If Wishes Were Thestrals, Beggars Would Ride

"It Is Foolish To Fear That Which You Cannot Avoid"

The last year had been miserable.

Nymphadora Tonks couldn't believe it. In the last few hours her emotiones had seemingly ridden a rollercoaster.

Remus had – nine months after joining the werewolf pack as a spy – returned to safer ground. He had left her on Dumbledore's orders, and infiltrated the group of werewolves around Fenrir Greyback. Tonks hadn't heard from him since October the previous year. She had been stationed at Hogsmeade, as an additional safety post. She had lived nine months, heartbroken, and worrying beyond everyone else, worrying that every second she might be informed that Remus had failed his mission, that he had been discovered and murdered. The evenings in her apartment the previous summer were so far away.

They had been happy. So very happy. And then Dumbledore had burdened this mission on Remus. Tonks remembered his facial expression when he'd told her. He had been desperate. Desperate for her to understand that they could not have any contact as long as he was with the pack. It had broken her heart. She had seen the tears in his eyes when he had kissed her farewell.

Since then she had been only partly alive. She had been thinking – in the few weeks between Sirius' death and Remus departure – that they had a future, together. But it all had shattered because of this war.

She teared her mousy brown hair.

Only a few hours before she had been summoned to Hogwarts, to patrol the castle in the absence of Albus Dumbledore. She had entered the school to meet up with McGonagall and Bill, but there'd been a third familiar face standing in the entrance hall, waiting for her arrival.

Remus.

Tears were falling slowly from her eyes into her lap.

He had looked at her and his eyes had told her everything. All the feelings, the hurt, the pain, the grief, the love, he had been abandoning nine undoubtedly horrible months. He was thin and pale, his face even more lined and his robes featuring a couple of new patches. He had looked tired and then- relieved. Utterly relieved to see that she was alive.

She had stepped up to him and flung her arms around his neck, tears falling silently from her eyes when he'd returned the embrace.

He's alive, she'd thought, he's alive and everything is going to be fine.

But then the Death Eaters had entered the school, and they'd fought with everything they had. The Order had finally driven them away, but at a horrible cost. They had gathered in the hospital wing, what with Bill Weasley having been attacked by Greyback. And then Harry and Ginny had turned up, with them the message that Dumbledore was dead.

Remus had been desperate. She'd wanted to comfort him, wanted him to know she was there…

And then he'd taken this ridiculous attitude about being too old, too poor and too dangerous for her. Her world had broken apart again that moment. She'd been under the impression that now, that his mission was over, they could pick up from where he had left them nine fateful months ago.

Tonks had not been able to take life any longer. She had exited the hospital wing shortly after McGonagall had taken Harry away. She was hiding in a secret passageway on the fifth floor, crying as silently as she could. She drew her legs up against her chest and wrapped her arms around them.

She sat there for a long time, until finally the tears became less and less and eventually stopped falling. What was the point of crying anyway?

The pink-haired girl wiped the tears from her face, drenching her robes in the process. She sniffed once more and stood up, pushing the tapestry – which covered the passage – away to step out into the corridor.

Before she could even notice the faint rose-yellowish glow on the horizon outside the window, indicating the sunrise, she collided with someone. But before she was able to hit the ground, two strong arms grasped her waist and steadied her. She didn't even need to look at him to know it was Remus. She smelled the unmistakable mixture of aroma that was Remus. She'd given up on trying to define what exactly he smelled of.

Her heart felt heavier than just a minute ago, and her body reacted very strangely to his sudden contact. Her face flushed, her pulse quickened and her eyes watered. But the butterflies Remus had always managed to send into overdrive reacted as if nothing had ever happened. Right like that time under the mistletoe. And the time when she'd been home from St. Mungo's and he had started this whole thing. Even every other time after that she had never felt any less for him.

"I've been looking for you," he stated calmly. His voice was hoarse, even more than usually, she supposed the recent death of their hope along with Dumbledore had affected him even more than his rejection had affected her.

Maybe he simply didn't know better?

"Now you've found me," Tonks said. She didn't know how or what to respond anymore. Why had he come for her? Hadn't their little fight from before been enough? Did he want to kill her?

