Hi All,

Thanks for the reviews and giving this story a chance. I think the next part is the last. I have the final scene in mind but need to write it all. School, work and college start next week so I'll do my best:-) Please review. I do so love a review. Apparently the pleasure part of our brains (well it's definitely a part of our brain) responds to likes on Facebook etc. I think it also responds to reviews:-$

Thanks, Tab xx

Chapter 4

'I'm sorry Jo, you said you wanted to talk and then Dawson got here and I just...'

'It's ok,' she said but led him up the stairs in silence.

'I'm beginning to freak out here Jo,' Pacey stated. 'Is it me? Did I do something?'

'Why do you always think it's you? It's nearly never you. And I know how lucky I am to be able to say that.'

'Then what is it? You've not been yourself for a couple of weeks. Not since Dawson got in touch,' Pacey stared at her and the blood drained from his face. 'Is it Dawson? Oh my god it is, isn't it? Am I really the fool and..and...'

'Shut up Pace,' Joey rolled her eyes. 'Before you do make me cross...'

'It's just the timing and everything...stranger things have happened than old feelings stirring up at the reappearance of an old love and...'

'You mean stranger than unprotected sex resulting in a pregnancy?' she asked with a tilt of her head and her hands on her hips.

'Huh?' he frowned, 'what? Who's pregnant? Is Alice pregnant? Oh my god I'm going to kill that Greyson kid...'

'Little closer to home than that Pace,' her voice was heavy with innuendo and gravitas.

'Oh,' he stated and then his eyes widened, 'oh!'

'I'm sorry,' she said the words and then promptly burst into tears. 'It must have been that night...'

'There are a lot of nights...'

'Not so many that end in you going "oops."'

'Oh...' his face fell, 'that night.'

'Yeah, that night.'

'Are you sure?' he asked.

'I went to the doctor the morning Dawson called. I guess the timing does work for your whole ridiculous Dawson theory,' she wiped at her eyes and then was being pressed against his firm chest, his arms around her.

'So how many weeks are you?'

'Seven I guess, seven and three days.'

'So it's teeny, tiny?'

'Teeny, tiny,' she agreed, as he put a little space between the and gave her a warm smile,

'I love our family Jo. I love you. I'm so, so, so relieved that we have this life together. I can face the tough stuff because I have you. But your happiness matters. More than anything in the world. You know I will happily father as many babies as we have or..want to have. I love their soft noises and getting to know them. All of that. But I also know we have a family, the kids are older and things are different now. Do you know what you want?'

'Me?' she swiped at tears, 'I can't imagine not having this baby. I know our other children and not having this one...it's like I can't separate it from its brothers and sisters.'

'It's small, and really it isn't a being yet. If you thought that's what you wanted...'

'Is that what you want? Me to have an abortion?' she stared at him.

'Me?' Pacey pursed his lips and shook his head, 'no. I'm already imagining turning the little room at the front into a nursery. I've already started going through girls and boys names and have a top three of each...'

'I told you all of three minutes ago,' she stated and he laughed softly,

'Boy Owen, Adam or Jake if we wanna stick on the J theme. Girl, well it's gotta be a vowel, so Ella, Oren or Iona.'

'You're a strange man,' she whispered but then smiled. 'You really thought all that in the last few minutes?'

'Yep. We'd need to change the lighting in the small room, and maybe get a new carpet. If I reorganized the closet there'd be much better storage. The older kids could help. And if we got rid of the broken vacuum cleaner in the cupboard in the front hall then the stroller would fit there. I was thinking we'd paint the room white and maybe put some really bright curtains in there, or you know...classy but super bright.'

'Pace...slow down,' she sat on the bed and he sat beside her.

'I'm sorry. I know I'm doing that thing where I jump ahead way to quickly. I say all that but I do mean it when I say that we'll do whatever we need to do and we'll do it together. Do you want this baby?' he asked and they stared at each other for what felt like forever.

'We never considered getting rid of Josh, or Alice or any of the others,' Joey said her face serious. 'I don't really feel like that's a solution now either. I mean...it would make sense and you know I'm not against abortion...'

'You know I'm not either...'

'And it's a big responsibility to bring another life into an already crowded world. I figured if we ever had more children they'd be fostered or...'

'I know,' he nodded.

'And what if it's twins? They clearly are in our background and I'm older which increases the likelihood.'

'Come on. Twins twice? That's not gonna happen.'

'It's not?' she asked and he took her hand,

'They say that if you wanna be absolutely sure there won't be a bomb on your plane, take a bomb on your plane because statistically the chance of there being two bombs on a plane is so incredibly small...'

'Babies aren't bombs...' she said and he smiled knowingly, 'well ok...they explode from time to time...' she admitted and he laughed.

'So you want to keep the baby?' he clarified and she nodded. 'So I can be happy now?'

'Yes,' she nodded again and he smiled widely before squeezing her tightly against him and kissing her neck where his face was buried.

