Chapter Three:

Sleep hadn't come easily to James since his talk with Utah. In point of fact, he had been laying in bed, mind racing as he stared at the ceiling of his slowly rocking cabin for some time. His lingering unease about Utah's statement had made it difficult to find sleep. The idea of the girls doing everything in their power to contact their commanders or crew...well, either mass hallucinations that lead to an equally mass retirement of officers was ahead, or the girls would point at him as the source of their communication. And well...that would end with him in a bad situation. Either he would be thrown into an oh-co-caring psych ward- did they even have those? -or he would be subject to so many questions it wasn't even funny.

So yes, James had been kept awake for quite some time.

In the end, he had fallen into a fitful rest though. His dreams were much the same as his waking thoughts, only instead of the nebulous threat of his superior officers, he saw the much more real threat of the Abyssals. A threat that he shouldn't have to worry about in this time, but that haunted his dreams much as it had during the war. Much as he had a right to worry about the Japanese, at the very least, they weren't unreasonable. Some of their leadership and the culture of the time made it hilariously difficult, but...that was still better than the Abyssals. Monsters that no one could reason with, that existed solely to kill and destroy.

If there was anything James was thankful for, it was that they stayed in his dreams.

"...hmm..."

Dreams that slowly came to an end, as the Admiral felt something brushing against his nose. Opening his eyes, James blinked ever so slowly, as his vision was obscured by a mass of very familiar blue. Slowly bringing a hand up, he swept the mass of blue hair out of his face, a small smile coming to it.

Sara...

Sitting up just as slowly in his small cot, the Admiral turned to look down on the slumbering carrier. Sara's long hair was splayed over her shoulders and his cot, casting her face in shadows. James pushed a bit of it out of the way gently, smile widening when he saw the peaceful look on his closest friend's face. Sara's face was relaxed, lacking the worry that had been so prominent since he had ended up in this situation. That alone was enough to widen his smile.

The fact she had fallen asleep next to his bed, her head falling onto the cot's sparse pillow, just left a warm feeling. The girl always had cared about others like that...and it was good to see somethings didn't change.

Still, I don't want to wake her. She needs the sleep just as much as I did.

As such, James was careful to be quiet as a mouse as he prepared for his day. After all, even if they were comfortably in port for the foreseeable future...an Admiral's duty was never done. He needed to continue working that duty, or questions would be asked. Uncomfortable questions he would really rather not answer at that.

"Time to work..." he muttered softly to avoid waking the slumbering carrier, "I hope that I can get this done quickly...I need to run damage control with Utah..."

And his duty certainly never ended.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

...Admiral...?

Some time later, Sara lifted her head from the pillow, blinking wide green eyes when she noted that she was once more alone. After a blush stole across her face, when she realized where she had been sleeping. She'd been worried about the Admiral after everything he had been through the previous day, and how fitfully he was sleeping. So she'd...pulled up a chair and sat, watching him and trying everything she could think of to calm his dreams. Apparently she had fallen asleep herself while doing so.

That was so embarrassing.

And yet, a small smile stole across her face, lighting it up like a lamp. Her Admiral hadn't been upset by the awkward position, or he would have done something about it. Sara had observed all her Admirals since her commissioning...if any others had seen her in that position, they would have chewed her a new one! But...her Admiral...he had just left without a word, or any effort to wake her up. Despite the fact he himself had to be exhausted, he had let her get her sleep. That...that was enough to widen her smile, even as it increased her blush.

"He's so kind..." the carrier whispered softly, leaning back in her chair, "I've never seen someone so kind."

Not that she had seen many people...while she was a good ship spirit and always kept watch over her Admiral, she hadn't devoted as much attention to the rest of her multi-thousand man crew. There hadn't been a need to...she couldn't communicate with them. To her crew and former commanders...she was nothing more than thousands of tons of steel and munitions. She wasn't alive.

After all, what reason did they have to believe she had a spirit? Believe that she was ever anything but steel? Sara knew there had been no reason for them to believe that. Until he had changed things. And now...now that had changed. And Sara didn't think she could ever thank her Admiral enough for the chance totalk with someone.

"I have to help him," she nodded sharply, brushing a stray lock of hair out of her eyes, "It's the least I can do."

Of course, she didn't know how to help him. She couldn't influence things, not really. And she couldn't talk to anyone but her Admiral, and the other girls. So what could she...

I shouldn't...I really shouldn't...

