This fic already doesn't makes any sense. so i'll just going to ass shove some Mass effect (Bioware) in it.
[City of Aurelin Holm, Skyrim-Cyrodiil Border]
The quiet refreshing wind that blows over the prairie unfortunately can't be felt by the armored skins of Housecarl Lydia the Breaker.
The Dawnbreaker, her mighty sword of light, is sleeping in its sheath after another hard day work.
The irony smell (Got it? Because blood taste of iron.) Of the blood soaked battlefield is seeping between the fabrics of her yellow cape that bears the Horse of Whiterun, the flag of the hold of which she serve under.
The dim light of Skyrim's sunset reflected on the white of her armor made from the bone of her fallen foe, serve as another factor to makes the sight of this particular warrior even more magnificent.
With the flick of her wrist, she undoes the enchantment of the impenetrable barrier that is her shield, The Spellbreaker.
Another victory against the Thalmor scums.
She tries to walk, but with her every steps, she can hears the sound of Elven bones cracked under the weight of her heavy dragon bone boots.
Everywhere her gaze upon, the sight of Thalmor corpses in various state of undress after their armor got looted for their precious moonstones can be seen.
Heh, 'superior race' my arse.
Another series of the sounds of cracked bones wakes her from her musing.
"Housecarl Lydia, there you are."
Another warrior woman, this one wears spiky armor, as black as night, but with an ore vein running across it that as red as fresh blood. Her red cape bears proudly of her hold's insignia, The Wolf of Solitude.
"Housecarl Jordis." Lydia gives a greeting from the top of a small hill of corpses. Her right fist on her left shoulder, and then she bows.
"What is it?" ask the mighty warrior politely.
"Our looters have found something in the tent of one of the Thalmor priest. They want us to take a look at it."
Unlike Lydia, the Housecarl in red cape seems to be more relaxed, with one hand resting on the hilt of her holstered weapon, the legendary katana, The Dragonbane.
And she carries her Daedric shield as one would carries a sack of apple.
"What did they found?" asks Lydia.
"A chest of some sort. It's heavily enchanted with locking spell. Master Destructor J'zargo from the College of Winterhold is working on it now."
"If it's locked, then it's must be of some value."
"It is most likely." Nod Jordis.
"Then indeed we shall take a look at it. Lead the way."
"Very well. This way, please."
Jordis starts to walks away. Lydia tries to follow, only to slip on someone's spilled spleen.
"Damnation." Curses Lydia.
"Be careful. Those are everywhere…"
CRUNCH!
"…Oh, Forsooth."
"Brain matters. That would be hard to clean up."
Jordis shook her left foot a bit, trying to get as much of Thalmor brain matters away from her boot.
"Eh, I planned to redecorate my armor, anyway."
And with that, they continue on their way.
"I managed to pacify their western defense quite smoothly. How about the east side?" asks Lydia to the younger of the two, trying to engage in a small friendly conversation along the way.
"They tried to use a ballista on me. Nothing this Daedric steel couldn't handle, though." Answered Jordis, waving her fifteen pound shield like it was made from papier-mâché.
"You up for some friendly sparring after this?" asks Jordis.
"Nah, I have enough blood and sweat on my body as it is. I'll race you to the hot spring, though."
"Magnificent. I'll take Shadowmere."
"Then I shall take Arvak."
Silence for a moment, as the two of the five finest warriors of Tamriel walks among their fellow alliance soldiers busily looting and pillaging in their dark blue scale armor.
"Anyway, don't you think this is sort of overkill? Along with three hundreds of men, they sent two of us against a mere thirty thousand Thalmor Justicars." Asks the knight in Daedric armor to the knight in dragonplates.
"This city wasn't in the original plan. Perhaps Colonel Scorcher Max Fighmaster originally just wants to send our Thane with small contingent of men, and just continues on our way to Cyrodiil?"
"Ha! Our Thane won't needs 'men', if he can solo Markath…oh…"
Their track stops as they remember the fate of the foul city.
Lydia then claps her hand as if in prayer.
"And may it be the stench of the damned cities serve as a reminder of what happens to the fools that cross the path of our mighty Thane, for he is merciless to the people who wronged him."
The second phrase is then said by Jordis:
"And may the screams of thousands corrupt Guardsmen, cheats, and liars, and the putrid smell of their corpses, be for eternity. And may this mistake not be repeated. The mistake that is the city of Markath and Riften."