'I am happy.'

'Even if it sets back the "just you and me" time.'

'Meh, we've always managed to find just you and me time.'

'Obviously,' she rolled her eyes, 'probably why I'm always falling pregnant.'

'I think that instead of focussing on all the times I get you pregnant we should focus on all the times I haven't got you pregnant. I mean there must be thousands and thousands, maybe even hundreds of thousands of times when we've had sex and I haven't got you pregnant. Compared to the four times I have, I would say statistically I'm extremely good at not getting you pregnant,' he smiled and she felt her lips twitching.

'So really you're looking for congratulations on your ability to have sex with me and not impregnate me?' she asked, 'when I'm telling you I'm pregnant?'

'I said oops,' he defended and laughed as she threw herself at him, tickling his sides. 'Joey...jo...' He tried to escape her insistent hands, especially when she shoved them down the back of his pants. 'You wanna go there?' he asked and in an attempt at self defence tickled her sides.

'Pacey,' she half screeched, laughing. He had always been better at tickling her than the other way round, especially when he rolled onto his back trapping her hands down the back of his pants, 'please...uncle...' she gasped between laughing.

'I win,' he smiled and then they were kissing, Joey successfully tugging her hands free and pushing them into his hair. 'I love you,' he told her, rolling them over so his hand could play over her stomach.

'I'll have more stretch marks...' she pouted and he laughed,

'I can't even see them,' he rolled his eyes, 'I think you're perfect and I love everything that tells the story of you and I.'

'My stretch marks don't tell any story,' she muttered.

'They do,' he insisted, sliding down the bed and kissing her belly, trailing a finger along a silvery line on her flat stomach.

'Don't get me started on my belly button - it's such a mess.'

'I love it,' he pressed a warm kiss there.

'You have always been strangely obsessed with my body.'

'Nothing strange about loving how wonderful and insanely clever it is. I swear I should have been an obstetrician because I find it really, really awesome.'

'Just be a dad for the fifth time,' she muttered. 'And I still count the twins as getting me pregnant twice, so that is five times. Makes your statistics a little worse.'

'But that was one pregnancy!'

'Two separate sacs yada, yada. Two pregnancies!'

'Now you're being picky,' he muttered but was clearly in a wonderful mood as he pressed kisses along her stomach, and began to nose up her shirt.

'Don't start something,' she warned.

'But it would improve my rate of not getting you pregnant,' he teased breathing warm air against her boob through the material of her bra.

'I don't want sex with everyone down stairs waiting for us.'

'Not even really quick, passionate, I love you sex?' he drew her nipple into his mouth through the material and she moaned.

'No,' she insisted.

'I'll make it good,' he promised, 'it can be all about you.'

'All about me, huh?' she gave him a look.

'You always say it's best if we come together,' he nuzzled his face into her cleavage. 'Please Jo...'

'Quick and all about me,' she reminded him and he grinned, the smile that made her happy.

Present Day - Boston - Joey and Pacey's House

'Do you think they're ok?' Dawson asked with a worried frown.

'Hmm yeah,' Jen nodded and smirked.

'What she means by that is if they argued, and that's an if, they usually...make up after..'

'Oh,' Dawson blushed, 'oh ok. What do you think was wrong?'

'With Joey it's always hard to say. She doesn't usually hold back if she's mad so she probably wasn't mad, maybe something happened...something to do with her next book or one of the kids. She doesn't do well sitting with a problem. Pacey's been insisting that something's up for the last couple of weeks or so,' Jack explained.

'You don't think I've caused a problem?' Dawson asked and even though he sounded worried there was a hint of something else just nudging at the edges of the question.

'No,' Jen laughed somewhat dismissively. 'I think the timing is coincidental,' she then bit her lip and Jack narrowed his eyes,

'You know!' he accused. 'You've been shifty whenever Pace brought it up and when Alice asked you if you thought her mom was ok and even when I said something.'

'So what if I do?' Jen defended. 'She's my best friend.'

'Well she's mine too,' Jack huffed.

'Well I'm a girl...'

'So it's something female,' Jack pounced faster than a spitting cobra, landing on the little gem of information with a gleeful smile.

'I didn't say...'

'Oh but you did,' he took a victorious slurp of coffee, and then bit into a chocolate croissant.

'No...'

'Period problems?' Jack asked and then leaned forward, 'boob enhancement? Boob reduction? Birth control...is she making Pace get a vasectomy? Or having that implant thing? Or a baby. Oh my god she's pregnant,' Jack slumped back in his chair the croissant falling to his plate and his coffee spilling as he abruptly dropped it into the table.

'No, I didn't say...' Jen hastened to dismiss the suggestion but Jack was shaking his head,

'You didn't have to, I'm an idiot. She's always the same when she finds out. Nauseous, off her food,' he gestured to Joey's half eaten toast, 'quiet, kinda sad but then always calm...and she wasn't drinking. She said she was driving, you know at the premiere but...'

