Finally, after a long time I finished chapter 4.
For those who remember what happened on the last chapter, though it pained me to do that, i had to do it for the events of this chapter to happen. I couldn't find another way for the events of this chapter to happen without doing what I did in the last chapter.
ENJOY :]
It's been days since Yuki's funeral. I invited the whole gang hoping that when Minako sees them she might at least be a little better. But that didn't happen, Minako's still at the hospital and she seems just as devastated, maybe even worse.
"Minako, you have to eat something." It's always like this every day since. She hardly eats and she's getting weaker too. She's abnormally thin, her lips pale, her body fragile, her expression…nothing almost lifeless.
"I don't want to." This was her usual reply with an apathetic tone.
"Huh, please Minako. You're condition will get worse if you don't eat. You hardly had anything yesterday."
"I don't care. Leave me alone, Aki."
"You know I can't do that nor do I want to." I held her already fragile face and turned her head towards me. Seeing her face, I can't tell what she's thinking or feeling. Her expression was so emotionless that it looked like she shut herself from the world to ease the pain of her loss.
"Minako, I know you're sad. I lost my son too…but I'm not going to forgive myself if I lose you again." There was no response from her.
It's always been like this. A week after, she finally got out of the hospital though she seemed healthier she was just as lifeless. Ever so often I'd wake up in the middle of the night to see Minako burst in tears screaming. The only thing I can do is hold her and tell her that I'm there for her. I could feel her body tremble in fear. Sometimes, she'd ask me to stay home, so I had to skip work on those days. On times that I go to work, when I get home I see her almost lifeless body in front of the window. She's been staring outside since morning.
I can't stand seeing her like this anymore. She looked so weak, so helpless. I can't see that cheerful and affectionate woman that I married anymore. Is this really Minako?... … Stupid. Of course she's Minako. Ever if she turned into an evil shadow, I'd still love her. During those times when we were together even during those time when we weren't, I've always depended on her. I always ran to her to help me fix my problems with Miki, Shinji…even with finding hope in life. She never complained and she was always so strong. She always came to protect me. Now… she's lost her will to live… it's my turn to protect her. I have to be strong for her.
With the suggestion of my co-worker, I hired a counselor to help Minako. She usually comes by the house and has her sessions with Minako there. At first, Minako was unresponsive to the treatment but eventually she got better. She doesn't cry in the middle of the night anymore, that's good.
"Aki, I might go out today."
"That's great. You want me to come with you?" Finally, she's getting better.
"No. it's ok. You should go to work."
"Alright then, I'll just contact the counselor to take a day off today." I reluctantly agreed. I wanted to be with her in times when she's already recovering from the pain but in times like these, I have to give her some space to think, that's what the counselor suggested. "I love you, Minako." With I small peck on her lips I left the room and headed off to work.
After work, I passed by her favorite bakery to buy her favorite cake after buying her favorite meal. When I got home the place was empty I looked for Minako hoping that she was probably resting in bed but when I got there no body laid on the bed. I searched the apartment hoping to spot any semblance of her but I saw nothing. Everything was where it was when I left. Don't tell me she didn't return? It's snowing hard outside. I tried to call her on her phone but I just found out that she left it in our room. I asked the security of the building if they saw her but the last time they saw her was when she got out during the morning. Where could she have gone to?
I went out again driving my car hoping to find her along the way. An hour passed and I've yet to find her. Where could she be? She isn't by the port, not in her favorite restaurant, not at the shrine. Ugh, where is she? I checked one more place before calling in the big guns. Could she have visited Yuki?
I parked by the parking area and ran to my son's grave, hoping that the person I'm looking for would be there. I was right. She kneeled beside our son's grave. Snow covered already covered her body. At least I found her. Slowly, I approached her and when I was close enough I hugged her tightly just to make sure that the Minako I saw wasn't a delusion. "Minako…" It's not an illusion. "Come on, let's go home now." There was no reply. "Minako, please say something…" How long are you going to stay like this? You have no idea how much I miss you already…
"Aki…" She spoke! Finally!
I turned to her. Her face was red and her eyes looked weaker than usual. I checked her temperature, "Minako, you have a fever! How long did you stay here?"
"I turned to her. Her face was red and her eyes looked weaker than usual. I checked her temperature, "Minako, you have a fever! How long did you stay here?"
"Aki… Yuki's cold…and he's all alone…" I saw tears fall on her face.
"Yuki's in a better place now…with Shinji." We've both already over came Shinji's death. He lived a good life and, through Minako's persuasion, became a famous chef. Though he stopped taking the suppressants that he used to take, the complications it caused were irreversible and it eventually took its toll on his body a few years ago. Again, silence was her response. "Let's go back now, Minako." I stood up and grabbed her hand to take her back to the car but she took her hand off.