Maybe it was because it was his, but Sara had discovered last night that she could interact with the Admiral's journal. She hadn't expected that, when she picked it up to point out his mistake on the date of the attack he had mentioned as the 'prototype' for the one he was trying to head off. But instead of her hands going right through it...she'd been able to pick it up.

And now, it was sitting innocuously on his desk, open to a page she couldn't see without going closer.

"I can't help Admiral fight," Sara sighed softly, "But maybe I can help him plan...? I want to do something..."

Deciding that it was better to help than wait, the carrier carefully sat down at the desk, looking down on a journal...a journal marked with her name.

Chain of Events: USS Saratoga

Sara blinked at that, somewhat worried about reading her...her own history. A history she had yet to live, and may not live now anyway. But instead of turning to something more helpful for her Admiral...an unfamiliar feeling awoke inside her. Curiosity, something she had never felt before. Sara was wary, but sheneeded to know more about what would happen to her. Her Admiral hadn't spoken much about it, not after the first time they had talked. She got the feeling he was uncomfortable with it, for some reason.

Which was part of where her worry came from. Had something happened to her he didn't like talking about?

I need to know...

December 23, '41: Recalled after failure to reinforce Wake Island.

January 11, '42: Torpedoed by Japanese sub.

June 6: Arrives at Pearl, too late to help at Midway.

After that was listed several battles that she had no context for, like 'Eastern Solomons' where she would once more be damaged. In fact, that was something she noticed...there were massive breaks in his notes about her, almost every entry related to damage she took. It was clear her Admiral was worried and was trying to make sure he remembered those dates ahead of anything else related to her. Sara felt her blush return at that...

He cared, he cared about her a lot.

That being said, even her curiosity didn't let her read past 1945. Because her eyes had noted that there were no entries past 1946. And Sara...she didn't want to know how she had died. Not yet. Instead, she forced herself not to look, while turning the page. Unfortunately, she had come up on a page with it's title bearing many eraser marks. Like her Admiral hadn't been in the proper mood to write it, or something like that.

Events Outside My Influence:

"Outside..." Sara breathed, her hand tracing the writing, "Why would he...?"

Why would he be convinced he can't change something?

Sara knew that her Admiral couldn't do everything, not even with the knowledge he had. But surely he could at least make an effort on things, right? After all, he knew so much. Even if people didn't believe him at first, after awhile they'd have to believe him. Once things started happening and he could prove he knew they would happen, that would be it right? It might take some convincing, but nothing was impossible. Especially not for someone as determined as he was!

Even so, she continued reading, if only to see if there was something she could do to help him.

Nazi Germany:

Holocaust:

Hand tracing that single word, Sara slowly read what was written beneath it.

...

...

...no. No. No no no no...

Another unfamiliar feeling went through the carrier as she read. And unlike her curiosity, this was not one she welcomed. Sara could feel a coldness spreading through her chest, her heart rapidly beating as she felt her body shake. Her hands barely held onto the journal, rapidly paling as the book shook so badly she couldn't hold it well enough to keep reading. But what she had seen was more than enough. What she had seen was something she could never believe...would never believe...if it weren't for her trust for her Admiral.

Because it was impossible in any other situation to believe that humanity could be so horrible. Ship spirit or not, Sara considered herself at least somewhat human. She certainly had human emotions, emotions that were on a quicker nose dive than one of her dive bombers. She had never felt this sadness andhelplessness before. Her mind helplessly repeating the numbers she had read. Numbers that made anything she had ever thought of, anything her planes were capable of, absolute small fry. Because she knew that even if her pilots ran themselves dry, they could never...would never...do this.

"Six million..." the carrier breathed out, "Just for religion...?"

She wasn't familiar with the differences between her crew's religions. To her, 'Jew' was just a title, nothing more and nothing less. The idea that someone could be so cruel as to kill six million people over such a small thing...she didn't know how that was even possible. And there were at least five million other people killed for the same lack of a good reason, even if different on the face of things.

I...I have to know what else he can't stop.

Sara didn't want to read more. But she had to, if only to understand her Admiral better. She could only imagine how the knowledge he had was weighing him down...and having the knowledge herself would at least help her relate to him. Be someone he could lean on when it got to be too much.

Soviet Union:

Katyn Massacre: Est. 22,000 Polish Nationals.

Prisoner Of War Camps: Up to 2 million, depending on source.

