A/N: I feel like I keep apologizing for the long wait between chapters but I really am sorry. But I have a small break from school and a convention to attend and I write a lot during those so I can probably update more (and if you live in the midwest US check out one of the sci-fi conventions, lots of fun). This is more of a connecting chapter so we can get through the first Doccubus hurdle. Enjoy!


Chapter Four

Wednesdays were turning out to be Lauren's easier days and she was happy to have them.

She was taking as many classes this semester as her advisor would allow and that meant she was busy most of the day every day. It didn't leave a lot of time for her to think of anything other than classes, study groups and papers but something had been bothering her that kept her mind very much occupied when she wasn't thinking about science.

Her mind kept thinking about Bo.

She knew she was responsible for their disastrous morning after and the hurt look on Bo's face when she left. Lauren hadn't wanted the talk she knew they needed to have to end that way but she didn't know how to explain herself correctly. There were so many reasons, legitimate and solid reasons, why it would be a mistake for them to see more of each other or try to date but those words hadn't reached her mouth. Instead, she just upset Bo.

The other woman didn't deserve that. The results from the talk made Lauren feel terrible and she still felt it a week and a half later. From the small amount of time she had spent with her, Bo seemed to be a genuinely nice and thoughtful person. She made Lauren smile and she was the first person to ever think her geekiness was attractive.

Lauren knew Bo had her own demons and there was probably a reason why she had the reputation of only wanting one night stands. That was one thing that Lauren had wanted to ask about when Bo had shown up at her apartment but they had gotten sidetracked quickly. It had definitely been a good distraction but Lauren was curious how Bo came to the conclusion that all she wanted was a night of fun and then say goodbye.

"Hey, Lauren, finishing up?"

Lauren looked up from packing her bag and cleaning up her station to see one of her classmates, Ryan, walking into the lab. "Yeah, just getting a head start on the final project."

He laughed quietly. "Do you always need to be the first one to complete everything? You know, there's nothing wrong with pulling the occasional all-nighter or cramming the night before exams. Where's the fun if you don't?"

"I don't like to leave anything to chance," Lauren said as she smiled at her classmate. "Besides, I go to all those cram sessions with the group."

"Yeah, but you don't need to go," Ryan said as he walked over and stood next to her. "Last time all you did was help everyone memorize terms. You didn't need help from anyone."

"Are you saying I shouldn't be going to our study group anymore?"

"No, no," Ryan said quickly as he shook his head, "we need you there. You're the reason a couple of us managed to pass bio last year."

"I'm sure that's an exaggeration." Lauren zipped up her backpack and looked at her watch. She only had one more class left and then she had the rest of the day to get ahead on her reading. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Absolutely," Ryan said, smiling as he watched her leave.

Lauren walked down the hall, looking at her watch again to see if she had time for lunch, but sighed when she realized she had spent a little longer in the lab than she thought. It was days like today that Lauren was thankful she kept snacks in her bag in case she got carried away in the lab or in the library. She quickly pulled out a granola bar as she walked to her next class.

Bo was still on her mind.


Once she got back to her apartment Lauren tried to start on her homework and all the chapters she wanted to start reading but once she sat down on her couch her mind drifted again. All she could think about was what happened with Bo so she did what she normally did to clear her mind: she baked.

Though she didn't always have enough ingredients to construct a meal, Lauren always had eggs, flour, butter, sugar and everything else she would need to make cookies, cakes or any other baked good. She enjoyed it and it normally took her mind off of whatever was bothering her. Instead, it made her think of home and baking with her mother. It always put a smile on her face. Plus, it made her hugely popular in her study groups when she brought home-baked sugary treats with her.

As she started to mix ingredients together she thought about what would happen if she tried to call Bo. After the other woman had left her apartment she had thought about calling her several times to apologize or explain herself but she never got the courage. She didn't want to hear anger or sadness in Bo's voice because she knew that she was the cause. Lauren kept thinking about the moment the sparkle left Bo's eyes that morning as they talked and it hurt to think about.

