Been trying to post this all morning! Shotty internet at its finest -.- Anyway.. here is the next chapter. Thank you everyone for the comments, likes, follows and favorites! I love writing this story :)
"So, why are you actually back in Charming? Here to whisk me off my feet?"
"And deal with Tara? Nah. I think I'll leave the love deal up to her."
"Still against the four-letter L word, huh?"
"You could say that."
"You and Opie looked pretty comfy last night."
"We were just talking."
"Didn't say you did anything else. Though I was a little surprised to see you to leave separately."
"I told you, I'm not about that life anymore."
He laughed and focused in on the road. I knew Jax well enough to see that he was thinking. He had grown up quite a bit while I was gone, but at his core he was still the same Jaxson.
"What's on your mind, Jax?"
"Ya know, Opie was pretty wrecked when you left."
"It couldn't have been that bad. He ended up with Donna and two kids."
"It wasn't the same with Donna. He loved her but not like he ever loved you. He just kind of went through the motions with her."
"Why did she leave as soon as he went in?"
"She wanted him out of the club more than anything. She saw it as competition."
"There is no competition. Club comes first. Always."
"See, you get that. She never did. She thought if she made it hard enough on him he would choose her. She had this grand idea that they would leave Charming and never come back."
"He won't ever leave Charming. She must not have really known him."
He nodded as we pulled into a driveway. I looked around to see it pretty barren.
"Taking me out here to kill me?"
"No. Just figured we could actually talk."
"I thought we were."
"Why are you back?"
I sighed and played with the hem on my sleeve.
"I did everything I could to run away. I pushed everyone away and made sure all my connections here were as broken as possible. I cut my family out and that included the club. I thought I was leaving to find myself."
"Did you?"
"I found that my real self belonged here."
"Why did it take so long to come back then?"
"I was afraid."
He chuckled.
"Big tough Fae admitting to being scared."
"Alright. I was terrified. I burned a lot of bridges. It forced me to think that I needed to do everything on my own. It worked though. I busted my ass through college and made sure I built a life for myself. Every goal I accomplished I just made more. I was never happy and never satisfied. When I graduated with my masters and got licensed, I just felt empty. I had accomplished everything I had ever sought out to do but it just wasn't enough. I worked for a few years before Tara called me."
"She told you she was coming back?"
"Yeah. That's when I decided I needed to follow her back."
"You aren't running from anything?"
"No, I'm running back where I belong. Even if nothing works out the way I think it should.. Jax this is my home. I should have realized that ten years ago. I've wasted so much time away from everyone I love. I can't run from the mistakes I've made but I can change the kind of person that I am."
Jax looked at me and ran his hand through his hair. That had always been her nervous tick when he was thinking.
"Opie wasn't the only one hurt when you two took off."
"I know, Jax. I am sorry."
"You didn't even say goodbye."
"You would have tried to stop me."
He paused.
"I guess you're right. I would have at least told Opie what was going on."
"I know. And that's why I couldn't tell you."
"Ya know, at first we thought you were dead."
"I'm so sorry."
He shrugged.
"I'm just glad you're back, Fae. Life in Charming was never the same without you."
"Life without Charming wasn't the same either."
After a day of working with Jax, I was exhausted. We pulled into the driveway to see most of the guys were there. Tara was sitting on the picnic table with Gemma. I smiled at her as we pulled in.
"Should I be worried you two were alone?" Tara laughed.
"Wait, you two are on a break, right?"
Jax laughed from the other side of the vehicle as I pulled Tara into a hug. She kissed my cheek and head over towards Jax. I walked over to Gemma as she was watching the two talk leaning against the truck.
"They seem to be doing good."
"Yeah. Hopefully it lasts."
"You don't trust her, huh?"
"If I didn't trust everyone who took off without much word, breaking my boys hearts, I wouldn't be able to trust many people."
She side glanced at me as I frown.
"Don't act like I kicked your puppy, Fae."
"I just didn't realize how many people I hurt."
"You and Jax talk?"
"Yeah, and Chibs. He just is acting really strange with me. I made a joke that he should have been my father because he gets me and he kind of blew up at me."
"Ah. He's probably just stressed sweetheart."
"I hope he doesn't hate me."
"He doesn't. I don't think it's in him to hate you."
I shrugged and looked back at Tara and Jax. I smiled at the two. They were holding each other and talking low with smiles on their faces.
"They're adorable."
"They keep acting like that I'm gonna get that grandkid I thought I was gonna get."
"Oh, Ope told me about Wendy."
"Junky whore." She seethed.
I laughed out causing her to glare at me.
"Sorry, just trying to imagine the depths of desperation that woman was in to think faking a pregnancy with your son was a good idea."
She finally chuckled and shook her head.
"Yeah, guess I can see the humor in that."
I heard the clubhouse doors open and turn to see Opie, Tig and Happy walk out. Happy glared at me and I returned it. I learned quickly not to back down from any of the guys, especially the asshole with the tattoos.
