Negan peered down at the baby. She squirmed on the fluffy bath towel on the floor, curling her fingers and toes against the cold. Her soft skin was veiny and ever so slightly translucent, except for the strange looking umbilical cord stump still clamped with a plastic yellow clip from the hospital.
The sight reminded him of the sweet, quiet moments just after she was born. While the nurses tended to Lucille, he had ventured over to the corner of the room, where the baby was being weighed and checked over. By that time, she had stopped her incessant squawking, and was surveying the area with dark, ever so slightly open eyes as the nurses shifted and poked at her naked body to check that she was healthy. Once she had been declared in good health, the nurse swaddled her up and handed her to Negan for the first time. He stood frozen for a moment, the baby snuggled in his muscular arms before her voice made him turn towards the bed.
"Negan…"
With a shake of his head to stop the onslaught of memories, Negan shoved his hand into the tub of lukewarm water and fished out the soft sponge inside. He wrung it out firmly over the tub before hesitating.
"She'll get wet," he said moronically, staring down at his daughter with unmasked concern.
Velma, observing from the doorway, chuckled kindly, "well of course she will. She won't melt away into nothing. She may not enjoy it much at first though."
Negan inhaled deeply, before lowering the soft sponge to the baby's right arm. Immediately she tensed, opening her mouth to let out a shrill cry.
Negan immediately dropped the sponge onto the towel and scooped her up, apologising profusely.
"Fuck! I'm sorry baby. Daddy's fucking sorry. I've got you. I'm fucking sorry," Negan rambled, cradling her tiny head against his chest.
Velma, touched by his sensitivity to his daughter, knelt down beside him with some difficulty.
"Honey, she's absolutely fine. It's just the shock of the water at first. It's not hot enough to hurt her," she soothed, settling onto her creaking knees, "just try again. She needs her first bath. It'll soothe that rash of hers."
Negan sighed and eyed the old woman warily before laying the unhappy baby back down. She let out another shrill cry, tensing her limbs as Negan picked up the sponge once more. He gently brought the sponge to her soft skin once more, preparing himself for the heart wrenching sound of her cries.
She surprised him though when she let out a hiccup followed by soft coos as he gently soothed her skin with the warm water.
Negan felt tears come to his eyes as he realised that Lucille should be doing this. He should have been a bystander. He should have been taking pictures of the special moment from above his two girls in their cosy little bathroom at home, asking Lucille to hold the baby up to the camera and give him a big fucking smile. He knew she would have obliged.
"What happened to her?" Velma asked very quietly, noticing Negan's tears. She could only imagine the pain he was feeling. The wedding band on his finger and his distant gaze while holding the newborn baby clearly showed the recent loss in his life.
He shook his head and wrung the sponge out over the tub before soaking it with fresh soapy water again.
"I...Fuck," he choked, staring intently at the baby as she kicked against his knees, gazing around with big blue eyes.
"A fever or a fucking infection or something. She lost a lot of blood during labour so they kept us in after she was born, then she just got weaker. Th-the doctors couldn't help once the hospital got overrun and she turned into one of those things. She almost hurt the baby...fuck," he swore, scrubbing his free hand over his face.
He couldn't believe he was pouring his heart out to the woman beside him. He didn't know her, and she most certainly didn't know him, but he trusted her.
"She'd be proud of you," Velma said softly, placing her frail hand on Negan's shoulder. Negan shook his head in disdain.
"I have no idea what to do without her. She knew what to do with this kid. She knew her, knew what she was going to need. I don't. I spent all of Lucille's pregnancy avoiding it as much as possible - out at bars or sports practices," Negan said in a brittle voice, "I was a fucking shitty husband, and a shitty father by fucking extension."
"She's still with you honey," Velma soothed, "with you both. She'll steer you in the right direction. Now is your chance to redeem yourself."
Negan shook his head, his thoughts clouded with sickening images of Lucille locked inside her hospital room, alone and ravenous, "I didn't deserve either of them. Lu should be here with her, and I should be in that room at the fucking hospital."
"You can't think like that," Velma whispered, her own voice thick and croaky with tears as she stared at the broken man, "you're here for a reason. To keep that little girl alive. She needs you now Negan. I won't have you giving up on her. Now wrap her up, and we'll get her settled down for bed. Together."
A short while after pouring his heart out to Velma, he had dressed the baby in a clean, warm sleeper and given her another bottle of milk. After burping her with Velma's encouragement and changing her diaper, Morty showed him to the guest room.
