Chapter 4

"What?" Tifa stared in disbelief at Cloud after he explained what had happened the night before, Cloud having left out some key parts to the story. He was not going to tell her he had been molested or that he got aroused, but he included a few kisses and him laughing.

"That's great!" Tifa exclaimed, jumping up from her seat as she rambled on and on about how she was going to schedule another date. Cloud frowned in irritation, standing up and grabbing her arm.

"I'm not going on another date with him." Tifa's lips parted in disbelief, Cloud letting her arm go before taking a few steps back.

"I know what your thinking Tifa. My depression isn't gone." Tifa's bright eyes dimmed slightly, her smile falling. Cloud looked away from her, clenching his hand into a fist.

"My depression isn't going away. Fiancé or not, I live with it now. Stop expecting it to go away every time I have a happy moment." Tifa looked away from him, clearing her throat. Cloud knew he was hurting her feelings, but he knew what she would do if he didn't stand up now. He couldn't take people at a restaurant staring at him, what made her think he could just start dating Sephiroth?

The most followed, beloved man of the entire world.

Everybody was always watching him, and that was not the life Cloud wanted to live.

"As for Sephiroth, I'm not into men. I'm not going to play a stupid game with an oversized child. My life isn't a game, Tifa." Cloud looked to the door when there was a knock, Yuffie's voice ringing from the other side.

"Tifa come on!" Tifa looked back to Cloud, Cloud looking away from her. He knew he had hurt her feelings. He knew he would apologize if he saw her face, and right then he needed to be strong. He needed to learn how to stop listening to her so full heartedly. She wasn't suffering through his depression; she didn't know what it was like to want to be invisible.

"Make her never come back."

Cloud shook his head, trying to kick away the serpent.

"She never wanted to protect you. She used you."

"Cloud-"

"Go away!" Cloud yelled, his eyes widening when he realized what he had done. He looked to Tifa, her eyes wide with shock. Cloud's lips parted as he yearned to apologize, but no matter what he did no words came out. Tifa looked away from him, Cloud reaching for her as she walked over to the door.

"I just wanted to help you Cloud. Why is that so wrong?" Tifa left with that, Cloud trying to speak to her but no words coming out. She left with Yuffie, and Cloud was left alone once again.

He wanted to scream at his depression, to make it stop and go away. But, there was only ever one way to make it go away. Cloud locked the door before going to the bathroom, holding back his screams as he took out the razor. He took off his shirt, not wanting to get it dirty. He went into the tub, filling it up with water.

"Now she'll never come back. And it's all your fault." Cloud sat down against the tub edge, his head laid down on his arms. He felt tears burn in his eyes but he tried to ignore them, his body shaking as he fought the onslaught of tears. He looked up when he heard another knock, not wanting to go answer it. His hopes jumped at the thought it might be Tifa, Cloud bolting to his feet and hiding the razor. He turned off the water before going to the door, opening it quickly.

Cloud's face paled.

Sephiroth stood there, his body clad in his usual modeling uniform. The leather material looked like it was a part of his skin, and for a second Cloud could do nothing but stare.

"Why are you crying?" Cloud frowned, turning his head away as he wiped away his tears. They must have fallen when he got his hopes up.

"I'm not, I was doing something," Cloud replied sullenly, his eyes flickering up to Sephiroth's face. A frown marred the man's face, but Cloud was in no mood to talk about it.

"I don't remember agreeing to another date," Cloud told him, Sephiroth's frown easing away slightly. He shifted from foot to foot, his eyes turning away before returning to Cloud.

"I came to apologize for my behavior." Cloud blinked, wondering why he even thought he had the right to come back. He let him in regardless, not wanting his neighbors to get any ideas. Cloud went to the bathroom, looking to the tub. He emptied out the water, his eyes shifting to the razor's hiding place. He itched his scars absent mindedly, the itch almost unbearable.

"Nobody would miss you."

"May I use your restroom?" Cloud looked over his shoulder to Sephiroth, slowly getting to his feet. Cloud nodded, leaving the bathroom. He went to his room as Sephiroth went to the bathroom, putting on some sweats and a long sleeve. He went to the kitchen to boil some water, needing some coffee. He would be working at Tifa's tonight, and to say he wasn't prepared was an understatement.

He hated socializing with a bunch of drunks.