If Lauren was her girlfriend, she would make it her duty to make sure that glorious sparkle never left her eyes. Bo was so beautiful when it was there. Hell, Lauren thought Bo was beautiful pretty much all the time but when she had looked at her with that sparkle Lauren felt like she could do anything. Even though they only had two days together the look gave her such a high.

Lauren knew that she had to make things right with Bo. She had to see her again but she didn't want to encounter her at a party where she might see her go off with someone else. Just the thought of that happening caused a small amount of jealousy to rise within her, something that was a new experience for her. She had never been a jealous person, even when she saw other women flirting with her girlfriends. The trust she normally had never allowed her to be jealous.

She shook her head and laughed a little at the thought of her trust in others, in Nadia. That had bit her in the ass in the end.

The oven beeped at her then, letting her know it had reached the appropriate temperature. She looked down at the dough, looking for any imperfections just as she would if she were running an experiment in the lab. The mix of flour, eggs, sugar and everything else she had thrown together combined to the perfect consistency for her to roll the dough in into slightly rounded lumps, placing them on the cookie sheet. Lauren placed them the exact same distance apart on the sheet, making sure each of them had space to form and bake to perfection.

As she watched the cookies bake, Lauren had an idea. Like everything else in her life, Lauren wanted to confront her problems head on. When she was little and wanted to be a doctor but knew her parents couldn't afford to send her to college, she worked as hard as she could in order to get a scholarship. When she realized she was gay and wanted to date the girl next door instead of the boy, she told her parents and dealt with their uneasy reaction that eventually turned into acceptance.

When she caught her girlfriend in bed with someone else, she dealt with it instead of running. In fact, the only person running was the unfortunate girl Nadia had been screwing when Lauren walked in. They fought and broke up but Lauren dealt with it. The only thing she hadn't dealt with completely was what Nadia had told her. She simply chose not to process that information.

Lauren figured there would be plenty of time to work on the faults Nadia accused her of once she was a doctor and helping people. Then she could deal with being emotionally unavailable and fix it. Maybe then she could be the girlfriend that someone deserved and not the person that was easy to cheat on.

The timer dinged and Lauren shook the thoughts out of her head in order to concentrate on baking the perfect cookies. She thought maybe they would make a good peace offering when she talked to Bo. Bringing food just had to help.


Lauren got lucky and didn't have to get buzzed into the apartment building. She figured that was fortunate since if she buzzed she knew it would have been highly unlikely that she would have been let in. The way Bo had left her apartment told her that she wouldn't want to see her again.

So when a man in his twenties rushed out of the building as she was walking up to it she quickly caught the door before it closed. Once she was inside she took a deep breath and took the stairs up to the third floor. Lauren realized when she walked down the hall that even though the building looked a little rundown from the outside, everything on the inside was state of the art. She figured renting an apartment there must have been slightly expensive and that made her wonder what Bo and her friend did for a living. Bo hadn't exactly been specific.

She took another deep breath once she was at the front door but even though part of her wanted to run she knocked on door. Lauren waited as she heard some cursing on the other side of the door then the door opened to reveal not Bo but her roommate.

"Yeah?"

"Kenzi, right?" Lauren asked, not liking that she sounded so nervous.

"Yeah, what do you want?" Kenzi asked with an annoyed look on her face.

"I'm . . ."

"I know who you are," Kenzi said as she cut her off. "You're the person that made my bestie feel like shit so I'm gonna ask again: what do you want?" She paused as she looked at the container in Lauren's hands. "What is that?"

"Chocolate chip cookies," Lauren said nervously as she noticed Kenzi had lessened her hostile stance as her attention was now on the container of cookies. "I like to bake and I was baking today and I thought I would bring these with."

Kenzi took the container and walked into the apartment, letting Lauren walk in behind her. Lauren shut the door and followed the dark haired girl into the living room, wondering what exactly had just happened. She had never met someone who could be bought off so easily with food.

"Oh, wow, this is good," Kenzi said as she took a bite of a cookie. "Bo wasn't wrong when she said you had skills in the kitchen."