"Got a problem, Dopey?"
He stopped dead and whipped around so he was looking at me.
"The fuck did you just call me?"
"You heard me. You sure as hell aren't happy. Thought Grumpy was a little too cliché."
"You better watch your fucking mouth, little girl."
"Oh, is that why you don't like me anymore? Don't like them this far past eighteen?"
Tig burst out laughing, causing Happy to turn towards him. The two argued with each other towards the garage. I could hear Happy growling out threats that were just returned with Tig laughing and egging him on. Gemma quickly excused herself, leaving me alone with Opie.
"You just love pissing him off, don't you?"
"Kind of my specialty."
"You up to anything tomorrow?"
"Just that interview in the morning. Why?"
"Want to go see a few friends. They're looking for a singer. Thought you might want to show them your voice."
"Oh. I don't know. I mean I don't mind going but I'm not sure that me getting back into the scene is a good idea."
"Why not? Their gigs would be nights and weekends. Wouldn't mess with your work at the hospital."
"I'll think about it."
"Alright. You good with riding bitch?"
"Gonna have to be. Not like you'll ride in my pretty car."
He looked over at my Camero and burst out laughing, shaking his head.
"Got that right. I do want to give it a spin sometime though."
"You have a better chance of getting my clothes off than getting behind the wheel of that car."
He looked at me with his nose up in the air. The smirk on his face made me realize what I said and I felt my face blush.
"I'll remember that."
I gave him a tight-lipped smirk and nodded. He chucked and squeezed my shoulder before walking towards the garage. Happy and Tig were still arguing as they finished up working on a vehicle.
"That probably wasn't the smoothest thing you've ever said." Gemma said from behind me.
"Shoot me now, Gem."
She laughed and hugged me from behind, wrapping her arms around my shoulders and planting a kiss to the side of my head.
After my major foot in mouth moment, I decided to go see my mother. I hadn't seen or talked to her since I snapped at her at Stockton. I knew she meant well, but we just never had that mother daughter connection that she always wanted us to have. Honestly, the only time we ever really had much in common was when I was spreading my legs for a camera.
I watched her as she worked. She really did care about her girls that worked for her. She gave them an ample amount of breaks and made sure that they were comfortable with what they were doing. Some of the girls even gave her some ideas of what they thought would be good and she listened to them. A far cry from what she started out in when she was in front of the camera.
Part of me knew I was there to see Ima too. She had text me a few times asking to see me but I blew her off every time. She was bad news but it was still so hard to stay the hell away from her. She was working with a girl named Lyla. The Safron Sisters was her new gig apparently. I had asked mom if she was getting enough dick at the clubhouse that she didn't need to get paid to take it anymore.
She was so fake on screen. Her moans and movements were just wrong. It made me flash back to the times we were together. Her moans were softer, her touch wasn't over the top. It wasn't about pleasing an audience, it was all about pleasing me. Ima was the first person to make sure that I was actually pleased at the end of the night. She taught me how to do the same. For such a selfish person, she was such a selfless lover when she wanted to be.
The woman she was working with was pretty. She was more classic pretty than fake plastic hot that Ima was. She had long blonde hair and was wearing a bright red lipstick. She seemed a little twitchy though. Mom swore up and down that none of her girls were using, but I could see it from a mile away. I looked at her slender arms and didn't see any track marks. I assumed she was snorting as opposed to sticking a needle in her arm. Maybe it was just to keep herself going. Some women just couldn't keep up with the lifestyle. Myself included.
I heard my mother call for a break and watched as Ima helped Lyla to her feet. The way Lyla looked at her was off though. As soon as the camera stopped rolling the look of lust was wiped off her face. She had absolutely no interest in Ima. Ima said something to my mother then sauntered her way over to me.
"Hey, there Angel."
"Please don't call me that."
"Is beautiful better?"
"I guess."
She pulled at my legs that were propped up on the chair next to me, causing me to sit up right. She pushed my knees apart and slipped herself between my legs, resting her hands on my thighs.
"You never called me back."
"Sorry. I've been really busy."
"I get the feeling you've been avoiding me."
"Maybe just a little."
She pouted her lips out and bat her eyelashes at me. She had these huge fake lashes on that made her eyes really pop. She slightly leaned her torso in so I had a great shot right down her too low top.
"Why would you ever avoid me, beautiful?"
"Maybe because you push up on me like this?"
"Aww, you don't want little old me anymore?"
She leaned in, keeping her eyes locked with mine. She wrapped her arms around my waist and pressed her lips against mine. Every ounce of my body was screaming to give in, to just let her get what she wanted. I wanted it so badly. I wanted to remember what it felt like to have her hands roam all over my body and listen to the sweet moans escape her lips. I put my hands gently on each side of her face. I contemplated pulling her closer and deepening the kiss. All the motions flashed through my head as to what would happen after I did. I pulled her face away gently.
