Disclaimer: Characters are in no way mine..I don't claim ownership on Stephenie Meyer's characters!
Chapter 4
I spent the next few weeks forcing myself to avoid speaking with Edward at all costs, though I had no choice when it came to working together in Biology. Those were the only times he had that I had no say over and he used them to his advantage. He would always bring up the kiss...he would always bring up not understanding how I could kiss him but then avoid him...I could tell he was overthinking something. But as soon as the class would end, I'd rush out of the door refusing to allow him to hold me back. I made it clear that day..I could not be his friend. I wanted all of him but I already knew I couldn't have him.
While I was working on ignoring Edward as much as possible, the same did not apply to Alice. With her it was quite the opposite. We sometimes would get together during lunch and just get to know each other...or I should say...she was getting to know me but before we would part ways, she always took it upon herself to mention Edward. We still hadn't had that sleep over I agreed to having, only because I was trying to find the right time to tell Alice everything. I wondered if she'd even believe me and I doubted she would. Then another thought would try to tell me that she would...she was a vampire after all.. Vampires weren't supposed to be real yet here the Cullens were. So why not time travel or whatever you want to call what happened to me? All I can say is I was dead one minute and woke up a year in the past before it all began the next. She was becoming more impatient with me as the time went on though..she needed to know what I knew. It was a silent understanding that all the Cullens finally knew I was in on the fact there were vampires...the day they all started staring at me intently and with curiosity only confirmed they knew I knew something. I just didn't care. If Rose or Jasper wanted to eliminate whatever risk they felt I posed, I probably wouldn't stop them. They'd be doing me a favor and make all my pain stop.
"Bella, come on! We have to do this sleep over tonight!" Alice complained as we made our way to the cafeteria. Today she was going to sit with me instead of the Cullens...something she did here and there if I had decided to actually attend lunch.
"I'm not sure about that Alice," I told her. "I'm still trying to figure things out for myself."
"Well I can already tell you're doing a poor job of that!" she uttered under breath...it wasn't low enough for me not to hear. Before I could answer her, Eric made his way over to sit beside me and was quick to greet me before everyone else settled in.
"Hey Bella," Eric exclaimed, seeming more nervous than normal.
"Hi Eric," I responded, trying to be nice.
"So you know about that dance coming up next month?" He asked, avoiding eye contact. Dance...Dance...oh! That stupid dance I avoided to spend the day with Edward! I ended up having a great time...with him. But I still refused to go in this reality. My hate for dancing had not changed.
"I honestly hadn't paid attention to the fact that there was a dance coming up," I told him. "Wasn't it girls' choice or something?
"Uh...yea..."he mumbled. "I was wondering if you would ask me...maybe we could go together?" I stared at him, taken back by his request. I stated it was girls' choice for a reason! I needed an excuse and fast...what had I used last time? Oh yea...Seattle!
"Sorry Eric...I hadn't realized the dance and my trip to Seattle was scheduled on the same day so I won't be going," I lied but then had a thought...maybe that'd be the perfect day to go looking for the meadow. It would afterall be the same day I had already hiked up there...
"Oh ok, have fun in Seattle!" he told me, a fake smile clearly printed on his face. He stood up and headed towards the lunch line. I shook my head in disblief as I remembered the first time all this happened. Maybe now since that accident didn't involve me Tyler wouldn't be one of the three trying to get me to go to the dance with him. Alice sat there laughing at me and what had just happened.
"Alice, it's seriously not funny..." I told her, trying to keep myself calm and not say too much.
"You have to admit it's a little funny..."she giggled.
"No it's really not,especially when this won't be the first one to come up to me asking if I want to go with them!" I clenched my fists as I remembered Edward allowing Tyler to ask me with the stunt he pulled with the traffic jam.
"So you seem to know about this already...who else plans on asking then?" she pushed, testing me.
"Mike Newton and Tyler Crawley," I whispered to her in anger. "Though I'm hoping with that accident out of the way he Tyler won't try to ask me." She stared at me before she answered.
"Interesting...you claim you're not psychic," she mused aloud. "What are you then, from the future?" she asked, jokingly. Though as soon as she voiced her meant-to-be-just-a-joke-theory, she noticed me tense up for a moment before brushing it off. It was then she refused to prolong waiting for explanations. She hit the nail right on the head, so to speak, and she knew it.
