Chapter 4
Getting ready in a completely new environment was totally unsettling. I felt uncomfortable doing anything. Still, I threw on whatever I could find and trudged down the stairs. It wasn't uncommon for me to get up at one o'clock in the afternoon, so this wasn't too bad, but everyone else was already up so they all saw me come into the room which made things sufficiently awkward. JJ hid behind the couch where Jensen was sitting. Great. My own sister and she's scared of me. This shouldn't be how things are at all. I looked at the ground. It seemed way more comfortable than it would be to sit near any of these people.
"Hi honey." Jensen greeted. I didn't reply. I didn't want to reply to him. I don't want him calling me any pet names. I don't even want to be here.
"Do you want any breakfast?" Danneel offered. I shrugged. I wasn't really in the mood for people offering me food that I probably don't even like. "We have cereals and toast." She said, trying to entice me.
"I'll just have some plain toast please." I mumbled. She nodded her head and went to fetch it for me. Jensen picked up JJ and introduced us.
"JJ, this is your big sister. Her name is Luna. I want you to be very nice to her, okay?" Jensen said. JJ nodded her head. It felt kind of awkward for me. Don't get me wrong, I love kids. I think they're adorable and cute to look at and the chubbier the better. But it's just I'm usually not around them that much. It's kind of strange that I'm suddenly going to be around one all the time.
"But I thought I was getting twins." JJ said matter-of-factly. Huh? Why would she think that? Jensen looked at me kind of awkwardly.
"Um, Danneel's pregnant. We haven't announced it yet. A boy and a girl." He told me. I nodded my head. "And you – cheeky monkey – you are getting twins. A baby sister and a baby brother. But now you have an older sister too." Jensen explained. JJ smiled and skipped to another side of the room as if the conversation had just ended. I guess for her it had. At that point Danneel came in with the toast. I started munching on it as I sat down on one of the seats.
"So, did you have a good sleep?" Danneel asked. I wasn't really sure. I couldn't make an accurate comment based on the fact that my sleep has gone all haywire since the night mum passed.
"I guess." I said.
"Well, whenever you want to go shopping, let us know. It should probably be after your stuff arrives because then we can accurately decide what you need." She said. I nodded my head as I swallowed the bite of dry toast I had in my mouth. I liked her, but I hated how maternal she was. In some ways she reminded me of mum. I hated that even more. Because it's not her.
"Oh god!" Jensen suddenly exclaimed.
"What is it sweetie?" Danneel asked.
"Jared's coming around today." He said. Danneel's eyes widened.
"And you haven't told him about…?" She asked, but was cut short.
"Nope. Okay, Luna, my friend Jared's coming here today, and I haven't told him about you. I haven't told anyone apart from Clif and these two about you because, well, I didn't know if you wanted to tell anyone. Anyway, long story short, he's coming here and he doesn't know you exist. So what do you want to do?" He said. I rolled my eyes and placed my toast down. I abruptly got up and made my way to the front door. Jensen and Danneel began following me.
"What's wrong?" Jensen asked.
"What's wrong?" I repeated as though I couldn't quite believe he was asking me that. Just then Danneel opened the door. I didn't bother looking at who it was. I could tell by the tall shadow that it was Jared.
"Yes! Please, tell me." Jensen begged.
"What's wrong is that you're so ashamed of me that you don't even tell anyone about me except for the people who had to know. What's wrong is that you clearly only took me in because you felt guilty. What's wrong is that my mum's dead and nobody seems to care that she was my world." I cried. I stormed out of the house and slid past Jared who seemed to be very confused. Why wouldn't he be? He would have no idea who I was. Danneel was hot on my tail. I felt bad for making a pregnant woman run, so I stopped once I got to the end of the street.
"Men are dumb." She said simply.
"Really? That's your piece of sage advice at this time? 'Men are dumb.'?" I asked.
"Yep. Well, it's more of a statement really. Men are dumb. Especially when they mean no harm. When they start being horrible for the sake of being horrible, that's when they start to get sneaky and smart. That's why dumb men tend to be the best." She said. I shook my head.
"Unbelievable. Another Jensen supporter. You know something? It's not even the fact that he didn't tell people. I mean, I don't even want the press knowing about me. But to know that he wasn't even beaming about me to his best friend shows me how little he cares. I don't even want him to care really. I just want him to piss off. But even though I don't want him to care, I still feel like he should. Does that make sense?" I asked. She sat down on the short wall and rubbed her belly.
