X791 December 14th
Light snow brushed the ground, crunching under thick metal armour with every step that the requip wizard took. The light gust of wind blew back her red hair, her armour turning colder with every moment in the winter terrain, but a fire in her eyes rested and kept her warm. She had spent the past several months wandering the wilderness, pushing her limits and growing stronger, but for every piece it strengthened her body she could feel her soul a little more broken than the day before. It had been four months since Fairy Tail had disbanded and her heart still felt heavy thinking of her old friends. She held a letter from Lucy close to her chest, a constant reminder that her nakama somewhere were thinking of her the same way she thought of them, but without their presence by her side she found it harder and harder to press on.
Although the break from the guild had been one of the most difficult of challenges to endure it wasn't devoid of its own strengths. She no longer had the watchful eye of the Counsel ready to pounce and prepare for retaliation if she was to strike against a dark guild and she only had herself to protect. She was quick to enjoy not having to worry over comrades but it took a little longer for her to realise that she missed the protectiveness and even longer for her to acknowledge that there were times when she had desperately needed them. Several terrifying moments had already passed when she wasn't sure she could pull through without an ally.
With this in mind, her first thought had been with her old companions. Even if she wasn't yet prepared to pull them into danger simply for her own sake, the more that she began to think about them the more she realised that she needed to rekindle their friendship. Lucy had been her first contact, simply because she had been the easiest to contact with her constant letters. She had been excited to see the redhead but had painted such a beautiful picture of her current life Erza was reluctant to even hint to where her travels would take her next. She admitted only that it was confidential and Lucy had enough respect to not push further. After more discussion Lucy showed her the details of where her guild-members had gone, all of the locations she had sent her letters to, but the celestial wizard had had to admit that she was starting to lose more and more contacts every day and questioned how valid her current information was. With a sadness lacing her voice she confessed that she hadn't heard one word from the dragon slayer since before Fairy Tail broke away.
Regardless of the poor information, it was this that lead Erza straight to the doorway in front of her. Erza tilted her head as she looked at the notes in her hand that had described the small village's location, the rough scribble of the door that matched almost exactly. She had found it hard to believe Lucy's words, knocking several times on the wood loudly and preparing an apology for getting the wrong address.
Juvia looked up suddenly at the sound of the knock, fearing what could be behind the door. Though they had not been unfriendly to the village that they had joined and Juvia in particular had made a point to greet every one of them and place herself into their community, there had been whispers over the dark-haired man with the unusual markings. Though Juvia had done everything she could to defend her beloved she couldn't deny that they had been afraid of him and she found herself unable to form a decent defence against their fearful whispers. While she could never fear Gray, she was terrified of the markings over his body, and worried that there would eventually be the day that villagers' fears turned into panic.
She crept the door open slowly, letting sunlight drain through their small home. Her eyes turned wide. "Erza-san?" she gasped.
Gray looked up suddenly from the name. Though he had had no interest in finding out who had been at their door, the name of one of his oldest and closest friends made him suddenly step forwards, the light glinting off his eye in a violent red before slipping into the familiar cold black.
Erza looked at them both in surprise. Though this had been exactly what Lucy had described she found it impossible to believe even now. Her mouth hung open a little longer than she had wanted it to, not only seeing the unlikely pairing living together but also because she thought she had seen something strange about Gray. It almost appeared that the shadows scurried back from his skin slower than the light hitting him. She shook the thought out of her mind, thinking it must have been her imagination. "Juvia, Gray; it's been a long time," she said politely and friendly, nodding to them both and gratefully accepting the entrance to their home.
While Juvia had been a wonderful host, both Gray and Erza had been thankful to take the opportunity to disappear back into the wilderness and away from the cramped home. The breath of fresh air had been well received by both of them, the crisp winter air washing over the pair as they walked aimlessly through the vast emptiness. Though Gray had excused them saying that he would show her around the village it had been a painfully obvious lie as there was only one merchant, one fountain and fields and fields of nothing but a thick frost and a light dusting of snow. It seemed to suit Gray quite well as a winter wonderland, curiosity gleaming in her eyes as she realised that while they had all been in Fairy Tail they had no choice but to stay within Magnolia and now it was obvious that for some 'home' meant something very different.