It was decorated plainly, but it was comfortable, with cornflower blue highlighting the curtains and bedspread amongst the light wood furniture. The mere thought of sleeping in a real bed with a mattress and sheets made his muscles ache needily. He lay the baby across the end of the bed, stripping down to his underwear. Velma had assured him that he was welcome to use the shower to freshen up, but he was too exhausted to even contemplate it that night. Instead, he gathered up several blankets, rolling and shifting them until they formed a plush nest right in the middle of the bed, as close to the pillows as possible.
Once he was satisfied she was going to be comfortable and close enough to him, Negan gently lay the baby in the nest. He smiled when she grunted, her lips smacking together momentarily before she settled down, prompting him to lay down beside her beneath the sheets. He reached over and took her tiny hand into his own, and fell asleep with her fingers curled around his.
The baby was fussy for the first few days at the farmhouse. She seemed unnerved by Morty and Velma's unfamiliar voices, and was particularly jumpy when the new people came nearby. Aside from that Negan was relieved that she seemed to be putting on weight at last. She had chubby rosy cheeks, and her once scrawny, bird-like legs and arms were beginning to fill out too.
Negan kept her close to him at all times, though he now let Velma hold her for short periods of time when he ate or needed to shower. He came downstairs after showering one day to see Velma stood by the large bay window, cradling the baby and humming softly to her. He leant against the doorframe, amazed by the kindness of a complete stranger.
Velma's head lifted and she smiled at him then the baby again, "Oh look sweetheart. Your daddy is back now. Yes he is."
Negan walked over and Velma handed the baby to him. He held her against his shoulder, pressing a kiss to her forehead before he rubbed his palm over her back.
"You're fucking tired kid. Wish you'd nap," he murmured, watching the baby's lashes flutter for a moment before she stubbornly stared at him with big blue watery eyes.
He felt the uneasy sinking in his stomach he always got when someone was staring at him. He used to get it during inspections while he was coaching, or when Lucille would watch him getting ready for bed after a drunken night at a bar.
Sure enough, Velma was watching, though she was giving him a soft smile as she lowered herself into the plush floral armchair by the warmth of the fire.
"Thanks for watching bug for me," he murmured, catching her gaze while shifting from foot to foot to soothe the baby.
"Any time," Velma waved a wrinkled hand at him and shook her head, "she's a little angel. No trouble at all."
Negan sighed and settled down onto the couch, laying the baby on his chest in the hope that she would fall asleep while he spoke.
"Velma...I-I know I'm a bad man, and I've never been good at shit like this. I just wanted to thank you for everything you've done for us. Fuck, you've raised your kids, and now you're helping me raise mine, and I'm a complete stranger. I'll never be able to explain just how grateful I am," Negan spoke lowly, watching the elderly woman closely as she continued to give him that same smile that he couldn't quite read, "If there's anything I can do to repay you, please, just tell me."
"Well, there might be one thing..." Velma said with a twinkle in her eye.
Negan sat up a little, jostling the grouchy infant and causing her to mewl unhappily at him.
"What?"
"Give that beautiful little girl a name."
Negan lay next to the baby on their bed, marvelling at her long dark lashes that rested against her rosy cheeks. She looked just like her mother, especially when she was sleeping.
He mulled over what Velma had asked of him all day long, trying to remember the list of names he and Lucille had thought of whilst she was pregnant.
Always a heated debate, with him preferring stronger sounding names, whereas Lucille loved flowery names that were never fucking pronounced like they were spelled. He argued that their daughter would be forever correcting people on how to pronounce her name properly once they saw it written down, but he supposed that wouldn't be an issue any more. Now the world had gone to shit, his baby girl's name wouldn't be called from a class list at school, or at her graduation ceremony, or when she went to her first job interview.
As much as he begrudged it, only one name seemed to fit. One of Lucille's favourite flowery, dainty little girl's names echoed in his mind in her lilting voice all day.
He had absolutely hated it when he first saw it scrawled on the list of baby names taped to their fridge. He immediately called Lucille over and vetoed it, though his heart sunk a little when he saw the thinly-veiled disappointment in her eyes. He tried to love it for her, but it just never stuck for him. Lucille eventually managed to get him to agree to it for a middle name for their baby girl, even though she adored it so much.
When the baby was born after Lucille's arduous labour, and she was placed in her arms, Negan heard her whispering to their daughter using the name.
That's when he knew he had to use it, for Lucille.
Eventually, after he was sure his mind was made up, he carried his no longer nameless baby down the stairs and stood nervously in front of the strangers who had opened up their home to him.
"So…?" Velma asked expectantly, a smile playing on her lips.
Negan laughed at her lightly, smoothing down the baby's hair. The old bird knows exactly what I'm about to tell them.
"Isla."
The knowing glance and smile of approval on the couple's' faces were enough to let him know he'd made the right choice.