"Yeah. It does. But I can assure you he cares. A hell of a lot. He found out about you after a phone call woke us up from some random number. I told him not to answer it which he almost didn't, but he said something felt wrong. So he picked up the phone and started crying almost as soon as he heard your Gran's voice. I sat up in bed straight away. I was so worried that something bad happened. Which it did. But he wasn't just crying about your mother. He was crying because he finally discovered why it ended the way it did. Then he was shaking in bed for about 5 minutes as he explained everything he could to me, then he booked a ticket and immediately headed for the airport. God; he was nervous as hell. He just wants to make your life as perfect as he can." She explained.
"But my mum's dead. How can my life be even remotely close to perfect?" I asked.
"Because healing takes time. Just like getting used to Jensen will. But believe me, it'll happen." She said. I nodded my head. After a beat, she spoke again. "Ready to come back?" She asked. I nodded my head, clearly the farthest from ready I'll ever be, and got up, and started walking slowly. Danneel caught up with me and walked at my pace as well. We entered the house and saw Jensen sitting nervously whilst Jared laid his eyes on me. It felt like I was being examined.
"Oh thank god!" Jensen exclaimed. He ran up to me and gave me a hug, then he gave Danneel a peck on the lips. I felt a bit unsettled under Jared's gaze, so I looked down at the floor. "Um, okay clearly there needs to be an introduction. Jared, this is Luna, Luna, this is Jared."
I smiled at him quickly and nervously then Jared coughed awkwardly. Great. This is so not how I imagined meeting these people. I thought it'd be a quick 'hello' and then we'd be on our separate ways. But no. this was now my life. And I'm dreading every second of the rest of it. Jared came closer to me and smiled.
"This wasn't at all what I was expecting." He said light-heartedly. I shrugged.
"Yeah. You're not going to be the only person to feel that way, I guarantee it." I said as a slight insult to Jensen. What's weird is that I know how tall he is. Like, insanely tall. I just didn't feel like he was big. I just felt incredibly small. And besides that, everyone in the room felt awkward at my comment despite it being the truth. I supressed tears from falling and made my way into the lounge, trying desperately to ignore the attention everyone's giving me.
"So… what school do you go to?" Jared asked, coming into the room along with the others.
I shrugged. "None now."
"Well, that's actually something we need to talk about. You kind of have to go to a school. In fact, we need to find one as soon as we can. That's one of the many things we need to discuss today." Jensen said.
"Wait a minute; so my mother just died and you're making me look into going to an American high school as soon as you can? I was unhappy enough at my old school, thanks." I said.
"Listen, if it's not the right school for you then sure we can change which one you go to. But apart from anything else it is the law and it's only for another year anyway." Danneel said. Just then, JJ came into the room. I could tell she went to the kitchen because she looked like a snowman with all the flour over her. When she saw Jared, her eyes widened.
"Uncle Jared!" She exclaimed in joy. She ran up to him and he picked her up, a big trail of flour following her.
"Hey messy pup. Why do you have flour all over you?" He asked. She giggled.
"I was playing chef!" She said. "Where's Tom?"
"He's at home sweetie." Jared said.
"Can he come here?" JJ asked.
"Not today, sweetie." Jensen said.
"Come on, JJ. Time for a bath." Danneel said, taking her from Jared and consequently leaving the room.
"I don't know if this helps, but my mom's a teacher." Jared pointed out.
"True, but it's the middle of the semester. None of the good school's will be accepting students right now, will they?" Jensen asked out of curiosity.
"Listen, my mom's been there forever, and if anyone's trusted in that place, it's her. Besides, she can always put in a good word and find out if any other schools are accepting." He said. "I'll call her now."
"Thanks dude." Jensen said.
They both walked into the kitchen together, so I took that opportunity to truly explore the house. After all, the only things I've seen are my bedroom, the hallway, and the living room. I've seen the kitchen from outside, but I don't really want to go in there when Jensen and Jared are in there. It'd be too awkward. There were a couple of toilet rooms downstairs. Seemed a bit excessive to me, but I guess when you're rich and famous you can have whatever you like. There was a dining room that I saw as well, but then I saw something that I thought I liked. It didn't seem like anything special, but it was a little studio. There were a couple of guitars there and a piano. It was actually something I really loved. I picked up one of the guitars and sat down with it. I started strumming mindlessly, then decided I could sing one of the songs I made. The guitar sounded amazing in this room, so I wonder what it could do for my voice.
