Dammitttt Daria

Chapter Three

You Can Borrow My Blowtorch

"Daria?" Jane called through the house as her rain soaked body dripped onto the carpet upstairs. She called out her girlfriend's name repeatedly without any response back. She stepped on an empty liquor bottle and it crunched beneath her foot.

"Tequila? At ten in the morning?" Jane asked herself as she sighed at the broken glass of the miniature bottle with a hotel logo on the side.

"Daria I told you not to hit up the mini bar. They will charge that to our account after management finds out." Jane snorted to herself as she ignored the puffy feeling in her eyes that had become bloodshot from crying.

"Don't call management I am not allowed to have an open container poolside." Daria called from the bathroom. Jane heard a splash from the bathtub and opened the door to find Daria sitting in a hot bath with wet hair.

Jane raised her brows at Daria and said, "You smell like a cheap date in Baja. Will you brush your teeth when you get out?"

Daria gave her a saucy smile and nodded. Jane put a clean towel on top of the toilet seat for her while she splashed water on her face.

"Hey, why do you look like you just got out of the tub?" Daria asked Jane as she stripped off her wet clothes.

"It's raining," Jane replied, "Now scoot over so I can warm up." Daria sat up and moved over in the tub with a quick splash. Daria had her glasses off and her wet hair stuck to her face as did Jane's who leaned the back of her head against the tile. Daria rested her head on Jane's shoulder and asked, "How's the arm?"

"Ah kinda stiff. My knuckles aren't swollen though." Jane told her, rubbing the scarred flesh of her right shoulder. Daria reached over at the injured arm and smoothed her hand over the top of the knotting scar tissue that criss-crossed down to Jane's wrist. The fingers had the worst scars which were bulging and still flushed with red over the healing flesh. The gnarled flesh resembled pale tree roots against Jane's olive skin as it wove over her frail limb.

"It's looking better," Daria murmured as she held Jane's right hand for a moment before reaching up her chest. The scars edged around the collarbone on that side and then ended with tiny superficial marks.

Jane sighed as she looked away from her arm and to Daria's nose. She touched it and said, "I need you to drive me to my appointment later."

"Sure that's no trouble. What time?" Daria asked.

"In two hours." Jane said as her arms went limp in the hot water.

"Wait? The car is at the diner. Isn't Trent at work?" Daria asked with her brows coming together.

"He drove me to the diner this morning and I brought our car home." Jane explained while brushing at Daria's cheek.

"You drove? Why didn't you wake me up?" Daria asked as the anger rose over her face.

"You would have been hungover and you started drinking without me." Jane said, pulling away from Daria.

"That was your first time driving since the accident wasn't it?" Daria called out, reaching for Jane, "Please tell me if you're hurt. I should've been with you, weren't you scared to drive again?"

"It's nothing I'm fine, just achey." Jane replied, allowing Daria in again.

"Jane please."

"Please what? Wait for you?"

"Jane don't rush into things until you're feeling better."

"Daria I needed to drive. I needed to do something for us, for myself. I need some sense of normalcy in this shit-storm."

"Jane you know I'm here for you."

Jane was silent as she stared at the toilet tank across from them. Daria looked up at her with mournful eyes as she brushed her face. Jane refused to return her gaze as she felt the tears well up again, pushing on her eyes to force them back.

"What are you doing?" Daria asked as she reached for Jane's hands.

"Leave it." Jane croaked.

Daria lifted her head to see Jane's face and Jane covered her eyes with an open palm. She took a sharp inhale as she choked back a sob in front of the worried Daria.

"It's okay, You can cry." Daria whispered, kissing Jane on the cheek. Jane held her hand harder against her face and took some deep breaths to compose herself. Daria winced at the taller woman's pain and clasped a hand over Jane's own. Jane heaved another breath when she felt Daria's touch. As her breathing steadied she pushed her hand down to reveal her reddened eyes. Daria bit her lip but Jane refused to yield as she made another pronounced inhale. The air flared through her nostrils and onto Daria's damp face.

"I don't want to cry it all just feels worse when I do." Jane told her girlfriend as she relaxed her head against the wall.

Daria looked off at a crack in the wall and then turned to rest her head down on Jane again. When Daria hit up against the knob of her bony shoulder Jane slumped it down for her. They sat like that for so long that they did not feel time pass until the bath water became lukewarm.

"It's a little chilly in here." Jane said as her eyes stung from crying earlier.

Daria gave a muffled grunt in response with her face buried in the crook of Jane's arm.

"I wish it was as hot as the day I fell in love with you." Jane observed as she nudged her girlfriend out of sleepiness. Daria was the first to rise from the tub and she moved to help Jane up after she wrapped the towel left for her around her waist.