"Ok, that's it!" she stated. "We're having that sleep over tonight and you, Bella, have serious explaining to do! I hate not knowing anything!" I couldn't help but laugh at her; I knew how true her words were.
"Alright Alice," I surrendered. Why not tell Alice? She was pretty damn closwe anyway. I've been wanting to tell her ever since I realized what had happened...I just wasn't sure how to tell her or if she'd believe me. Another factor, of course, was the family finding out and Edward. But so what if he did know? As long as I stuck to my inital decision, it wouldn't matter. He'd know of what could have been while being grateful I saved him the regret of wasting his time and having to uproot his family. "Tonight it is."
"Perfect!" she exclaimed as she jumped up and down for joy. "I'll see you tonight at 7 then, ok Bella?" I nodded my head and watched as she turned around and headed over to her table. I didn't even want to begin imagining what her family was saying to her...or what they would say when they knew my secret. I avoided eye contact the rest of the lunch period, not wanting to see their reaction toward Alice's revelation of part of my secret. The rest of the lunch period was spent with me lost in my own thoughts. I had to make sure Charlie knew Alice would be making an appearance and I had to make sure I knew what I was going to say to Alice. I wasn't as ready as I wanted to be but I had no more time to wait. Alice was persistant.
"Bella?" I heard someone call my name though I wasn't entirely sure. "Hey...Bella?" I heard again though the second time, it was enough to break me out of my thoughts. I looked up to see Mike standing next to me.
"Yea?" I asked, trying to figure out what he wanted.
"You planning on going to class?" He laughed. "The bell rang...cafeteria's practically cleared out..." I couldn't believe I never heard the bell. I stood up instantly, thanking him and rushed out the door. I hadn't noticed him keep pace with me.
"Thanks for letting me know Mike," I thanked him. "I can't believe I didn't hear it."
"It's no problem..."he assured me and as we came to our Biology class, he stopped me with some time to spare. "Bella, before we go in..I wanted to asked you something..." I noticed the nervousness in his demeanor instantly...I just hope what I was assuming to be the cause of it was not the case...please, I pleaded in my mind.
"What's up?" I asked, looking back and forth between him and the open classroom door. I noticed the teacher was running late, so for that I was thankful.
"So you know how the dance is coming up in a few weeks, right?" Ugh! This was actually happening? Seriously?
"I heard about it, yea." I answered, trying my best not to show interest in the topic.
"Well I was wondering if you would like to go with me?" I cringed at the thought. I honestly, without realizing, involuntarily cringed as soon as he asked me the dreaded question I knew was coming.
"I'm going to be in Seattle that weekend, sorry..."I said, trying really hard to not say the words too fast for it to seem like I wanted to get far away from him.
"You can't go another weekend?" He pressed.
"No, sorry," I told him. "It's been planned for a while." He nodded his head in what I'm sure he wanted to pass as understanding.
"That's ok then," he said, looking at the ground. "What are you doing this weekend? Maybe you and I can go out...get to know each other better?" Of course he would ask that...I tried not to roll my eyes at how ridiculous his question was to me. And I knew very well that Edward was listening to this conversation but I tried not to let it bother me; it's not his fault vampires have super hearing.
"I'm mostly going to be getting a head start on the paper I have due in English," I started. "But I'm not really dating right now Mike." I didn't want to give him any more opportunities of getting me to go out with him in any way so I turned around and headed toward my seat. It was very difficult to avoid seeing the angry expression plastered on Edward's face. Yep...he had been listening.
As soon as I reached my seat, the teacher came in...good timing, I thought. Unfortunately, today was one of those lab days where I had no choice but to work with Edward. It was a simple assignment which mostly consisted of using our text books to answer stupid questions. I figured I didn't need Edward for this...we'd each do our own paperwork and research.
"Are you going to continue avoiding me?" I heard Edward ask, clearly annoyed. I tried not to laugh but I wasn't successful. Seeing Edward frustrated and not knowing why something was happening was slightly amusing for me.
"As long as I can help it," I told him without looking up to answer him.
"I don't understand what I could have done to make you hate me so much," he mumbled under his breath. I wondered if he intended on having me hear him. Regardless, I stayed quiet. "Bella...I can't stand not knowing...please talk to me..."