"Uh, is Bo here?" Lauren asked as she watched Kenzi devour a cookie.

"Nope," she answered with her mouth full, "she's filling in for a bartender tonight and that sucks for me 'cause we were all set to have a bestie reality TV marathon after work today."

Lauren frowned. She didn't expect to not be able to talk to Bo after everything she did to get the courage to face her. "Oh . . . well, can you tell her I was here?"

Kenzi put the container on the coffee table and turned toward Lauren. "Sit down."

Lauren raised an eyebrow but cautiously sat down next to Kenzi. She wanted to ask what was going on but knew that if she didn't play her cards right she would likely be kicked out and would probably lose her chance to talk to Bo as well. There wasn't much she knew about Bo and if she couldn't track her down at her apartment then she probably wouldn't find her anywhere else.

"So I've known Bo since we were in grade school together," Kenzi started out. "We were both kind of troublemakers but Bo was smart, you know? She didn't need to study much which meant we had a lot of time to cause trouble." She laughed quietly. "She fell for a guy in our class, Kyle, when we were all juniors. He was going to college and he wanted her to go with but that just wasn't Bo. She could've easily gotten in but she just didn't want to."

"Why not?" Lauren asked. All she wanted to do while she was in high school was graduate so she could leave and go to college. She couldn't imagine not wanting to go.

Kenzi shrugged. "Can't answer that one for you. Anyway, we got jobs together and she figured that she could make it work with Kyle 'cause he stayed local, you know? But he kept make excuses not to see her. Studying, study groups, classes, all sorts of college activities. Of course, one of those activities was screwing around on Bo-Bo."

"He cheated?"

"Oh, yeah," Kenzi said as she started to eat another cookie. "When she found out he said that he just couldn't be with her because she didn't get him anymore. College thing and all that."

"So that's why she doesn't want anything with a college student?"

Kenzi nodded. "Quite the complex my Bo has. Completely crushed anyone who wanted to ask her out until she banged you." She laughed. "You must have some major skills, lady."

Lauren didn't know what to say to that so she ignore the comment completely. It made her a little uncomfortable. "When is Bo going to be back? Can I wait or can you tell her to call me?"

"You should just go to the Dal. She'll be bartending until Trick can find someone else or until it calms down enough for her to come home."

"Trick?"

"Her grandpa," Kenzi explained. "She helps him out when he needs it but I hate it when it's on a weeknight 'cause she's majorly cranky the next morning."

Lauren thought for a moment before deciding what she should do. "So where is the Dal?"


Bo was annoyed that she had to work at the Dal.

Within the first 30 minutes she had cursed Andy's name at least 20 times for not showing up to his shift, making it so that she had to come in. She knew that Trick was trying hard to make it so that she didn't have to work there much but finding good help was hard. At least she was reliable and he knew that if he needed help she would without a second thought.

"Bo," Trick called out, getting her attention from across the bar, "Tamsin said she'd be here in an hour so I just need you until she shows."

Bo nodded. "At least you hired one bartender that isn't a complete moron."

Trick gave her a pointed look but didn't say anything as he walked away to help someone at the far end of the bar. She put a couple drinks on a tray for one of the waitresses and tried to keep her mind occupied. Bo liked to keep busy while she worked for Trick so she went about making sure they had enough glasses and the bar was clean when she heard a familiar voice.

"So what kind of wine would you suggest?"

Bo looked up from the glasses behind the bar to see Lauren standing on the other side of it. She looked nervous and unsure of herself as she looked at her. Bo wanted to smile at how adorable she looked but quickly scowled instead, remembering the hurt she had felt when she saw her last. "How did you find me?"

"I went to your apartment to talk to you and Kenzi told me you were working here."

"She wouldn't do that unless she got something for it," Bo said, knowing her best friend. She also knew they were going to have a talk later about telling people she really didn't want to talk to where she was. Lauren would have never found her if she hadn't said anything.

"I brought cookies with me as kind of a peace offering," Lauren said so quietly it could barely be heard over the noise of the bar. "I think I might have to bake more for you to try some though. She'd eaten quite a few before I left."