"What was it like?" Daria asked as she pulled another towel from the cabinet below the sink. She set that towel on the counter as she heard splashing come from the tub. Jane lathered shampoo into her hair and Daria sat down on the ledge of the tub as the towel draped around her legs.

"Help a girl out." Jane called, pointing to her sudsy dark hair.

"Perhaps if you answer my question." Daria taunted as she grabbed an old Tupperware container from the ledge that they left in the bathroom for just such purposes.

"Come on the water is getting cold now that your body heat is gone. You've heard that story so many times." Jane whined as she clutched at her shoulders to emphasize her shivering body.

Daria pouted when she filled the container with hot water from the sink.

"This is CIA class torture." Jane said, staring at the steam rising from the hot water in Daria's hands.

Daria smirked at her as she shrugged her shoulders.

"Fine, you win." Jane called.

Daria smiled as she sat back down on the ledge and slowly poured the hot water over Jane's head. Jane felt the heat flare through her forehead as the water rinsed out the suds. She moaned when Daria ran a gentle hand through her wet locks.

"Well the first time I thought might have feelings for you was when you had that shitty job at the nut stall in the mall," Jane closed her eyes and her brows raised into an arc as she recalled her budding feelings, " I called your Mom from a payphone when I saw how unhappy you were. It worried me you know, it was like here was the person I cared about so much and without even having to think about it I just called her up."

"Its a nutty nutty world," Daria grumbled over the sound of more water she poured over Jane's hair.

"Quite I called her and knew I'd be able to get you out of work with a strike at your Mom's feminist nerves. That uniform looked pitiful on you too." Jane chuckled as she opened her eyes to Daria's warm face.

"When I got home later I burned it." Daria said with a smile as she recalled the meeting at Jane's backyard.

"Yup and I helped..." Jane hummed with approval.

The teenage girls were in Jane's bedroom at Casa Lane after Daria had made a stop at her place once Helen pulled her out of work. Daria tossed her backpack onto the mauve sheets of Jane's bed and adjusted her glasses. Jane crossed her arms at the backpack and then with a pronounced sigh at Daria she said, "Good you look normal. Got the goods?"

"Check." Daria offered, waving a hand at the backpack.

Jane opened the zipper and the creepy head of the squirrel protruded from inside the backpack. Jane pulled the costumed hat out along with the apron and clicked her tongue in approval.

"Where should we do the deed?" Jane asked, picking up her blowtorch and firing it up to check that the flame was in working order. Daria shrugged at her and gestured towards the bedroom door.

"Eh I'll stick with my parents one rule about no fires in the bedrooms. Let's take this masterpiece outside." Jane said as Daria grabbed the uniform and followed her confidant to the outside world. The sun hung low in the sky as dusk approached Lawndale. Jane watched Daria toss the uniform into a black trash barrel they had procured from the garage after finding the rusted grill Trent brought from off the street to be of no use. She caught herself staring at Daria's arms, admiring the fluid motion they made as she lowered the apron into the barrel. She looked on with subconscious yearning at Daria's hair as it cascaded over the bookworm's back against the green jacket. She felt a blush rush up to her cheeks and hid her face in the crook of her elbow when Daria raised her head Jane's way.

"Um does your nose itch?" Daria asked, pointing at Jane's partially hidden face.

"Nothing." Jane coughed out as she fired up her torch. She lowered the faceplate of the welding mask she now wore and Daria followed suit with the one she had borrowed.

"You should wear one of those more often." Jane said, fantasizing about Daria only wearing the mask.

"Mmmmm. If my writing career falls through I could always strike out for underwater welding." Daria replied.

"You wouldn't have to talk to anyone." Jane laughed as she began torching the squirrel's plastic eyes.

"That's what a typewriter coupled with whiskey shots and a cigar are for, I must live out my dream of being closed up in a basement." Daria said, joyously watching the squirrel blacken under her favorite girl's touch.

"That'd be good for your complexion. You wouldn't have to worry about getting too much sun. After all, Hemingway and Kerouac got too much of that out in the desert. I think it hurt their novels in the end what with those distracting sunburns."

"Long road trips in Mexico are overrated right? I could settle for the quiet life of Virginia Wolf. She locked herself upstairs, wrote a few books, and when she was over it she decided to go for a swim at age sixty-five. I'd prefer the downstairs of my house though, less drafty."

"Quite. Can't agree with you more. You should release some of that pent up rage over minimum wage nut bagging now. Here take a crack at it." Jane said, offering the torch to Daria.

"Uh I would. But how do you work this thing?" Daria answered with a reluctant grin.

"Here, it's not that hard. I'll show you. Gotta warn you though it may require me to get closer." Jane said as she came up behind Daria at a safe distance.