"So shall it be, sister." Said Lydia, closing the prayer.
They then continue their walk until they reach a big purple tent with elaborate decoration of golden threads embroidery.
"Well, this tent certainly symbolize perfectly of the Thalmor's bigotry." Quip Jordis with a little smirk that unfortunately can't be seen from under her helmet.
When they are going inside the tent, they're quickly being approached by two Dremora lords. Two burly men with red face and demonic horns, wearing an exact copy of Jordis's armor. (Which actually a part of their biology. so even if you kill them, you can't loot it.)
"Our master is working. None shall pass." Say one of them in unnaturally deep voice.
"And if you are not noticing, I'm wearing an armor forged with the still-beatings heart of one of your felled brethren."
Hearing Jordis's threat, the Dremoras manages to keep their expression as stoic as always. Although a perceptive person might be able to see a glimpse of fear in their eyes.
"You…shall not pass." Repeats the Dremora Lord, though not with the same level of aggressiveness.
Just as Lydia fears for a battle to commence, a sly voice special to the Khajiit race of Elsweyr interjected.
"It is fine. J'zargo has finished. They may pass."
And with that simple sentence, the Dremoras parted, open a way for the Housecarl to a certain figure.
A figure, covered from head to toe in finest ebony steel. The Daedric staff that bound the two Dremora Lords fixed solidly in a holder on his back, like a giant rose ornament. And hanging from the left of his belt, where the scream of thousand damned souls can be heard from the Soul Cairn itself, is the dreaded Daedric artifact, Azura's Black Star.
And that cute fluffy black and white stripped tail that protruding from his back ends really looks contrast to the generally scary image his Ebony armor set gives.
"Hello there, kitten, any luck with the chest?" asks Jordis with maybe a little too much 'childish' in her voice.
"J'zargo does not appreciates of being called 'kitten', and yes, J'zargo has succeeded in removing all enchantments from the chest…"
He makes a gesture noticing a small wooden chest on a ground in the back of the tent.
"….all that's left is the lock, J'zargo concludes."
"Very well."
Lydia starts to walks toward the chest.
CREAAAKK!
No mere locks can stand against the power of the strongest of the Five Housecarls of the Apocalypse.
"Hm…Peculiar."
"What? What is it?"
Jordis sound like a child waiting for her gift.
"It's a ring."
"Huh?"
It is indeed a ring. A small, plain metal ring. Only with a small blue ruby on it.
"A ring? J'zargo does not understand."
"Let ma take a look at it." Jordis reached out and takes the ring from Lydia.
"Hmm…maybe…If I press here…hey! This ruby is a button!"
"Huh? Wait! Don't push it!"
Alas, it is too late. Jordis has pushed the button of a mysterious ring. Which everyone with half a brain knows, usually not a good idea. That kind of story always ends up in a volcano or something.
The ruby on the ring now glows, brighter and brighter until it creates a dim curtain of light not unlike that of an aurora. And from that curtain, came forth a blue spectral woman.
With tentacles for hair.
The two Dremora Lords readied their weapon, but J'zargo raises his hand, and their greatswords is back to their sheath.
"By the twin moon! An astral projection? A psychic recording? J'zargo is curious!"
"Oh, here we go again…" Lydia facepalmed.
The image of the woman with tentacle hair is now floating quietly a few feet from the ground, her eyes scanning the room, until it stop when she sees J'zargo.
And for quite a time, J'zargo seems to be in trance, as he locking gaze with the strange blue woman.
Suddenly, the woman talks. The voice comes from nowhere, yet everywhere. Like it comes from onside of your own head. And it is neither the voice of a man, nor woman.
Are you people understand of what I am saying?
Jordis was the first to respond.
"Err…yes?"
The spectral woman seems to be satisfied.
Good. My name is Glyph, Cortana class artificial intelligence based on the intelligence of doctor Liara T'soni, and I brought forth a crucial message from ancient time.
"Of course you are." Snark Lydia.
"Artificial intelligence? A construct? Crucial message? J'zargo would like to know."
What I'm about to show you are vital to the survival of all sentient races…
"Yeah yeah, just show us the message. Let get this one over with." Said Lydia with half of commanding tone.
Very well, you impatient meatbag.
"What?"
Nothing.
Before Lydia can thinks of something for a comeback, a series of image is burned into her head.
Images of an army of giant steel squid, bigger than most castles.
An image of war, in a scale incomprehensible.
And a lot more.
