A/N: Standard disclaimer applies. Sorry for the long wait. I was having so many doubts about this chapter. Please read and review.


Chapter 4


It was almost seven in the afternoon. The winter temperature had been dropping relatively low and the sheets of snow covering the roads were unjustly thickening. Time seemed like a great sloth, deliberate and protracted.

All day Kaoru had been by Sano's bedside, mutely observing the almost shallow rise and fall of his chest. Sometimes, in grave ennui, she would thumb through the pages and read a classic novel or stare off to the window and watch as leafless trees sway gently with the cool breeze.

Without her notice, time passed until it was almost dark and the first faint twinkle of the stars appeared in the sky. An appointed nurse came and accordingly reminded her of the time policy observed in the ICU. She nodded and at once began rearranging various things in the room. Preparing to leave and buttoning her coat, Kaoru paused and looked at the unconscious Sano over her shoulder; she felt a sense of utter indifference and bitterness. With a sigh, she left and gently closed the door with a soft thud.

Now she found herself aimlessly roving the almost deserted roads of the little town. Kaoru had learned to love walking ever since she had frequented the streets. Unlike other people, she actually relished the cold sensation of the season and the white chill it brought. Sometimes in between her walks, she would stop and watch, with half awe, half nostalgia, as the snow steadily fell around her like small feathers mysteriously descending from the black bowl of the night.

Continuing along the boulevard, she reached a certain curb and turned towards it. Kaoru looked up and her gaze settled on a particular spot in conjunction with the hotel. It was an open, vacant territory used as a parking lot of some people either staying at the inn or dining in one of the dozen eateries nearby. There was a single person there, standing amidst the coldness and whiteness of the snow. Kaoru immediately recognized the mass of red hair the figure had even though it was slightly hidden by the baseball cap he was wearing. It was Kenshin Himura.

Kenshin was packing snowballs and throwing them against a chimerical figure on the blank, huge wall. Kaoru continued observing him, taking some small steps closer to the object of her observation as she did so. She was only a few steps behind when suddenly Kenshin turned around.

Kaoru was surprised and the first thing that pierced her unprepared mind was to get away and proceed on her way. Sharply, she turned her back and stalked off back to her original course, back to the hotel.

Kenshin saw her walking away and realized that she was being her usual self, elusive and withdrawn. Smiling at her retreating figure, he thought that maybe this could be the best time to know a little bit from the wife of the man his wife betrayed him for.

"Pleasant evening Mrs. Sagara," Kenshin slightly shouted and tried to get her delicate attention.

Kaoru heard him and initially did not know what to make out of it. Instead of stopping and responding to him with social grace and respect, she continued walking as if the words he said were as mute as silence…that was until she realized how impolite it was. She knew that it was of no use trying to elude his company yet again. She would be spending the next months in town with this redhead and there would be a time when avoiding him would be impossible. Thus, some sociability would definitely be essential no matter what their positions in each other's life were or how awkward this type of relationship would be. There could be no other perfect time to start showing that friendliness than now.

Kaoru slowly turned around and found herself looking at amber eyes partly hidden by the shadow of his baseball cap and his lips curved into a kind smile. She just could not help reciprocating with an equally amiable expression.

"Won't you agree that this is the safest way to set free all your frustrations? Here, take a shot," Kenshin said, offering her the snowball.

Kaoru looked at his outstretched hand and she shook her head.

"Are you an athlete?"

Kenshin looked at her with slight amusement and curiosity, "Why do you ask?"

"The way you throw that snowball," Kaoru said while vainly imitating the form of a baseball figure throwing a pitchout, "It seemed so well-executed."

"Ah, thanks," Kenshin realized her point and then flashed her something of a boyish grin, "I'm not an athlete, though I practice some swordplay in my spare time."

Kaoru's mouth formed a small 'o' and she nodded, noting the low timbre of Kenshin's voice. A moment or two of silence passed and both did not know what to do or say. Kaoru looked down and dawdled, as if waiting or hinting for something to come over. Finally, Kenshin broke the terse silence and spoke again.

"There's this little coffee shop I've been going to quite a lot- alone," he stated pointedly before pausing shortly. Kenshin then gestured towards the road ahead of them, "But maybe tonight I won't have to go by myself, right Mrs. Sagara?"

"I assure you Mr. Himura, but through one condition," Kaoru replied with some challenge in her tone.

Kenshin's amber eyes studied her face intently before a smile played in his lips, "Name it."

"I hate being called that way. You will have to call me Kaoru."

His eyes narrowed slightly, some amusement sparkling in it, "Only if you're going to call me by my given name too, Kaoru," he said, stressing and feeling the effect of her name in his lips.