Daria gave the go ahead with a shrug as she allowed Jane to stand behind her and wrap her arms over Daria's own. Jane put the blowtorch in her petite hands and then helped Daria grip the switch in the correct position. Daria felt comfortable under Jane's intimate touch and found herself enjoying it. Jane was equally contented by the close physical contact as they worked together on the apron now that the hat was satisfactorily blackened to a crisp. Jane inhaled the sweet aroma of burnt plastic and Daria's mildly scented shampoo. Daria had a gentle musk about her that smelled of crumpled bedsheets, paper, and sweat. Jane felt herself growing with confusion as these particular feelings kept arising. She chocked it up to friendship as she heard Daria laugh in front of her, a rare sound indeed. She reveled in the fact that she was the one who had managed to produce such a reaction out her best friend as their camaraderie deepened.

Daria felt her cheeks warm with chuckles as she saw the flames eat away at the 'Nutty Nutty World' logo. The fabric raveled apart and after Jane felt that Daria had gotten the hang of using the torch she let the girl have at it. Jane stepped back and watched Daria's joy unleash over the metal barrel. Jane took a mental snapshot for her sketchbook as she pictured Daria in a welding mask with the torch again, both clothed and unclothed. She began to smack at her cheeks when she kept imagining Daria's nude body.

"Oh man." Jane unintentionally said aloud. She cupped a hand over her mouth and Daria released the switch on the blowtorch while lifting her mask up.

"What's the matter?" Daria called from the barrel, turning around.

"It's nothing." Jane mumbled, scampering off into the house.

Daria eyed her back as Jane vanished through the back door into the kitchen. Daria sighed and got back to torching her uniform with a lowering of the mask. Daria marveled at her craftsmanship as she saw the ashen remains of cheap polyester that had been her apron. The hat was an indistinguishable shape of melted plastic, fur, and stuffing that shared the same black scorches. Daria also took a pleasurable inhale of the burnt plastic as Jane had done.

"I thought your nose was too sensitive for this sorta thing?" Jane said as she held a glass of water in her hand.

"There's an exception to be made for the spoils of war." Daria praised to the trash barrel with the blowtorch raised in triumph. Jane joined her, raising a glass to the smokey remains. Daria offered the torch back as she raised the mask to wipe sweat from her brow beneath her glasses. Jane took the torch from her and Daria pocketed her glasses so she could wipe the rest of her face with the sleeve of her jacket. Night had fallen and the sky was fading into darkness. Jane sipped the remainder of her water as the two walked back inside. They sat at the kitchen table with masks piled next to the blowtorch.

"So why did you run off? I wanted you to join me in vanquishing of the enemy." Daria said, looking over at Jane.

"All the excitement made Janey thirsty." Jane chuckled as she held back another oncoming blush by pinching her thigh under the table.

"Since when do you refer to yourself in the third person?" Daria grumbled with a raised brow.

"Since when did you get so good at cracking remarks?" Jane replied.

"I was cursed at birth." Daria replied with a shrug of her hands.

The pair eyed each other with equal curiosity as they pondered the potential subtext of their exchanging of wits. Jane replied to Daria's careful retort with a tap of her empty glass against the table. She did not say anything as her lips tightened over the sight of Daria's meager smile.

"There it is again. What's got you all funny today?" Daria asked.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Jane said, glancing at the welding masks.

"You're acting all awkward ever since you touched me-" Daria caught herself mid-sentence with an uncharacteristic gasp.

"Really it's nothing. Can we not talk about it please." Jane grumbled, refusing to look up.

"I guess..." Daria murmured.

"No, no, that's not, it's that, oh please don't be mad at me." Jane stammered as her thoughts twisted up as much as her stomach.

"Why would I be mad?"

"I don't know because I ... Oh I can't say it. Not yet."

"Ugh somehow I think we might be on two different trains of thought. Don't worry about it for now. I know that whatever it is you'll tell me eventually if it's important. Mind if I stay over after we go get some pizza?"

"Way to change topics," Jane sighed, loosening her shoulders against the chair as she thanked the stars for having such a perceptive friend, "sure I don't care if we grab a pie. Do you want me to call in an order?"

"As much as I love the smell of burnt plastic I wouldn't mind some fresh air before I stuff my face like a glutton."

"Yeah seems the unsavory smell of minimum wage wafted into the kitchen." Jane observed, sniffing at the air.

The pair returned the torch equipment upstairs and left the house after Jane hollered to Trent for a ride. He woke up and joined them for victory pizza.

The Jane of ten years later was sitting at the same kitchen table now, dressed in a worn green tee shirt and gray sweatpants with her damp hair hanging loose at her shoulders. She curled her sock covered toes against the kitchen floor while Daria sobered up from bathtub Tequila shots with a cup of coffee and warm waffles. Jane was eating some chicken wings with hot sauce as she finished recalling the story. She looked over at Daria who wore her usual shirt and boxer shorts, virtually unchanged from a decade ago right down to the blue tee shirt. Jane was surprised that Daria's feet were bare in the cold kitchen.