"It's a lovely area," she commented gently, her smile partly hidden by the steam from her breath.
Gray put his hands deep into his pockets, shrugging his shoulders. "It's alright," he admitted.
She looked at him more, realising that it seemed fitting that he wasn't even excited about a place that he had chosen himself to stay. Of course, that wasn't strictly true; if any of them had had a choice then their home would be firmly within the heart of Fairy Tail. It was almost fitting that this place seemed more like a crossroads than a home. Though she wasn't surprised by any of this, she did find herself curious of his attire. While certain that he couldn't feel the cold air the same way that she could he was draped in a thick black coat and hood, much like the kind that she had seen Jellal wear while disappearing into crowds. More than once she had seen his hands reach to the hem, try to pull it back and consciously forcing himself to keep it wrapped around himself. It must have been exhausting to fight against his instincts, she realised, though she had no idea why he was working so hard towards it now. "I hadn't expected to see Juvia here," she questioned lightly, wondering if somehow the water witch had been trying to help him through his stripping habits.
Gray rolled his eyes slightly, though it was hard to see from under his thick hood. "She just turned up one day," he grunted.
Erza stopped suddenly in her tracks, staring back at him in disbelief. "You mean you're not…?"
Gray looked at her disbelief and mixed it with some of his own, a frown of disappointment twisting through his expressions. He had thought he'd made it exceptionally clear to Erza that he had absolutely no desires in that way towards Juvia, though he had also thought he'd made that clear to Juvia too. Women just didn't seem to take these things literally. "No, we're not. She turned up and refused to leave," he snapped a little.
Erza frowned as she took a step forwards, her hands tightening into tight fists. Gray was her friend and she understood his frustrations, but Juvia was also one of her friends and right now she felt a burning desire to punch Gray straight through his pretty face. "You could have kicked her out. You should have kicked her out," she told him, a scolding tone and reprimand in her eyes. She imagined the rain woman doting over him, playing the beautiful wife waiting for him to come home, imagining the perfect life that she had always craved between the two of them. Letting her play along with her fantasy was cruel.
His eyes faded into thought, remembering the moment that Juvia had turned up on his doorstep all of those months ago. She had looked at him with those round, doting eyes but she had been drenched in her own rain. It had taken some time for her to find him, some time for her to pick up some of the pieces of her life and grow the courage to approach him and beg for forgiveness. His heart hadn't been able to refuse her then and to this day he hadn't been able to build up the courage to throw her out. "I know that…" he admitted, though it stung to say it out loud. He needed to push her out of his life, he needed to make it crystal clear that she had no place in his heart, though that wasn't exactly true. She was a friend, a painfully good friend, and it made everything so much harder.
"Then why haven't you?" Erza persisted, desperately trying to find a reason not to blame her friend or at least a reason to make the torture she wanted to inflict on him less intense.
He looked away, finding a tree stump close to them and taking a seat. It was a long time since he and Erza had met up and he expected there would be much that needed to be said, more than standing in the cold could warrant. His eyes faded once more into memories, knowing how both he and Juvia had been all of those months ago. "Just because I don't love her the same way that she loves me doesn't mean that she doesn't mean everything to me," he said, showing more compassion than he would have ever dared tell anyone. Juvia wasn't just a friend, but she wasn't quite a romantic partner either. She was a heartbreak waiting to happen and he felt completely responsible for the thousands of pieces that she would one day shatter into. It was as if their magic was infatuated with each other and he could feel the ice inside of him desperately clinging to the water aura but while she embraced it entirely he tried all he could to pull against the raw instincts. Even so, he couldn't completely break himself away.
Erza shook her head in growing anger, wanting nothing more than to shake some sense into him. "If you did love her then you wouldn't let her suffer this way," she said, seeing the same heartbreak ahead that Gray was desperately trying to put off.
