Ch 4- The Shower

"Are you alright darling?" Eddy asked, knocking on the door, Saffy at her heals.

Patsy lay on her bed, staring up catatonic at the ceiling and refusing to answer. The normally callous woman couldn't bring herself to make a sound or shed a tear but instead let her thoughts run wild, the worries and what ifs consuming her like a tidal wave. She'd always thought it was a miracle that she'd survived, that she'd turned out right despite having been dragged up rather than brought up. It'd been years, eons even since Patsy had considered motherhood but when she had she'd always promised herself that her child would at least be given to while being dragged, rather like Saffy had been. And now there was nothing: no chance, no hope, just a gaping void waiting in the dark to swallow her impending daughter whole.

"We don't know anything yet for sure." Eddy tried to reason. "We don't even know what's wrong yet."

Patsy heard mumbles, but moreover her best friend's voice faded into the foreground, the cadence of her fast beating heart the only sound she could really hear.

"Look." Saffy sighed from her place behind her mother. "I know you feel bad…"

Something about the sound of Saffy's voice, whiney and a bit too apologetic triggered Patsy and called her back to the moment.

"I don't feel bad!' Patsy barked, not wanting it to be known that she cared.

Patsy sniffled, trying to ensure that her voice didn't break when she spoke.

"You feel bad!" Saffy insisted. "But how were you to have known?"

The bitch troll's words resonated with Patsy on some level, even though she did not want to admit it. She rested her hand on her middle and took a deep breath, her heart breaking a little more. Patsy had seldom experienced feelings of such bittersweetness. Perhaps when Jackie had stolen the only man she'd ever wanted to marry, perhaps upon her mother's death. In some way, she wanted the responsibility for her baby's condition: it gave her power she wouldn't otherwise have and at least gave her insight into a destiny she had no desire to face, that of life with a sick child she'd wanted a good life for.

"Pats, can we come in?" Eddy asked.

Patsy couldn't move her lips: she felt utterly and wholly numb. Upon hearing no reply, Eddy turned the door handle and walked into the room surprised to find it pitch dark.

"Oh Pats." Eddy whispered, crawling on to the side of the bed and laying beside Patsy, taking her in her arms. Saffy sat at the foot of the bed.

"OOOWWW!" The teen yelled when with a swift kick of Patsy's heal, she found herself on the floor. "Mum! She…"

"Ewww Eddy, Eddy she touched my bed!"

"Go, go darling now's not a good time, now's not a good time."

Saffy furrowed her brow and stared back at the two in disgust as she left the room and shut the door.

"Have you got any names yet darling?" Eddy asked, still holding her friend close.

"What's the point?" Patsy asked gruffly, lighting a cigarette she'd had stashed in her pocket.

"What are you doing?" Eddy asked. "Darling maybe they really are bad for the baby darling they…"

"IF SHE'S SICK THEN WHAT'S THE BLOODY POINT?" Patsy spat, almost shaking now. "We should've known, you drank and partied and God knows what when you were having that one and she is a hideous accident. HEY!" She cried when Eddy took the cigarette out of her mouth and snuffed it out.

"No more, no more darling." She said. "Little Pats still has a chance. And we'll make sure she gets it: together."

"Little Pats? Eddy I like it!"

Three Weeks Later

"Patricia Annabella Victoria Edina Lucille Mary Jane Stone." Saffy considered.

"Little Pats." Patsy clarified.

"You want that all on one cake! Are you mad?"

"Of course we want it on one cake!" Patsy spat, her shaky hand on her back. She took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. Weeks upon weeks of

refraining from her regular habits: drinking, smoking, and even an occasional cup of tea, had left Patsy shaky and even unnerved.

"Are you alright?" Saffy asked when she took a deep breath.

She'd noticed something odd about Patsy in the past few days and wasn't letting on that she was concerned about it. For once, her mother was working and as such, she and Patsy were stuck in the house together planning her upcoming baby shower.

"Is it a little shower for babies?" Patsy had asked when Saffy started to plan the event. They'd certainly not had one for either of Edina's pregnancies, nor had she ever heard of one.

"No, it's a party for the baby." Saffy had tried to explain.