"Tell me another story Grandma." Daria said with a sardonic grin.

"Oh darling mustn't get too worked up before we have to go out." Jane chuckled.

"But the sleigh will drive itself over the river and through the woods to physical therapy. I bribed the dog to take our place with the horses." Daria whined with a mocking smile.

"I told you take ole Yeller out back and show him a good time with the rifle. Why else did I buy those rounds of bullets at the hardware store."

"He swore it was only a little rabies. He'd be over it by the time the sleigh was ready to pull away."

"Now before we mutilate anymore holiday classics with terrible old movie references let's get ready to leave." Daria urged, nudging at Jane's shoulder.

"Do you want your jeans? I was going to go upstairs to grab the keys and a sweatshirt." Jane offered as she got up.

"No you've been doing enough around here. Finish eating and let me take care of it. Besides I have to go get my shoes and a something more substantial to go over my shirt." Daria answered, pushing Jane back into her seat. Jane could not hide the surprise that graced her features. Daria went upstairs and she searched their room for one of her many jackets, settling for the leather one that matched Jane's own. Her's was chestnut while Jane's was black. She put her boots on over the side of the bed after slipping into the familiar leather. The keys rested on top of the dresser next to a broken candle with dried wax that had melted over the sides.

"Remind me to clean that up." Daria muttered to herself as she pocketed the keys to the station wagon. She then took her stick of deodorant and quickly ran it under her shirt before grabbing Jane's belongings.

She came down the stairs with Jane's jacket, boots, and beanie. Jane smiled as Daria set them all on the table after dropping the boots next to her seat.

"Do you need anything else?" Daria asked while washing her glasses at the kitchen sink.

Jane looked off in thought for a moment while she tied her bootlaces.

"Yeah, will you come here?" Jane asked. Daria nodded and stood next to Jane by the wall. Jane got up from tying her boot and rested herself against Daria's side. She caught her girlfriend off guard with the intimate touch as she reached for Daria's hand inside the pocket of the brown leather jacket Daria was wearing. Jane snaked her hand inside the pocket and grasped at Daria's warm fingers, clutching them between her own. Daria leaned into Jane as she rested her head into the crook of Daria's exposed elbow, nuzzling her cheek against the soft worn leather. Daria made a slight turn towards her and used her free hand to stroke the top of Jane's head. Jane moved her head to the inside of the jacket, now resting her cheek against the blue cotton spread across Daria's belly within the open flaps of the jacket.

Jane squeezed Daria's hand tighter as Daria wrapped her other arm over the back of Jane's head. Jane scooted forward in the seat of the chair so she would not stumble out of it as the couple embraced. Daria tilted her head down to smell Jane's dark hair, capturing the scent of gray morning. Daria thought Jane had a smell similar to the foggy haze that they would find at the Boston Harbor they once lived over. It was a careful aroma of gentle smoke intermingled with the salty ocean air that clung to the surface of the water. A subtle and yet ambiguous sort of smell that only existed in such a place. The hard tap water in Lawndale had a trace of this scent, especially after the pair bathed. But Daria, being the imaginative person she was, could simply draw this picture from memory without needing the presence of the unique smell.

All she needed was Jane.

Her raven haired beauty clung to her and Daria could feel the woman's smile press against her stomach through the shirt. Jane pressed her face harder against Daria as she inhaled another deep breath of Jane's hair. Below, Jane listened for the familiar gurgling of Daria's soft innards and the gentle bubbles that jumbled in her stomach. Daria relaxed under Jane's touch and her stomach's nervous gurgle subsided as Jane comforted her with another squeeze of the hand.

"Things'll go back to normal. I promise." Jane said with a muffled lilt from her girlfriend's belly.

"If they don't I still love you." Daria replied.

Jane emerged from Daria's embrace and looked up at her with a few tears escaping her eyes. Daria hugged her as if she would somehow fade and pushed her head back down into place. Jane went back to burying her face in Daria as they took the time to enjoy the touch of each other awhile longer.

"Hey Daria?" Jane called up.

"Yeah?" Daria said.

"You might want to get some pants on before we leave."

"You're right. No wonder my tush felt cold."

Daria kissed the top of Jane's head and moved to part the embrace when Jane pulled her in further.

"Huh?" Daria replied to the gesture.

"Hold on, I want to warm you up before you bother to get pants on." Jane told her while rising up out of her chair.

"Oh?" Daria whispered, glancing over at the clock on the wall.

"We have time for a little fun," Jane said with a wink, "now get up on the table."