Gray couldn't meet Erza's eyes, wishing that he could challenge and tell her that she wasn't suffering. He could see the happiness that was glowing from her, feel the light that she left with every step closer to him. It was the aura that made it so hard to break. "When Juvia first came here Fairy Tail had just disbanded. After everything that had happened with Tartarus and-and my father… I didn't trust myself to be alone…" he admitted, the words coming from the darkest shadows of his heart, words that he had hoped would never be spoken out loud. "I needed her, Erza. And I still do."
Erza's frown softened in surprise, realising that she was seeing a very raw and broken version of Gray in front of her. She had watched him battle the demons of his past, seen his violent screams, seen tears she should have never witnessed. There was no denying that he had come from a shattered world but she had not expected that those cracks had ran so deep into his day to day life. Fairy Tail had been a bandage to all of them. Slowly she stepped closer to him, realising that he had submerged into an uncomfortable silence and she had been in too much of a shock to say anything at first. Eventually she sat beside him, her mind pouring over the words that he had just told her and cursing herself for not coming to see him sooner. "You never told me what happened in Tartarus…" she whispered quietly, wondering how his father could have anything to do with it all.
He drew in a shaking breath, his entire body shivering as he thought back to the gates of hell and the disregard for life and death. There were many stories that he hadn't told Erza, he realised, but this was a tale that he had walked himself into. "There was a necromancer, do you remember him? The man with the skull for a head?" he began quietly.
Erza nodded hesitantly, already suspecting that this story was going to take a sour turn quickly. "I remember. Keyes. Juvia beat him while you were fighting the devil slayer… what was his name?"
Gray frowned. "Silver. His name was Silver. And he was once my father," he tried to ignore the look of horror on Erza's face but instead found himself staring into the memory of his father, tears brimming in his eyes involuntarily. "Keyes had resurrected him on the day that he had died. My father had never been alive, but he was there and he was an enemy. That was another reason why I allowed Juvia to stay," he said, thinking back to the way that she had begged his forgiveness. "In destroying Keyes Juvia had destroyed my father and she knew this as she was doing it. She thought that I would hate her, which couldn't be further from the truth, but the more that I tried to distance myself from her the more she blames herself and thinks it was because of that day."
Erza watched with wide eyed horror as Gray glossed over what she knew would be a truly traumatic situation. Though she understood why it would be difficult for him to have relived these horrors she couldn't help but feel hurt by the ignorance. She truly should have come sooner, she decided, and knew now it would not have only been for Gray's sake but also Juvia's. "I…" she stammered, not knowing how she was supposed to approach this. Though the mental scarring was clearly still fresh, it had still been several months and she knew that she was already picking apart a healing wound.
"Please, can we talk about anything else?" Gray practically begged her.
Erza closed her mouth quickly and nodded. "So… what's with the cloak?"
He visibly flinched. While she had been completely ignorant she had indivertibly barrelled headfirst straight into the conversation that he was trying to avoid, and he couldn't deter her without some explanation. Because the words were difficult and actions were easier he pulled back the hood and shoved the heavy material over his shoulders. Swirling across his lower arm the black marks zigzagged across his toned muscles, but in a moments noticed they burst into life. Quickly they raced up his arm, swarming and infecting his skin as it disappeared under his sleeveless shirt and bounded up his neck. Within seconds it had clawed across more than half of his face, submerging him into darkness and as his eyes opened, one gleamed a cold and calculating black and the other shimmered in a dangerous red.
Erza jumped up and fell backwards, pulling on her easiest sword to draw from the ether and holding it back. She shivered, her eyes wide and terrified as she wondered desperately who she had been speaking to for all of this time. Gray no longer looked human, more shadow than man and she struggled to find his familiar kindness in his one red eye. She had fought many demons in her life but none of them filled her with the fear that she had suddenly gripping her, but no one but a very select few would have ever been able to pull down her walls the same way that Gray had.
Gray noticed her extreme reaction but said nothing. Juvia had looked at him in fear the first time it had happened and it hadn't been anywhere near this extent. Even now the rain woman had to hold back her shaking when it consumed him and he had done everything in his power to be away from humanity if he could feel the darkness crawling over his skin. "A gift from my father…" he explained calmly, looking down at his own arm and trying to remember exactly how he pulled it back last time. "I'm still struggling to control it."