"Can I talk to you?" he asked softly and then added, "More importantly, will you listen to me?"

Tonks hesitated for a second but then she turned and unceremoniously tugged at the tapestry she had just appeared from. Remus stepped into the passage and she followed, sitting down where she had sat before. Remus kneeled down in front of her.

"Tonks,… Nymphadora…" Remus began but he did not get very far. She had locked eyes with him and his only reaction was following his instinct. He leant forward and caught her in a tight embrace. "I missed you."

Tonks' breath caught in her chest and she struggled a second – afraid that every moment he would walk out on her again – but finally lost to her pounding heart and leaned into him.

Remus settled himself against the wall behind him, taking Tonks with him in the process. She was sitting between his legs in a kind of sideways way, so that her head was comfortably snuggled in his chest. She could feel him trembling and tried to assure him by sneaking a hand around his waist.

"I'm sorry, Nymphadora," he started and then stopped, apparently struggling to find the right words.

"I know what I want – what I need – to be happy. It's you. But I need you to be sure. I need you to know what you're getting yourself into. And don't just say 'I don't care', because that does not count," he added because Tonks had opened her mouth to respond, a defiant look in her eyes.

"I need you to fully understand that I am to turn into a bloodthirsty monster once a month, and now without Snape and the Wolfsbane potion it will be even more dangerous and painful." He paused to choose his next words, looking furious at the memory of the man who had killed Dumbledore, brewing potion to help him live through the full moon nights for nearly two years in a row.

"Apart from that, I own little more than a few books and a set of patched robes. I do not even have a place to live and do not expect this fact to change anytime soon."

Tonks pulled away slightly to look him in the eyes. She could almost see his inward struggle. On the one hand he was afraid. Afraid of hurting her, of losing control over himself, hurting anyone and, maybe, also afraid to open his heart to her. One the other hand he desperatly wanted her to say words which would dissolve all his doubts and assure him that they'd be fine. Together.

Nymphadora Tonks had never been one to admit defeat.

"Remus, look," she started, taking his hands into hers, "You've lived your whole life to up to this point and never hurt someone. You've spent countless fullmoons and never injured a person! Why do you think it would be any other way if we were involved?"

Remus returned her gaze, his brows furrowed. She could see that he wanted her words to be true, wanted to believe her.

She pleaded him to understand, with her words and her eyes, her hands tenderly rubbing his larger ones, that she did know the risk. She may be only twenty-four years old, but she was not a child.

"And as for your wealth… Remus I'm sorry, but I could really not care less. Do you honestly think of me as the material type?" Tonks smiled sadly. "I thought you know me better."

A tiny, hesitant smile crept onto his face, and it was not missed by Tonks. She raised one of her hands and lightly rested it on Remus' cheek. He covered her small hand with one of his.

"Don't ever leave me again…" Tonks pleaded and Remus looked straight into her big sparkling eyes, whispering "I promise.", before he lowered his head and placed his lips over hers. Had the medium sized spider not descended onto Tonks' head right in the middle of their snog, Remus would have taken her right then and there.

A couple of days later they attended Dumbledores funeral. Remus had only once been to a funeral, Lily and James' one, and it did bring up old, sad memories. But Remus did not have to suffer or grieve alone anymore, no, he had a beautiful witch by his side, who sympathetically squeezed his hand as the silent tears began to fall.

Remus was grateful, now more than he ever had been in the past, that Tonks was with him. And he was with her, squeezing her hand in return.


So chapter four done, too! Yay!

One more to go… and I'm having writers block. Well, as I'm writing this in one go, so I'll have no pressure whatsoever from you impatient reviewers (if there even ARE some), it's nothing to worry about. Maybe you'll read this on Christmas 2010, I don't know…. Hehe. No really, I try to complete this before I put it up, but I want to make it good. Really GOOD. Bloody brilliant. Spectacular!

I hope I'll succeed. Let me know if I did. Do.

Will this war be easier to endure with a partner? Is Remus finally cured from his noble attitude of "I'm a danger to you"? And will I ever get myself to write a lemon? (To the last one; probably not.) Review and find out!