-to-everything brother had become so observant. To say that Thanos had been responsible for everything he had done on Midgard would be a crude oversimplification, but he didn't have the energy to delve deeper into the topic or fight Thor on the specifics. "Now Thanos wants to punish me for not fulfilling my end of the bargain…"

Thor's eyes darkened. "Hence, all of this is your fault? Again?"

"Don't flatter me. He would have come for the Tesseract sooner or later anyways," Loki replied flatly. Probably later, Loki's mind added, and less viciously.

"What does he want with the stones?"

"Wipe out half of the universe," Loki deadpanned.

Thor's expression, if such a thing was possible, soured even more. "And you were working for him?"

"I wasn't going to give him the Tesseract, obviously," Loki huffed indignantly. "Who do you think I am?"

"A fool," replied Thor without missing a beat. "Half the universe?"

Loki hesitated for a second. "Fifty-fifty." Verbalized it sounded even worse than it had in his head.

Thor stared at him uncomprehendingly. "… Why?"

"Cosmic balance or some such nonsense. He thinks it will solve all problems. You know - over-population, hunger,…" he trailed off.

"Asgard does not suffer such problems. This would not help us," Thor interjected.

Loki did not point out that he thought, between the two of them, 50% less would solve a lot of Asgard's problems. "Of course not," he said, instead.

"And this," Thor gestured at Loki and then at the room, "was...?"

"The only way I could warn you," Loki finished his sentence. "Admittedly, I've had better plans in the past."

Thor sighed in relief. "What should we do to stop him?" he then asked.

"Just tell father about it. He will know what to do."

Thor hesitated.

"What?"

"You know… after news of your… well… he fell into-"

"Don't," Loki tried to hold up a hand, but found that the shackles prevented him. "Don't say it." Had there ever been a more stupid, inconvenient thing than Odinsleep? Loki believed more and more that it was their father's way of avoiding responsibility. He still resented him for falling into Odinsleep right when Loki had found out about his true parentage, right when he would have truly needed a father to be there for him.

"For such a powerful being, he really can't handle stress very well," Loki finally sighed. He ignored all feelings that surfaced at the thought of the Allfather being so deeply affected by Loki's well-being.

"Indeed," his brother chuckled. "Then what do you suppose we should do?"

"You are asking me?" Loki asked, amused. Now that someone else knew about what was going on and the future of Asgard was not his sole responsibility anymore, the situation did not feel quite as hopeless. "Since when am I the deputy king left in charge when Odin is gone? No, dear brother, your majesty, this is your problem now."

"But every king needs an advisor," replied Thor.

"I have been degraded to advisor now? Oh, how the mighty have fallen." Loki mocked. Thor was alright when in need of brute strength and foolish bravery, but when it came to tactics and strategy, Loki would always be the person to turn to.

"Alright," he finally sighed. "Step one: untie me."

Thor raised an eyebrow. "Maybe I should do this on my own."

"Oh yes, of course," Loki sighed. He could not blame his brother for his hesitation. Freeing a prisoner was considered high treason. But still, his brother needed him. "I'm sure you'll be able to tell who a real guard is, and who is using illusions to make themselves look like guards."

Thor sighed in defeat. "Do you promise to not try anything?"

"If my promises meant anything, I would. But since they don't, you'll just have to hope for the best."

Thor sighed again, rolled his eyes and opened the restraints put on Loki.

"Great," Loki rubbed his hands together. The shackles had also restrained his magical abilities, just as his cell had, but now he could feel the power surge through his body and the pain he had woken up to vanished almost instantly. He cast a few healing incantations.

"Feeling better?" Thor asked warily.

"Much," Loki grinned, getting out of bed. "Now, let's save Asgard."

"So, there is actually a step two to your plan?"

"Of course. Let me just concentrate for a second." Loki closed his eyes to feel for the presences of any non-Æsir in Asgard – besides himself, of course. When he opened his eyes again, he found Thor looking at him expectantly. "There is one standing in front of this room, five in the dungeons waiting for my return, and four are moving through the palace. I'd say we first take out the one outside, then stop the four in the palace, save the Tesseract and after that, the ones in the prison shouldn't be too difficult to handle."

