*hides*


The next morning, I woke up exhausted but elated. Edward liked me. He thought we had a future. There was a huge smile on my face and I felt warm and fuzzy all over. Alice was still snoring away, but I decided to wake her because I was bursting with the need to gush about Edward.

"Alice. Alice. Alice!" I yelled.

"Oh my god, what!" She yelled back.

"I want to talk!"

"Can't it wait until coffee?" She whined from underneath her mountain of pillows.

"No," I answered

"Ugh, fine." She threw the pillows off her and sat up. Her pink hair was all spikey. She gestured for me to talk. I told her everything that happened. And I did go into detail. "So... he stopped. He turned down no questions asked sex. That's so weird."

"It's not weird." I defended him. "It's sweet. Respectful."

"Yea I doubt that was what you were saying last night."

"It absolutely was not what I was saying last night! But I thought about it. I get it. He wants to make things real and serious between us. What about Jasper? Does he want to make things serious or is he going to be your con boyfriend."

"Oh, Jasper is the real deal. We've already talked about visiting each other when I get back to Forks and what's going to happen when we move here for school. Jasper knows of some apartments close to him that will be available next semester, so I can tell my dad. But I haven't slept with him yet either. I said I wanted to wait. Which he was totally cool with." Alice and I both got up to get dressed. I took a bit more time getting ready. I took care making sure my hair was in loose waves and I put on some makeup. I put on what I considered my most flattering dress; a halter style Ms. Marvel dress from Her Universe. It gave the illusion that I actually had boobs. Plus, it was a no bra dress which I hope would drive Edward a little wild.

We made it to Starbucks late, trying to be pretty takes time. I was surprised Edward wasn't waiting for me with a coffee. He still hadn't shown up when it was time to get to the convention.

"Where's Edward?" I asked the group. Everyone was silent for a heartbeat too long. Rose and Angie shared a look that I didn't quite understand, and Jasper avoided meeting my eyes.

"He's not coming this morning," Jasper answered finally.

"Oh." I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Is something wrong?"

"Um. Something came up that he had to deal with. He should be back this afternoon." I nodded, hoping that it wasn't written all over my face that I was a little heartbroken. He hadn't responded to my texts and he didn't show up. Was he avoiding me? Had I done something wrong? Was I so repulsive that he couldn't fuck me and now wasn't willing to be in my presence?

"Honey, I can tell you are spiraling. Don't worry. Maybe it's a family or school thing." Alice hugged me before she went off with her group. I was stuck with Garrett. Not that he was bad or rude or anything, he just wasn't as personable as Edward. We were back on celebs and covered Jason Momoa, Patrick Stewart, and Kate Beckinsale before lunch. I tried to put Edward out of my mind and listening to Jason Momoa talk and take off his shirt at the request of some woman in the audience definitely helped.

But I couldn't erase Edward from my thoughts completely. I text him twice to ask if everything was okay and never got a response. This made my mind spiral down even more. I thought the flirting and the making out were signs that he was into me. Was I such a bad kisser that I had ruined all hopes of something between us? That was where my mind was all morning. I knew I wasn't doing a good job during my panels. Garrett had to elbow me a few times to get me to pay attention. I felt unprofessional and dumb. I felt gross and unsexy and just all around miserable.

By the time lunch rolled around my chipper attitude from the morning had been replaced with bitterness. I followed Garrett to the concession area and noticed that we didn't have a table like normal. I wasn't all that surprised, Saturdays were a con's busiest day and getting a table for all of us would be next to impossible, but I was a tad disappointed to not see Edward waiting at a table for me. After a few messages with through the group chat, we discovered they were set up near some stairs. When we reached them, everyone was all sprawled out on the floor and I saw Edward's unmistakable hair. My heart leaped in my chest. He was here, everything was okay I thought.

My happiness must have been super evident on my face because when I caught Alice's eye she shook her head at me and motioned for me to stay where I was. Confused, I continued to walk towards them. Alice hopped up and out of Jasper's arms to meet me.

"I think we should eat lunch separate from them! We've barely seen each other this con. I miss you!" She said, in such a way that I knew she was upset about something.

"Alice, what's going on?" I put my hand on my hip. Edward was right there, and she wasn't letting me to him. Something funky was going down and I needed to know what it was. Then I saw it. A mess of curly brown hair leaning against Edward's shoulder. A girl. There was a girl with her arm around Edward. And that girl was not me. Suddenly it made sense. There was another girl. Of course! That's why wouldn't sleep with me. "Alice?" I said quietly, tears forming in my eyes.

"Listen, I don't know the whole story but that's Jessica. They dated in high school and were pretty serious. I guess she just showed up at his apartment last night." She put a hand on her arm. "Bells, I'm so sorry" Jessica, the one he'd seemed to miss when he talked about her the night before. I couldn't compete with her, he had loved her.

"I thought she moved away," I whispered.

"Huh? Oh, I don't know but I think she's back. I've been fuming since I found out. Jasper told me I should talk to you first. Let's go eat somewhere else. Honestly, if Jasper has such douchey friends, I don't know if I want to continue things with him. What does that say about him? How can what Edward did be ok?" She rambled on, a habit when she was upset. "Rose and Angie took him aside earlier and I don't know what was said but it's been positively cold between them ever since."