Bo smiled at the thought of her best friend going to town on a bunch of cookies then remembered everything that happened with Lauren and her smile went away. "Why are you here, Lauren?"

"I . . . I want to explain myself," she said quietly. "Can we talk?"

"I'm working."

Lauren's shoulders sagged slightly at Bo's dismissive response and Bo regretted her tone. "Okay, I'll, uh, I'll let you get to work then. I'm sorry I bothered you."

She turned to go and Bo let out a sigh. "Wait." She paused as Lauren turned back to her. "I'm just working until one of the bartenders gets here then I was gonna go. You could always wait around."

"You'll talk to me then?"

Bo nodded slowly before grabbing a glass and filling it with one of the local taps. "Here, drink this. It's one of our better beers and then Trick won't question why you're sitting at the bar and not drinking."

Lauren nodded and gave her a small smile. "Thanks."

Bo gave her one last look before going back to work, mixing a couple drinks for a couple guys toward the other end of the bar. She could feel Lauren watching her as she did and she had to admit that she liked the fact that Lauren had tried to find her to explain what happened that morning. As far as she knew they had woken up happy and she had figured they would have another great morning. She didn't expect Lauren to end what they were doing.

"Bo, who is that?"

She turned toward Trick who had noticed Lauren sitting at the other end of the bar. "Someone I met a couple weeks ago."

"It looked a little intense," he said. "Are you two dating?"

Bo shook her head. "Definitely not. I don't know what's going on with her but she wants to talk."

"Well, maybe you should hear her out, whatever it is she wants to say. It looks like she likes you."

Bo took a quick look toward Lauren then back to her grandfather. "You think?"

"Hear her out, Bo," Trick said, a caring smile on his face. "Maybe she's what you need right now."

She knew that her grandfather was probably right. There would certain things that he just knew and his advice had always helped, especially since he was all the family she had that she could count on. He was the one that told her to be careful when it came to dating someone who acted like they didn't want to make time for her. Bo had been so angry at him when he said it but it hadn't been more than a couple months before everything happened with Kyle. After that, she paid better attention to what Trick told her.

Someone shouted their drink order a moment later and Bo was distracted by work as the bar began to fill up. She hoped that Tamsin would show up soon so she could talk to Lauren and find out why the other woman felt the need to ruin their morning together.


"It's about time you show up," Bo yelled at Tamsin as she walked behind the bar almost an hour later.

"Just be happy I showed up at all," she responded as she pulled her blond hair back. Like Bo, she wore a tight black t-shirt with the bar's logo on it that showed off a good amount of cleavage, something both of them did to get better tips. "I had a sure thing tonight."

"I bet," Bo said as she looked toward Lauren again. She'd been doing that for most of the last hour but hadn't said one word to her. Instead, she just watched as a couple guys tried to pick her up and then get shot down. She also noticed that she had barely drank half of her beer.

"Ah, I see why you want to get out of here," Tamsin said as she looked toward Lauren at the end of the bar. "She's hot."

"She's off limits," Bo said quickly and scowled as the other woman smirked and winked at her. "I mean it, Tam."

"Fine, fine. Go score."

Bo wanted to tell her that she wasn't going to score, that she was only going to talk to Lauren, but that wasn't a discussion she wanted to have with Tamsin. Instead, she gave her a glare before turning away from her and walking back over to where Lauren was still sitting. She noticed she was looking down at her hands, nervously picking at a napkin and didn't notice Bo walking toward her. In fact, Bo had noticed that while Bo worked she hadn't looked at her once.

"Hey," Bo said as she stopped in front of her.

Lauren looked up and smiled nervously. "Hey, are you done?"

"Yeah, one of Trick's other bartenders showed up." Bo took a moment to just look at Lauren. Even now, with the all the awkwardness between them, she was beautiful. "Do you want to grab a table?"

"You want to stay here?"

"Lauren, if you want to talk you don't get to be picky."

She nodded and grabbed her glass. "Lead the way."