"You know, most people usually are able to realize that when someone basically tells them to their face that they don't want to be their friend, they back off," I snapped at him. I didn't want to be mean but I just couldn't help it. If being mean was what it took to get Edward to back off, then I'd have to do it here and there. I just hoped I could actually go through with it because right now...saying what I said the way I said it, it nearly broke me.
"And most people don't usually kiss you and follow a passionate kiss by saying they don't want to be friends," he countered. "You're just hiding behind that excuse."
"It wasn't and isn't an excuse!" I whispered to him, trying to remember we were in a classroom filled with students.
"Then why'd you kiss me?" he whispered back as he moved closer and closer to me. I didn't answer. If I said it was a goodbye kiss...he'd have more questions and would continue demanding answers.
"You wouldn't understand so just forget it ever happened, ok?" I insisted, mentally kicking myself for giving in to his need to have a conversation with me.
"Then help me understand," he pushed. "Obviously, what I am doesn't scare you away. You can trust me, Bella. Let me in." As soon as he told me I could trust him, I almost lost it. He most certainly could not be trusted. Not where my feelings and my heart were concerned.
"Believe me when I tell you this," I started, looking him right in the eyes. I tried ignoring the pain and hurt I saw there at what I was doing to him; to us. "You made it very clear to me that you are the last person I can trust. I will not make the mistake of letting you in again."
"Again?" he asked, confused. "Bella, we need to discuss this further. Let me meet you at your place after the school day is over; we'll figure everything out. I'm sure whatever you think happened is just a misunderstanding. We'll get passed it...we can be together."
"You made it clear on more than one occasion that we shouldn't be friends Edward," I reminded him through my anger. "I'm giving you what you always wanted. Please return the same courtesy and stay away from me." I felt my heart breaking all over again as I said those words. I had to make sure he couldn't see past the lie. He always told me I was a bad actress; but this was one act I needed to successfully play no matter how much it broke me.
"Bella...I can't stay away from you like you want me to do. Especially not after you kissed me, which to be honest, wasn't the smartest thing. But at the same time, you helped me realize something I never thought possible," I rolled my eyes at him. He was always underestimating his control!
"Don't even Edward," I responded.
"Don't want?" he asked, clearly confused. "I'm not safe for you to be around...which you already know. Though I'm afraid I'm incredibly selfish and need to be around you."
"You're not safe to be around?" I inquired...more annoyed hearing him say this a second time. Yes, this time he rephrased himself but that's typically what happens when you change the outcome of the past.
"No...I'm not," he pushed. "I can't completely disagree with you when you say we shouldn't be friends...but after that kiss...Bella, I just can't stay away from you..."
"Should I remined you...again, that you are the one who pushed us not being friends? I find the confidence you have in yourself to be ridiculous Edward." I told him, knowing he wouldn't entirely understand why I said it.
"Clearly I was wrong, but I wouldn't be take my strength so lightly Bella..." he mused and I heard the saddness in his voice. He truly believed he wasn't strong enough...I hadn't noticed so much of the time had passed until the bell rang. Today, I wasn't in such a rush to leave. Especially when I had one thing left to say to Edward before I left for gym. I stood up after gathering my things...Edward did the same though his gaze never left mine. He stood, staring at me, waiting to see what I would do next.
"You have more control over yourself than you think." I told him and as soon as I had, I turned around to leave. Of course, Edward followed in suit.
"Why would you say that?" he asked as I continued my way to gym class. "You act as though you know firsthand how my self control is around you..."
"Because it's the truth. It's incredibly irritating hearing you say you're not safe when it's not true at all." I told him. I cursed myself for giving in and actually talking to him. I knew I shouldn't have answered him in class...this only gave him the confidence he needed to break through my routine. "You would never physically hurt me." Emotionally...mentally...that's another story, I added in my mind. I was thankful in that moment he couldn't read my mind.
"Except that it is true," he corrected. "You've just shown me I may be able to have some control..." By now, we had reached the girls locker room, for which I was thankful. I needed to get away from this conversation and the locker room was the one place Edward would not follow me. I turned to look at him before giving him my final answer.
"I understand a lot more than you realize," I said as I stared intently into his eyes. I could've sworn a hint of panic appeared in his features. "And contrary to your expectations of me running away scared, I'm not afraid of you. But I will give you what you've always wanted. I'm staying away from you." I'm more afraid of your ability to break my heart, I added in my mind. I couldn't look at him anymore...for the once again his words rang clear in my mind as if he was saying them to me all over again.
"You're not good for me Bella."