"Agreed, Kenshin."

The two smiled and without any other word, they began walking along the sidewalk where the footpath was not copiously sheeted by snow. An amiable silence descended upon the pair as they walked and perused the glowing and playful lights of some establishments and bistros they passed by. Both were unaware of how and why there was sudden ease and lightness in each other's presence, but the two let it build.

Kaoru secretively snuck a peek towards Kenshin's direction. He had a tranquil and dignified countenance, but behind this facade all Kaoru could imagine was mystery and strangeness. There was definitely something inexplicable behind the quiet, placid tone in his voice, the deep, expressive flickers of his eyes, the restricted, distant smile on his face, and the arcane, silent presence of his whole being. Kaoru didn't know why but she felt a little excited knowing him.

"So," Kaoru started with a confabulatory tone, while rubbing her hands together in a futile endeavor to diminish the frosty impression of the night, "What do you do for a living?"

"I am a lighting director," Kenshin stated casually, as if the enquiry had been asked a hundred times before, "In concerts and theatre performances," he promptly added.

"It is my first time meeting someone of such profession. Tell me about it."

Kenshin stuffed his hands in his coat pocket and was silent; he was thinking. "The task usually starts by familiarizing myself with the general concept of a performance. If it's a concert, I have to learn who the artists are, what kind of music they do, and how the performance will run- from start to finish. I consult with the head director who usually describes to me how he envisions the concert will be, and from there I construct designs on how lighting will improve the overall impression of the show. The same goes for musicals and theaters- they actually are a little easier to work in because concerts require a lot of lighting effects."

"I never thought that the whole process requires a lot of work."

"It does," said Kenshin, nodding, "There are times when I even have to redo everything because the head director or the artists do not agree with what I have come up with."

"That must be horrible, though the way you have specifically described it seems to me that you really like you job."

"Actually, being reminded of it now, I kind of miss working," Kenshin said, a pang of nostalgia hit him and all of a sudden his mind was flooded by the images of his workplace.

"They say that when a man drowns himself in his work, he's trying to escape from something."

Kenshin looked up to her thoughtfully and pretended to think. Escaping? Maybe he was.

"That's not good for you," said Kaoru, who didn't wait for a reply and looked up to him with mock sternness in her face, "You'll become dull and narrow, single-tracked, you know. You ought to learn to have some fun."

"Why, I find so much fun engrossing myself in work."

"No, what I mean is some real, clean fun, like a whole day of just plain idleness, or taking a night off and relaxing at a pub, or enjoying several cups of vanilla ice cream, or a day out in the amusement park."

He looked up at her, blinking, a thought forming at the back of his mind, "Well I think evening strolls with a cool, crisp wind and the twinkling stars high in the dark sky is actually fun."

Kaoru looked up at the heavens, breathed in, and then smiled, "A perfect evening like what we have now?"

Kenshin returned the glance Kaoru had given him. Slowly, he smiled and nodded.

Though she didn't know why, Kaoru felt glad at his words. Smiling to herself, she clutched at the folds of her jacket flapping uselessly open. An amiable silence descended upon the two until Kenshin spoke again.

"Would I be right in presuming that you spend most of your time as domestic engineer?"

"Domestic Engineer?" repeated Kaoru in confusion.

Kenshin nodded, "A very important position which can only be executed by one with great organizational and multi-tasking skills. A job much more demanding than my work is."

Kaoru felt a smile forming on her face. He certainly had a way of making her feel more important than she actually was.

"I'm not so sure though if I'm doing it faultlessly."

Kenshin raised a questioning eyebrow and he looked inquisitively at her, "Why?"

"Sanosuke has bluntly told me that my cooking was, um, terrible."

Kenshin smiled weakly and hid laughter under his breath, "That doesn't matter," he spoke with slight admiration and positive reception, "Running a household and keeping a family together is a tough job. Male or female – it's the hardest profession in the world. Plus, I can't do any better."

Kaoru looked on the ground and smiled faintly to herself. She realized how she used to feel so uneasy in this man's company, but now, she was quickly convinced that Mr. Himura was a factual gentleman, a good fellow. Kaoru could not almost tell that the man beside her was the same man who had been gravely hurt by her husband's actions. It should have felt strange being friends with him, but their situations were similar.

A few more steps and they had reached the coffee shop. He led the way and held the door open for her to precede him. Thousands of small gold light bulbs moving in playful twinkles and patterns illuminated the house. Almost all the corners were festooned with white flowing curtains meticulously detailed with golden threads and braids. The couches could not have looked more comfortable. Moreover, the strong yet aromatic smell of different blends of coffee drew them in.