"Cloud?" Cloud turned around, looking to Sephiroth who was standing at the kitchen walkway. Cloud raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I wanted to apologize for touching you the way I did. It was uncalled for." Cloud didn't say anything, his voice suddenly stuck in his throat. He wouldn't tell him anything about what he did once he got home; how he felt the entire time he touched him. No matter how much Cloud struggled, he was always silently pleading Sephiroth would push it further. Cloud didn't know why so tried to ignore it, but with Sephiroth just standing in front of him Cloud's mind was already silently pleading. Cloud squashed those feelings, looking away from the taller man.

"I got overwhelmed since I've waited so long to have you, and you make it so hard not to sometimes." Cloud wondered what he did that said that, tilting his head in confusion.

"What do you mean?" Cloud asked, Sephiroth looking like a frustrated child as he tried to explain. Cloud smirked, wondering where that grown man went when he became like this.

"That! When you give me that look!" Cloud's smirk fell, Sephiroth walking closer until they were mere feet away.

"When you give me that face, it makes you irresistible. You give me that look every time you look at me." Cloud didn't know what to say to that, the room suddenly feeling small again. Cloud swallowed thickly, trying to move away. Sephiroth grabbed his arm though, Cloud gasping when he was pinned against the sink.

"You make it hard for me to control myself." Cloud looked up to Sephiroth, his heart beating erratically in his chest. He looked away when Sephiroth leaned down, gasping sharply when his shirt was suddenly taken off. Cloud tried to cover himself but Sephiroth grabbed his wrists, Cloud feeling blood rush to a terrible place as Sephiroth licked his neck.

"Your scent drives me insane. Your eyes, your skin." Cloud bit his lip when Sephiroth licked his throat, a small nibble making Cloud shiver. He got his wrists free, Cloud putting his hands against Sephiroth's chest. Cloud almost forgot to struggle when Sephiroth kissed the area just beneath his ear, his lips parting when Sephiroth bit down.

"Is this how she seduced him?"

Cloud pushed him away suddenly, panting heavily as he walked out of the kitchen. Sephiroth was left in a daze, but when he snapped out of it he almost punched himself. How did apologizing lead to this?

"Cloud-!"

"Please go." Cloud cut Sephiroth off abruptly, walking to his room. Sephiroth followed, determined to clear up the mess he just made. Cloud gasped when he was turned around abruptly, Sephiroth pinning Cloud against his bedroom door. Cloud looked up to the taller man, his heart beating against his chest erratically.

"I'm sorry, I…" Sephiroth sighed as he tried to find the words that could explain his actions, but he knew there were none. He looked down to Cloud who was looking up at him, his eyes trapping him. Sephiroth felt his heart rate quicken, his eyes locked with the sky blue ocean.

"I can't control myself."

Cloud looked away, his mind racing as he tried to find something to say to make Sephiroth go away. He shook slightly from the cold of the room, looking back up to Sephiroth.

Why was he so close?

"Then don't come near me." Sephiroth smirked, Cloud reaching for his doorknob slowly. Sephiroth grabbed Cloud's arm, pinning it above his head against the door. Cloud felt his heart skip a beat, but more out of excitement than fear. Cloud tried to shake away the feeling, knowing he shouldn't be excited about something like this.

"Then you shouldn't have agreed to be my boyfriend." Cloud frowned at that, Sephiroth leaning down till they were face to face. Cloud's lips parted, Sephiroth leaning forward and letting their lips just brush against each other. Cloud unconsciously leaned forward but Sephiroth pulled away, leaving Cloud in a small daze. Cloud blushed when he realized what he did, looking away from the taller man.

"Cloud no more games. Tell me what you really think." Cloud almost flinched, his adams apple bobbing as he swallowed. He wanted to tell him he hated him. That he found him disgusting and horrible. But at the same time, he wanted to tell him how confusing this all was to him. Cloud had never felt this way about a man, and for the feelings to onslaught him so hard made him dizzy. He was always confused, always wondering why he was letting this charade continue.

The thing was… He liked Sephiroth. Not in a I want to fuck you manner, but he liked the kisses. He liked the touches.

Why?

"Tell him. See how he breaks you."

Cloud pushed away those thoughts, thinking it over. If he told Sephiroth how he really felt, Sephiroth just might really jump to sex right then. Cloud knew he could try to escape before that, since Sephiroth was more physically built than he was. Cloud was faster though due to his shorter frame, so could get away before he even realized he had moved.