'You mean Joey's pregn...' Dawson began.

'Jack shut up,' Jen was flushed and wide eyed,

'I'm so right, aren't I? Pace, he didn't even think it might be that...he kept focussing on the timing of it all and the kids and it is a kid just...one that isn't born yet...oh my god, that's amazing news!'

'Jack,' Jen kicked him and he winced and rubbed his leg.

'Jen,' he grumbled and looked at her face which was set angrily. 'Oh,' his eyes flicked between her and Dawson, 'God why do I always do this?' he muttered.

'Because you're as subtle as a brick wall,' Jen sighed heavily. 'Well god, we can't let them know we all know!' she threw up her hands.

'I can't lie. Maybe to Pace but Joey, she sees right through me,' Jack flustered picking his chocolate croissant remnants up off the floor.

'Yeah because you've kept all Joey's surprises for Pace so secret over the years...'

'In my defence I didn't tell him what was happening...'

'Just smiled like an idiot so he knew it was something...'

'This time I won't,' Jack defended as they heard Pacey and Joey heading back to the kitchen, Pacey catching Joey from behind in the doorway and whispering something into her ear which caused her to smile and kiss him before flushing as they returned to the table, whereupon Jack looked away, desperately trying to hide his smile.

'You're kidding me right?' Joey looked at Jen and shook her head with wide eyes.

'He guessed...'

'Guessed! How did he guess?' Joey shot a glance at Dawson and then back to Jen.

'I said you were my best friend and he said you were his too, and then I said I was a girl and...'

'And he guessed,' Joey stated. 'Ugh, so you all know and my kids don't?'

'Sort of,' Jack smiled.

'Awesome. You know I'm only seven weeks? I haven't had a scan and just about anything might be wrong...and I'm not telling my kids until I know nothing is so you have to learn to keep a secret. I mean I might lose this baby still...'

'I'm sorry Jo,' Jen winced.

'God, it is just you guys,' she relented, 'and I guess Pace probably knew before Jack...'

'Course I did,' Pacey wrapped his hand around hers, positioning his chair as close to hers as he possibly could, 'I did,' he said again his lips finding the warm skin of her neck.

'That,' Jen gestured to Pacey and Joey, 'is how we found out she was pregnant with Alice. Pacey apparently can't give her any space. It was the same with Josh too and the twins of course, he was especially clingy then. It killed him when Jo banished him to the couch.'

'Why did she banish him?' Dawson asked with a frown.

'Because it was twins,' Joey smirked, visibly lighter than she had been before she'd told Pacey. 'I couldn't imagine how I'd cope. Josh was five, Alice was three and it was twins.'

'I dared to knock her up twice in one go,' Pacey chuckled.

'And I was completely terrified.'

'This is how I like to spend Joey's pregnancies,' Pacey gestured to their proximity. 'So that's another reason it can't be twins. Fate wouldn't be that cruel.'

'Can we congratulate you?' Dawson asked.

'Not until scans and tests and all of that,' Joey stated a little tightly.

'Ok,' Dawson nodded. 'But it's good news right?'

'It's always good news,' Pacey answered easily smiling.

'Well...it's unexpected...'

'Sure,' Jen smirked, 'because when they say oops during kinky time it's a good thing.'

'You told her?' Pacey gave Joey a wounded look.

'Of course I told her. You said "oops."'

'So you were worried?' his expression softened.

'I knew I could get pregnant,' Joey admitted but then looked down, 'but it was the very end of my period, and I'm thirty six and the chances were just so small. I had that meeting all day and then I had to collect Edie and Jay and we were meant to be seeing your parents. I know there are tablets you can take but Jen and I both thought it so unlikely and...'

'God Jo, I don't care,' he shook his head. 'You're my wife and I love you and we're not broke and nineteen any more. I love babies. I love kids.'

'Good,' she appeared to be appeased and sunk into his side.

'You guys are so...so...' Dawson was staring at them, a smile on his face that seemed almost sincere,

'So what?'

'You're just so calm. You have four kids. The youngest are twelve and you find out you're pregnant and you're so rational...so wonderfully together over it...'

'You've been listening to them right? You can't control life, you just gotta go with it.'

'What happened after Josh was born? Was it easy?'

'Easy?' Joey asked with amusement. 'No, it wasn't easy.'

'Oh don't listen to her, Josh was a dream,' Jen rolled her eyes.

'She wasn't there during the night,' Joey defended.

'But I know he didn't cry like Amy does. Not for hours,' Jen pointed out and Joey gave a concessionary huff,

'Well ok.'

'That baby woke them up for six weeks straight and then he slept, every night, all night,' Jack explained. 'We had parties, gatherings, study parties, all sorts and that baby slept.'

'Really?' Dawson frowned.

'Well...'