"Do we give the baby a shower?" Patsy questioned again. The idea made sense to Patsy, having recently learned that babies come out bloody and covered in muck.

Saffy sighed. "No. It's like a wedding shower."

Patsy paused for a moment, knowing she couldn't be wrong about this one. "Well that's when the couple showers together in front of the wedding part..."

"No." Saffy simply shook her head.

"Oooh." Patsy muttered.

"WHAT?" Saffy asked, alarmed.

"NOTHING." Patsy spat.

"Suit yourself." She shrugged.

"Oooh! S-Saffy."

"I don't hear anything." Saffy almost sung, turning back to the cake batter she was stirring.

Patsy swallowed hard, looking down at the chair. "S-Saffy… I think I'm bleeding."

Eddy would always remember running into the hospital so fast that she slipped several times, almost falling on her face, knocking over an old man, and running straight into a gurney which carried her half way down the hall before she was able to disembark. She scurried into her lifelong friend's room, the words "Is the baby okay?" hanging on the tip of her tongue. She passed Saffy reading in the hall and practically slid into the room, her heals gliding haphazard on the slippery floor. She caught herself on the doorframe and was able to stop, surprised to find her friend lying peacefully in bed, watching the heart monitor as it went tick-tick-tick.

"Pats?" She approached, almost slipping again, but catching herself as she went and sat at her side.

"She's okay." She managed a smile. "She's going to be fine."

"Oh! Really?" Eddy smiled, showing such relief you would think she was the child's father.

"The doctor says its Patsy, not necessarily the baby." Saffy explained, slipping in behind her mother.

"Darling?" Eddy asked Patsy squeezed her hand.

"It's the abuse on her body, from everything over the years. All the drugs, the alcohol."

"The overdoses." Patsy added, smiling as if those were badges of honor hard won.

"The lack of nutrition." Saffy said pointedly and Patsy sneered. "She's not strong enough to carry to full term, which is why the baby's a bit littler than she should be."

"What's that mean?" Eddy asked and Patsy looked up at her questioningly, having not understood the doctor's prior meaning when she'd said the baby was little. Saffy sighed, sitting on the end of the bed.

"EEEE Eds she's on my bed!" She cried, flinching. Saffy rolled her eyes and stood.

Saffy once more. "Patsy's being put on a special diet, and a special regimen of vitamins. The hope is that she'll get fat." She said pointedly and Patsy gasped, obviously horrified.

"And the heart?" Eddy questioned before her daughter could explain further.

Saffy shrugged, frustrated now. "It's not what they thought… it may just be Patsy's body stressing the baby's. They won't know more till she's born but for now Patsy's to be put on bed rest."

A Month Later

Mother and daughter had never expected their lifelong roommate to be such a bad patient. Mrs. Monsoon could've told you that, having nursed poor Patsy through the chicken pox when she was fifteen. But even Saffy would not have expected the demanding nature that would overtake her nemesis once she was stuck in bed. Saffy sighed, bracing herself against the kitchen counter. Her legs ached and she found herself very tired of going up and down the stairs every few minutes when Patsy rang the bell they'd given her. She had half a mind to confiscate it, but decided against it at last minute, realizing it was an irresponsible idea to leave the now very pregnant, angry woman on her own. She had, however, had words with her before last leaving the room, insisting that she eat her slop, quiet down and give someone some peace for five minutes. Saffy was exhausted and dozed off standing. She jumped suddenly, awakened when the doorbell rang.

"MUM!" She whined. "I'm tired."

"Ummmm." Edina moaned. Saffy hadn't noticed her mother from her place on the kitchen floor. "Oooh darling it doesn't look like I'm exactly setting the world on fire, now does it?"

She was annoyed with Patsy and like her daughter, had failed at persuading Patsy it was an exciting day.

"No its not. I'm mortified. I'm… fat." She'd said at least five times. "And now everyone I know is going to see me… fat!"

The doorbell rang a second time causing mother and daughter to jump, then groan when Patsy rang her bell again.

"I've an idea. Let's draw straws." Edina suggested. Neither of them had any desire to wait on Patsy.

"Not this time." Saffy laughed. "I always draw the short end of the stick."

"That's you and the genetic lottery darling." Edina voiced. Saffy turned and looked at her, raising an eyebrow.