But at the same time, if he didn't just jump straight to sex maybe…

Cloud looked back to Sephiroth, those cat like eyes staring him down. Cloud looked away, biting his bottom lip. If he told him and he didn't jump straight to sex, Cloud could just test the waters. It wouldn't really hurt him to experiment, even though he really didn't want Sephiroth in. But then he could let him in, but always keep him far away. In that case if they break up, Cloud wouldn't have to worry about getting hurt.

But even though, Cloud wanted it to remain a secret. He wanted to be invisible. Even if they became serious, he wanted it all to be a secret. Sephiroth could probably say it was just a joke of what happened on their date, and Cloud would be forgotten over time.

With a plan in mind, Cloud looked back to Sephiroth.

"I… I like you like that. But… But I'm not sure how to feel about it." Sephiroth's face was blank at first. Cloud wondered if maybe he expected a different answer, his body tense as he waited for a response.

"Seriously?" Cloud was confused, his eyes narrowing slightly as he waited for what Sephiroth would say after that.

"You like me?" Cloud nodded slowly, almost waiting to be thrown on his bed and ravished. Sephiroth's grip on Cloud's wrist actually loosened, Sephiroth's face slowly lighting up. Cloud gasped when he was kissed, Sephiroth letting go of his wrist to wrap his hands around Cloud's waist. Cloud was shocked when he was suddenly picked up, Sephiroth carrying him over to the couch.

Cloud gasped when he was dropped in a laying position, Sephiroth looming over him with a smile. Cloud felt suddenly overly exposed, his shirt gone from his body.

"He's going to hurt you."

"I don't want to have sex," Cloud told him quickly, Sephiroth's expression changing drastically.

"We don't have to. I won't force you." Cloud swallowed thickly, Sephiroth lying over his body. Cloud looked away from him, hoping to the gods he kept true to his word.

"I want this to be a secret. I don't want to be on the front page of a damn magazine." Sephiroth nodded, a small light in his eyes dimming but lighting up at the same time. Sephiroth kind of understood Cloud's want to be invisible, but at the same time he wished he could show off his lover. Cloud was a god to him, and he felt everything about him should be worshipped. But, he would honor Cloud's wishes.

"Can I kiss you?" Cloud looked back to Sephiroth, his eyes widening slightly at the blunt question. Who really asked that outside of movies?

"Aren't you going to anyway?" Cloud inquired, Sephiroth smirking. He leaned down, Cloud turning his head away. Sephiroth kissed his neck instead, Cloud's eyelids fluttering closed when he bit down. Sephiroth sucked, Cloud gasping as he realized he was trying to give him a hickey. Cloud went to struggle but Sephiroth stopped him, Cloud biting his lower lip with a groan.

"Don't give me a hickey," Cloud husked out, blood rushing down to one area. Sephiroth moved his hips when he noticed it, Cloud taking in a sharp breath from the contact. Sephiroth released Cloud's skin, his lips traveling down Cloud's neck to his chest. Cloud arched when he took a nipple into his lips, Cloud's lips parting with a moan.

Sephiroth ran his hands down Cloud's waist, his tongue lapping at Cloud's hard nipple. He kissed a wet trail to his other nipple, his eyes flickering up when Cloud groaned. To say Sephiroth was getting over excited was an understatement, his pants suddenly extra tight. He promised Cloud he wouldn't force him though, and he would die before he cursed his word.

A blowjob wasn't sex right? Well it was oral sex, but he was hoping Cloud didn't mean none of this either.

"Cloud, can I-"

Just when Sephiroth thought he would get to go beneath Cloud's sweats, a knock on the door stopped the moment. Cloud sat up abruptly, moving quickly away from Sephiroth.

"Cloud, I thought it over and I'm sorry. Please answer the door." Cloud looked to Sephiroth with wide eyes of fear, Sephiroth looking to the door with a deadly glare.

He was freaking seconds away!

"Cloud?" Cloud shook off his fear, getting up from the couch and going to the door. He didn't want to open it though, motioning for Sephiroth to go somewhere. Sephiroth was wondering why he had to but did it, thinking maybe it was something personal. He was sure Cloud's best friend wouldn't leak they were kind of together.

"Tifa," Cloud sighed, opening the door when Sephiroth hid in his room.

Unknown to them, Tifa heard almost everything.

She would make sure it would stay a secret, if it made Cloud happy.

Author's note: Midterms tomorrow, lots of studying, and lots of dying. Hope you all like the chapter.