Seventeen years earlier - Boston - Joey and Pacey's apartment

'Why won't he stop crying?' Joey covered her head as Pacey cuddled the baby and bobbed up and down.

'I don't know,' he said. 'Maybe he's hungry?'

'But I just fed him. I'm always feeding him. How can he be hungry?' she sighed and dropped to her side.

'You're tired baby,' Pacey sat beside her and rubbed her arm. 'It's normal.'

'And I'm sad,' she admitted, as tears streamed from her eyes.

'I know, I know, and it's all normal. If you don't feel better we'll go see the doctor.'

'I might feel better if I could sleep,' she mumbled sitting up and taking the baby, shifting her shirt aside and allowing him to feed.

'If you wanna express I can get up in the night with him?'

'Really?' she looked at him with large teary eyes and he nodded,

'Yes really. Look feed him now, express and then go to bed.'

'Everything has just happened so fast. One minute I was sat with Jack and then minutes later he was here. I love him, I mean I love him in this fierce way I just never really got before...but then we were in hospital and since then it's been this. Feed and cry, feed and cry. How will I ever go back to school in January? I must have been crazy.'

'Jo, baby's they grow and change so quickly...this might last a week or two, or tomorrow he may just sleep. Remember they said he was still nocturnal.'

'I remember,' she handed the baby to Pacey who changed his diaper in silence and then handed him back. As she fed him from the other side, he cleaned up.

'This is the hardest bit Jo. You gotta remember that we don't know this little guy. We made him but we don't know him, and it's gonna take time. The thing we do know is that we love him and we love each other. There's no reason this relationship won't be good once we understand what this little guy is all about.'

'You're probably right,' she sighed as she looked down at the tiny baby, his mouth all puckered up in a pout from feeding and his eyes closed, his fuzz of dark hair soft and curling. 'God he's so beautiful.'

'He is absolutely amazing,' Pacey agreed watching the baby snooze and smiling as he startled in his sleep, his little limbs tensing up and then relaxing back into sleep. 'Should we try shifting him into his Moses basket? Then you can express in bed and according to that very helpful nurse just leave the bottle by the bed for me to feed him.'

'Let's try, but if tonight is anything like last night he'll be up in an hour for a party.'

'Hey, we brought the party to him today. Jen and Jack were here, and Audrey and Charlie, we made lots of noise and kept it light. Hopefully the little guy will get the message.'

'Hopefully,' Joey sniffed and so Pacey carefully scooped up the infant and laid him in his basket, then carried the basket through to the bedroom. A minute later he was back and holding out his hand,

'I'd carry you too but I think I might hurt you.'

'You would,' she took his hand, 'I hurt just everywhere,' she pouted. 'And I feel disgusting.'

'You want me to run you a bath?'

'I want you to tell me I'm not disgusting,' her pout grew and was accompanied by a frown.

'Of course you're not,' he rolled his eyes.

'Then run me a bath in the morning before you have work.'

'I will. I'm sorry I can't take more time off. It's all so sketchy at work at the moment.'

'I know and I understand. It's ok. I'll be fine,' she said and then began to cry again.

'Aw hun,' he kissed her softly. 'Maybe Jen...'

'No school starts tomorrow. They both have class.'

'I won't go in Jo,' he promised hastily as she squirted toothpaste on her brush and tiredly brushed her teeth.

'You have to,' she attempted around her toothbrush. 'Can't get fired...'

'I know but I hate leaving you. I hate it,' he stared at her as she finished brushing watching as she spat in the sink,

'And that's why I love you. Go. I'll be ok.'

'I will be home as soon as I can.'

'I know,' she impulsively stepped up and hugged him tight. 'I'm sorry I'm no help. I'm sorry I keep crying.'

'Don't apologize,' he kissed her head, 'go express and sleep.'

'Ok.'

Pacey brushed his teeth and headed in to the bedroom where Joey was expressing.

'Don't look. I look like a cow.'

'You do not,' Pacey nudged her and then picked up the book they were reading, Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston and began to read to her in soft, low tones. It took him a good ten minutes to realize she had fallen asleep the expresser and the small bottle of milk in in her slack hand, her shirt still up. Smiling at the sight he put the small bottle of milk with the teat on beside his bed. Gently he pulled her top down and snuggled into the bed with her closing his eyes for what felt like five minutes before he was opening them again.

Seventeen Years Earlier - Boston - Joey and Pacey's Apartment - the next day

'I can't believe he called you,' Joey stated staring at her sister and Bodie. Bodie was holding Josh and smiling at the infant as Bessie stared moodily at the wall. Alex sat next to her staring at Sesame Street on the television.

'He should have called us the minute it happened,' Bessie huffed.

'You made your feelings pretty clear,' Joey could huff just as well as her sister. 'You haven't called me back in four months. Why does his birth mean alls forgiven?'

'All is most definitely not forgiven,' Bessie hissed.