"I can't do this, Ima."
She moved forward to kiss me again but I tightened my hands just slightly, blocking her.
"I'm sorry. I just can't."
She pulled away and the look of dejection broke my heart.
"Are you done working for the day?"
"No. Just a small break."
"Long enough for me to explain myself?"
"I get off in an hour. Hopefully you'll still be here."
She pressed her lips to mine quickly again before I could stop her. She walked away without looking back to me. As she walked away I noticed my mom was watching with a worried look on her face. She loved that Ima was her girl, but she never wanted someone like that to be the one I loved.
I sat behind the studio smoking a cigarette. I thought about sitting inside and talking in there, but there was just too many people who would love to hear the gossip as it happened. I heard footsteps behind me, followed by arms being wrapped around my waist. Of course, she decided to sit right behind me, making sure she was close to me.
"I did say talk and not cuddle, right?"
"You're so uptight. You know I could make you relax, babe."
"Ima, sweetheart, I really need to talk to you."
She swung herself around so she was straddling me, sitting in between my legs. She took the cigarette from my hands and took a drag, replacing it into my mouth when she was done.
"Talk to me, baby."
"Ten years ago, I was wrapped up between you and Opie."
"Is this what its about? He isn't even interested in anyone anymore since his wife left."
"Please let me finish."
She smiled sweetly at me and brushed my hair behind my ear.
"I know it didn't bother you much because the two of us just took what we wanted, but I really hurt Opie. I couldn't figure out what I really wanted and it messed me up."
"I know. If it's commitment you're looking for I can do that. I mean I still have to work, but other than that I'd be all yours."
"I loved you, Ima. You were my first love. You taught me things I can never thank you enough for."
"I don't really like the past tense in that sentence."
"I can't go back down that rabbit hole though. I need to find myself back in Charming without anyone. I need to know who I am not wrapped up in someone's arms. I've been alone for ten years. I need to be just a while longer."
She frowned and nodded.
"I understand. I guess I was just hoping that when you came back part of it was for me."
"I'm sorry, Ima."
She pout again and ran her fingers through my hair.
"I'll give you your space, baby. But I hope you know that as soon as I think you're showing interest in anyone else.. I'm gonna be fighting for you."
I sighed. I knew it was too easy for her to just give up. I was just hoping that something shinier would catch her interest and she would forget about me. Me being back was still fairly new. She always had an interest in whatever was the newest. She leaned forward and pressed her lips against mine sweetly. She kept her lips close to mine when she pulled away.
"I wish you would just let me show you how much I still care about you. Just one last time. I could make you realize how good we could be together."
I let out a shaky breath. She used her legs to pull herself closer to me, making our bodies flush together. She gently wove her fingers through my hair and pressed her lips against mine again, this time rougher and filled with passion. A small breathless moan escaped my lips which broke me out of the trance Ima put me in. I pulled away from her and slipped out from under her.
"I'm sorry, Ima. I just can't."
I fixed my hair and watched her pout.
"What you just felt is why I can't just give up on us. We were good together, Fae. You can't deny that."
"I need to go inside and help my mom."
"I'll see you soon, babe."
I got up and quickly walked inside, trying not to get frustrated. I let the door slam behind me and walked right into the bathroom. I looked in the mirror and wanted nothing more than to punch my reflection. I was trying so hard to stay true to what I wanted, but I was so close to falling back down that damn hole.
"Faelynn, as much as I love you being here baby, you need to stay away from Ima."
"I know."
"She is such bad news for you!"
"I know."
"You just need to tell her you aren't interested and that's the end of it."
"Mom, I know."
"Can't you just-"
"MOM."
She finally stopped rambling and looked at me.
"I agree with everything you're saying. I get it. I told her the same."
Relief washed over her face. I almost felt bad for the fact I was kind of lying. She didn't know about the heated make-out session we had.
"I'm sorry, baby. I just worry about you. I don't want you taking off again when she breaks your heart."
"I'm not going anywhere, mom. I'm here. Hey, dad has visitation tomorrow right?"
"Yeah. Why you gonna go up there?"
"I think so. Opie is taking me to a show tomorrow night but I should have time to see dad first."
"Oh, I think that's a great idea."
"Seeing dad or spending time with Opie."
"Both." She chirped.
I rolled my eyes and laughed.
"You're so transparent, mom."
"And you have your fathers temper."
"I don't ever remember dad getting as mad as I do."
"You and I remember your father very differently."
I gave her a weird look but decided to ignore her. My mother loved to be dramatic, especially when we were alone. I knew my father and I knew damn well he never even raised his voice at my mother. He saw her as the sunshine that kept the world spinning.
"Alright, well I'm gonna head home I think."
"Okay, sweetheart. Give your daddy my love!"
I kissed her cheek and walked out to the car. Just as I was about to start driving I saw a text from Gemma asking me to stop by her house.