Thor nodded his head and pointed at the door. "That's where the one supposedly guarding us is standing?"

"A little to the left," Loki muttered with a raised eyebrow.

Thor moved his hand a bit further to the left and opened it. A few seconds later, a bloody Mjolnir came crashing through the door and landed in Thor's hand.

"Sneaky," Loki breathed, peering through the Mjolnir-shaped hole in the door to find an unconscious opponent on the ground, "I like it." He opened the door, took the shackles that had been used to restrain him and put them on the unconscious man. "Why Mjolnir and not Gungnir, though, your majesty?"

Thor shrugged. Looking at his hammer he said, "I think I need more practice wielding Gungnir to be as effective with it as I am with Mjolnir."

Loki smirked but did not comment.

"Now we have to come up with a plan to stop the others," Thor said.

"A plan? Strategy?" Loki grinned. "This is so unlike you, brother. So clandestine. Are you sure you wouldn't rather just punch your way out?"

Thor just glared at him.

"Fine, as you wish. But what happened to "Using one's brain is for those too weak to fight"?" Loki asked, rolling his shoulders to get some feeling into them after being restrained for so long. He felt an urge to go running or physically exerting himself in some other way.

"I never said that," replied Thor, eyeing his brother warily.

"Not in those words, perhaps. But I clearly remember…" Loki trailed off. A wave of his hand and his black hair turned blond. From one second to the other, two Thors were standing in the room. "Knowledge is not power. That's power," Loki raised his now muscled right arm, flexing his biceps.

Thor glowered, but couldn't hide that he was amused.

"The brain is a muscle," Loki continued, "and this is a muscle," he pointed at the still raised arm. "And this is a muscle," he pointed at his other arm. "And they are all muscles," he moved his fingers around his abs. "This is all muscle. So, I am covered in brains and I am more brains than you," he finished, pointing at the real Thor.

Thor's expression was somewhere in-between amused and annoyed. "Alright, alright. I'm sorry I made fun of you for thinking strategically. It was very immature of me. Strategy is not a strength of mine, but I appreciate that it is one of yours."

"Thank you," Loki, back in his own body, said surprised. Thor usually belittled his strengths. This appreciation was new. "I'd say I need a disguise to move through the castle. How do you like this one?"

A shimmering surrounded Loki and suddenly Heimdall stood before Thor.

Thor glanced at his new form. "You're too… squirrely to pull off a convincing Heimdall for more than two minutes."

"Squirrels? You have clearly spent too much time on Midgard. Maybe you'd prefer one of your new friends from there."

Another shimmer and Captain America stood before Thor. "Oh, this is much better. Wow. Costume's a bit much - so tight. But the confidence. I can feel the righteousness surging-"

"Where is all this energy coming from? Weren't you just dying five minutes ago?" Thor interrupted, but he sounded more amused than anything.

His brother shimmered one more time and finally looked like himself again. "I was," he said somberly, "but you don't know what it feels like. The cell has restricted my powers so much, for such a long time. The handcuffs completely nullified them. And now it's like… I don't know how to describe it. It's like every fiber of my being is pulsating with power and it feels amazing."

Thor smiled at his brother. "I understand. When father had banished me to Midgard, the loss of my powers and of Mjolnir had me feel subdued. When I finally got them back… it felt like nothing I've ever felt before." He absentmindedly patted his hammer.

Loki nodded his head.

Thor looked at him, rubbing his chin. "I hate to admit it, but you are correct. You will need a disguise. I doubt I will be able to explain why you are not in the dungeon. But something less conspicuous, if you please."

"As you wish." Loki's body shimmered again and turned into one of the guards from the prison.

Thor glanced at the new form of his brother and then nodded. "Where are the four now?"

"Near the entrance," Loki replied.