'Bessie you're not being fair,' Bodie frowned.

'Fair? I'm not being fair?' Bessie half shouted but then lowered her voice, 'she,' wild pointing at Joey, 'put us through a lot to get her to this prestigious college. She...she judged my situation and...'

'I worked my ass off for all of us same as you Bessie. I worked at the Ice house when I should have been studying. I helped support you and Alex in Junior year pumping gas instead of studying... I have never shied away from making a bed or cleaning a toilet. I don't have to like it but don't pretend that you made a special concession for me where work was concerned. You didn't and I still made it here.'

'You stormed around the place like a moody teenager half the time...'

'I was a moody teenager,' Joey yelled, 'and the last time I checked you weren't my mother. I told you the truth. Josh was an accident. We messed up and we didn't mean to, same as you. And we're dealing with it, same as you. You're not fair to hold me to different standards than the ones you set for yourself.'

'If I hold you to different standards it's only because you've always done the same.'

'That's not true Bes,' Bodie told her, 'and the way I see it she hasn't screwed anything up. Look at the baby...look at their place... Imagine Joey disowned you when we got pregnant with Alex...'

'I'm not disowning her,' Bessie snarked, 'I'm mad.'

'Feels kind of the same. You don't think I've needed you these last few months? You don't think it would have meant a lot to be able to ask my sister questions? We've had nobody except our teenage friends to support us. Pacey's family are awful, except maybe Gretchen. They have cut him off completely and you've been no better.'

'God, I'm sorry,' Bessie covered her face with her hands. 'To be no better than them, I'm sorry. I've just been so...'

'Disappointed?' Joey asked bitterly.

'Yes,' Bessie admitted.

'Well I'm sorry I disappointed you,' she muttered darkly taking the fussing baby from Bodie and positioning him under her shirt.

'What did you honestly expect? That I'd be jumping for joy? That I'd be happy? This was a mistake Joey. You did mess up.'

'I know,' Joey admitted swiping at a tear. 'But normally when you mess up family doesn't completely abandon you.'

'That was wrong,' Bodie shot a look at Bessie.

'It was,' she admitted with difficulty. 'I love you Joey. A lot. You're more than my little sister and I know...I really know how hard this is.'

'He never stops feeding,' Joey admitted, 'and he doesn't want to sleep. Or he does but he wakes up like he's in pain and I think it's wind but I can't seem to get rid of it.'

'Well we can help with that. Let Bodie wind him when he's finished feeding. He always was the one to calm Alex down.'

'If I could just get some sleep it wouldn't be so bad...'

'Well that's why it's tough because that baby won't sleep until he's ready to. All you can do is facilitate sleep and encourage it without providing too many things he needs to sleep. Then relax about it because the stress of trying so hard makes it all worse.'

'Ok,' Joey nodded still staring warily at her sister.

'He's a beautiful baby,' Bessie offered.

'He's really sweet too,' Joey stared at her child and felt the same surge of love. 'He lies between us in the evenings and just sort of looks at us, like a little alien.'

'And how are you and Pacey?'

'We're good. I mean we don't have much time but we're still good. He's amazing with Josh. Really sweet and caring and I swear even though he's little he calms when he hears Pace. He's good with me too. He cooks and he even picks up.'

'You're not arguing?'

'No Bess, we're not arguing.'

'Sometimes it happens. People are tired...there are new insecurities that come with having a baby you know?'

'I know. Pace is really sweet to me. He got me this,' she held out her right hand and showed her sister a ring with inlaid diamonds.

'Wow...don't you think it's a little irresponsible to be spending money on diamonds...'

'No, I don't think it's irresponsible to spend fifty bucks on a silver ring with cubics zirconia to let your girlfriend know they mean the world to you, especially after they have your son after less than fifteen minutes of labour, unassisted, at home with your best friend catching the baby. I think it's entirely responsible. He told me he would have got me diamonds and gold but he knew I wouldn't want that and so he wanted this to mean the same and you know what? It means more.'

'What do you mean you had the baby in fifteen minutes?'

'I was sat here with Jack, because my irresponsible boyfriend didn't want me alone. I had a massive pain in my stomach, vomited repeatedly and I felt the baby moving through me. Jack managed to get through to 911 but had to catch Josh less than five minutes later. He called Pace, sterilized one of our food bag clips and scissors and cut the cord.'

'Were you ok?'

'Not really,' Joey sighed, 'I mean obviously I am but I was in hospital for a few days. I had a blood transfusion and a couple of tiny stitches. I was lucky.'

'Why didn't he call?' Bessie asked faintly.

'He did. He left a message. You never returned his call,' Joey handed the baby to Bodie.

'This baby is milk drunk,' Bodie smiled picking up Josh's arm and watching it fall like a rag dolls.

'I'll change his diaper, that usually does it.'

'I'll do it,' Bodie pulled the change bag from beside the couch and laid out the mat.

