A/N: I don't own Avatar:The Last Airbender (The Legend of Aang). I make no money from writing about said cartoon. Sigh... If wishes were horses all beggars could ride.
I was going to put this up earlier but I noticed since I'd written it awhile ago, it need some editing so it would flow with the rest of the story.
The cooling breezes had abandoned Palace City for the last few days, leaving a stifling heat. Katara was feeling the effects more than her 'fiery' companions. Her discomfort only served to sour her mood further.
Since their trip to the city Zuko had been very busy, but when they did spend time together, he was distant. It was so confusing. She had thought after what he'd said in the carriage and then what he did that night, maybe he... She shook her head. It was hard to know what he was thinking, or feeling for that matter.
The whole mess left her confused and touchy. She'd almost lost her temper several times. She decided she had to go somewhere, to literally and figuratively cool off. If only to think for an hour or two.
Katara felt a walk by the ocean would do her some good. Of course, Zuko never let her leave the palace without an escort. Today it was two young guards, both of them firebenders. She didn't mind as much as she used to at being 'babysat'. She knew Zuko only did it because he wanted to have one less thing to worry about.
She took a carriage down to the beach. Katara felt the need to be surrounded by her element. Upon arrival she found the air was heavy, even here near the crystal waves.
She removed her light outer robe to reveal a modest bathing attire. She smiled to herself. Gone were the days of bending in her underwear. She took a deep breath and walked out into the waves waist high. She closed her eyes and raised her arms.
There weren't many people on the beach, but the ones that were there stopped to watch. At first not much happened, only a subtle movement of the water, counter to the natural wave motion. Katara's eyes snapped open and her movements became deeper, stronger.
Her motions were effortless, and the water responded under her skilled hands. It rose to her shoulder then dipped, revealing the sandy bottom. It lifted again, this time into a wall that reached above her head. Again, it returned to its normal level as if nothing had happened.
She sped up, and the waves with her. To the observers on the beach it seemed as if the water was dancing with her. She lifted her arm and a mighty tower of water rose to the sky. She then flicked her hands, pushing away and the tower shot out towards the open sea.
Katara froze ice to her feet and rode above the water, making figure-eights along the length of the beach. She returned to the place she'd started and began spinning. The water wrapped around her, lifting her up. As she rose she stopped moving, but the water continued to turn. She reached a great hight then slowly descended, resting her feet once more on the sandy beach.
She closed her eyes and lowered her hands, exhaling deeply. The sea returned to it's normal flow as she released it from her hold.
A boisterous cheer rose from the crowd that had gathered behind her. She turned and smiled at them. She wondered if some of the people had ever seen a waterbender before.
On the way back to the palace she felt more relaxed, but there were still nagging issues weighing on her mind.
Zuko had noticed Katara's current mood and that the heat was making her uncomfortable. He hadn't wanted to say anything to her about it, for fear of her reaction. She was hard to read lately, though she'd never been that easy to predict before.
He worried that Katara was regretting coming back to the Fire Nation. He blamed himself for asking her to return. She was miserable and he could see it.
When she joined Iroh and the Fire Lord for dinner Zuko could see she was fretting about something. Her conversation lacked any spark, she kept to one or two word answers when he tried to engage her. Finally he couldn't take the tension anymore. "Katara." he said softly. She looked him but he could see she was still far away. "Do you wish to leave?"
Her eyes regained some of their focus as she stared at him. "What?" she asked as if she didn't hear.
Iroh glanced between them, pausing mid-bite.
Zuko looked at Katara with sadness. "I'd understand if you wanted too. There's nothing holding you here." He balled his fists on either side of his plate, and looked down at his dinner. The meal was one of his favorites but it was completely unappetizing now.
He didn't want to look at Katara. If she really was thinking of leaving again, he was sure he wouldn't be able to take the look of gratitude she'd be giving him.
She reached over and covered his fist with her hand. "I don't want to go. I said I'd stay and I will."
He looked at her. She was smiling and her eyes seemed locked on his now. "Then what's wrong?"
She shook her head. "I was thinking, that's all. I'm sorry."
His expression softened. "Sorry for what?"
"For making you worry about me again. I know it's a favorite past time of yours, but..." she cocked her head and grinned.
He opened his hand and caught hers before she could pull it away. He chuckled. She had a way of bringing him out of any bad mood. Even when he'd been trying to focus on her distress, she'd turned it around to make him feel better.
'I wonder if that's a Water Tribe thing to do?' Maybe it was just Katara. 'Though, her brother has a penchant for comedy, but that's just the way Sokka is. I'm not sure he's even aware of it.'
He gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. "Tomorrow we're going to do something fun. I promise; no missions, no secrets, no distractions. How does going to The Haven of Contentment sound?"