Ordering their respective choices, they found seats near the large glass window overlooking the sleepy town. An astonishing picturesque view of a winter evening was freely at show. Just then, a slow and pleasant acoustic music lulling the clientele to a dreamland of heaven and peace softly drifted in the air.

"I'm not a huge fan of coffee bars," Kaoru said as she slowly perused the surrounding and setting of the café, "But this place is exceptional."

Kenshin nodded and smiled as his agreement, quite delighted that his most current companion evidently liked the place as much as he hoped she would.

Their orders, two cups of café au lait with chicory and matching strawberry beignets, immediately came. Kaoru smiled at the delectable-looking pastries and slowly breathed in the perfumed scent of the coffee.

Kenshin brought his own cup to his lips, barely feeling the warm liquid trickle through his lips and down his throat. He looked up to her, a question forming at the back of his mind, one he was quite afraid and hesitant to ask. He cleared his throat and mustered as much boldness as he could.

"So how are you taking it?" he managed to blurt out, "Your husband's betrayal and his adulterous affair with my wife?"

Kaoru shifted her gaze to his questioning face. He finally decided to open the issue that she knew both of them were trying to avoid. She felt reluctant speaking about it for the wounds haven't started healing.

Kenshin waited for a response that didn't come. Then Kaoru's countenance, which suddenly turned vulnerable and sad, made him realize just how consciously cruel and careless he was for bringing that issue up.

"I'm sorry," he said with apparent panic and sincerity, "You don't have to answer the question if it makes you uncomfortable. I should have not even asked in the first place."

Kaoru immediately looked up to him, quite taken aback by his kind remarks, "No, it's all right," she said while shaking her head and forcing a smile on her face, "Perhaps talking about it with a person in similar situation as mine may help me deal with it."

Kenshin gave her reassuring a look and urged her to go on. He leaned across the table and waited.

"I muse over the good times we had together," Kaoru said, her gaze had dropped and a ghost of smile flitted across her face, "Our memories are the only thing left that makes me believe. I try finding strength in the first years we shared together, because it may be the only time when everything is unspoiled and… real."

"You're lucky. You remember the past and it makes you feel good. Me? I feel the absolute opposite," Kenshin looked down, taking a cumbersome sigh, "The past is just a reminder that what has happened before is so impossible to happen again…because everything has been distorted, perhaps even forever lost," he paused and flashed a bitter smile before adding, "Since Megumi violated the entire confidence I had on her."

Kaoru watched the dim beam of moonlight across Kenshin's face. His words echoing loudly inside her mind, as if he said it solely for that purpose. She saw that this gentleman, with the most tranquil and peaceful countenance, was holding and masking grudge and anger somewhere deep within his heart, a grudge very much similar to her own.

"By remembering the past, it may provide me the answers to my unreturned questions. I am still perfectly clueless as to why Sano has to betray me," Kaoru spoke again, resting her chin in her hand, a distant look mirrored on her face, "Did I give him reasons enough for him to do it? Am I solely responsible for what happened? Where did I go wrong and how could I make it right?" She asked more to herself than to her companion.

Kenshin found it hard to tear his gaze away from the shifting emotions in Kaoru's face. She suddenly looked so fragile; like a little flame that could be extinguished by the faintest wind. He felt the urge to comfort her, to tell her to stop speaking if it would wound her even more, but instead of telling her so or doing some other probable things a man could do to console a woman, Kenshin just stayed quiet and courteously waited for her to go on.

"Perhaps there was some fault on my part: like failing to meet his expectations, or his inner demons and troubles that I know nothing of, or emotional dissatisfaction and void I cannot fill," Kaoru said quietly, and she felt unbidden tears pricked her eyes, "All I need is just a little affirmation."

Surprisingly, Kaoru did not feel ashamed showing a moment of weakness in front of Kenshin, someone she was acquainted with just weeks ago. She knew that her companion was feeling the equal, and when it came to two people sharing mutual pain, it needed less than a minute to call someone a friend. He was feeling the same, he would definitely understand, she thought.

Silence hung heavily in the air. Kenshin carefully observed the pain behind her questioning eyes and he did not know what to do. Because the pain he saw was very much similar to his own, one that he was sharing with her, a pain he, too, could not quell or settle.

"We are not to blame for it," Kenshin inserted carefully, his voice quiet and distant. What he said was the only refuge his wounded heart could go and choose to believe: it was not their fault.

"Do not take the guilt," he ordered with a gentle voice, "We do not need to trouble ourselves more than what they already did," he tried smiling.