I shook my head at the words, shaking my head trying to get rid of them while trying to fight the tears. I refused to let him see this and have him ask more questions than necessary. I turned around and headed into the locker room and focused on getting ready for gym. Today we were forced to play volleyball..I had to admit I enjoyed playing but it was a disadvantage considering I tripped over flat surfaces easily. Angela, Ben, Eric, Lauren and Mike had been put on my team...I just hoped they wouldn't be too angry with my lack of skills.
"So you were talking to Cullen." Mike stated when the team got together on our court.
"Yea." I replied, not interesting in discussing Edward or anything else for that matter with Mike.
"Something going on between you two?"He asked, failing to keep his angry under control.
"No." I told him. I had no reason to justify my actions to Mike of all people. He was really starting to get on my nerves.
"So you two aren't dating?"He pushed.
"Nope." I looked up to glare at him...silently warning him to back off.
"Then what was he talking about you kissing him and coming over your place later?" he stared down at me with fury in his his and reflexively, my right hand clenched into a fist.
"You know its rude to eavesdrop on other people's conversations?" I said through clenched teeth. 1...2...3...
"You know its rude to lie to people and say you're not dating when clearly you are..."he retorted.
"Not that I have to explain myself to you...but I wasn't lying when I said I wasn't dating anyone." I spat in his face. 4..5...6...
"But you don't deny kissing him?"he pushed.
"I'm sorry...I don't remember it saying somewhere I had to explain my actions to you of all people Mike." 7...8...
"You shouldn't waste your time on someone like him anyway." He lectured. 9...
"I think I'll stick to making my own decisions, thanks." I told him. "And last time I checked, there isn't a rule saying you had to be dating someone to kiss them."
"Oh, really?"he questioned and I nodded my head. He took that moment upon himself to forcefully take my face between his hands and press his lips roughly onto mine...10...that just about did it. I pushed him away, seeing the smirk on his face as he tried to go in for round two. This time, I swung my hand back and punched him in the face. I didn't know I had that my force behind my force but with that one hit, he went down. I watched as he rolled on the ground, holding his nose crying out in pain.
"Don't you ever touch me again!" I screamed at him as the entire gym class hundled around us, watching the scene before them. Luckily, I didn't get into trouble with the gym teacher seeing as he had heard and seen the entire thing. Instead, I got a pat on the back and was congratulated for standing up for myself. It turned out that I had broken his nose..not my aim but that served him right. I was still pretty worked up after it all happened though. I was sent to the nurse's office briefly to get ice for my hand even though I insisted I didn't need it. I guess I was thankful for being sent out since it was a way of getting out of gym. I bumped into Alice on my way out to the lot...the end of the school bell was due any moment.
"Bella hey!" she exclaimed, pulling me into a hug.
"Hey Alice," the irritation was still in my voice, I could tell. She frowned when she noticed it as well but grew concerned when she saw the ice on my hand.
"What happened to your hand?" she asked, taking a look at it to examine it as we made our way to my truck.
"It's just a little sore, nothing big. No broken bones or anything," I assured her. We now stood outside my truck so since I was still talking to Alice, I put my book bag in it and turned my attention back to her. I knew she needed more details.
"Broken bones or not...why does your hand now require an ice bag?" she demanded as she placed her hands on her hips.
"Well..." I started to say but was interrupted when someone called my name. Alice and I both turned in the direction of the voice...It was Tyler. "Ugh, please not again!" I mumbled to myself, knowing Alice heard me since she started giggling.
"Hey Bella," Tyler greeted me when he finally made his way over. "Alice..." he said awkardly.
"Tyler." We both said in unision.
"Bella...I heard about what you did at gym today and I have to say, you were incredible!" he exclaimed.
"Word spreading around quickly...why am I not surprised..."I rolled my eyes. Of course it'd be around school already. He laughed...I wasn't trying to amuse him. I was even more irritated now.
"Anyways...I came over hear to say good job.."he hesitated.
"Thanks." I told him.
"And to see if you wanted to go to the dance with me?" I knew it!
"Again, thanks for the offer but I'll be out of town." I tried really hard to control my anger this time. He didn't deserve to get hit too.
"That's ok...there's always prom..." he said and then I remembered. The last time he said that he went around telling people I was his prom date..and then he had the audacity to show up at my house when I was already with Edward! There was no way I was going to let him dellude himself again.