Bo walked out from behind the bar and quickly eyed an open table a quiet corner of the bar. She didn't want any distractions while she talked with Lauren and while she didn't want to leave the Dal to talk to her she also didn't want to be bothered. Fortunately, she knew the bar better than she knew her apartment sometimes so she could pick out an area where she and Lauren would be left alone.

They sat down across from each other and Bo could tell Lauren was nervous. Hell, she was nervous but she couldn't figure out why. They weren't dating and once Lauren had blown her off that should have been it. She had figured she wouldn't see Lauren again. Both of them would just go back to their normal lives.

"You're not getting a drink?" Lauren asked.

"No, I'm not in the mood for a drink," Bo said. "And I have to work in the morning." She sighed. "What did you want to tell me, Lauren?"

Lauren took a breath and when she looked at Bo there was a pain there that Bo hadn't expected. "When I woke up with you I said all the wrongs things and I'm sorry. I didn't know what to say."

"Lauren, you didn't even know what I was going to say. You just shut everything down."

"I'm sorry," Lauren said again. "It's just . . . Bo, I'd never done that before, sleeping with someone right away and I didn't know what was going to happen. I didn't think I'd see you after the first night and well, I'm not good with spontaneity. I like to plan and sleeping with you two nights in a row wasn't something I planned."

Bo scoffed, not knowing how to take what Lauren said. "So you regret sleeping with me more than once?"

"No," Lauren said almost immediately. "I don't regret it at all. But then you woke up and it looked like you might want something more and I panicked. I'm not very good at the 'something more' part."

If she was being honest with herself, Bo knew that she didn't really know what she wanted either, only that she wanted to see more of Lauren. There was something genuine about her that made Bo feel like the other woman wouldn't hurt her even after she had done just that. She knew that there had to be a reason Lauren thought so low of herself when it came to dating when she seemed so confident the rest of the time.

"Who told you that?"

"How do you know someone told me that?"

Bo smiled. "You're so confident when you're talking about college and when you cook. It's a modest confidence but it's there and I bet it's there with everything you do so I know that someone had to have messed with your head in order for you to think you'll always fail at something." Bo leaned forward. "So tell me what your ex said."

Lauren let out a small sigh. "Her name was Nadia. I met her during my second year. Crystal and Ciara dragged me to a club and Nadia was there." She smiled. "She wasn't a student. She was a freelance photographer and we hit it off. She was funny and beautiful and she was interested in me." She paused. "We dated for almost two years."

"What happened?"

"At first it was incredible. We just fit together, you know? We saw each other as much as we could even though she was out of town for work sometimes and I kept my class load high. We made that work for awhile and even when it was hard I thought it was worth it because I loved her and I thought she loved me. I lived in campus housing so I stayed with her whenever I could but I guess it wasn't enough."

Bo nodded. "It didn't end well, huh?"

Lauren shook her head as her eyes started to become teary. "We started to see less of each other and we'd fight on the phone all the time. I'd have a project or a test and until it was done that would be all I could think about. Nadia didn't like that and we fought a lot about that. She couldn't understand why I would study so much and I couldn't understand why she didn't understand. I knew that whenever I wasn't studying or in class I'd be with her. I wanted to be with her.

"One night I got done with my study group early and I thought I'd surprise Nadia because we'd fought earlier and I wanted to make it up to her. So I went to her apartment and when I walked in I immediately heard them, Nadia and another woman."

"I'm sorry," Bo said, knowing exactly what Lauren probably felt at the time.

"The other woman ran out pretty quick," Lauren said as she let out a sarcastic laugh. "Nadia didn't even care I found out. She said since I was so smart I should've done this would happen. That I wasn't all in and I didn't care enough to think about her. She said that I should never date because all I would do is hurt people because I wasn't capable of being there for anyone."

"That's bullshit, Lauren."

"But I did hurt her, Bo."

"Then she should have broken up with you, not cheated on you," Bo said quickly. "She hurt you, too."

Lauren looked down and nodded. "Yeah." She wiped a couple tears from her eyes and looked back into Bo's eyes. "When I went to your apartment earlier, I talked to Kenzi. She told me what happened with Kyle."