Katara's eyes lit up. "That would be wonderful!" she exclaimed with enthusiasm. "Iroh, will you join us?"
The retired general shook his head. "I'm afraid my days of going to the oasis are past. This old body wouldn't be able to make the trek out there. You two young people go and have a good time. I'll stay here and raid the royal tea treasury." he grinned.
Zuko and Katara laughed. The Fire Lord nodded and withdrew his hand. "Then it's settled, we'll leave at dawn."
There seemed to be even more birds at the Oasis to greet them this time. They'd both gone for a swim as soon as they'd arrived, and now they were laying on the grass letting the summer sun warm and dry them. Zuko felt more relaxed than he had in a long time. He was sure the location had something to do with it, but he couldn't discount the company.
His mind wandered, he raised his shoulders and propped himself up on his elbows. He glanced at the woman beside him. If he didn't ask her now he didn't think he'd be able to again.
"Katara, can I ask you a personal question?" he was tense, and fisted a handful of grass.
"Sure, anything." her eyes were closed as she basked.
"You don't have to answer if you don't want to." he said hoping she couldn't hear the nervousness in his voice.
She opened an eye but otherwise didn't move. "Zuko." her voice took on a note of motherly irritation, prompting him to continue.
"Why," he was silent for a moment before spitting out the next words. "Why do you think things didn't work out between you and Aang?" He searched her face to see if he was way overstepping the bounds of their friendship.
Her brow wrinkled and she squeezed her eyes tight. "Um..." she faltered.
He raised up his hands from the grass. "Never mind. It's none of my business."
Katara's face softened and she opened her eyes to look at him. "It's alright, I'll answer. I just wasn't expecting the question."
She sat up and looked out at the falls for a minute. "I guess when it comes down to it, I wasn't ready at the time for the type of commitment Aang should've had. I wanted my own life for a while. I'd always been the 'good girl' who simply followed others."
He thought about that. "What if Aang asked you now? Would you go with him?"
He looked at her when she fell silent. She looked like she was deeply considering her answer. Her gaze was far away, possibly lost in another place and time.
"I do love Aang. I do. My heart sees him the way I see Sokka. But I think..."
Her eyes widened a bit and he looked at her curiosity. "What?" he asked, trying to prompt her to continue.
She glanced at him. "I think I would say yes. If he asked me to marry him." she blushed from embarrassment, and her voice was very quiet as she said the words.
Zuko bristled. "What? Why?" his quick questions were born out of shock. "You just said you thought of him as a brother!"
Katara looked down. "I know Aang loves me, despite what he's said recently. I want him to be happy."
"What about your happiness?" he frowned.
She sighed and shrugged. "For the last few years I've put my happiness above others'."
He gave her an incredulous look of disbelief.
"Aang needs me, and I'd do anything for him." She was completely serious but he saw no joy in what she said. "Besides, what's wrong with being married to a man who loves me? Who knows, I could learn to love him that way again."
Zuko made a scoffing noise. "Loyalty and compassion should only be pushed so far, Katara." he pressed his lips together in a grim line. He knew if she pursued that course of action, she'd only end up making herself – and Aang in return – miserable.
She shook her head. "It doesn't matter anyway. He's not speaking to me and I haven't seen him in several months."
Both fell into contemplative silences for a time as they digested this information. Zuko raised an arm and pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to form what he was wanted to say.
"My turn." Katara said in a hushed voice. He glanced at her with trepidation as she continued, "Why did you never marry?"
He gasped, his mind going blank. "I..." He felt trapped as his face blushed. He sat up and turned away from her. "It doesn't matter." He could feel her frown even if he wasn't looking at her.
"You don't get to do that." her voice was sharp-edged. "I answered your questions truthfully. As your friend I think I deserve the same from you. You promised no secrets, remember?"
He knew she was right. He wasn't being fare, it was just hard. He gathered his thoughts as she waited. "At first I could blame it on the imposed mourning period for dignitaries, but even after it passed, I wasn't interested in looking for a wife. I guess it was too difficult thinking of another woman after Mai di... after Mai." he let out a heavy sigh. "I have thought about it, especially in the last year, but there wasn't anyone I was interested in." he shrugged and studied the grass at his feet.
Katara felt an unexpected rush of warmth. She hadn't heard him be this honest lately with anything remotely personal. It reminded her of some of their first true conversations, back when they were on the run and shortly after he was crowned. "In all this time you've never felt anything for another girl?" she was beginning to realize how lonely it could be in his position. She pressed a hand to her chest. That type of isolation amongst so many people would be crippling to her. The Water Tribes are deep-rooted in community, she didn't think she would be able to manage something like this.
