It's been two days since Ben cheated on me, and he hasn't even talked to me at school, and I haven't talked to him either. I am dreading going back to school today and seeing Ben. I do not feel like going to school, It's only going to make me feel more despaired. "Amy, are you ready?" My mom asked me. In a sense I was ready, but my heart wasn't feeling up to doing anything but stay home all day. "Yeah." I said back at her. I sighed and got John ready for daycare. I carried him out to the car, set him down in his carseat, and fastened the seatbelt. "Yes Mom, I'm ready." I told her again, once she was walking towards the car. "Okay. Let's go." She got in the car and we pulled out of the driveway. Everything that's going on is just too much for me to take in. Ben cheated on me probably because of the fact that he thought I had feelings for Ricky, so he felt insecure and unloved. I had not tried to make him feel that way. I just want to be a normal teenage girl in highschool. One that hangs out with their friends after school and actually has fun. I don't ever get to do anything except take care of John.
"Amy?" My mom asked. "You coming?" I didn't realize we were already at John's daycare.
"Yep, I'm coming." I told her. I got out of the car, shut the door, and helped John out of his carseat.
"Amy, what's wrong with you?" My mother asked me once we were getting ready to go inside.
I sighed and looked over at John as I talked. "I'm a new mother in highschool." I began, feeling indifferent and distressed."I'm missing out on everything."
"Amy.."My mother said, frustrated."You decided to keep this baby. And with babies comes a lot of responsibility, and you have to be able to accept that responsibility, or keeping John was just pointless."
"Mom, you know I love John, but I never get to do anything except take care of him all the time. I never see my friends, and now I don't even know what to do with my life."As I said that last sentence, I couldn't control my tears anymore.
"And thats what you're supposed to do when you have a baby, take care of it. Like I said, this was your decision and you have to stick with it. It's too late now, Amy." My mom continued.
John started crying as I put him in his bassinet. "Mom!" I whined.
She just looked up at me and shook her head.
I took him inside with all the other babies and children and parents and handed him to some lady that worked there, and my mom and I got ready to leave.
As I walked into the school building, Ben was standing right there in the hallway, staring at me. I tried not to make eye contact with him, but I did anyway.
"Amy." He said, sympathetically and casually. All I did was barely turn around to face him so I could scowl at him. He returned a frown and a sigh of disbelief. "Amy, let me just talk to you." He finally said. I didn't want to talk to him or anyone right now, but I especially and particularly did not want to talk to him. "I don't want to talk to you." I replied hardly, infuriated.
"Fine,"He walked up to me and held me by the wrists,"then why don't you just listen?" I turned my head slightly and didn't move any, waiting for him to say what he wanted to say. He sighed as he didn't know what to say and took a deep breath. "How did you find out?"
"Alice called Ricky."I said very slowly, with a discontented, almost smug presence. "And Ricky told me."
"Why would Alice call Ricky?" He emphasized on Ricky's name.
"I don't know, maybe to tell him that you slept with her? How could you, Ben?" I was trying my best not to cry. I didn't want Ben to know I was this weak and that I was hurting.
"Amy, look, it was a mistake, okay? It was very wrong, I won't argue with you there. I didn't mean to." He explained.
"How could you not mean to have sex? Sex doesn't just happen. It takes two people, and both of those two people have to be aware of what they're doing!"
"Oh, really?",He raised one eyebrow," Just like when you had sex with Ricky. It just happened, didn't it?" I was horrified by what he had just said. I threw Ben's hand off of me and began crying. Not only were they tears of anger, but they were tears of pain and grief. Ben kept a straight face. He wanted me to know how serious he was.
"Just leave me alone, Ben! That's completely different and we're not talking about me and Ricky!" I yelled, as my voice cracked while I continued crying even harder.
"See Amy? You were right. Sex doesn't just happen. You were aware of what was going on and now you're trying to avoid the subject of Ricky, just like you always do everytime I bring his name up. Because you're ashamed of what you did. And you're ashamed of what happens to be, and what that is is that you still have feelings for Ricky. And no one can take the place of that because of your little 'unfinished business',"He made quotation marks with his fingers,"- named John- and not even me can take the place of what you feel for Ricky because he holds a special place in your life because of John. You were forced to deal with Ricky, in the mist of all the feelings you still had for him even though you were mad at him, you had to put up with him and now he's in your life permanently and there's no going back." I couldn't speak. I tried to, but I knew I wouldn't be able to get the words out without my voice cracking. I was too busy crying that I didn't see Ricky walking up until just now. He had heard every word. He stood about 10 feet away from us, staring at me apprehensively.
"Admit it Amy." Ben demanded.
"Admit what?" I managed to yell out.
"Admit what you know is true! Admit that you were aware of what was happening and that you still have feelings for Ricky!" Ben shouted, loud enough for everyone in the room to here.
I cried out even more and struggled to get my words out as I studdered while my voice was cracking between each word I said. "Fine! I admit it! Only because Ricky was there for me, when I needed him the most, because you cheated on me! While I cried he was there and he didn't even care that I was crying over some other guy because he actually CARED about me!" It didn't even matter to me that everyone could hear me and was watching us.
"Oh, and you think that I didn't care about you?!" Ben yelled back.
"No! I KNOW you don't care about me because if you did then you wouldn't have slept with Alice!"
"If you cared about me then you would get over it because of how much you love me and you would forgive and forget! Because that's what I did when I found out you had been with RICKY!" He continued.
"You didn't even know me then! And you're right! I don't care about you anymore, Ben! I never can again!" I pushed him away from me and got down on my knees on the floor and cried my eyes out, not caring about everyone looking at me, as I glanced over at Ricky. Ricky rushed over to me and got down on the floor beside me and held me tight, comforting me. "Amy."He said, devastated. I embraced him back, and he pulled his hand through my hair and kissed me on the forehead. "It's okay, Amy. Everything will be okay. I promise. I'm here. I will always be here for you. I'm not going anywhere." I sighed and squeezed him harder. I didn't care about being a normal teenage girl anymore, as long as Ricky would be here for me.