"No...I'm not going to prom with you Tyler," I told him, not caring if it sounded mean. I never said I'd go anywhere with him the first time around...why would that even change?
"Oh...see you around I guess," he walked away defeated. As soon as he was out of sight, Alice burst into laughter.I glared at her.
"Alice...trust me on this...it's not funny!" I said.
"Why not...I thougth it was..." she continued laughing. "What was he praising you for anyway? What'd you do at gym?"
"I broke Mike Newton's nose." I told her as I turned to open my truck. I wanted to get out of there.
"Wait...you broke his nose? Why?"she pouted, probably upset she didn't see any of this herself.
"Because he had the nerve to kiss..he's lucky I didn't break his legs along with his nose! Aggressive, jealous asshole!" I felt my anger building once more at the memory of what happened at gym. I took a deep breath to try to get control over myself.
"You're leaving already?" she asked, clearly wanting more specifics.
"Yes, I have to make sure Charlie knows your coming over tonight and all that..." I sighed as I remembered I'd be coming clean tonight. I took a glance over at the volvo, noticing all the Cullens there though I didn't bother to try to figure out why some wore amused expressions while others were confused...Edward, however, looked beyond pissed. "And tell Edward I don't need him handling what happened with Mike like he's standing over there planning on doing. I took care of it myself for a change." she nodded her head, knowing not to question me and I took off.
Getting Charlie to agree to Alice coming over was no problem at all. In fact, he was glad I was making friends though he wasn't sure where she'd sleep. Considering I couldn't tell him she didn't sleep at all..I told him I'd worry about it when the time came for it. Apparently though, Charlie was going over to La Push for most of the night to catch up with Billy Black. He was disappointed I wouldn't be going but I was more than fine with staying where I was. I made sure he had a good dinner before he left as well and I walked him to the door.
"You're sure you don't want to come?" he pushed, once more. "Jacob's been wanting to see you..."
"I'm positive..besides I have plans with my friend...I'm not about to be rude and abruptly cancel dad.." he nodded his head in agreement and with that he was out the door. Not even a second after he drove off, Alice appeared in the doorway.
"I hope you're ready for tonight Bella!" she exclaimed as she welcomed herself in the house and headed towards the stairs. "Your room is the second to the left right?" I nodded and followed her up. When she first came into the house, I didn't notice the extra large bag she brought with her and I almost feared what she had in store for the "sleep" over. Though in a way...maybe I could use whatever she wanted to do as a distraction.
"Ok, sit." she ordered and I did as she said, taking a seat on my bed across from her. We sat for a few moments in silence before either of us spoke again. "Now...spill."
"I don't even know where to begin.." I admitted.
"From the beginning of it all would be a good start..."she teased. I stared at her, thinking for a few moments and then I noticed that bag again.
"What's in the bag?" I asked, feigning curiosity.
"No way am I going to let you distract me from this Bella..spill!" she scolded.
"You'll think I'm crazy..."I warned her.
"Well, we're all alittle crazy in our own ways right? So go ahead..."she scolded. I could tell it would be pointless to try to go against Alice; she always got her way. I took a deep breath before starting...it was now or never.
"Ok...here it goes," I started. "So...you were right earlier, about being from the future. All of this, it's all happened already for me..." I looked at her, trying to see what'd she say to that.
"What do you mean?" she asked, clearly confused.
"I mean I've already gone through all this...I've already had my first day at Forks High...I've already met Edward...I've already met the whole Cullen family...I've already dealt everything that happens up until December of next year..."
"If you already went through it all...how is it your back to the start of it all?" she questioned.
"Well that...I don't understand. All I know is one minute everything's dark and the next I wake up and it's my first day of Forks High all over again..." I told her. "The only thing that makes sense to me is that I went back in time...there's no other explanation."
"Alright..."she said.
"That's it?" that couldn't be all that she had to say.
"Well no of course...I want to know EVERYTHING ...and don't you dare keep anything out Bella!" she beamed, though I wasn't as excited.
"Well, the typical first week stuff that happened recently is what happened when I first experienced it...except I wasn't so stand offish and I didn't roll my eyes everytime Edward would tense up around me. You and I never got to offically meet until Edward brought me home to meet the family..officially," I explained.
"So wait...you knew about..."she paused, unsure if it was safe to reveal her secret to me.