The information flow is just overwhelming, but Lydia stands strong.
Most of the images are unclear, but Lydia get the point clearly.
And army of god-like octopus is going to end the world as we know it.
"Housecarl Jordis, you're seing this?"
She can hears Jordis chuckling nervously before answered.
"Yes. Huh, this one is bigger than the usual cosmic horror trying to ends the world."
"You mean there's an army of them now." Add J'zargo.
"Yeah."
What did you saw is the image of the Reapers, a machine race with sole drive for extinction of all sentient races every fifty thousand years.
"Fifty thousand years, huh? How much do we got?" asks Jordis.
Calculating, please wait.
Two seconds later…
Thirty years, eleven months, and exactly two weeks.
"Hey, that's pretty long, unlike the usual."
"Alright, so how do we stop this reapers?" ask Lydia straight to the point, conforming to her Thane's standard procedure for dealing with imminent doom.
We tried to fight them off once. Needless to say, we've lost.
"That is obvious."
But that only because we overlooked what is right in front of us. A series of powerful artifacts, buried under the crust of planet Earth.
"Planet? Plane? A plane traveler? Hmm…, curious. J'zargo is interested."
"Shut up, J'zargo. I need to listen to her."
"J'zargo would gladly stay quiet if Housecarl Jordis would be kindly to stop playing with J'zargo's tail."
"Jordis, stop playing with his tail."
"Sorry. I got nervous. And his tail is just so fluffy!"
J'zargo sighed.
"Very well, J'zargo would let the creepy woman the honor of touching his tail. But only for this instance."
"Yay!" squeal Jordis with gleefulness unbefitting of someone wearing a full Daedric armor.
"Dibella's cunt…sorry about that, you may continue. What were these artifacts you were talking about?"
A series of artifact, known to the locals as the 'Seven Pieces of Eden'. It is said that if one to brings all seven of them to a temple on earth, the world would be saved.
"'It is Said'?"
It has not been confirmed as a fact, but we do know that the prophecy belongs to a very advanced and ancient alien civilization called, in your tongue, as the 'Elder Farseer'.
"Is she mayhaps, talking about an Elder Scroll?"
Jordis is still stroking J'zargo's tail.
"It is perhaps. But, since that our only lead, say, Glyph, may you tell us of how we acquire this 'Seven Pieces of Eden'?"
To avoid the Reaper forces, we use the Leviathan's thralls to retrieve all of the seven pieces and hide it in the remote planet of HQ1112. this planet.
The image of the woman suddenly getting brighter.
Activating scanner…searching for beacons… Analyzing planet's physiology…compiling map…map compiled.
The image of the woman suddenly turned into a huge world map. Like a floating paper, but glowing blue, and has a perfect edges. It is filled with depiction of land unknown.
In that map, there's about seven of blinking white dot, probably the positions of the Pieces of Eden.
"J'zargo, take note of these coordinates."
"Understood. The creepy Housecarl can let go of J'zargo's tail now."
"Awww."
From the desk on the other side of the tent, J'zargo retrieves a paper and a piece of charcoal, and with Khajiit's agility a normal human can only dream of, start copying on the spectral map.
But the spectral map shimmers…
Power level critical. Shutting down.
…and then gone.
"It seems like she's out of power." Said Jordis, stating the obvious as she tries to press the ring's button over and over.
"Here, try soul gem."
Lydia throws two medium soul gems from her side pocket.
Jordis catches it, and put the two soul gems and the ring on her right palm, and squeeze a little.
"No effect."
"Squeeze harder."
"I'll break it."
"Damnation. J'zargo, how much did you got?"
"Only five; one in Morrowind, one in Hammerfell, and three on the next continent."
"Another continent? Oh, great. Alright, J'zargo, makes a few copies of what you got, send it to Calder and Iona with a simple note of what to do. They'll understand. And send an order to Argis to find our Thane, he'll want to know of this."
"Understood" J'zargo then continues to copying maps.
"What about us?" ask Jordis.
Lydia responded by throwing two enchanted daggers at her. One glowing blue, and one glowing red.
"Summon Arvak and Shadowmere. We're off for a little trip. SET COURSE TO HIGH HROTHGAR."
Still makes much more sense than the ending of MASS EFFECT 3. come on, bioware, that control ending is the perfect chance to hear shepard sayin 'assuming direct control'.
and yes, i killed the entirety of markath. damn dude try to frame me, so he got to frame that ice spike up his arse.