The notebook fell from her hands, as Sara held them to her mouth. Her Admiral had mentioned to her that the Soviet Union were allies. And they had done things like this? Why would they work with people like that? What she had read after the POW camps...it was hardly better than the Germans, if only because it wasn't an institutionalized murder system! How did her Admiral keep going, with the knowledge that this would happen, and he couldn't do anything about it? Especially with the Soviets?

She...she didn't know how he was that strong.

But what she did know was very simple.

I am going to help him through this. I don't know how much I can do, but I won't let my Admiral do this alone. Not after he's shown such kindness towards me.


Saratoga was not the only ship girl/spirit worried about the future however. Aboard her hull, USS Utah sighed softly, running a hand along one of her turrets. No longer were the mighty, for their time, twelve-inch cannons mounted in those frames. Now, she only carried anti-aircraft guns for training. That had never really bothered her before. Utah had long ago accepted that something like that would happen to her. She knew that she was old, and that she would be replaced in the battle line eventually. Her sister...her dear sister...had been scrapped years ago. The fact that she herself was still alive came down entirely to her use as a training ship.

A job that Utah had taken to with enthusiasm, once she realized what she could do with it. She could train the next generation, both human and ship girl, in a way that she couldn't before. It had awoken almost motherly feelings in her, a sense of pride as the younger girls advanced ahead of her. Even when they were shooting at her when she was a target ship, the feeling was still there.

But now...with another sigh, she turned away from the old turret.

"I can't help them now," the girl muttered, falling to her knees, her long dress pulled up as she slid down the turret, "I never thought I would feel this helplessagain. Now I know what it feels like, to know something is happening and I can't do a thing about it."

Tears fell down her cheeks at the end of that sentence, as her fists clenched in her dress.

"I hate this! My girls...my...my..." the old battleship sucked in a breath, trying to get it out, "My daughters...I can't do a thing to help them. They're going to be hurt, and I can't defend them."

There was nothing worse for her, than that knowledge. The knowledge that she couldn't help the girls she thought of as daughters, even if that wasn't really true. In any other situation, she would be more than confident the younger battleships could more than handle themselves. But this situation...if what the Admiral had said was true, there was nothing anyone of them could do.

But that didn't mean it didn't hurt to know she was even worse off than the rest.

Nothing...I'm nothing...right now. I can't protect anyone like this, not even myself. Oh...I...

Utah had never thought she would hate her post as a training and target ship. But now that she was helpless to defend anyone, even herself, she truly did hate her situation. She couldn't fight to protect her girls...there was only one thing she could do, even if it worried Admiral Thompson. She didn't care about that worry though. Utah acknowledged it, and knew why the man worried, but it was nothing on how she felt about the attack, coming in just a year and a half. If the only thing she could do was this...

She would do it.

"I need to find my Admiral," Utah wiped her face, pale features set into a sharp frown, "I need to make him hear me."

Pulling herself to her feet, the battleship wiped at her grey eyes one last time, pushing her silver hair out of her face as well. It was time to find her Admiral- her Captain, technically -and make him hear her. She didn't know how to do that, or if her efforts would even work...but it didn't matter. They had to work. No matter how long it took, no matter how many tries it would take, she would keep at it.

No matter what, the man would hear her.

"Arizona...Oklahoma...I won't let you die again," the old battleship started walking towards her bridge, determination written in every line of her body, "I don't care if I die. I'll gladly die in your place. I will make sure you live."

That was the only thing the old girl had to live for. Her girls, the most important thing in the world to her. No more was training the next generation the only thing Utah considered worth doing. The only thing she ever did. Now, that was the furthest thing from her mind. All her thoughts were consumed with the knowledge of what was going to happen, and what she would have to do to stop it.

If this was what Admiral Thompson felt like, Utah could say she understood the man, perhaps even better than Saratoga did. And with that understanding, she would work towards the same goal as him. He may not like her methods, but between the two of them...perhaps they might succeed where the people he remembered failed. Succeed in saving at least some of the girls, who would otherwise have died.

Utah fully expected to die. Her old hull couldn't take any real hits, not if someone wanted to sink her. But that didn't matter to her. If she died, so be it. But her girls would not die. She wouldn't allow it.

I will fight for my girls. I will find a way for us to talk to our Admirals, and we can use that to prepare. We won't fail this time. I won't fail this time. If I die, I will at least die knowing I saved them!