Quentin, as it turns out, was not impressed by the poetry. So Bobby could be seen at all times either in the Main Lodge polishing everything spotless, or outside planting blue roses, which were Quentin's favorite. At one point Bobby dressed in lederhosen and did the funky chicken while Benny played the bagpipes. Until Raz set him on fire. Then he just ran around screaming while Benny played the bagpipes.

Milla was no longer speaking to Sasha, so he was engrossed in building a small satellite-like thing. Chloe was standing a few feet away, testing out spaceship models while giving Sasha random space trivia, and unwanted advice.

"You humans are far too emotional," Chloe told him. "On my planet, we just lick each other and make up."

Sasha shuddered. "I do not wish to lick Agent Vodello. I've seen her Brazilian-Venezuelan temper in action. It reminds me vaguely of the time Razputin got into my alcohol reserves."

Chloe sighed. "I still think you should lick her. That, or do something. You two were going be Co-heads of the Psychonauts when my people conquered the Earth."

Sasha groaned and stored his satellite in his mind. "Ah, well, perhaps I should try something. But if I am injured, I expect full compensation from your people."

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Milla was found poking Raz, who was breathing deeply. Lili was also poking Raz, but on the other side of his head. Sasha smiled faintly and started to go over, but Quentin came over suddenly and pulled him off to the side. Sasha frowned – this jacket was suede! Then, Quentin pulled him outside, blasted the nearby squirrels, and turned around, looking dead serious. He put a hand on Sasha's neck and another around his waist, pulling him close.

"Pretend like you're cool with this," Quentin whispered. "I need your help, Agent Nein. Bobby is totally stalking me. I need you to pretend to be my boyfriend or I'll never get any privacy. I mean, he alphabetized my breakfast and bought me a lifetime supply of this awful cheap cocoa!"

Sasha sighed and tried not to be freaked out by this much physical contact. "As an instructor and a friend, I'm usually the first to volunteer to help a Cadet, but this is illegal. I could lose my job."

"Not really," Quentin pointed out quietly. "Technically you're like a kid now. Come on, Sasha, please. I'm totally scared right now."

Sasha paused. "I suppose if I made Milla jealous, that would ease her anger towards me. And if you really feel threatened, I have to help. I'll be your boyfriend."

Quentin cheered and hugged him. "Man, you are so cool!"

Bobby screamed in rage from above, falling off the roof dressed as a ninja and pointing a finger at Sasha. "Mark my words, Nazi, you will pay for this! Revenge is a dish best served with hot wings!"

"Eww," Sasha and Quentin said at the same time. "Meat."

Quentin smiled at Sasha. "I knew you were vegan! I just didn't mention the tofu burger 'cause Raz woulda freaked out yesterday."

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"Did you hear?" Crystal yelled happily. "Sasha and Quentin are totally a couple now, for real! And Bobby's dating Milka!"

Milla growled at the same time Elton yelled, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO –inhale– OOOOOOOOO!"

Milla poked Raz one last time before turning to Elton with a sweet smile. The Mental Minx, indeed! "Darling, the best way to get people back is to make them jealous."

"I'm in!"

Lili grinned. Yes! Now I can poke my boyfriend all by myself! Raz groaned. Sometimes he wished he couldn't hear that. Thankfully, he had a helmet, but still, it hurt. Lili paused to think, though, If Raz were to date other girls, I wouldn't care. (Not like he could find anyone, anyway.) But I bet I dated another guy, he'd hyperventilate and die.

Raz glared at her. "Hey, I'm an understanding boyfriend! You can see other people!" When Lili thought, Yeah, right, he said softly, "Alright. I bet you fifty dollars that if I dated another girl and you dated another boy, you'd come back to me first."

"Hmm," Lili replied evilly, "It's a nice bet, but let's make it interesting. We get to date both genders, loser has to be the other one's slave for a week, and the winner gets a back rub. Deal?"

"Yeah!" Raz cheered, and they shook on it.

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"So," Quentin said in awe, "You made a whole picnic for us in like five seconds? Man, this is way better than when Bobby was stalking me."

Sasha sighed. "Well, I have never had a boyfriend before, so I am attempting to do it as best as I can. I packed you a mug of German hot chocolate, by the way."

Quentin whooted. "This is so awesome, bro! Life is good with you around." He smiled. "I like your outfit, by the way. You know Bobby wouldn't even put on deodorant if Milla hadn't told him 'it's what all the coolest international bullies are wearing'?"

"That's a shame," the German boy replied softly, his dark green eyes twinkling in the sun of the beach, "Because you are most definitely worth more." Then he regained his composure. "In any case, you certainly are an interesting person. Is it true you dated Mikhail for a while?"

"Yeah," Quentin sighed. "But halfway through digging a bear trap that later would become a pool, I realized that it wasn't for me. Besides, he's with Maloof now."

Sasha grinned faintly. "Love is in the air, so to speak."

"Also, seagulls." Quentin put in randomly. "Watch out for the poop."

Just then, Sasha noticed Bobby Zilch approaching, an arm around Milka. And approaching from the decks was the even odder couple of Elton and Milla. So Sasha decided to have some fun. And with Sasha Nein, fun was often evil and slightly cruel, if not twisted. Or in this case, totally twisted.

Sasha pulled Quentin close and started toying with his hair. "I'd fight an army of seagulls for you, my love." And he licked Quentin on the nose.

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Author's Notes: Wow. That was a lot of random pairings…