"No." was her short response. She wanted to stay here longer? Is she crazy? She has a high fever and she's staying outside in this snow storm?
"Minako you can't stay here any longer. You'll get sick and you should stay indoors."
"NO! Aki, I'm staying here! Yuki's alone!"
"Yuki… wouldn't want to see his mother like this. Throwing away her life."
"Liar… You've always been such a bad liar, Aki."
"I'm not lying" Huh… I can't keep Minako here any longer. I took her by the waist and carried her away from the grave. "I don't care if you hate me for this. Even if I use force, I'm not going to lose you again."
She resisted hitting me where ever she can. It was a good thing that she was weak to begin with at least it didn't hurt much…physically. "Let me go, Aki! I don't want to go back! Aki… I hate you." I'm sorry Minako.
She fell asleep somewhere along the drive. The drive back was quiet but I can't help by feel the ache in my heart as I recall what happened. I called the counselor when I got home and she promised to come by earlier the following morning. I changed Minako's already wet clothes to something warmer and placed her comfortably on the bed. I didn't sleep that night. I just grabbed a chair and watch Minako as she slept. Sometimes, I'd leave for a while and return with a cup of coffee to keep me awake. Though Minako's asleep her face doesn't look peaceful at all. Minako, please tell me what can I do to help. The only thing I can think of was to hold her hand throughout the night hoping…that this could help.
Morning came and the counselor arrived before Minako woke up. I told her what happened and she asked if I could leave the room and maybe rest. I hesitated a bit but I guess in the end I have to follow her. She could help Minako more that I can. I wasn't really planning on sleeping. I was too eager to know her status but before I knew it sleep dawned me, my eye lids were heavy and I thought that I'd probably just rest a little. When I woke up and checked the time it was already late in the afternoon. I slept. I found the counselor leave the room and I asked how she was. She sat me down on the sofa and with a professional tone told me,
"It seems that she's somehow accepted your son's death. Typically she'd gradually accept that fact and learn to move on. Apparently that's not the case. Though her acceptance of his death is suppose to help her, in this case, it's the one dragging her down. Currently she feels… fully responsible for his death and as a mother she feels disgusted at herself for not only causing his death but also her inability to take care of him where ever he is right now." She paused for a while waiting for me to respond but I really can't find a response. "Oh… and about what you did to her last night. Don't do it again."
"What?"
"You we're too rough. Didn't you ever think that it would traumatize her when she's forcefully being taken from her son?"
"Well what did you want me to do? Just leave her there? She was already weak and the snow was raining hard. If I had her stay there any longer she'll die."
"Well either way she's almost dead." "Anyway, I'll be going now. I'll probably be consulting a co-worker about her condition. So I might not be available for a while but you may call me if anything arises. Just… try to stay away from her. She needs some space and, with what you did yesterday, she'd probably want some distance even more… just take her back when she's ready." With that said, she left.
I called my assistant at the station and asked if he could bring my papers home. I figured that I might be staying home for a while so I better bring my work here while I'm at it. It wasn't long when I heard somebody by the door. It was my assistant with a large pile of papers, oh boy… I placed the large pile of papers by the dinner table and found the meal I bought for Minako. It was already cold but if heated still edible. I heated the meal and brought it to Minako. I knocked on the door before coming in and after a minute of silence I went in anyway. Minako was awake and I could see that I was the last person she wanted to see.
"Minako, I… brought you food just in case you might be hungry. It's your favorite." I placed the tray of food on her bed side and not wanting to strain the relationship even more I quickly walked out of the room, closed the door and focused my attention on the large pile of papers in front of me. So that's how the rest of my day ended with a pile of papers.
I figured if Minako didn't want to see me then sleeping with her on the same bed would just add oil into the fire. So I slept on the couch at around 3 in the morning. It was uncomfortable but I had to bear with it and learn to appreciate the couch since I'll probably be sleeping here for a while.
I woke up at around 10(?) in the morning and spotted Minako going out of the apartment. She's probably heading to Yuki. Sigh… I guess I should get something to eat before heading out. I know that the counselor said that I should giver her some distance but I can't stop but worry about her. Anyway I'll just park the car away from her, just enough to see is she's ok. I'll probably bring my work there too. So I spent the whole day alternating my attention to my wife and the folder of papers I call 'work'.