'I'm sorry Joey. I.. I got mad and let it get the better of me. I wanted, desperately, for life to be easier for you than it was for me.'

'You don't have a bad life though Bes. I don't look at you and think I wouldn't want to be like you. You have a boyfriend who loves you, a cute kid, a successful business. Sure you've had to work hard and you had me, but really your life is something I could easily aspire to.'

'Really?' Bessie looked younger than normal and Joey nodded.

'I know it's not going to be easy but if I manage things like you, well, I'm not all that worried.'

'Thank you Joey.'

'No, thank you. You didn't just bring me up Bes, you did it well. This isn't the end...it's just the start of something different. You've shown me it doesn't need to be bad or awful.'

'I hope...I just...I was older than you...'

'Pacey loves her. Capesides worst kept secret is his absolute adoration. You knew,' Bodie reminded her.

'True.'

'They're gonna be fine,' Bodie said and then grinned as the baby burped.

'Show me,' Joey demanded.

Sixteen years and ten and a half months earlier - Boston - Joey and Pacey's Apartment

Joey awoke with a startle sitting bolt upright in bed and gathering her wits about her in her disorientation. She let out a small gasp and noted her wet tshirt and instantly looked to the baby beside her who was looking up at her, apparently awake. She smiled and then he smiled. Looking at the clock she was surprised to see it was six in the morning.

'Are you hungry baby?' she asked and scooped up the infant.

'What's happening?' Pacey rolled over and looked at them in confusion, looking wonderfully well rested and for the first time in six weeks, his age.

'He slept,' Joey couldn't help but smile. 'From nine last night until now.'

'What time is it?' he sat up and rubbed his eyes and then looked at the clock. 'Wow, six! Awesome job Josh,' he let the baby grasp his finger as he greedily guzzled milk.

'I leaked everywhere so please don't stare,' she flushed in embarrassment as Pacey appraised her.

'Don't be crazy Jo. I don't care about wet tshirts. In fact I like them on you,' he teased but she wasn't in the mood,

'I mind Pace,' she tried to cover herself.

'Why?' he frowned.

'Because I'm nineteen. Because you're nineteen!'

'And?'

'And I'm meant to be hot. I'm meant to have good tits and a flat stomach and be having sex with you in the morning not feeding a baby under a milk soaked shirt with her still slightly pregnant looking stomach which has stretch marks on it,' she turned in the bed, away from him.

'Jo...are you serious?' Pacey lithely shifted over the bed until he was sat at her feet so he could see her.

'Of course I'm serious. I hate being like this.'

'You just had a baby,' he took her hand.

'I know and now I'm a mom. I'm not your hot girlfriend, I'm his mom.'

'You know you can be both,' he told her gently.

'Not when I feel like this,' she looked away. 'All I do is sit with him sucking on my breast...it's like I'm a milk machine and nothing else.'

'That won't be forever. He slept last night. For nine hours. Nine freaking hours Jo! That's amazing. This kid is six weeks old and he slept for nine hours.'

'Was it really nine hours?'

'It really was,' he told her, 'hence the milk on your shirt which I honestly don't mind.'

'Maybe you should,' she whispered.

'Should what?'

'Mind.'

'What's this about Jo?'

'We haven't had sex in two months. I'm leaking milk from my chest. I haven't shaved my legs or anywhere in more than two months. I'm disgusting. You haven't even made a move. I know when someone no longer finds someone attractive...it's not even your fault...'

'Joey, Jo,' his voice was soft and intimate, and he reached across and took the baby. 'I want you.'

'You don't. You don't kiss me like you used to, you don't try and touch me...'

'I haven't wanted to pressure you but I have wanted to kiss and touch you...'

'Why would it be pressure?' she asked swiping at a tear.

'Because you just pushed a baby out of there. The baby cries and needs you and I figured you didn't want me needing you too...'

'It feels terrible when I don't think you need me at all,' she admitted.

'Then don't feel terrible. I need you. I need to be close to you, to kiss you, to hold you. If you wanna know the truth I'm desperate for you. Every time I look at you I want you but that's not what I need to be loading onto you right now. As desperate as I am for you it isn't right for me to overwhelm you with my pervy needs.'

'Maybe I want to be overwhelmed with them. I mean not all the time but when Josh is sleeping, when we have a moment, maybe I want you to touch me. I don't feel like me anymore. I feel like I'm this feeding machine, this mom and there's hardly any Joey left. I want to be me again, to feel like only you make me feel.'

'Well,' Pacey edged nearer, 'looks like the little man is all tuckered out from his food,' he gently picked up the baby and laid him in his basket, 'almost to big for this as well. Maybe it's time he went into his nursery.'

'Maybe,' she stared at him, clearly apprehensive.

'Jo,' he sat beside her and leaned a little close.

'I'm nervous,' she admitted.

'So we start with a kiss,' he told her, brushing the hair from her face.