Together they put the unconscious man on the bed and Loki cast an illusion to make it look as if it was him lying there. Then they left the room and hurried down the corridor.

"Thor!"

The exclamation was quite a surprise. Before Loki had fully realized that, when rounding a corner, they had run straight into another Sif, Thor had already grabbed her by the throat and pressed her to the wall. His other hand was holding Mjolnir up next to her face.

"What's going on here?" asked a perplexed Sif. She looked shocked and had her hands raised in a placating manner.

Thor looked at her, before he turned his gaze to Loki, silently asking him what to do.

Loki examined this new Sif, but he knew instantly that she was the real deal. He had not sensed any intruders in the area before they had left, and her expression was so utterly shocked, it could only be sincere.

Loki turned his eyes to his brother. He knew, if he told him she was an imposter, he would kill her instantly. He squashed down any mischievous thoughts he had as well as the feelings this absolute trust in him evoked. "This is the real Lady Sif."

Thor released her immediately. "I apologize, Lady Sif. There are imposters within the castle. I had to check."

"Impostors?" she asked, perplexed, before her expression turned sour. "Loki," she hissed.

Loki took a step back in alarm. Had she figured him out? How?

"No," Thor said hastily. "I believe him to be innocent of this particular... situation."

"Really?" Sif put her hands to her hips, raising an eyebrow. "You think it is a coincidence that he ends up in the hospital wing the same day you find impostors running around?"

"Not a coincidence, but-"

"And it is not as if it would be the first time he aided enemies into Asgard," Sif continued.

Thor sighed. "You put forward some good arguments, but trust me, my brother is innocent… this time."

"How can you be so certain?" Sif asked. "He probably already broke out of the Healing Room. We should-"

"Lady Sif," Thor firmly interrupted her, "I have already been to the Healing Room," he seemed to struggle with what to say next, "it was Loki who brought the problem to my attention."

Sif looked as if she was about to say something, but Thor interrupted her again. "Guard," he demanded, looking expectantly at Loki.

Loki looked at him in surprise. "No."

"What? No?"

"No," Loki repeated. He was not going to reveal himself to someone who would immediately send him back to his cell.

Thor considered him for a few seconds, before he brought his hammer into view. "There are two ways this can go. I doubt you will like the one I am thinking of right now."

Loki sighed. Why did it always have to be violence with Thor? Why did no one in Asgard appreciate the subtle art of using words to solve problems? "Fine," he muttered and turned back into his proper self.

Sif immediately brought her sword up to his neck. Loki raised his hands in surrender.

"Lower your weapon," Thor commanded, but Sif did not listen. "I know you will not believe a word he says. But I have seen an enemy who looked just like you in the palace just mere moments ago. You do not have to trust him but trust me."

Sif kept her sword trained at Loki, considering his words. Finally, she said, "betray him and I'll kill you," and lowered her sword.

Loki smirked. "It's good to see you too, Sif." Then his body shimmered back into the form of the guard.

Sif glared at Loki. "What do you want me to do, Thor?" she said without looking at him. One thing real and fake Sif had in common.

Thor looked at Loki. Loki closed his eyes and concentrated, then he looked up in alarm. "The four in the palace have split. Two are moving towards Odin's Vault and the other two… towards his bed chamber."

Thor groaned. "Alright. Sif, gather the Warriors Three and protect the Vault. These people look like Æsir, but they are not. Do not let them fool you."

Sif nodded her head, threw Loki one last suspicious glance and left in the Vault's direction.

"Loki, you and I will head for the other two."

TBC

A.N. I felt like this story needed some comic relief. It also made sense because I feel like humor is Loki's way of coping with stress, and it's what he did in Thor: The Dark World after being freed. Some of the dialogue was obviously stolen from that one. The muscle-brain thing is from the youtube video "Thor: Ragnarok - Thor and Darryl are back in hilarious new promo" - I saw someone mention in the comments that this was probably what Loki's childhood looked like and I find myself agreeing. This was most definitely Loki's childhood.

If you liked this chapter, let me know with a review.