"About you guys being vampires? yes. From the moment I arrived at the high school, I knew everything. I know Edward can read minds...though he can't read mine which I'm sure he's figured out by now," Alice nodded her head, unable to surpress her laughter at that. "I know about your visions, about Jasper and his mood control thing...anything else you can think of...I probably already know it."
"So what was going on with you and Edward?" she pressed. I knew she'd come to this and this would probably be one of the hardest things for me to admit.
"We were inlove, we were together...in whatever sense of the word you can interpret for us. It was much more than a simple relationship. He was my everything...my life...my reason for being," I could already feel the tears starting to betray me.
"I'm confused.."Alice stated. "What do you mean were?"
"Alice...I really don't want to go there..."I urged.
"No...please Bella..I need to know everything..."she insisted though I knew she wasn't doing this to hurt me.
"I say were because he left. All of you left, not too long after my eighteenth birthday." I told her.
"But...I don't understand. You two are meant to be together...even right now he knows and feels it. It makes no sense for why he would just leave and take us with him...and to leave you behind..."she stared out into space, trying to make sense of it. I knew I'd be filling in the blanks for her.
"Well...you threw me a party for my eighteenth and let's just say a paper cut led to a lot of other things that none of us ever wanted to be faced with..Jasper couldn't control himself...Emmett was able to get him out of there but Edward had pushed me back and out of the way and well...my arm got cut on glass..."I explained.
"Oh no...Bella, Jasper would never hurt you! Never intentionally and none of us would ever let that happen!"she exclaimed, clearly taken back by the event.
"I know...Edward wasn't as convinced. I guess that just put things into perspective for him and he realized he didn't want me," I added.
"That's ridiculous! Of course he wants you!" I denied what I said about Edward's feelings to be true.
"No Alice...he doesn't and didn't. According to Edward I'm not good for him. I don't belong in his world. I'm a human...these feelings I have will pass. It's nothing in comparison to how vampires feel...that's the cliff notes version of course." I acted like it was no big deal when in reality, every time I would bring this up it would cut through me all over again.
"That's not true! Bella, how could you fall for that!" she fumed.
"Because Alice, it never made sense for him to love me and I didn't fall for anything except the lies that he wanted me. I was stupid to think he ever did," I told her. She stared at me for a long while before continuing.
"There's more...I know there is...what happened before you woke up into this reality?" she asked. I sighed, knowing this part would be inevitable.
"Well...you'd all been gone for 3 months..." I started but she cut me off.
"So we came back?"she asked, excited at the thought. I simply shook my head no and she let me continue.
"And I just couldn't take it anymore. I wasn't me anymore Alice. The pain was too much...the memories haunted me everywhere I went...I was empty. He didn't just leave and take you all with him...he took my soul, my life and I couldn't live anymore. What I was doing wasn't living..."I looked down on my bed, refusing to look at Alice's reaction.
"Bella...you didn't...well you know...did you?"she asked, taken back. I looked up at her determined to get this out.
"I jumped off a cliff during a storm...the waves took me down fast and then everything went black," I told her, feeling ashamed. "Then I woke up and here I was and I can't for the life of me understand why I'd be brought back here!" Alice caught me off guard when she pulled me into a hug. After a few minutes she pulled back to look me straight in the eye.
"Don't you EVER do that again Bella!" she ordered. "Do you understand me?" I nodded my head, though I couldn't make the promise. We sat in silence for a few minutes when something appeared to click in Alice's mind.
"I'm afraid to ask what you're thinking..." I said nervously.
"Bella...you've been given a second chance, don't you see!" she went on, excited about something. "You and Edward have your chance to be together all over again! You both love each other...you can make it work this time around! This is so great!" Alice was alone celebrating this thought. There was no way I was going to go through it again.
"And endure the pain of him leaving me all over again? Endure standing there as the love of my life tells me I'm not good for him? Our entire relationship turned out to be a lie Alice! Nothing you say or Edward says will tell me otherwise because in a few months...it would happen all over again and I"m sorry, I'm doing all of us a favor by keeping my distance from him." I stated. There was no way I could put myself through that and there was no way the Cullen family would be uprooted because of me.
"When did you decide that you were going to keep your distance Bella?"she asked, curious.
"The same day I first saw him all over again. I"m sorry, I just refuse to be the reason you all end up leaving Forks. This is what is best for everyone." I told her.