'A kiss?'

'Yeah,' and he pressed his lips gently to hers.

'I haven't brushed or...'

'I don't care,' he threaded his hand through her hair and caught her mouth again with his, a much deeper and more ardent kiss. He kissed her until he felt her let go and kiss him back.

'A kiss was good,' she whispered staring at him from under heavy lids.

'A kiss was great,' he agreed.

'I should shower,' she said and he pouted but nodded,

'Good idea while the kiddo sleeps.'

'You wanna come with me?' she gave him a look, a look he knew well.

'Hell yeah,' he stated and then flushed, 'I mean sure...why not...'

'I love that you said hell yeah,' she smiled. 'Don't look at anything that wobbles.'

'Like I fucking care about wobbles if you even had any,' his voice was deep and sexy, and the look in his eye told her it was true, before his lips crashed onto hers. He was less careful this time, more needy and she loved it because it gave her confidence. He half carried her to the bathroom and stripped off the old baggy tshirt of his that she wore to bed and his hands were everywhere just like she needed. She didn't even notice him turn on the shower but then they were in it together, the warm water beating down on them. All at once he stilled, his warm breath on her neck, his breathing deep.

'Pace,' she half pleaded.

'You'll say if I hurt you?' he asked and she nodded as he dropped to his knees, 'let's start with a kiss,' he whispered.

Present Day - Boston - Joey and Pacey's house

'So what about your family Pace?' Dawson asked. 'I'm not surprised Bessie turned up, though a little surprised it took her so long.'

'She's made up for it since,' Joey admitted, 'she's done a lot of babysitting and had the kids for weekends at a time.'

'Alex must be twenty one now?'

'Yeah. He's in his last year at NYU. English is his major but he plans to join the police force.'

'Wow! Go Alex.'

'He's an awesome kid. Rebecca is Alice's age - they're really close,' Pacey put in.

'So how did things change with your family Pace?'

'Doug,' Pacey answered simply. 'We had a horrible week when I lost my job. In that week I was grumpy and angry and a complete screw up. Jack kicked my ass. By the middle of the next week both Joey and I had jobs. Mine was better than the one I lost. Hers was a filing clerk at a publishing company. Two shifts a week, each for four hours.'

Sixteen years and nine months ago - Boston - Joey and Pacey's Apartment

Someone was banging on the door and Joey hurried through the apartment to answer it hoping desperately that they wouldn't wake the baby. She opened the door and started in surprise,

'Doug?'

'Hi,' he shifted from one foot to the other. 'So Pacey called Gretchen. He, uh, asked if she could pop over and see you today. Said you wanted a little company only Gretchen has to work and so she called me and...well here I am.'

'There you are,' her eyes narrowed.

'You look amazing,' he offered taking in her skirt and shirt, her long hair braided, her stomach back to normal, a fact she was infinitely thankful for.

'Today I happen to be feeling pretty good,' she admitted hoping he wouldn't see the blush staining her cheeks. Josh had been sleeping from eight until six thirty for the last couple of weeks and she felt like a new person. She and Pacey had time again and were behaving more like nineteen year olds in love again which made her feel blissfully happy. She enjoyed being his sexy girlfriend again as well as a mom. She felt nineteen - responsible, but nineteen.

'Pacey said to Gretchen that you uh...needed company?'

'I'm going back to start working part time next week. Grams has taken Josh a couple of times but she's away from now until Sunday. I wanted to do a trial run for both Josh and me of a full four hours. That's what it will be. I needed someone to take the baby for four hours.'

'Oh,' Doug nodded.

'Yeah oh. Don't worry. I'm sure it'll be ok...'

'I'll take the baby,' Doug offered.

'I'm afraid I can't let you do that,' she flushed a little and moved to put on some coffee.

'You can't?' Doug asked confused. 'You need a sitter and I'm here. I'm more than happy to take my nephew.'

'I meant I won't let you,' she admitted as a cry from Josh's nursery echoed in the apartment. 'I'll be back in a sec,' she said with a weak smile and went to the baby's nursery returning with the baby in her arms.

'Wow, he's big,' Doug stared at the baby who stared back with large hazel eyes.

'He's just over three months old you know,' she flicked the switch on the coffee maker.

'I know,' Doug nodded.

'Really? Because it seems only Gretchen acknowledged his birth.'

'I deserve that.'

'You deserve worse than that.'

'Is that why you won't let me look after him?'

'No,' she shook her head. 'I won't let you because you call his father a loser and a screw up. I won't let you because I don't want my child around that kind of negativity even if he is just a baby.'

'You don't trust me to be nice to your baby?' Doug sounded offended but Joey's stance hardened,

'Why would I when you're not nice to his father?'

'I... I...'

'I don't know how Pacey has ended up as kind and loving as he is, but I do know that his family can't take credit for it.'

'Maybe I want to change,' Doug stated.