Erza hissed a breath of air through her teeth. "Devil Slayer magic?" she asked, finally recognising the lost magic.
Gray nodded, eventually pulling enough power back to pull it away from his face, though the black mark never once left his lower arm. "He said that with it we can defeat E.N.D. Apparently the entire time he was being controlled by Keyes he had been trying to break Tarturus from the inside. He told me that E.N.D. is a fire demon, which is why he took up ice devil slayer magic. Fitting, yes?" he said with a small smirk.
Erza didn't find it something worth smiling over. There was something about just being in the presence of such a dark magic made her skin crawl and she almost found herself forgetting that it was her best friend she was speaking to. "Slayer magic is dangerous, Gray," she scolded him. "You remember what happened to Acnologia. If you can't control it, you shouldn't be using it."
He frowned, feeling as if he was being spoken to like an ignorant child. "I understand that. Porlyusica made that very clear. But whether I use it or not this power is inside of me and growing and I need to find a way of controlling it before it controls me."
At least Gray had had the sense to seek outside help, Erza realised with a thankful sigh as she let her weapon disappear again once more. She couldn't help feeling as if her heart would break looking at Gray in this way, however, obviously stifled by the thick cloak that covered his strangeness. Things would get worse before they could get better and she hated to admit that if she was going into the mission she had planned next she simply wouldn't have the time to be by his side through it. There was something huge going on within the dark guilds and she had no idea how to break in and find out. "Please, promise me you'll stay safe," she begged him.
Slowly he stood and walked in front of her. He could tell that part of her wanted to flinch, part of her still kept her eyes on his blackened arm instead of the eyes that were staring at her. When close enough Gray lifted up her chin, forcing her to look back to his gaze. "I'm still Gray," he told her as simply as he could. "I am not letting this beat me. You know that I have a stronger will than that and I'm not giving up on this. But it is still a gift and I'm going to do what my father wished. I'm going to destroy E.N.D."
She blushed, realising that he was far closer than any normal friend possibly ought to have been, still with his fingers gently resting on her chin and leaning her mouth up toward his, even if that hadn't been the intention. "I didn't much think that the house in the countryside with the doting woman suited you…" she breathed with a slight smile on her lips.
He smiled back to her, realising how happy he was to have her back in his life. It had been painfully boring, painfully emotional and just plain painful. Erza could cool even him down, while at the same time drag him from his own self-destructive thoughts and back into sense. "I didn't much either," he admitted with a laugh as he finally pulled away, his eyes sparkling with new interest. "You haven't told me why you're here yet."
"Do I need a reason to be here?" she asked with a shrug, knowing that seeing her friend had been more than enough reason to come. She would have possibly been angrier at him if she hadn't herself understood what the burning loneliness could do, even if fully believing that you were strong enough to take it. "I happened to be on a mission that would take me away for quite some time. I thought that I would make sure that I caught up with everyone before I went."
"Oh." He had been disappointed. He had really hoped that this would be the start of something more consistent and almost felt as if he wanted to beg her to stay with him. Not that he would ever admit such affection or weakness, especially not in front of this woman. Though she had certainly grown up a lot from the woman that had scored him so amicably he wasn't sure that he had matured enough in himself to admit he wanted her around. "So tell me about this mission."
"It's confidential-" she began.
"No, tell me," he insisted with his arms tightly crossed over his chest. "I've shown you my secrets today, the least you can do is tell me yours."
She frowned, wondering how he had so quickly realised that she was avoiding deepening into the details. In truth she only had half a plan and actually felt less than her normal confidence as she explained it to him. "The dark guilds are growing again. In fact, they never stopped growing and I think that while we're without a guild we can take full advantage of this position and try to stop as many as we can."
"You mean like Crime Socerie," he said with what he thought was a knowing expression.