"Well I guess that explains why he's the last Cullen you'd trust," she muttered more to herself. "So, everything you're doing this time around...it's different in a way compared to how it all really happened?" she mused.
"Yes, you can say I'm changing my past a little bit here and there," I admitted.
"Oh...like what?" Alice was back to finding the information fascinating, though knowing her, she wasn't going to give up on my relationship or lack there of with Edward.
"Let's see..." I mused. "So far...hitting Mike was new...the day Tyler's van crashed...I definitely changed that around. Originally that van was headed towards me and Edward instinctively saved me though I noticed how not a second before he was across the lot...that's what started my suspicions I guess. From there he started avoiding me...telling me it was best we weren't friends...Based on the time line, Jessica and Angela are going to ask me to go to Port Angeles with them to dress shop whereas my true intentions was to get a book about the "Cold Ones"-don't ask," I paused. "And then I get lost and a group of guys surrounded me until Edward came to my rescue. He took me out to dinner and that night...that's when I confessed I knew and that it didn't matter. From there everything works out well until the nomads show up during the baseball game. Which...you may want to pay attention to because one of them is a tracker and I become his prey." It was a lot to take in, I knew this. But I was so relieved I could finally have someone to share it with. Even though it was all out there for Alice to know, I needed desperately to get my mind off of everything. I even agreed to Alice giving me a make over. Normally I would never do that and I warned her not to let it get to her head..hopefully she wouldn't but then again, I knew Alice all too well.
"So you know the family is going to hear about this eventually right?" Alice asked as she worked on my hair.
"Yea but I figured I'd leave it up to you to share...Edward will see it all in your mind and you two can take it from there," I told her. There was no way I was reliving all that again. With Alice, I was able to. But with everyone else, there just was no way it was going to happen. "I'm sure they've all been waiting impatiently to find out how it is I knew about you all being vampires. And Alice..."
"Hmm?" she asked, keeping her focus on my hair.
"Don't go planning for me and Edward to be together in this reality...knowing what I know, there is just no way I believe he loves me," I told her. She made no sign of showing she truly acknowledged what I had to say which irritated me. "I mean it...I can't do that again, I won't." And for the rest of that night, we spent time getting to know each other, talking about our friendship and watching movies. It almost felt like a real sleep over which in a way, you could say that it was.
"Bella...how can you be so sure that you didn't get sent back here specifically to be with Edward once again?" she asked, feigning a look of innocence.
"That's simple," I started. "He never wanted me. If he had, he wouldn't have said the things he did or done what he did. And he definitely wouldn't have decided what was best for me without taking into consideration what it was that I wanted."
"Oh silly Bella," I shook her head. "From everything you've told me and from everything I know in this time...Edward basically lied to you when he said he didn't want to be with you. He needed you to believe him so he could leave and give you a chance at a human life...one without so much supernatural things. Trust me, I've known him a long time. And besides...you two are most definitely destined to be together. "She smirked.
"Why would you say that?" this wasn't the first time she had to bring that up. Clearly she didn't see fully how difficult it truly was for me to stay away from Edward. I was going completely against what my heart desired.
"Because if you weren't, I believe that stupid decision you made would've actually stuck. You wouldn't have woken up a year earlier..on the day you started Forks High and were reacquainted with your true love," she winked.
"There was no life without him, hence the cliff Alice." I didn't add in there that there still would be no life without him, though instantly Alice stilled.
"Bella...don't you dare repeat what you did on that cliff! If I have to moniter you for the rest of your life I will! Don't doubt me!"she ordered.
"Alright Alice." I told her...and made the instant decision not to do that again. She relaxed almost instantly and continued working on my hair. "So you're going to tell them everything?"
"Yes I will...as soon as I get back, though I think you should be the one to do it." I answered.
"It's better if you do," I told her. "I hope you understand why." She nodded in understanding. Conversation seemed to die down after we settled everything. However I knew when I went back to school Monday that the Cullens would already be informed of my secret. Alice and I agreed it would be for the best that they know and hopefully, Carlisle could do research and try to make sense out of why I was back in this time. I was thoroughly convinced it was not to rekindle my relationship with Edward. I just hoped that once he knew about us, he would respect my need to distance myself and would not pursue me. I knew it'd be close to impossible to deny him...I wanted to be with him so badly. But when I would be reminded of what happened...what I did as a result...I just had to stay away. It was better for everyone, or so I was trying to convince myself.