'When we came to see you, to tell you I was pregnant you mocked him. Asked me if I was, and I'm quoting you here, "still with this loser." You're not very nice.'

'When you told us...the truth is I was relieved. I was relieved that Pacey was going to be the one dad could heap the criticism and hate on.'

'Wow, and you say you want to change...'

'Joey I have a secret,' Doug admitted and all at once his face crumpled, and he covered it with his hands.

'Doug?' Joey stared uncertainly at the man crying in her living room.

'I've just done the same thing as dad my whole life - pick on Pacey. I don't even have to think about it - call him a loser, put him down, make fun of him. Anything and everything to keep dad's negative and vicious streak away from me.'

'You mean you do it deliberately? You target him to make sure your dad doesn't look at you? That's just horrible.'

'I'm scared Joey. I've lived my whole life with this secret and it's just grown bigger and bigger, and the fear that I'll be rejected, that I'll be beaten...'

'Has justified subjecting someone else to that?'

'They love Pacey. They're shit at showing it and they treat him badly but they do love him... My secret...I just...I don't think they'd want to know me anymore... I don't think they'd love me anymore...I fear my father's reaction might be physically and emotionally more than I can take...'

'What is it?' Joey sat beside him and unable to see someone in pain like he so obviously was, put a hand in her shoulder.

'I've never told anyone,' he looked at her with red rimmed eyes, 'for all twenty five years of my life I've kept this secret and...I just don't know how to say...'

'Doug are you gay?' Joey wasn't sure where the question came from but it felt right.

'Yes,' he admitted and sat a little straighter.

'Doug I don't think your parents would have a problem with that. that's not to say that I can't understand why you may fear their reaction.'

'How can you say that? You know what they're like? What my dad is like. I can just imagine the horrific things he'd say.'

'He never said anything to Jack,' Joey said softly. 'When Jack came out, not long after he went fishing with Pacey and your dad, and your dad and he got on great. Your dad was an ass to Pace but he thought Jack was the best.'

'He did?'

'Yeah.'

'He uses...derogatory terms,' Doug admitted.

'I'm pretty sure there's a lot of people who use a lot of terms without recognizing the potential damage it causes. They say these terms without considering the impact or the vulnerability of people who may hear them. I constantly say God. For gods sake and such. I imagine I may offend people. Sometimes it's there in my head, this awareness and other times it isn't.'

'That's not as bad...you're not a bad person with awful morals...that's a slip not...not...'

'I know. All I'm saying is perhaps your dad isn't homophobic but uses homophobic slurs because they're easy. They shouldn't be. I'm going to tell Josh as he grows to not allow gay to be tossed at him as an insult because it isn't an insult. There isn't anything wrong with being gay and he needs to not empower it's use as an insult.'

'Is there really a difference...you know between being homophobic and using those negative slurs because they're easy?' Doug looked at her and she sighed, and handing him the baby she sank back into the couch, watching as Doug lay him on his lap and stared down at the child.

'In many ways I want to say no. People should know better and if you're not homophobic logic and reason would suggest that those terms and phrases just don't roll off your tongue. However, some people need educating. Your dad didn't strike me as someone with a fear of the unknown or even things he doesn't understand. He's a drunk, and a shitty dad at times but I don't think he's an altogether awful person. I think if you told him not to use those phrases and words and you told him why...I think he'd listen.'

'Really?'

'I think you'd be happier if you found out,' Joey admitted. 'You're in Boston now. If your worst fears are realized you don't have to live with it. You have space to find happiness with people who aren't scared of the least scary thing in the world.'

'I want to be a better brother. There were times...times when I didn't entirely suck.'

'Pacey told me about those times,' she acknowledged.

'He's loved you for a long, long time. Sometimes he'd talk to me about it.'

'It's a shame you weren't like that more often.'

'I want to be. I want to be a better brother, I want to be a good uncle. I want you to let me look after the baby. Most of all I want to be honest about who I am. I don't want to be an awful person.'

'Well then start today,' Joey said and looked at Doug, 'start by looking after Josh for me.'

'Really?' his whole face brightened.

'Really.'

Present day - Boston - Joey and Pacey's house

'Doug was the best brother and the best uncle from that day forward. And when he came out to dad,' Pacey chuckled slightly, 'well he didn't just come out as gay. He told dad to stop his derogatory bullshit with me. He told him he had a grandson and a son and they deserved him to be half decent. Doug, from Gretchen's account, was awesome. He is awesome.'

'So Doug Witter came out to you?' Dawson looked at Joey.

'I think it's a bit of a wake up call when someone won't let you be around their child. I think he had been ready to come out for a long time. Desperate to even.'

'Sorta funny that Jo helped us both out of the closet,' Jack grinned and Joey laughed loudly,

'I'd never thought of that,' she grinned, 'well look, let's go get the barbecue up and running because the house will soon be full of hungry kids.'