"I don't want to eat somewhere else," I said.

"But...but, why? Why would you want to go over there?" Alice asked, twisting her hands nervously.

"Some dude played me. That's going to happen to me at college, right? Might as well get the heartbreak over with now." I wiped my tears away and made my way to the group. Everyone looked up and I knew they could see on my face that I had been crying. I didn't care. Edward hurt me and he deserved to know that, along with everyone else. Alice went back to Jasper and started whispering furiously at him.

"Bella, here we saved you a spot." Rose patted a spot on the floor between her and Angie. They both gave me a one-armed hug. Emmett patted me on the back too as Rose shot daggers at Edward. If looks could kill he'd be dead, brought back to life and killed again and again and again.

"Oh hello! You must be Bella, the only one I haven't met." Jessica waved to me. She was petite with a big mess of beautiful brunette curls. I didn't wave back. "I'm Jessica, Edward's girlfriend." She smiled sweetly. She seemed nice, she didn't know anything about me, but I wanted to punch her in her adorable face.

"I thought you dumped Edward and moved to Cali, Jess," Jasper asked through clenched teeth. What was that about?

"Well, California wasn't exactly as all I had dreamed it would be. I'm thinking of transferring to U-Dub next year. So Edward and I can be together again. I hated leaving him so much." She glanced up at Edward dreamily. He wasn't paying attention to her. He was looking directly at me. Jessica didn't seem to notice. She kept right on talking. "I'm home for a visit this weekend and I thought damn, I really miss Edward, so I decided to drop by. He was home thankfully and God, how I missed sleeping next to him." I choked on my drink. Angie patted me on the back. So she was in his bed only what, minutes after I left?

"Bella, how were your panels this morning?" Edward asked. His voice was strained. His eyes were red and puffy, either from lack of sleep or actual crying I wasn't sure. I opened my mouth to speak and nothing would come out. I didn't want to talk to him. I got up abruptly and dropped most of my half-eaten lunch.

"I need to go." The words stumbled out of my mouth. "Um, bathroom." I bolted, practically jumping over the others to get away.

"It was nice to meet you, Bella!" Jessica called, sounding confused. I ran for the bathrooms, fighting the urge to cry right then and there.

"Bella! Bella, wait." I heard Edward calling behind me, but I didn't stop. I had no desire to talk to him. "Bells, please wait." I swung around

"You don't get to call me Bells," I yelled, drawing the attention of everyone around us. "That's a name reserved for my friends and you are definitely not a fucking friend," I said in a quieter tone.

"Okay, Bella. Please let me explain." He held his hands out in surrender. "I meant what I said to you last night. Everything. I thought there was some future for us. I didn't even know Jessica was in town until she showed up at my door. Please believe me." He pleaded.

"And now that Jessica is here that future is over? And she spent the night in your bed? Right after you rejected me in it? Awesome."

"It's not like that. We were talking, and it got late. We fell asleep, it wasn't sexual."

"You know what, it's fine. It's not like we said anything official. We hooked up and that's that. You love Jessica and she's nice. It's fine." My voice was shaking.

"Bella, listen, Jessie is the only person I've ever been with. I loved her. But you… I... I don't know what I want." He admitted softly. It hurt more than I wanted to admit to hear him say that. One small part of me hoped he'd chose me. But how was I to compete against a girl he has a history with? It wasn't like she was an awful person. I got the impression that the breakup hadn't gone well but that's not unusual. He was clearly willing to just jump right back into things with her, seeing as how she was all cuddled up with him.

"You didn't mention me, did you?" I realized, Jessica had known my name, but it didn't seem like she knew that her 'boyfriend' had been minutes from fucking me before she had shown up.

"Bella. I just...I don't." He sighed, his shoulders slumped. "No. No, I didn't mention what happened between us." He wouldn't meet my eyes.

"Well, there's your answer to what you want," I said, fighting back tears. I would not lose it in front of him. "Fuck you, Edward Cullen." I tried to put emphasis behind it, but it sounded weak.

"Eddie? What's going on?" Jessica appeared from behind him. "You just ran off." She looked at him and then to me and the tears slipping down my cheek, despite my best efforts to prevent them. "Oh." She whispered like all the air had just been sucked out of her.

"Jessie." He finally raised his eyes to meet hers. "I think we need to talk."

"Yes. I think we do. Please excuse us, Bella." Jessica said politely. She smiled at me apologetically, even though it was clear something happened between Edward and me, she wasn't going to be rude.

"I'm sorry Jessica," I said. I felt like I owed her at least that.

"Thank you, but I don't think you are the one that needs to apologize." She gave me a small sad smile and I decided to make my exit. I turned heel and left, texting Rose and Angie that I didn't think I was going to make my next panel. I didn't wait for a response, I turned my phone off and stuck it in my bag. I left the convention and walked all the way back to my hotel.