There was a hurtful glare. Crime Socerie was a far more dangerous subject than he could have known. In truth it had been some time since she had even heard from any of the independent guild, including Jellal. It hurt more than she could have ever feared, but every time she found herself despairing if they were even still alive she heard of another guild that had fallen by their hands. "Even more independent than that," she said stubbornly, of course meaning that she was prepared to fight completely alone. "There is a new cult gathering but I can only hear so much from the outside. They say that they're the successor to the Balam Alliance and while I don't know much I can already tell that they are planning something huge."
"From the outside…?" Gray asked, raising an eyebrow and already guessing where this was going.
Erza gave a swift nod, though Gray had known her long enough to realise that it lacked its normal conviction. "I'm planning on infiltrating their guild."
He couldn't help but roll his eyes. Of course there was still a part of Erza that was insanely logical and couldn't see the world in the same way that everyone else reached out to it. "They'll never believe you for a moment," he groaned, knowing that this was possibly one of the most dangerous things she had been willing to do and trying not to let the fear of what would happen if she hadn't come to him first creep in. "You reek of goodness."
She fell backwards, amazed at just how rude he had been towards her ingenious plan. "What, do you have a better plan?!" she snapped.
He nodded, not even needing to think twice about it. "I do; Me." As he spoke the darkness spread over his body once more, leaping at the chance to be released across his skin. The temperature dropped through the air but it was more than this that sent a shiver down Erza's spine. The red eye gleamed back at her once more, the monster that was lurking just beneath the ice maker's soul shining proudly. In the moment of reveal he even had somehow managed to take off his cloak and shirt in one impossibly swift moment, revealing that the darkness rooted even further.
Erza gasped. "Your guild mark…"
"It's still there," he assured her, knowing that it stung her the same way that it stung him to see it erased by the shadow. "But I can hide it whenever I need to."
She couldn't help but feel somewhat convinced. His aura filtered through the air and for a moment she found herself unable to find the goodness through the cloud of evil. Something that she apparently reeked of. She wondered absently if this was a sensation that had heightened inside of him since gaining the new slayer power, and just how similar one slayer was to another. She stepped forwards, wanting to scold him but coming up with something in between desperation and fear. "Dammit Gray this is not a joke!" She kicked her heels into the ground, coming up to him and standing tall against him, so close that barely a sheet of parchment could fit between them. "Didn't you hear what I said? This power is dangerous. You can't keep abusing it like this."
"Erza, I'm going to help you," he announced to her, determined and staring her dead in the eye. A few years ago he would have never, never dared to challenge the fierce woman, but now he knew how to stand on his own feet. Now he knew that protecting her from herself was sometimes more important than his fear of her. "You're right, we can only learn so much from them from the outside. There have been people from this village that have joined Avatar and I know where I can find them. I know that I can convince them I'm on their side."
She glared at him, slowly coming to the realisation that this was something he'd already been gathering himself up for. The people of this village were afraid of him not only because of his power but because it was his first step into breaking away from his good guild reputation. "It's too dangerous," she hissed at him.
"But not too dangerous for you?" he challenged her hypocrisy with his own hiss, grabbing onto her arms and staring down at her. "Erza, neither of us can do this alone. If I go in there I would need you on the outside to direct me," he admitted, though what he didn't dare say out loud was that he would also need her moral compass. He had been talking to Juvia about Phantom Lord for some time and had discovered that the most dangerous part about a dark guild was your own sense of self. Juvia had worn a frown on her face when she spoke of her old guild, but all too often she found herself slipping into saying things along the lines of 'they were for the best' or 'we had to do what was right'. Initially he had wanted to ask Juvia's help but after these discussions he had convinced himself he didn't dare. While he knew she was a lovely, kind-hearted and good person, Phantom Lord would always have a mark on her, even if it was invisible to the naked eye.
Erza glared back at him but didn't pull herself out of his arms. The idea of sitting on the outside didn't sit well with her, but she also knew that from the inside she would be powerless to take down anyone who truly got in her way. At least in this respect she could continue her hunt while he gathered intel. Still, she didn't like it. "I don't want you in danger…" she said, growing meeker in her arguments with ever shuddering breath.