Bo scowled and wanted to snap at her but she didn't. She knew it wasn't her fault that her best friend had told her about one of the more painful times in her life. "I wish she didn't." She looked away from Lauren for a moment before looking back. "I guess we both had bad luck, huh?"

"Yeah."

Bo thought about their situation and one thing she knew was that she didn't this to be the last time she saw Lauren. She wanted the other woman in her life. Reaching across the table, she took Lauren's hand in her own. "I think we both need to try again."

"Bo, I don't want to hurt you."

"Then don't," Bo said quickly. "I got hurt because my boyfriend was screwing someone else when he was telling me he couldn't see me because he was studying. I know you'll actually be studying. I'm not going to accuse you of something you're not capable of."

"How do you know that?" Lauren asked.

"For some reason I trust you," Bo started, "and my grandfather said I should give you a chance and he's usually right." She smiled as she thought of something that suddenly seemed like her best idea ever. "Come home with me."

"Bo . . ."

"No, just listen before you say anything," Bo said quickly as she noticed the doubt that appeared on Lauren's face. "What time is your first class tomorrow?"

"It's at nine."

Bo smiled. "I'm not a freelance photographer like Nadia. I have to be to work at eight, sometimes earlier. As much as I would love to, I'm not going to try to convince you to stay in bed with me tomorrow morning. We both have places to be."

Lauren sighed and looked down at the drink that was still half full. "I can't promise you much, Bo. I came here, to this college, to this city, to be a doctor. It's all I've ever wanted. I don't want you to be disappointed."

"Lauren, do you want me?" Bo waited for her to nod slowly before continuing. "Then I want to try this. So, Lauren, please come home with me."

There was almost a minute of silence before Lauren looked into her eyes and smiled. "Okay."


Lauren was thankful Kenzi was nowhere to be seen when they arrived at Bo's apartment. She figured it was late and both she and Bo had to work in the morning so she was already sleeping or just off in her room. Lauren knew that she would need to leave the apartment early in order to get her books and get to class.

Bo took her hand and quietly led her back toward her bedroom. "Do you want a drink or anything?"

Lauren shook her head and thought about what would happen next. By the time they got back to the apartment it was late and they had talked more about what they wanted. They wanted to start with talking or texting every day since they knew seeing each other every day wasn't possible with Lauren's schedule. Instead, they agreed it would be best for both of them to go slow.

When they reached the bedroom, Bo looked at Lauren with a small smile on her face. "So normally I sleep naked . . . but I know we agreed slow is the best way for us. Uh, I can grab a t-shirt and shorts for you."

"Sure."

They smiled at each other and each took turns in the bathroom before Lauren got situated on the bed while she waited for Bo. Being in Bo's bed felt kind of right and Lauren hoped it was the first of many. It seemed they had come to an understanding that worked for both of them and Lauren felt that she could live up to the expectations Bo wanted. At least, for now.

Soon Bo was sliding into bed beside her, turning off the light as she did. "It's been a long time since I wanted someone in my bed just so I could have someone next to me."

"Another broken rule?" Lauren asked quietly. She found that she automatically moved closer to Bo once they were both under the sheets. Despite that she still feared that she couldn't be what Bo wanted, she had to admit being with Bo felt good.

Bo didn't answer, instead leaning in and kissing Lauren softly. Lauren put her arms around her and pulled Bo close to her, silently debating if it was okay for them to have sex even though that wasn't exactly going slow. Maybe being tired for her class in the morning would be worth it. Sex with Bo was pretty incredible.

After a minute though, Bo broke away. "If we keep doing that we'll be getting zero sleep and we'll both be useless tomorrow." She gave her another quick kiss before lying down. "Let's get some sleep."

Lauren simply nodded before lying down next to Bo and allowing the brunette to pull her close. She heard Bo mumble something but couldn't make it out as she fell asleep.


A/N: thanks for reading and let me know your thoughts on here or send me a message on twitter, hayley128. :)