I wanted to be alone to think. I sat cross-legged on my bed and thinking turned into racking sobs. I wasn't quite sure why it hurt so much. I had only known him for three days and I didn't even know him that well apparently. My anxiety grew, and my chest began to feel tight. I was going to have a panic attack over a fucking boy. That made me feel stupid which only made the anxiety worse. I had been hurt by other guys, I didn't know what made this one hurt so bad. But I had never felt for anyone the way I felt around Edward. Not Jake and certainly not Mike. I had felt like I was required to be with Jake. With Edward, it was like every cell in my body wanted him. Wanted to touch him, to kiss him. I wanted to feel his arms around me. I was alive when I was around him and I thought he was a good guy. I thought he wasn't the type of guy to play girls. But it was an act, right? God, I was so fucking dumb. My first experience with a college guy and I got totally screwed in the worst way. I wasn't ready for all this. I wasn't ready to leave home, I wasn't ready to work for FemmeNerds, I was just plain not ready. I was just some kid with no experience trying to play the cool adult and I was failing miserably. I wanted to go home. I wanted to be where no one could possibly hurt me as much as Edward.

Before I could fully think through the decision, I googled how to get to the nearest bus station. I got lucky and discovered a bus leaving for Port Angeles in an hour. I could take another bus to Forks and call my mom to pick me up. She probably forgot when I was supposed to be back anyway. I packed up all my shit and got an uber. Alice was probably blowing up my phone because I had been gone way longer then I said I would be. I was about to be a terrible best friend. I wasn't going to answer her until I got on the bus. I didn't want to be talked out of this. I wanted to go home, be in my own bed, surrounded by people that could never hurt me like Edward hurt me.

Once on the bus, I turned on the hotspot on my phone and pulled out my laptop. I wrote an email to Alice letting her know that I was okay and where I was and what I was doing. She was going to freak the fuck out, but I knew deep down she'd understand. She was usually the dramatic one and I had dealt with quite a few major breakups with her.

I wrote another email to Rose and Angie explaining that I loved them personally but that I wasn't ready to work for FemmeNerds and that I was extremely sorry and to please not take my behavior out on Alice. I attached what I had finished so far and also promised to send them anything else I had done once it was fully edited and ready to go.

Not twenty minutes later I got an email from Edward.

Please don't leave Bella. This is your chance, don't fuck it up because of me. You're such a talented writer. I'll never work with you again. We can work opposite conventions or WashGeeks won't work with FemmeNerds anymore or I'll quit! I'll quit if it'll make you change your mind. Just don't ruin this for yourself. Rose and Angie don't want you to do this, none of us do. Everyone really liked you. Please reconsider.

I marked his email as spam and didn't respond. Rose and Angie also sent me an email saying they were sorry to see me go and they'd hope I'd change my mind in the future. They still wanted me, and they were extremely sorry about what Edward had done. It was very short and professional, and it made my stomach twist into a knot. Sometimes I did things without thinking. This was one of those times. I felt guilty about bailing on them. This wasn't how an adult would act in the real world. A pro would just suck it up. Actually, a pro would probably not do half the stuff I did.

Alice didn't respond at all. Either she was that mad at me for bailing or she was following me in her car. Either one was entirely plausible. I eventually turned off my phone and took a restless nap. I was exhausted from being up half the night and from the emotional toll but sleep didn't come easy. I was too upset about how I acted. Once I reached Port Angeles I turned on my phone. Alice had left a dozen messages, I didn't listen to any of them. Edward also left me some messages which I deleted. I called my mom to have her pick me up when the bus got to Forks.

"Hey, mom. Can you pick me up from the bus station?" I asked, hopefully sounding casual.

"The bus station? Is everything okay? What happened to Alice? Aren't you supposed to stay another day?" She was confused but that wasn't unusual. "Did I mess something up? Why isn't your dad picking you up?"

"No mom, everything is okay. It wasn't for me. Alice liked it though, she'll come home tomorrow."

"Oh honey, are you sure everything is okay? I can't believe you didn't like it." She was worried. I heard her cover the phone and whisper to my step-dad, Phil.

"Mom, can you just pick me up? Please? And I'll stay at your house tonight." I begged.

"As long as you promise everything is fine and no one is in any trouble."

"Yes, I promise. I'll see you in like an hour." It would take slightly longer but I knew my mom would be late. She was always late. We hung up and I got on my new bus. I managed to stay calm until we got to Forks and I saw my mom waiting for me. Something about seeing my mom, chewing her thumbnail in worry, set me off. I ran to her and wrapped my arms around her.

"Bella! Oh, honey." She kissed my forehead but didn't ask any details. Mom was a nervous person and she would probably ask too many questions, but she would also bring me ice cream and chamomile tea and warm fuzzy blankets. It was exactly what I needed.


i'm sorry, I'm sorry. I still love all of you. I promise. it won't be forever.

thank you for ALL THE REVIEWS! and thank you for all the follows and favs. I love you even if you don't review. THANK YOU!

hopefully, it won't take me *too* long to get the next chapter done.

Jason Momoa 333 What celeb would make you blush if you met them?