"No, I can't say it won't hurt anymore,
No, I can't say that it isn't the law.
I've been trying to keep you safe,
But everything just goes the wrong way.
Why, does it hurt for both you and for me?
Why, can't it already stop the heart beating?
We ain't connected, cut the strings,
We ain't connected through silly old things,
If life is a highway, we need to crash,
To stop the pain or else it will last,
'Cos even butterflies have their stings.
Yes, it was the hardest word,
Yes, I was as free as a bird,
I've been trying to stay away,
But everything in me begs me to stay,
Why, have you tried to leave?
Why, can't you see past my sleeves?
We ain't connected, cut the strings,
We ain't connected through silly old things,
If life is a highway, we need to crash,
To stop the pain or else it will last,
'Cos even butterflies have their stings.
Hey! Loving hurts,
But I guess it's better than hating the world,
I think we may be on the right track,
But these butterflies are going way too fast.
We ain't connected, cut the strings,
We ain't connected through silly old things,
If life is a highway, we need to crash,
To stop the pain or else it will last,
'Cos even butterflies have their stings."
I sang that whole thing while playing on the smooth wooden red-coloured guitar. It felt so natural amongst all the unnatural in my world now. I placed it down where it was and turned to leave the room. I saw Jensen and Jared standing in the doorway grinning like maniacs. Jared held a phone to his ear as Jensen just looked at me with pride. If the ground could swallow me up right now I'd only accept it on the condition that I'd never have to see Jensen again.
"Yeah, that was her…" Jared said in the phone. "I'm telling you, I just saw it with my own two eyes… Yeah, I will. Thanks ma, love you. See you soon." Jared said before hanging up.
"Well?" Jensen asked, turning to face him.
"No qualms about it. She's in." Jared answered. I shook my head.
"No thanks." I said. Their faces fell.
"Well… maybe you'd change your mind if you heard a bit more about the school." Jensen suggested carefully.
"I already said no." I repeated with finality in my tone.
"Luna, it's one of the best schools in the state." Jared said.
"Well I'm not interested in some elitist school with stuck up people. I'm not interested in going to a school okay? I'm done. I'm done with school." I said. I walked out of the room getting pretty emotional again.
It's not even that school was that bad or that people were horrible. It's just that I was a nobody. I don't want to go through sitting on my own every lunchtime and having to talk to the teachers if there was literally nothing for me to do. The only thing people wanted to talk to me for were song requests. I was sick of being everybody's jukebox so I would tell people to piss off. They all thought I was just an angry kid – which to be fair, I was, - but more than that I wanted to have an actual friend who liked me for me and not for my voice.
I ended up in my room where I sat on my bed and began twiddling my thumbs. Even though my door was open, Jared had the bright idea of knocking on it.
"Can I come in?" He asked. I nodded my head, accepting his request. He sat on one of the chairs opposite me. "So, why do you hate school?" He asked.
"Is this a serious question? Are you actually asking why a teenage girl hates school?" I asked, kind of jokingly. I didn't hate Jared… yet. I just feel like he wasn't being annoying and I didn't have any reason to be against him. He gave a slight chuckle at my feeble attempt at humour and nodded his head.
"Yeah, okay. Good point. But nobody hates it that much. I hated doing the work. That's something everyone hates doing. But I loved hanging out with my buds during free periods." He said.
"Well I had no friends. Nobody was particularly horrible to me. I just didn't have anyone who was friendly to me." I answered. He looked down.
"Oh."
"And I don't want it to be the same at a different school, and I don't want to be everyone's person radio station, and I don't want to be Jensen's daughter, and I don't…" I started. Luckily Jared saved me from rambling.
"Whoa, wait a second – you don't wanna be Jensen's daughter?" He asked, genuinely wondering if he heard me right. I nodded my head.
"Yeah. I don't want to either be known as his daughter or be his actual daughter." I confessed.
"But Jensen's one of the best guys I've ever known. And I know that must sound really repetitive right now, but oh my god, Luna! You have no idea who he is, do you?" He asked.
"Yeah, he's on Supernatural. He's a bigshot." I said. He shook his head.
"No, I know you know that. I mean you don't have a clue who he really is as a person. You just refuse to give him a shot. Tell you what, if you start school next week, I can guarantee you Jensen will do something amazing for you." He told me.
"No offence, because I know you've known him for over a decade, but what makes you so sure?" He asked.
"Because he cares about everyone. Especially the people he loves." Jared told me. I guess it's time to start trusting people.