"Ironic isn't it? I used to give Aang a hard time about being a monk, and I'm the one who ended up with the celibacy issues."
She knew he meant it as a joke, but it wasn't funny. He wasn't laughing either.
He shrugged again. "I always envisioned myself marring for love, and women within my social circle, who look at me as a potential husband, are primarily politically motivated. Let's face it, would you pick this face to wake up next to each morning for the rest of your life, if you weren't at least getting a title out of the deal?" his voice was tinged with bitterness as he absentmindedly touched his scar.
She wanted to cry. He was essentially alone, most of the time living friendless. It made her feel horrible that she hadn't come to visit him much in the last five years since his coronation.
What was worse is that he still had this false image about himself. "I've been thinking allot about what you asked me at the beginning of summer." She sat hugging her knees.
"About what?" He didn't look at her, but he was silently thankful she'd shifted the topic.
"About the Spirit Water." She glanced at him, trying to gage his reaction.
Zuko stiffened. He was hoping she would've forgotten. He was throughly embarrassed and ashamed by what he'd said. He'd never let anyone see that part of himself, not even his Uncle. With everything that had gone on he'd managed to push that moment of weakness out of his mind. Or at least he'd locked it away for a time. He rested his arms on his legs and stared out over the water.
She sat up on her knees to be face to face with him. He couldn't take the look in her eyes, a mixture of compassion and something else. Was it pity? By his ancestors, he hoped not.
"I had no idea that it bothered you this much, or that you'd been thinking so much about it." she paused to let her words sink in. "Don't you realize that your friends no longer even see the scar? We only see you." Her voice was full of kindness and she forced it not to crack.
Zuko tried to turn his scar away from her penetrating gaze.
She wouldn't let him recoil within himself. She placed a hand on his scarred cheek – like she'd done many years ago in that crystal prison – and turned his head so he would face her. She continued only when his eyes were once again locked on hers. "You are who you are. We've all had difficult pasts, and we've had things happen to us that we wish never happened, but the truth is that those things are what makes us who we are today." 'And I love the man you've become.'
She removed her hand from his face but he could still feel its warmth. He watched her fingers as they touched the blue pendant hanging on her neck. He flashed back to her original angry words to him so long ago, and how much they still hurt.
He sucked in a breath. "Thank you." his response was sincere but distant. "I appreciate what you're saying, but I don't think you understand what this scar really means to me." he stood and walked a few paces away from her.
"Then please Zuko, explain it to me!" she pleaded, pounding a fist into the grass. He was showing shades of the former prince, cold and angry. It made her shiver a little with the memories.
Zuko was still turned away from her, it was easier to get the words out that way. He was on the verge of breaking and he knew it. "I was always thought of as a failure by my own Father. He prized Azula over me. But it didn't matter to me, I still did everything to please him. Even after I was burned and banished I held out hope I could return home and he would love me like I always thought he would. It's what fueled me. When I finally did return it was all wrong. It was then that I realized that he never loved me, he couldn't love me."
Silent tears rolled down Katara's cheeks but she took no heed of them.
"The only people who truly loved me were gone. My Mother, who I thought for so many years was dead, had left me. My Uncle, who knew me better than anyone, I had betrayed." he turned to look at her meaningfully. "Betrayals were what I was best at." he saw her shake her head but he continued. "This scar became a reminder of everything wrong in my life. Even after I realized what a horrible, hurtful person I'd been, and tried to better myself, it was still there as a reminder. Not only for me, but for everyone else who looked at me. It's a daily reminder of my Nation's atrocities, forced onto the world by my forefathers. A permanent stain."
"Oh Zuko." Katara covered her mouth with her hand to hold in the sobs. Her shoulders shook as the tears flowed.
Zuko looked down at her. Her anguish over his hurt snapped him out of his self pity. He walked back over and knelt in front of her. "Please don't cry for me. I don't deserve sympathy."
She shook her head again. "Your Father was so wrong. You deserve all of the love in the world." Her eyes locked on to his as she tried to wipe the traces from her cheeks. "And at least one of us has to cry." she gave him a shaky smile.
He took her hand and kissed it, unable to further express what he was feeling. He stood, pulling her up by the hand he held. They both were silent as they let the sounds of the oasis carry away the unspoken words.
Katara's tears subsided and they both smiled at each other. Zuko got a better grip on her hand an glanced at the crystal clear pool and back at her. She giggled and they both dashed to the cool water and jumped in.
A/N: Boop! Boop! Long chapter alert! XD I was rewriting the beginning of this chapter and the whole 'bending the ocean' part flowed out of me. I liked it so much I couldn't cut it out. Even though it made this chapter LONG.
Chapter Song: Soulmate by Natasha Bedingfield