"Patsy wasn't here to say it." She tried to explain herself but was cut out a second time by the ringing doorbell.

Sure enough, Patsy's worst fears and greatest irritations came to the forefront when Catriona and Fleur came to her bedside baring gifts. Neither could fathom seeing Patsy in such a state but tried not to let on. Both women, whom Patsy and Edina secretly found peculiar, found themselves struggling not to tell their co-worker that she was fat.

Many other people had brought or sent gifts for the occasion. Magda, Patsy's boss had stopped by with work for her to do while in bed and a special card entitling Patsy to free clothes anywhere she liked. The fast talking cockney hadn't stayed long. Saffy and Eddy hadn't understood why, something about Valentino and not having time for his shit. Then Saffy's father had come, bringing with him an antique crib Eddy found enchanting. All went well until she berated him for not providing something so elegant when Saffy had been born.

Despite all of that, the real irritation downstairs coincided with the arrival of Bo and Marshall.

"Such a blessed event!" Bo exclaimed coming down the kitchen stairs and helping Marshall sit in one of the dining chairs. "Where is the little mother to be!?"

"On bed rest." Eddy said, wondering why her daughter had even invited them and why they were always there to begin with.

Having been tremendously annoyed by her friends, Patsy sent them home and made her way down the stairs to the kitchen, a trip she was allowed to make every couple of days or so, but which took a lot of strength.

"Pats should you be…" Eddy began when she saw her come down.

"Oh God no." She muttered turning on her heals when she saw Bo and Marshall but it was too late.

"She's here!" Bo exclaimed. "When I heard bed rest I thought I'd come up and see you, I'm a nurse you know."

"A dental nurse Bo!" Marshall reminded, seeming a bit annoyed by his new wife's boisterousness.

"Oh goodness gracious look at you!" Bo exclaimed, seeing Patsy more fully now that she'd descended the stairs. "You look like you're just about to pop!" She laughed. "It's a good thing we're here, have you given much consideration to your nipples?"

"Bo!" Marshall exclaimed as Saffy and Eddy looked on, almost horrified at the question.

"He never did that I can recall." Eddy mumbled.

"As much as anybody I suppose." Patsy said flatly, sitting down at the table with Eddy's assistance.

Bo paused for a second and rummaged through her purse, lifting out an oddly shaped, plastic contraption none of them could easily identify and placing it against Patsy's breast.

"What in the hell is that?" Eddy inquired.

Saffy said nothing, deeply disturbed by the proceedings and removed her glasses, beginning to clean them in the hope that she could see better.

Patsy took the device and studied it for a moment. "Thanks but you see I'm already pregnant."

"It's a breast pump." Saffy realized.

Patsy and Edina paused, looking to the young woman for guidance, neither of them knowing much about that kind of thing.

"Sorry a breast what…" Eddy asked.

"We're lactation consultants now!" Bo informed, causing Eddy to retch a little.

"We're in the business of selling breast milk." Marshall clarified.

Every one was easily able to imagine the infomercial for Bo and Marshall's service and more unfortunately the new product they were selling: "On Tap."

"On Tap. It's God's own bar for babies!" She chuckled. "Do you want to demonstrate honey?"

"Of course Bo!" Bo took the pump and placed it over Marshall's nipples.

"On Tap creates three times the suction as it's leading competitor and yields 10% more milk. Can you give me a hallelujah?" She laughed again as the camera focused on the machine attempting to milk Marshall's non-existent breasts.

In just that moment, federal police stormed in, this time wearing jackets labeled FDA. They immediately apprehended Bo but by this time, Marshall was in agony, holding his chest in obvious pain having been severely pinched by the pump.

"Well that's bloody typical isn't it." Eddy mused.

"Now we're mostly working with starving women in Africa." Bo whispered.

"I told you they wouldn't understand Bo." Marshall said.

"Do you mean to tell me you didn't feed this little sweetheart here with the nectar of your own body?" Bo asked of Saffy who couldn't help but blush at having been called sweetheart. "God designed it just for mothers to…"

"Good God I should hope not." Eddy was repelled.

"No, we just let her forage." Patsy said, still considering the breast pump.