It was already around 5:30 in the afternoon and Minako seems to be going now. I was left with two choices- (1) I stay inside the car and follow her or (2) Go out and offer her a ride where ever she wants to go next but risk making her more irritated. I saw a glimpse of her face. She didn't look anywhere near healthy. I chose to risk being hated and ran to her. Ugh, how do I start this? Should I explain why I was ever here or should I just offer her a ride? "Why do I suddenly feel so awkward talking to her like back in high school?" Damn… that definitely caught her attention. Umm… Ok. THINK, THINK… "H-hey… haha… fancy meeting you here, huh? Oh don't worry. Haha, I-I-It's not as if I was following yo- wait… that... just… slipped. Ugh….Anyway, forget that. If you want to go somewhere I could offer you a ride. I have the car parked over there if you want to." For a while I swore that there was some kind of awkward silence between us until…
"Fine." She spoke! Finally. I guided her to the car and sat at the driver's seat when I asked where she was planning on going. "The apartment." was her short and cold reply. I started the engine and drove back to the apartment. The drive was silent and as soon as I'd park she'd go out and walk to the apartment then into the bedroom without saying a word.
This went on for days. I'd see Minako leave the apartment. Some days I'd stay at home or on some days I'd follow her like the stalker husband that I am, usually the later. Either way I'd pick her up and every time we'd have that silent drive back to the apartment. She'd go the room, I'd divert my attention on the new pile of papers from the office. I'd sleep on the couch and wake up the next day and see that day and the days before this repeat itself. I don't really care living in this pattern at least Minako's calm now, at least that's how I see it.
Then one day, just like any other day before this, Minako left the apartment. I left probably an hour or two after her and went to where she always goes to. Like every day, I stayed inside the car and alternated my attention to my wife and the papers I have with me inside the car, which by the way considering the time I've been spending with it could almost be my wife. As usual, I'd pick her up when she's about ready to leave now. Before I felt awkward that both of us were inside the car staying quiet but now I've gotten used to the silence whether be it in the car or at the apartment. I didn't look at Minako, she would have wanted the least eye contact as possible. So without looking at the person beside me I placed the car key and was just about to start the engine when she said something,
"I'm sorry, Aki…" Wait, what did she say? I've gotten used to her being silent that I've hardly recognized her voice now that she's talking again. "I've been a really big pain lately and most men would leave when they find their wives unbearable but… but you're different Aki. You haven't left yet…a-and I really appreciate what you've done for me…" I couldn't see her face, she was facing her window so I couldn't see but I knew she was crying. I could hear her trying to minimize the sound of her sobs. I placed my hand on her shoulder to try and comfort her but she quickly face me, her face red and tears fell down like heavy rain. "I'm so sorry, Aki! I'm so sorry! I'm sorry!"
I gently wrapped my arms around her, embracing her softly and whispering in her ear "Silly, remember what I told you before? 'Whether things have been painful, or happy, or sad, you've always been there for me and you should know that if you're ever going through hard times, I'll be there for you too. From now on, we have each other.' So even if you hit me, hate me or leave me, I'm still going to bear it. Minako, I love you and no amount of pain is greater than the pain of not loving you. I don't care if it becomes one-sided, I love you and not even the Gods or death will change that."
"Aki…I-I'm sorry i-it's just that…"
"shh… you don't have to apologize for anything. We'll never be apart; I'm always here for you."
She buried her head on my chest and cried. Though I could feel that she's no longer in the same amount of pain she was before. Having the woman you love cry on you knowing that she can always depend on you is the most rewarding thing I've ever gotten in my life. I'm glad that she doesn't have to carry the pain alone. It was a while after I noticed she stopped crying and fell asleep. I gently placed her on her sleep and fastened the seat belt for her before driving back home. When I got to the apartment, carefully placed her on the bed careful not to wake her up.
Just when I was going to leave the room I felt a light tug on my shirt, Minako was awake "Aki, I want to you to sleep here. You wouldn't want your wife to sleep alone in bed when her husband is sleeping outside on a sofa, right?" For the first time in what seemed like an eternity I saw her god like smile again, the kind of smile that would make you feel assured and happy no matter what situation you were in. The kind of smile that I know was only meant for me. Without hesitation I climbed on the bed and stationed myself beside her. She rested her head on my chest with one hand on my shoulder and her leg wrapped around mine. "I love you, Aki."
"I love you too, Minako." with a small peck on her forehead we both drifted into, what seemed like the most wonderful, sleep.
I'm not sure how people would perceive my Minako in this chapter since it's too far off than the usual portrayals of Minako, whose usually strong and cheery and even when she's angry or sad she doesn't go over to the point that it's almost EMO and annoying. Still I like what I did to Minako and, especially, Akihiko in this chapter.
I'm not sure when I can finish the next chapter, I already have a concept in mind but the details are still vague as of the moment and I'd probably focus writing on a p3 one-shot I've been planning since I saw a certain video in youtube.
