Once upon a time, there was an idiot named Knuckles. Knuckles lived in a house with his two best friends, Sonic and Tails. Knuckles was an idiot because he had this problem. You see, instead of opening doors like a regular person, he had to punch them and make them explode a little bit.
One day, Knuckles broke the refrigerator. He and his friends had nothing to eat for three days. And so, Sonic, the leader, decided to trade in their cow (??) for some food. He sent Knuckles to go to the supermarket and trade…
"Is he here yet?" Tails said.
"No." Sonic replied. "He'd better be here quick though! I can't take starvation anymore!"
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
"He's back." Sonic said. He and Tails ran over to the front door, now destroyed for the 130,097,682th in a row, to face Knuckles.
"Did you get the food?" Sonic asked.
"I got something even better!" Knuckles held up three beans.
"…YOU IDIOT!! THREE BEANS!!"
"WAIT SONIC!" Knuckles said. "I know that it looks like a screwed up again… But I didn't this time for sure!"
"But you traded our cow (??) for three measly beans!" Tails said angrily.
"Nuh uh! I traded our cow for three MAGIC beans!" Knuckles said proudly.
"…Magic beans…" Tails muttered.
"Yeah! I met this guy who agreed to trade our cow for three of his magic beans!" Knuckles smirked. "I think I kinda ripped him off though… hehehe!" he chuckled. Sonic and Tails fell anime style.
"YOU IDIOT!! HE RIPPED YOU OFF!!" Sonic said.
"Really? Why?" Knuckles said confused.
"Because magic doesn't exist!"
"IT DOESN'T!?" Knuckles said, completely shocked.
"Yeah…" Tails sweat dropped. "But wait- I think I can turn this bad situation into a helpful one!" Tails reached inside his pockets and pulled out a weird ray- like device.
"What's that?!" Sonic and Knuckles asked.
"This is my latest invention- The growth/ time ray! It can make things grow really huge, or speed up time!"
"That's genius Tails!" Sonic complimented.
"HUH?! How does that help us?" Knuckles asked.
"Watch and learn Knuckles!" Tails said. He went outside and threw the beans on the ground. Then, Tails switched on the device to "Time accel." And turned on the switch. With a burst of light, the machine enveloped the plant in a circle of energy, and when it was done, there was now a beanstalk!"
"Nice!" Sonic said.
"I still don't get it…" Knuckles said.
"There's still more!" Tails assured Knuckles. He flipped a switch to "Growth" and with another burst of light, the beanstalk began to grow rapidly! Up and up it went, higher and higher, until they could no longer see the top!
"Oh! I get it!" Knuckles said. "Now, we can grow giant beans, sell them to national geographic, and make money to buy food!"
"…Wha-?" Sonic said.
"No! That's not it!" Tails said. "One of us will climb up to the top of the beanstalk and go to the sky place! Then, he will battle the giant, claim his gold, and then we can get food!"
"Wait- so magic isn't real, but Fantasy worlds exist!?" Knuckles said in confusion.
"Of course they do! How do you think WE'RE here!?" Sonic asked.
"…Good point. I'd hate to be the poor sap who goes up there though!"
"Well good. Cause YOR going up it!" Sonic said.
"WHAT?! Why me?!" Knuckles asked.
"Because you're an idiot. Because you've blown up the door about a billion times. Because you smashed the refrigerator and left us without food. Because you traded our cow (??) for fake magic beans. Because a million and two hot dogs are up there."
"A MILLION!?" Knuckles immediately raced up the beanstalk at a super fast speed.
"Nice one Sonic!" Tails said.
10,000 feet above the ground
Knuckles head burst above the clouds. He had been traveling for exactly 1.275 seconds, and had reached the top of the beanstalk.
"Now, where are the hotdogs…?" Knuckles said, looking around at the sky world. He saw a giant castle.
"Alright! That must be where they're stored!" he ran to the giant castle. Fueled by three days of no food, and the fact that there was hotdogs in it, he made it to the castle in another three seconds. He knocked on the giant door.
Knock! Knock! Knock!
The door slowly creaked open to reveal a mean looking giant.
"FEE FI FO F#!! I SMELL THE BLOOD OF AN ENGLISH DUCK!!"
"HEY!! I'm an echidna!!" Knuckles screamed.
"BE HE FRIED OR BE HE GRILLED, I'LL BEAT HIM WITH A STICK UNTIL HE IS KILLED!!"
"Hey!! Down here!!"
"WHERE IS THE DUCK!?"
"I'M DOWN HERE!!" Knuckles screamed.