Kenshin felt a little better at his words. He was hurting as well, and though he didn't knew why, he felt as if there was power in helping the lonely soul in front of him, Kaoru.

"Besides, our pain should not be an excuse to back out; it should be an inspiration to move on and be strong."

Kaoru nodded slowly, accepting his compassion with a little, heartbreaking smile, "Indeed. But why are you doing this?" she asked, suddenly, "My husband betrayed me for your wife, and your wife betrayed you for my husband. Shouldn't we be at odds with each other?"

Kenshin took a heavy breath and peered to her sapphire orbs; they were shining, waiting.

"I say the otherwise. Misery loves company."

Kaoru blinked at the statement and held her mug firmly between her hands. She smiled weakly and leveled his gaze. She saw something flickered in his amber eyes, though she was not sure what it was. Perhaps hope, perhaps compassion.

Silence.

The sudden hush provided a port for Kenshin to do some of his thinking. He looked up at Kaoru and the tears threatening to fall from the edge of her eyes. Kenshin studied her and felt as if he was facing the most accurate mirror; he was seeing himself.

He recognized that all he actually needed now was someone who's in a parallel situation as his, someone who's hurting as well, someone to speak and heal with, someone he could seek to understand and share, someone…like Kaoru. Kenshin looked up to those sad eyes. And briefly he realized that he just had a newfound strength and motivation: to help himself and Kaoru transcend from the cruel and deceitful world the two of them had suddenly woken up in. They would have to rebuild their lives, little by little.

Staring again at Kaoru, a thought formed at the back of Kenshin's mind. He busied himself in retrieving a cloth from his coat pocket. When he finally had it, a wave of hope washed over him.

"Here," he said, trying a smile and handing to Kaoru a white handkerchief, "You have had enough crying for a while."

Kaoru looked at his outstretched hand, wordless; she could not feel any more grateful. She managed a weak smile and retrieved the hankie from his hand.

"You really don't have to do this, but still, thank you," she said while dabbing the faint remnants of her tears.

Kaoru smiled faintly to herself. Kenshin's presence was something she did not initially relish. It had always worried her that his position in her current situation would impede a possible link between them. But now, she found herself grateful for his presence, for having him to talk to during these loneliest times. There was peace and comfort in his quiet company. They would mend together, and this little conversation was the first step.

The pair continued talking over cups of coffee, exchanging specifics about each other's life. Sometimes, there would be a terse silence or laughter mantling them, but most of the time, the conversation was filled with secure confessions and foolish wishes.

Maybe the two relished and had been so comfortable in each other's company that neither of them noticed the quick passage of time. It was 11:30 near midnight.


After the small tête-à-tête over the much-relished cup of coffee and flaky pastries, Kenshin and Kaoru now were again strolling unhurriedly the street on their way home. The silence in the deserted street was deafening, and almost all of the establishments and bistros were closed. The two were quiet as well, observing the faint orange orbs of the streetlamps they passed by and the majestic trees lining the street.

It was extremely much cooler at this time of the night and Kaoru kept on rubbing her hands together and breathing into them to fight off the iciness. Kenshin apparently noticed her little trouble.

"Do you want to run?" He turned up to her with a foolish idea he wasn't sure where came from, a small smile curving his lips, "It's cold."

Kaoru smiled and looked amusingly at him. She had never thought that such a serious and quiet man would make such an offer. Not knowing what to make out of it, Kaoru did not make a comprehensive reply. She just laughed lightly at the crazy idea.

When he looked at her again, without any warning or word, Kaoru smiled and began to jog away from him.

Quite surprised, Kenshin followed Kaoru's movement with his eyes, noting the way her long, wavy hair arched with the wind. He laughed under his breath, and set aside the foolishness he thought he had just moments ago.

With a smile, he followed Kaoru at a quicker speed.

He was now side by side with her, actually quite effortlessly, and he reduced his rate to the level of hers. Kaoru shot him a mock glare and she doubled her pace, wanting to leave behind her companion. Kenshin smirked at her obvious challenge and increased his pace too. He did not intend to lose the undeclared battle either.

The race was on.

After some time, the two had covered a good distance, their footsteps echoing through the calm of the night. Abruptly, Kaoru came to a halt with heavy, labored breaths, her hands were on her knees. Kenshin saw her stop and he came to a halt too, standing by her side. Panting heavily, the two looked up and smiled at each other.

"Now, it's not too cold, is it?"

Kaoru looked up at Kenshin from beneath her long fringe and nodded, her sapphire eyes twinkling, reminding him that there were things in future worth looking forward to.