Gray frowned, trying to work out exactly what was now different between them both. They had both run into danger before, both been reluctant to see the other hand themselves to death's arms, but never before had they ever physically stopped each other. Never before had he heard desperation in Erza's voice for him to stay safe. While the danger here was far more than they had ever seen, Gray knew that explanation didn't sit well with him. Did she no longer trust his strength? No, he quickly discounted that, knowing that they knew each other's capabilities better than ever. And it dawned on him that she would be on the outside while he would be inside. It was knowing that if anything happened she would be powerless to save him. With the realisation he softened, brushing his forehead against hers and holding her close. "Erza, I trust that you'll stop at nothing to protect me. You won't be far…" he assured her. "We'll get communication lacrima. Maybe we can get back in touch with Warren. We will do this smart."
Erza felt tears on her cheeks, though she had no idea when they had appeared there. She felt Gray's forehead on hers and felt comforted by the pressure even if it made her want to cry more. They weren't tears of sadness, she realised as a choked laugh escaped her lips. She was going to be back by Gray's side, maybe even Warren's too, and it felt like such a simply thing but the crushing weight of her loneliness was collapsing around her. These tears had been held back unknowingly for months. "I've missed you so much," she whispered, wrapping her arms around the ice maker.
He didn't like to hold her in this way and he hated to see her tears. Though he felt exactly the same emotions that ran through her, felt the warmth from her arms gripping as tightly as possible, he struggled to understand. "This isn't you…" he whispered, wishing once again for the warrior to be standing and speaking to him in her cold expression. He had only seen the woman in front of her a few times over the years, remembered the way that her eyes had glinted on the balcony of the Girl's Choice Ball, remembered the ruby blush on her cheeks as she told him she was prepared for him at the drained river, and quite honestly he hated her. Every time he saw her he wanted Erza back, his Erza. This woman only left him with more pain and confusion fracturing his frozen heart.
She seemed to sense his tension, quickly stepping backwards and brushing back the tears with a beaming smile. "I'm sorry," she excused herself, clearly embarrassed by her sudden weakness. She took in a deep breath, blinking away the last of her tears and pulling back her long strands of ruby red hair. "I don't understand what's wrong with me. I used to spend most of my time travelling alone and I never used to be this way. It just feels different knowing that we really don't have somewhere to go back to now."
He shook his head, knowing that the answer was far more deeply rooted. The girl that he had known for years had developed a beating heart, and a love that even he could feel. "I told you, this is why I have Juvia by my side," he shrugged, pulling his hood back low down over his face to hide the shame he had in admitting his words. "She's my last piece of Fairy Tail. If I had a choice, I'd have you. I'd have Lucy, I'd have all of Fairy Tail, hell I'd ever have flame brain here," he said with a small chuckle under his breath, thinking of all of his absent friends fondly and realising that he missed them just as much as Erza's tears had shown.
Erza let out a small laugh. "Well, I hate to admit it but… I even miss you fighting sometimes," she grinned, with absolutely no idea how much she would grow to regret those words.
The sun moved over the sky, clouds hovering in the horizon and threatening a cold downpour to fill the land with thick snow. Gray and Erza said nothing for a long time, silently enjoying each other's company and marvelling at just how easy it seemed. Eventually they both sat back down on the tree stump, watching the empty world in front of them stay the same while the clouds above them continued to drift. They didn't say that it had been each other that they had missed most of all, they didn't speak of the excitement that warmed the chill in the air at the idea of once again fighting side by side, they didn't mention how amazing it was to hear each other's voices. They said nothing as Gray wrapped an arm back around her, didn't comment on the way that Erza had leaned into him and the friendly kiss he left on the top of her head. They didn't need to say a thing, they knew exactly how to slip under each other's armour and bury themselves in each other's warmth.
This is the last chapter for now! Hopefully when the avatar arc ends I'll remember this exists and put one final chapter to sum up how they are after all of that. I look forward to seeing what happens and when I can next jump in. I just don't like leaving this so unresolved, but as I say, I'm not going to OTP this. And I wanted to write something that could, in theory, be canon.
I suspect this is the last 'romance' I will write for a while haha
So here it is! Please let me know if you've enjoyed it, feel free to review, follow, favourite or PM :)