"DAMN. THERE REALLY WAS NO DUCK."
"DOWN HERE MORON!! AND I'M AN ECHIDNA!!"
"OH WELL." The giant closed the giant door.
"Aw man! I need him to give me hot dogs!" Knuckles crawled under the crack of the door, and into the giants evil lair…
Which was covered in pink and pony pictures on every side.
"Evil villains just aren't what they used to be…" Knuckles muttered. Suddenly, he heard a beautiful singing voice. Knuckles followed the singing voice until he saw a giant bed. He climbed up the giant bed where he saw a giant chest on a giant dresser. He opened the chest and located the source of the singing noise: a harp with a woman's face.
"Are you a singing hotdog?"
"No!" she said. "I am a magic harp! Please, I need your help!"
"Where are the hotdogs?"
"Long ago, I was imprisoned here by the mean giant…"
"Are they in the giant kitchen?" Knuckles asked.
"He locked me up, and now forces me to sing him to sleep every night!"
"Lady, where are the Hotdogs?"
"If you break me free, I will sing, and then magic stuff will happen!"
"LISTEN LADY!! I NEED HOTDOGS!!"
"…Um, okay… if you break me free, I guess I could give you hotdogs instead…"
"ALRIGHT!! NOW WE'RE TALKIN'!!" Knuckles picked up the harp/woman and closed the chest. But as he closed the chest, a huge shadow fell upon him.
"It's the evil giant! Run!" Knuckles ran away, but the giant followed him.
"I KNEW I SMELT A DUCK!!"
"I'M AN ECHIDNA!!" Knuckles crawled under the door. He ran along the clouds until he reached the beanstalk he began to climb down with the harp on his shoulder. The giant was following him, so he had to move fast. When he reached the ground, Sonic and Tails were waiting for him.
"Did you get the gold?" Tails asked.
"No. But I got this." Knuckles held up the harp, and she smiled.
"KNUCKLES!! WE CAN'T EAT A HARP!!" Sonic said angrily.
"Um, hello, I'm a MAGIC harp!" the harp said.
"Are you an edible magic harp?"
"No."
"Then we don't care." Suddenly, the Giant jumped down from the beanstalk and started to terrorize the local populace. The city became on fire, and everyone was screaming and running in random directions.
"You brought a giant too?!" Tails said in shock.
"Oh yeah. He was chasing me because he wants his magic ukulele back." Knuckles said.
"HARP!!" the harp cried.
"Whatever. The point is, we need to defeat him somehow!"
"Okay uh…" Sonic began to think. "How did they do it in the book?"
"They trick the giant and chop the beanstalk with an ax, causing him to fall and die." Tails said smartly.
"Nah. Too boring." Sonic said. "Okay… here's what we do- we go up to the giants head, get swallowed by him, and while we're in his stomach, we climb up to his heart and stab him with Tails's shovel!"
"Sonic! This is a PG-13 story! We aren't allowed to show THAT much blood!" Tails said.
"Oh yeah." Sonic said, discouraged.
"I know!" Knuckles said. "Let's call Godzilla tom help us!"
"Knuckles, that is the stupidest-
Sonic stopped in midsentence.
"Actually, that's not a half bad idea." Sonic complimented. He then pulled out a watch and the Godzilla signal flashed through the sky. Godzilla then came out from the ocean, and proceed to fight with the giant. Godzilla got beaten in one hit.
"WTF!?" everyone said.
"CRAP!! If only neo from the matrix was here!!" suddenly, Neo appeared.
"I are the chosen one." He said dramatically.
"Alright!" Knuckles said. He picked up Neo, put him in his catapault, and hurled him at the giant. It had no effect whatsoever.
"YOU IDIOT!!" Sonic said. He beat Knuckles into pulp. "There is only one solution…" he picked up something from his pocket and slammed it on the ground. It was a card.
"I SUMMON SLIFER THE SKY DRAGON!!" The clouds turned dark and with a dramatic entrance, Slifer appeared.
"THUNDER FORCE BLAST ATTACK THINGY!!" Sonic commanded. Slifer gathered its energy, then launched its attack at the giant and decimated him completely.
"YES!! WE WON!!" the trio said in glee.
"But what about me?" the harp said.
"I know!" Tails exclaimed. "I think I know a use for you after all!"
Tails sold the harp to national geographic. He earned three and a half cents and bought 10,000 hot dogs and their cow (??) back. The singing ukulele was never seen again.
"I'M A HARP!!"
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. Review pleasz!! I had writer block on this chapter...
